Arya blaming the Hound for her mom's death

[sweetsunray]

Others have mentioned it already - Arya is deeply traumatized. She not only learns of the death of her family by hearsay, but she is present, knows it's happening, and completely helpless, while Arya is very pro-active in nature. She constantly hits a wall where she experiences either how limited she truly is to save herself or others, and thus incapable of being independent for any long time, but in the meantime nobody can actually protect her or others. This is a painful and scary lesson for adults, let alone a child. This is painfully made clear when the village girl follows her around and claims her doll (a knight) keeps her safe. Arya grabs the doll and tears it apart and says something nasty in the sense of "now he's a knight" (a dead one).

Also, she's not just mad at Sandor, but herself as well. Arya names the mare they caught after the RW Craven. This is not even Arya calling Sandor craven, but herself a craven. She's as angry with herself for failing to get inside the Twins, for not being quick enough to avoid Sandor hitting her skull with the flat of the axe. So, she's not just blaming Sandor. She's blaming herself in the same irrational way.

It's pretty normal grief process behavior. it's never the same, and certain phases recirculate, but denial, blame and anger are part of the grief process. It's for example normal for a person to feel anger towards the dead person for dying on them, themselves as well as others. The difference is that adults would feel ashamed for having such feelings, exactly because they know it's not exactly fair and rational. And yet, not until they actually allow themselves to feel that type of anger, will they surpass it. Arya is not ashamed for feeling as she does. Nor should she be. And while it annoys Sandor, he seems to understand where it comes from well enough and doesn't hold it against her. 

[AnarchoPrimitiv]

1 hour ago, Adam Yozza said:

If I was a ten year old kid who had watched a beloved teacher be killed, watched her father be executed, watched a trusted ally be killed, spent time as a prisoner of one of the most monstrous men in the country, watched the murderer of a friend walk away free, got kidnapped by that murderer and then my mother and older brother were killed while that murderer; who is also a very competent and fierce warrior; didn't save them even though he was right outside the place it happened I'd probably blame the guy as well. Is it logical? No. Is it 100% understandable? Yes absolutely. I don't see how this made you "really dislike Arya". It's a completely human reaction. Hell it's probably better than how a lot of people older than Arya would deal with this situation.

it's not a "normal" reaction, and furthermore, not all 10 year olds are built the same, some are more sentient than others.  For instance, do you think a low-born child who has watched village members die from starvation would be as unrealistic as arya?  I think Aeya prides herself in not being naive like Sansa, when in fact, her anger at the hound for not being able to single handed kill hundreds of men is VERY naive.  As far as a reader being annoyed by it, it is very annoying because even a 10 year old should know one man has no chance against hundreds.  I guess all I was looking for was at some point, arya reflecting back on it and realizing she was being a jerk. 

[sweetsunray]

2 hours ago, AnarchoPrimitiv said:

it's not a "normal" reaction

Completely wrong. I suggest that you look up the stages of grief and loss... Here's a link

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

 

Quote

 

1. Denial & Isolation

The first reaction to learning about the terminal illness, loss, or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. “This isn’t happening, this can’t be happening,” people often think. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

2. Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

3. Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

• If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
• If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
• If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

 

We see all of this in Arya just outside the Twins as it's happening, and afterwards when she blames Sandor and considers even herself "craven" and projects that feeling onto the mare, that "ran away" from the Twins. It's completely irrational, but very very normal, because there's nothing rational about grief, loss, let alone the intense pain that follows from this.

[Wrl6199]

1 minute ago, sweetsunray said:

Completely wrong. I suggest that you look up the stages of grief and loss... Here's a link

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

 

We see all of this in Arya just outside the Twins as it's happening, and afterwards when she blames Sandor and considers even herself "craven" and projects that feeling onto the mare, that "ran away" from the Twins.

Yeah it seems like that was pretty clear it was a wrong reaction.

[Adam Yozza]

2 hours ago, AnarchoPrimitiv said:

it's not a "normal" reaction, and furthermore, not all 10 year olds are built the same, some are more sentient than others.  For instance, do you think a low-born child who has watched village members die from starvation would be as unrealistic as arya?  I think Aeya prides herself in not being naive like Sansa, when in fact, her anger at the hound for not being able to single handed kill hundreds of men is VERY naive.  As far as a reader being annoyed by it, it is very annoying because even a 10 year old should know one man has no chance against hundreds.  I guess all I was looking for was at some point, arya reflecting back on it and realizing she was being a jerk. 

Not a normal reaction? Then do explain to me what the normal reaction for a ten year old would be in that situation? They wouldn't all react the same I know, but a lot would do the same thing Arya did, probably my ten year old self included.

As for your comparison, no that doesn't apply because it isn't the same thing. A closer analogy would be a ten year child in a peasant village watching her friends and family being murdered by say...the Mountain and his men. In that case, then if the village had a very large, very skilled swordsman hanging around that did nothing to help then the child may very well blame that swordsman, regardless of how illogical it is to think he could have done anything to stop the Mountain. In fact, adults would probably do the same in that situation. So I will adjust my original point and say it's a normal reaction (if irrational) for anyone (Not saying everyone would react like that, before anyone accuses me of this)

Clearly it's not very annoying in general. While it may be to some, most on this thread understand the situation she's in and don't blame her for this outburst. Most don't seem annoyed by it at all.

[Wrl6199]

Just now, Adam Yozza said:

Not a normal reaction? Then do explain to me what the normal reaction for a ten year old would be in that situation? They wouldn't all react the same I know, but a lot would do the same thing Arya did, probably my ten year old self included.

As for your comparison, no that doesn't apply because it isn't the same thing. A closer analogy would be a ten year child in a peasant village watching her friends and family being murdered by say...the Mountain and his men. In that case, then if the village had a very large, very skilled swordsman hanging around that did nothing to help then the child may very well blame that swordsman, regardless of how illogical it is to think he could have done anything to stop the Mountain. In fact, adults would probably do the same in that situation. So I will adjust my original point and say it's a normal reaction (if irrational) for anyone (Not saying everyone would react like that, before anyone accuses me of this)

Clearly it's not very annoying in general. While it may be to some, most on this thread understand the situation she's in and don't blame her for this outburst. Most don't seem annoyed by it at all.

You mean blaming the hound for the death of Catelyn. Well i guess know that i think about it it makes sense. I thought that you meant when she killed the tickler.

[Blue-Eyed Wolf]

1 hour ago, AnarchoPrimitiv said:

 As far as a reader being annoyed by it, it is very annoying because even a 10 year old should know one man has no chance against hundreds.  I guess all I was looking for was at some point, arya reflecting back on it and realizing she was being a jerk

I don't understand the annoyance.  I completely understand why someone in the throws of grief and maybe some survivor's guilt would not be thinking 100% rationally or might lash out.  I don't think she really, truly blames Sandor deep down for not being able to single-handedly save everyone.  Sandor gives her a lot of latitude because surely he relates to being an angry kid dealing with injustice and helplessness.  His actions don't show he truly takes it personally.  He wouldn't abandon her even after.  She did try to help him as much as she could when he was injured.  She didn't leave him until she was sure he was on the brink of death.  There's hints in her actions while she may not like him her feelings towards him have recalibrated towards something less angry and more nuanced.  Both these characters say a lot of angry things, but their actions speak differently.  Her opinions might have evolved even further, but the author decided to cut their relationship there to move them both to their next arc.  I don't think the big take-away from their time together was supposed to be about Arya reflecting later on "being a jerk."     

[Maxxine]

3 hours ago, AnarchoPrimitiv said:

it's not a "normal" reaction, and furthermore, not all 10 year olds are built the same, some are more sentient than others.  For instance, do you think a low-born child who has watched village members die from starvation would be as unrealistic as arya?  I think Aeya prides herself in not being naive like Sansa, when in fact, her anger at the hound for not being able to single handed kill hundreds of men is VERY naive.  As far as a reader being annoyed by it, it is very annoying because even a 10 year old should know one man has no chance against hundreds.  I guess all I was looking for was at some point, arya reflecting back on it and realizing she was being a jerk. 

I think her reaction is "normal" at least as normal as you could get considering everyone regardless of age reacts to trauma differently. Regardless, I think you're taking her blaming the Hound way too literally. I think in reality she recognizes that there was nothing the Hound could do but as a coping mechanism she has to blame someone & the Hound is that person bc he's really the only actually person she has to blame. She knows the Freys were the the people who did but she can't blame the Freys to cope bc the Freys are such an abstract thing for her. IIRC she's never really knowingly interacted with a Frey. There were Freys at Harrenhal & of course her ironic interaction with the Frey who was actually a bethrothed. But the Freys for her is not a concrete person she can blame but the Hound is. So yes she says she blames the Hound but I think she's just talking trying to cope with the trauma. It's obvious she doesn't truly blame the Hound bc is he did he would have never come off her list.

[Ashes Of Westeros]

I agree that Arya views the world black-and-white especially in the beginning. But she is a child and she grew up in a loving family with very high moral standards. Arya totally blames Sandor for Micah's death as he was the one who killed the boy, but also because Sandor was within her reach. Cersei and Joffrey were to blame too, but they were far away, so she focused her anger on Sandor.

As for RW, I agree with posted above. Blaming Sandor was a coping mechanism. Arya didn't really think it was his fault. Or her. But she had to watch her family slaughtered and there was nothing she could do. And sandor understood it. Otherwise he wouldn't stop her from running into the battle.