Best/Funniest lines in Season One

[blu2penguin]

I really enjoyed a lot of the original humor the writers injected into the series. A couple of my favorite lines include:

"If you fuck enough women, eventually one of them will give you a present."

"LOOK AT THE FUN WE'RE HAVING!"

"Titles, titles..."

[Ran]

Bronn: "You wouldn't know him."

[Arrogant Bastard]

Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes and I'll impregnate the bitch (I don't remember this being in the book).

Maester Luwin (to Theon about Osha being a guest or a prisoner): Do you find the two mutually exclusive in your experience?

Sam: I always wanted to be a wizard (new i think)

Tywin: A Lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep

Joffrey: Ser Illyn, who better than you to carry out the honor [ripping out Marilllon's tongue]

Tyrion: Do Dornish girls count?

Robert: Killing things clears my head.

[CryFenril]

In no particular order, but I liked them because they stayed true to the feel of the speaking characters, if not their "original" dialog:

Varys - "Do you lie awake at night, fearing my gash?"

Petyr - "I’m not going to fight them, I’m going to fuck them, that’s what I know, that’s what I am."

Robb - "If we do it your way, Kingslayer, you'd win. We're not doing it your way."

Syrio - "What do we say to the God of Death? Not today."

Bronn (in response to "You do not fight with honor!") - "No... But he did."

Tyrion in the whorehouse - "Close the door!"

Catelyn - "Listen, fat man..."

[King_In_The_North]

"I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew.."

[CryFenril]

"I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew.."

*chuckle* I loved his whole "confession" scene, but couldn't remember enough of it word-for-word to include it as a quote. It was just the way I'd imagined him sounding, even if the wording was different.

[RDKfromwesteros]

Jaime - fucking boars and hunting whores... I love that line. XD

TYrion trhoe the cup on the floor - there's your peace!

Bronn - (when tyrion say that he killed his first man before twelve) It was a woman... She turn a axe to me. XD

Bronn - again XD - the "you wouldn't know him" scene XD

Littlefinger - Starks, Quick tempers, slow minds.

Varys - DO you lie aweke at night, fearing my gash?

Awesome. those are the best i thinck, i repeat some of them, butjust because they are really good.

[quills]

"what happened next?"

[Wras]

Maester Luwin: "And failed rebellions."

OWNEDDDD.

[NW Deserter]

All of the digs on Theon are great:

"Are the two mutual exclusive in your experience?"

"And failed rebellions."

Jory: "Theon. He's a good lad."

Jaime: "I doubt it."

And then there's Bronn:

Lysa: "You don't fight with honor!"

Bronn: "No. <point at the Moon door> He did."

"You wouldn't know him."

Dany had some chilling lines:

"He is no dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon."

"It is not your screams I want...only your life."

And one of my favorites from Arya:

"I'm good at killing fat boys. I like killing fat boys."

[NW Deserter]

Oh and I forgot my favorite Samwell line!

Jon: "I always wanted to be a ranger."

Sam: "I always wanted to be a wizard..."

:laugh:

[Easy]

Ned: "So how come Robert is king, not Tywin Lannister?"

For once, LF was speechless.

[MyDogIsNamedDanerys]

"stay low."

"STAY LOW?"

I had to pause while I laughed for a minute straight.

"...didn't know where to put it?"

"I knew where to put it!"

Sam's actor is perfection.

[Exmortus]

I love how after Jon has a serious moment about how he will never father a bastard.

Sam's reply: So you didn't know where to put it.

[maxlongstreet]

I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...

[Exmortus]

"I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew.."

I don't know if my sister ate it, I hope she did.

I don't know it word for word but I remember something along those lines. that whole scene made me chuckle.

[TheEvilKing]

Varys - "Do you lie awake at night, fearing my gash?"

That one cracked me up. Varys is funnier than LF in the show. Brilliant line.

"Lancel. Gods, what a stupid name."

Tyrion has some funny lines in the scene with Benjen and Yoren.

"Do you think I'm plump?" "I think he's starting to like me."

Viserys - "Who can rule without wealth or fear or love?" Just a great scene.

[Morrigan]

"Lancel. Gods, what a stupid name."

Came here to post this. :lol:

"Though the boy does have a certain belligerence... you'd like him."

"We have our differences, Jaime and I. He's braver. I'm better looking."

"I want to marry him and have his babies!"

"Seven hells!"

"I don't want someone brave, gentle and strong, I want Joffrey!"

*snickers*

[brook]

'I hope that wasn't my horse'

[RathHood]

Jaime to Catelyn: 'You look lovely tonight Lady Stark. Widowhood becomes you. Your bed must be lonely, is that why you came? I'm not at my best, but I think I could be of service. Here, slip out of that gown and we'll see if I'm up to it.'

and later:

'There are no man like me. Only me.'

brilliant arrogance :thumbsup:

Robert Arryn: Can I make the little man fly now?

Tyrion: Not this little man. This little man is going home now.

Tyrion to Mord: Listen to me. Sometimes possession is an abstract concept. When they captured me, they took my purse, but the gold is still mine.

Jaime to Ned (scene before they fight): I'm looking for my brother. You remember my brother, don't you Lord Stark? Blond hair, sharp of tongue, short man.

Arya to Golden Cloaks guarding entry to RedKeep: My father is Hand of the King. I am not a boy, I am Arya Stark of Winterfell. And if you lay a hand on me my father will have both of your heads on spikes. Now, are you going to let me by, or do I have to smack you on the ear to help you with your hearing?