What is your most crackpot theory? v.2

[Tyria Targaryen]

There really was no Doom of Valyria. The Valyrians just used a bit of sorcery to send up a bunch of smoke and dragonglass and create the smoking sea because running an Empire, maintaining a massive numbers of slaves, and binding dragons to their will was such hard work. Since the time of the "Faux Doom," the Valyrians have played dead by burrowing underground and have worked on creating Valyrian Steel 2.0.

[Lady Katherine]

Mormont's raven is actually Bran warging and time traveling simulateneously.

[Night's Watchman]

A: Dany will forgo Westeros, instead remaining on Essos and fulfilling the role of "Breaker of Chains" by eliminating slavery in the free cities by either direct conquest or supporting slave revolts. She will rule the entire part of the continent that comprised the ancient Valyrian Freehold.

OR

She will take said army, and conquer/repopulate a devastated Westeros after civil war, the Others, and a mongoloid army led by Hodor devastate the continent.

[yolkboy]

maybe this one...

http://asoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/topic/72051-premonitions-or-memories/

thing is, i'm in total belief of it!

[Sweet-N-SourRobin]

Asha Greyjoy is pregnant (Stannis' assault forced her to scramble to prepare for battle, preventing her from drinking Moon Tea in time).

The Drowned God is real and Patchface is his prophet.

The Hound's Helm is cursed, making its wearer/owner become savagely violent (Sandor has found peace since losing it, Lem Lemoncloak is behaving more and more like the mad dog that Sandor was and has even begun commonly using variants of "bugger", Sandor's pet cuss word during his time as The Hound).

House Clegane is descended from giants (this is why Gregor is/was so freakishly big).

The Skaagosi aren't actually cannibals. In fact, most of their rumored savagery is a smokescreen designed to scare off the rest of the civilized world and prevent them from exploring the island and discovering their significantly superior technology level relative to the rest of the world of ice and fire.

The Jeyne Westerling switch/pregnancy theory will turn to be both completely true and completely meaningless when she gives birth to Robb's daughter. GRRM will enjoy a hearty laugh at our collective expense.

Mance Rayder is Benjen Stark, somehow.

[Tyria Targaryen]

The Drowned God is real and Patchface is his prophet.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! :lol:

[Winter's Knight]

Westoros and the rest of the planet have already been overcome by Others and winter has wiped out all of humanity. What we're reading is Bran hundreds of years in the future slowly dying as the last of the weirwoods plays it's memories to him. The reason we have different PoVs is because of the disjointed nature of said memories.

The last sentence shall be: "Bran closed his eyes as winter finally came to him."

[hockema56]

The Greatjon is Robert Strong. And boom goes the dynamite.

[Winter's Knight]

Ok, I have another one!

The Others have crossed the Wall and the Riverlands and have taken over KL. Most of it's population is dead or fled. Dany, Jon and the dragons are trying to contain/destroy them but are having trouble because of sheer numbers so Cersei blows up KL from the inside using the caches of wildfire. She goes down with the Others, the flames reflected in her green eyes and becomes famous in song as the Wildfyre Queen or Cersei Greenflame.

[Pellaeon]

The dragons will need years to grown balerions size, so the dragonriders (whoever they will be) cross valyria and find a spell or ritual to let them grow to full size, like bath in a vulcan or something like that

Valyria didn't go down at all, the pure valyrians hide in their city since the "doom" protected by mighty magic

[Winter's Knight]

The dragons will need years to grown balerions size, so the dragonriders (whoever they will be) cross valyria and find a spell or ritual to let them grow to full size, like bath in a vulcan or something like that

That would not please Spock at all.

[Pellaeon]

That would not please Spock at all.

precisely

[Winter's Knight]

precisely

My poor Vulcan's got enough problems what with his overtly-flirtatious captain and judgementally illogical CMO-must you compound his troubles by turning him into the draconian equivalent of a rubber duckie?

[Sand Snake No. 9]

Azor Ahai is completely mythical. No supernatural prophesized hero will save Westeros, there will only be a bunch of bumbling men who solve the problem (if there is one) by accident.

[Khal Drogo's Mighty Thighs]

Ok *cracks knuckles and readies fingers* buckle your seatbelts people-

Strong Belwas is Yoren's bastard brother from Lady Ashara Dayne and Ser Boros Blount, he was adopted as a child by Ser Gregor Clegane and Shitmouth as a gay couple, but, in reality, he was swapped as a baby with Sweetrobin by the loyal Faceless Man Patchface, who was undercover on a long mission from Oberyn Martell to generally piss off Ser Gregor, (who was also having an illicit love affair with King Aerys II); Patchface, swapping Strong Belwas with Sweetrobin, had Rickon Stark shipped across the Narrow Sea, and told Catelyn that Strong Belwas was Rickon, despite there being a thirty year age gap. Catelyn lovingly returned "Rickon" to her household, before being violently savaged by a rogue Snark. Her role as Catelyn Stark was then assumed by Old Nan, and no one realised. Old Nan actually had to work double time, putting on her Catelyn voice for Catelyn, and her Old Nan voice for Old Nan. No one realised, except Ned, for obvious and slightly unsettling reasons. Now, here's where it gets interesting. Old Nan realised that Ned knew her terrible secret, so she had Hodor poison Jon Arryn, which persuaded the King to ask Ned to be his Hand. Old Nan then made the commute from Winterfell to King's Landing every night and back in secret- she seduced Janos Slynt, who then betrayed Ned and had him killed. Old Nan then realised her potential for causing havoc, and began to fake the noises of Jaime and Cersie making passionate love from the room next to Stannis' with the thin walls. Stannis then realised that the children weren't Robert's. He was sailing on his way to tell Robert as he was hunting in the wood, when Hodor warged into the ship's captain, and sailed them off to Dragonstone instead. Old Nan then warged into a boar, and had Robert silenced. She planned to start the war of the five kings, ultimately to put her son Hodor on the throne. Little did she know, however, that Hodor was never actually Hodor, but Wyman Manderly's cunning giant wildling bastard, also known as Varys, an expert actor. Wyman planned to control the North, and was simply using Old Nan as a pawn. The great plot is unfolding, and Wyman Manderly's chubby paws are firmly clasped in joy as he contemplates his new designs to get rid of the Iron Throne, and officially replace it with the Donut Throne. All hail Lord Manderly, and his bastard Hodor!

[Pellaeon]

My poor Vulcan's got enough problems what with his overtly-flirtatious captain and judgementally illogical CMO-must you compound his troubles by turning him into the draconian equivalent of a rubber duckie?

"The needs of many over outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one"

If the dragons can help defeting the others, there is a need of many

[NotSoSilentSister]

I love this, all my theories are crackpot! Some of the crackier ones:

- The non-lethal version of Greyscale makes you fire-proof; we will learn this when Mel tries to sacrifice Shireen. Tyrion has it too (and it's non-lethal with him too, because the non-lethalitiy is somehow related to size, not age - yeah, I know, fantasy biology), This is what will allow him to tame one of Dany's dragons.

- Based on the 'Tywin teamed up with Euron'-theory: It was Littlefinger who brokered the deal, and now that Tywin is dead, Euron is working with LF.

- The obligatory Stark/Baratheon marriage alliance will be Bran and Shireen.

- Coldhands is Steffon Baratheon, having come back harder and stronger after his little boating accident.

[The Fat Huntsmen]

Asha Greyjoy is pregnant (Stannis' assault forced her to scramble to prepare for battle, preventing her from drinking Moon Tea in time).

The Drowned God is real and Patchface is his prophet.

The Hound's Helm is cursed, making its wearer/owner become savagely violent (Sandor has found peace since losing it, Lem Lemoncloak is behaving more and more like the mad dog that Sandor was and has even begun commonly using variants of "bugger", Sandor's pet cuss word during his time as The Hound).

House Clegane is descended from giants (this is why Gregor is/was so freakishly big).

The Skaagosi aren't actually cannibals. In fact, most of their rumored savagery is a smokescreen designed to scare off the rest of the civilized world and prevent them from exploring the island and discovering their significantly superior technology level relative to the rest of the world of ice and fire.

The Jeyne Westerling switch/pregnancy theory will turn to be both completely true and completely meaningless when she gives birth to Robb's daughter. GRRM will enjoy a hearty laugh at our collective expense.

Mance Rayder is Benjen Stark, somehow.

Dud Ibelieve 100% that the Drowned has a servent in Patchface. Mel sees him in her fires consistently

[The Fat Huntsmen]

Ok *cracks knuckles and readies fingers* buckle your seatbelts people-

Strong Belwas is Yoren's bastard brother from Lady Ashara Dayne and Ser Boros Blount, he was adopted as a child by Ser Gregor Clegane and Shitmouth as a gay couple, but, in reality, he was swapped as a baby with Sweetrobin by the loyal Faceless Man Patchface, who was undercover on a long mission from Oberyn Martell to generally piss off Ser Gregor, (who was also having an illicit love affair with King Aerys II); Patchface, swapping Strong Belwas with Sweetrobin, had Rickon Stark shipped across the Narrow Sea, and told Catelyn that Strong Belwas was Rickon, despite there being a thirty year age gap. Catelyn lovingly returned "Rickon" to her household, before being violently savaged by a rogue Snark. Her role as Catelyn Stark was then assumed by Old Nan, and no one realised. Old Nan actually had to work double time, putting on her Catelyn voice for Catelyn, and her Old Nan voice for Old Nan. No one realised, except Ned, for obvious and slightly unsettling reasons. Now, here's where it gets interesting. Old Nan realised that Ned knew her terrible secret, so she had Hodor poison Jon Arryn, which persuaded the King to ask Ned to be his Hand. Old Nan then made the commute from Winterfell to King's Landing every night and back in secret- she seduced Janos Slynt, who then betrayed Ned and had him killed. Old Nan then realised her potential for causing havoc, and began to fake the noises of Jaime and Cersie making passionate love from the room next to Stannis' with the thin walls. Stannis then realised that the children weren't Robert's. He was sailing on his way to tell Robert as he was hunting in the wood, when Hodor warged into the ship's captain, and sailed them off to Dragonstone instead. Old Nan then warged into a boar, and had Robert silenced. She planned to start the war of the five kings, ultimately to put her son Hodor on the throne. Little did she know, however, that Hodor was never actually Hodor, but Wyman Manderly's cunning giant wildling bastard, also known as Varys, an expert actor. Wyman planned to control the North, and was simply using Old Nan as a pawn. The great plot is unfolding, and Wyman Manderly's chubby paws are firmly clasped in joy as he contemplates his new designs to get rid of the Iron Throne, and officially replace it with the Donut Throne. All hail Lord Manderly, and his bastard Hodor!

I looked for a flaw in your theory. But all I found was Old Nan is Hordors Grandson, so this alone makes your theory imosable.

[Khal Drogo's Mighty Thighs]

I looked for a flaw in your theory. But all I found was Old Nan is Hordors Grandson, so this alone makes your theory imosable.

House Hordor and House Hodor have been warring for eons... How could I have missed that Old Nan was secretly Lord Hordor's grandson? This is diabolical... and explains why Hodor fled beyond the Wall. My God...