ASOIAF Limericks II

[The Marquis de Leech]

Now that the venerable old thread has run its life course, it's time for a new limericks thread.

I'll start it off:

The Westeros lords couldn't stand them

And Maegor the Cruelish had banned them

So when Cersei the miscreant

Revived the Faith Militant...

Quod and erat demonstrandum

[the silent speaker]

Viserys's visions were grandiose:

"The Iron Throne they will all hand to us!"

The King of the Wagon

Might be called a dragon,

But dormiens, nunc titillandius.

ASOIAF requires a reacher

To add this addititonal feature.

And yet we add Latin.

Why do we throw that in?

To make the thing altum viditur.

[Happy Ent]

This thread’s limerick number two

is about what the Other’s can’t do.

They can’t cross the Wall;

they can’t fly; worst of all:

they don’t know how to build a canoe.

ETA: Crap. Too late.

[The Marquis de Leech]

Inheriting Casterly Rock,

The white cloak's a sizeable block

Which is the clear reason

(Plus trial and high treason)

Succession is pretty ad hoc

[The Marquis de Leech]

This thread’s limerick number two

is about what the Other’s can’t do.

They can’t cross the Wall;

they can’t fly; worst of all:

they don’t know how to build a canoe.

One feels the icy sensation

That Others delay their invasion

They've had thousands of years

With swords, spiders, and spears:

All lost, thanks to procrastination

[The Marquis de Leech]

For Lovers of crass innuendo

Excitement will reach a crescendo

When Shitmouth the cretin

Sees the Kingslayer threaten

To ram a large spear up his end-oh!

[The Marquis de Leech]

Cersei and Jaime were "curious",

Their mother exceedingly furious,

So she threatened the twain

And warned "Not again!"

In such volumes as proved most injurious.

[Happy Ent]

Roose B. and his favourite leech

were trying to chill at the beach.

But aprubtly the lord

scrambled up, and then roared,

“Blow meâ€â€™s just a figure of speech!

[DomDayne]

Roose B. and his favourite leech

were trying to chill at the beach.

But aprubtly the lord

scrambled up, and then roared,

“Blow meâ€â€™s just a figure of speech!

:thumbsup: Briliant

Maid Sansa went to some hassle,

when playing 'Come into my castle'.

The Lord's little giant,

broke the gates all defiant,

now his insides make do for a tassel.

[Dreadwolf]

Dante Alighieri's unpublished due to his editor had temporary closed. Later on the slightly expurgated edition became the bestseller.

(dedicated to BWB)

In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in the dark wood where the true way was wholly lost

Some brothers born and bread immodest,

infested once a murky forest.

Their leader was as cold as ice,

and never hung a bastard twice,

for crows were always there to feast.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here

They had no rights, but had the ropes

And that was right enough because

The Law and Order like no other

respects the rights of mournful mother.

Stranger, bemoan your brothers lot.

[Guest Other-in-law]

The Merryweathers revel and romp

when they dance the fertility stomp

just ask the cognoscenti

if their horn of plenty

bears produce that grew in a swamp!

[The Marquis de Leech]

The Merryweathers revel and romp

when they dance the fertility stomp

just ask the cognoscenti

if their horn of plenty

bears produce that grew in a swamp!

Queen Cersei thought herself clever

Whilst bedding a Ms Merryweather

(Her manliness feigning

Involved nightly "draining"

Of a swamp in some regions most nether)

[Silent Brother Clegane]

There once was a knight called Hyle Hunt,

who orchestrated a quite ruthless stunt.

He bet vast sums of gold,

on her maidenhead we're told,

but he only slipped in to her Stunted sense of self

Ser Barristan was labeled the bold,

Enemies to the crown now grow cold,

Then the bitch and her whelp

dismissed his loyal help,

Claiming his bones were too old

[Ser Selmy]

There were the brothers Clegane,

They lived a life of hardship and pain,

The Hound was a drunken sot,

The Mountain deserved what he got,

And never shall war be the same.

Couldn't think of a better ending and I liked it too much to give up on it.

[The Marquis de Leech]

Couldn't think of a better ending and I liked it too much to give up on it.

How about "And both of them batshit insane"?

[Ser Greguh]

A Tarth-woman's quest, ever veering

(Though never within a man's leering)

May well lead her to Dorne

Where her ancestors born

Into her an odd skill: puppeteering

[Jakob Lightbringer]

To the tower did Lord Eddard ride,

With six swordsmen silent beside,

Where Ser Arthur Dayne grins,

And says "Now it begins,"

"No, now it ends," Eddard replied.

For his silence did Ned pay the price,

To his sister he swore a vow twice,

By the blood of her bed,

She said "Promise me, Ned."

And he did so by Dawn and by Ice.

When Eddard approached Starfall Keep,

The Lady Ashara did weep,

And on seeing the sword,

That her brother adored,

She threw herself into the deep.

[DomDayne]

To the tower did Lord Eddard ride,

With six swordsmen silent beside,

Where Ser Arthur Dayne grins,

And says "Now it begins,"

"No, now it ends," Eddard replied.

For his silence did Ned pay the price,

To his sister he swore a vow twice,

By the blood of her bed,

She said "Promise me, Ned."

And he did so by Dawn and by Ice.

When Eddard approached Starfall Keep,

The Lady Ashara did weep,

And on seeing the sword,

That her brother adored,

She threw herself into the deep.

Oooh, good story-telling-series-limericks.

Here's my attmept...

The Kraken had once been deprived,

of the sea, where he lived and he thrived.

A shipwights wife had then said,

while her hand was undoing his thread,

'Little brother, at last you've arrived.'

Said sister had grown nice of face,

though she did prefer iron to lace.

She'd married her dagger,

forcing brother to stagger,

putting him right in his place.

The attacks on the North were his to lead,

but 'your to harry the coast, make them bleed.'

While the sister took glory,

he would make his own story,

and force his men to die for his greed.

[Guest Other-in-law]

Cat wasn't so sure that she truly

felt safe 'round those wolf cubs unduly

'til one chewed a gash in

Bran's would be assassin

then she cried out "Eamus Catuli!"

[Hodor's Heroes]

Bow before the all-mighty Hodor

Feared even in nasty old Mordor

Orcs quiver and die

When great Hodor cries:

Hodor! oh Hodor! oh Hodor!