AssHat Ahai Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Castellan, Azhor Ahai reborn forwarded your message to me directly. Have you been using the proper incantations? If so, may I suggest that you offer the salesman who sold you that POS to R'holler by building a massive pyre within it's orifice and shoving him in. Then stare deeply into the flames for guidance on how to proceed. Or you could check the regulator to see if it is maintaining the proper flow rate. Or I could come over and check it out, and who knows, maybe a make a shadowbaby or two. Mel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 This is my current favorite Games thread.. Dear Stannis, Could you please describe the idyllic life you experienced growing up at Storm's End with Robert and Renly? Besties,Emmit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 This is my current favorite Games thread.. Dear Stannis, Could you please describe the idyllic life you experienced growing up at Storm's End with Robert and Renly? Besties, Emmit Dear Emmit, My life growing up is no business of yours.I'm your rightfull King and you should show some respect. Now bend the knee,this isn't King's Landing and I'm not Robert.I'm not your friend,I'm THE King did I mention that? Right I'm the King so do not presume you can ask me questions. Sincerery, King Stannis of House Baratheon blah blah blah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHat Ahai Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Dear Stannis, I just got a raven, literally out of the blue, from the Prince of the Summer Isles. Yeah, I know, right. I didn't even know they had a Prince and how he got my ravenmail address is anybody's guess. Anyhoo, his government is having some problems and he needs to transfer all his treasure out of the country covertly. All I had to do is give him my Iron Bank account number and I can keep half of his 10000000000000000 dragon fortune. My question is this: as my rightful king, how would you like to receive your share of the windfall? I mean, would you like the tax to be paid in ships, provisions, conscripts, or good old fashioned gold? Your loyal subject AssHat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Dear Stannis,I just got a raven, literally out of the blue, from the Prince of the Summer Isles. Yeah, I know, right. I didn't even know they had a Prince and how he got my ravenmail address is anybody's guess. Anyhoo, his government is having some problems and he needs to transfer all his treasure out of the country covertly. All I had to do is give him my Iron Bank account number and I can keep half of his 10000000000000000 dragon fortune. My question is this: as my rightful king, how would you like to receive your share of the windfall? I mean, would you like the tax to be paid in ships, provisions, conscripts, or good old fashioned gold?Your loyal subjectAssHatDear AssHat,As your rightful King, I do not deserve such dunderheaded followers as you. All know it is foolish to give out your Iron Bank account details over ravenmail. In future, do not bother yourself speaking to me of such foolishness, or I shall burn you as an unbeliever.Signed,King Stannis of the Titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Dear Stannis, I'm looking for a highborn maid of three and ten,with a fair face and auburn hair.Have you seen her? A Chick from Tarth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Young Chicken, I do not go around looking for maids young enough to be my daughter, and I'll have your tongue for suggesting such a thing. Between my own lady wife, my red priestess, and my white wildling princess, I have no need for anymore women in my life. Furthermore, you seek the wrong thing. You should be seeking R'hllor and his light above all else. Your quest for this maid will be pointless when the Others have overrun my kingdom and you are writing in agony from their icy fury. Give up your false gods and pray that He will save you from certain destruction. King Stannis, titles and titles p.s. If you do find this maid, do her a favor and sacrifice her to the fires of the Red God so she does not become their thrall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis,You suck.KoA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhh Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis,What made you so cold? Sincerely, King at the Wall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis,What made you so cold?Sincerely,King at the WallDear "King" at the Wall, I am the one and true King.Your signature is proof of treason,therefore you will be executed as soon as you're located. Sincerely,King Stannis of House Baratheon blah blah blah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oberoth Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, [rustle of leaves][sigh of the wind.] Regards,Concerned Weirwood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, Why did you kill my one true love? With hate,Ser Loras Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, [rustle of leaves][sigh of the wind.] Regards, Concerned Weirwood Woody, [crackle of holy fire][visions of dead one-eyed Targaryens and broken Starks in the flames.] Stannis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, Why did you kill my one true love? With hate, Ser Loras Loras (I hesitate in calling you Ser) Honestly, I was only doing my duty as rightful king of the Seven Kingdoms. And I say unto you, that you will die as well for kneeling before him. Your King, Stannis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmit Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis,You suck.KoA Dear Ser Ashes, I do not recognize your sigil, an emo boy on a black field. Are you from Dorne? If so, please tell Prince Martell, I am still waiting for his bended knee. As for the "Lord's Kiss", please do not presume to speculate on my marriage bed. I'll have you know, I only perform the most perfunctionary of duties to my lady wife. Man on top, woman on bottom, in out and done as quickly as possible... also known as the R'hller position. However, I do believe the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch may have some information you seek. King Stannis, Moral Purveyor of Westeros p.s. I realize now that emo boy on a black field is probably a small house in the Iron Islands. Please tell whichever Greyjoy is in control at the moment that I have both Lord Theon and Lady Asha. And I am waiting for them to swear fealty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amberStone Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, Where do whores go? Signed, Lost Imp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, Where do whores go? Signed, Lost Imp Imp, How dare you imply that I have any knowledge regarding whores? I am not my beloved brother and I have never slept with whores. I will have your head for this insolence. King Stannis of House Baratheon blah blah blah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amethyst Empress Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Stannis, I am a beautiful young maid from a great house,and I have come to love you from afar my valiant,teeth grinding King!When If my husband Tommen dies,will you marry me?You see I have a Baratheon fetish and you'll be the last one! Hugs and Kisses,Margaery of House Tyrell Ps. I've been married three times,but I can guarantee I'm still a maid ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear Margery,Your family are rebels and traitors. Time after time you have thrown your lot in with a False King; first my cretinous brother Renly, next the abomination Joffrey, and finally the Fat Fool Tommen. I will not suffer scuh disloyalty, regardless of the state of your maidenhead. (Still a maid? I think not). Your family must all be given to the flames to appease R'Hllor. However, as I am not without mercy, you shall be first cleansed before beig.sent to the Silent Sisters. SSincerely, King Stannis title titles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Dear StannisWhere do you stand on the R + L = J theory?PS. you suckKoA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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