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ASOIAF Limericks II


The Marquis de Leech

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I got two new ones:

Love. To Sansa, nothing is grander

To the old songs she always will pander

Soon you can be sure

Petyr falls out Moon Door

Little Bird will then chirp, "Only Sandor"

Littlefinger had longed for a Cat

During the Imp's Trial, stole her brat

He married Cat's sister

Placated and kissed her

Then out the Moon Door, she went SPLAT

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'Tis said of some things that they last

Far too long for the tastes of the cast

But on occasion those reading

Are the ones who are needing

Less coverage of Samwell's pink mast.

Ha ha I love it. Honestly, personally I would have enjoyed far more coverage on Sam's mast... that is, I would have preferred that he kept it covered up entirely.

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There once was a bastard named Snow

Who went for a swim with his 'ho

She was shocked and appalled

That his spear was so small

But come on, it was twenty below!

Beneath skins Jon would go with his ho

She'd instruct him "hell yes" or "no no"

But then- no way else to spin it-

Once he lasted just one minute

Sighed Ygritte: "You ain''t learnin', Jon Snow."

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Guest Other-in-Law

OK, I'm going to declare this Winter Wildling Week:

Mighty Mag Mar Tun Doh Weg

felt no inclination to beg

to get through the Wall

he smashed with his maul

But he stopped in the tunnel's dogleg.

The gruesome and grim Lord o' Bones

announces in sepulchral tones,

"Maybe it's not the norm

but my uniform

is snazzier than the Evzones".

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Guest Other-in-Law

Raymun Redbeard pulled a sneak attack

when he slipped down behind Sleepy Jack

Their swords threw off sparks

when they battled the Starks

but Umber took them from the back.

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Guest Other-in-Law

Styr, the Magnar of Thenn

was nearly a god among men,

a leader most fearless

and though he was earless

the soundest one from his whole glen.

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OK here's a (late) wildling one.

When he crossed the Wall Tormund got lonely

For the southron maids found him quite homely

And refusing to whack it

Went and bought a new jacket

When he heard that chicks dig Members Only

Bit of a stretch...

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I apply for Wildling week extension:

The venereal customs of Thenn

became famous in Westeros when

the Red Book of Dorne

(a collection of porn)

showed the "Fisting of the First Men."

Edit: improve meter at the expense of subtlety

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Guest Other-in-Law

Ygritte thought she knew all of bliss

'til Jon bequeathed her the Lord's kiss

then the old gods will sing us

underground cunnilingus

and she needed no more the surface.

(nitpick: Winter in March? Only a Sassenach would forgo short pants in such a balmy month!)

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