Mexal Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707870' date='Mar 4 2009, 14.37']Nope. Sorry. I know how badly you want it to. ;) Seriously, part of the whole point is to determine whether men are making up these supposed women that dish about and objectify the guys they hook up with.[/quote] We're not. The end :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I know this and you know this, but you know how the board is. Besides I thought it might be interesting to see how it works out, like if the current majority holds up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mexal Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707876' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.40']I know this and you know this, but you know how the board is. Besides I thought it might be interesting to see how it works out, like if the current majority holds up.[/quote] I know. I'm actually rather fascinated by this. I think you did hit the nail on the head though earlier when you said that people who don't normally have casual relationships probably wouldn't engage in this kind of talk. All of the girls I know who do this, do have casual relationships or have in the past. None of this was about a significant other who they were very serious about. And to take that one step further, it's the same with the guys I know. If we're serious about someone, the sex life never gets mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Mexal' post='1707878' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.42']I know. I'm actually rather fascinated by this. I think you did hit the nail on the head though earlier when you said that people who don't normally have casual relationships probably wouldn't engage in this kind of talk. All of the girls I know who do this, do have casual relationships or have in the past. None of this was about a significant other who they were very serious about.[/quote] Can't take credit for that insight actually - it was LC's. [quote]And to take that one step further, it's the same with the guys I know. If we're serious about someone, the sex life never gets mentioned.[/quote] And that's been my experience with my guy friends also. Even the crassest, most misogynistic guy friend that I've ever had would never talk about his girlfriend that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707870' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.37']Seriously, part of the whole point is to determine whether men are making up these supposed women that dish about and objectify the guys they hook up with.[/quote] I don't think that sharing odd/interesting stories is the same as objectification. If a friend (either male or female) dished about EVERY sexual encounter they had, bragging about it or whatever, I'd find that unnecessary and off-putting. But I share a lot of unusual happenings with my friends. I don't know why I should feel obliged to keep something a secret that happened with a sexual partner they don't know just because it has to do with sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Eponine' post='1707885' date='Mar 4 2009, 13.48']I don't think that sharing odd/interesting stories is the same as objectification. If a friend (either male or female) dished about EVERY sexual encounter they had, bragging about it or whatever, I'd find that unnecessary and off-putting. But I share a lot of unusual happenings with my friends. I don't know why I should feel obliged to keep something a secret that happened with a sexual partner they don't know just because it has to do with sex.[/quote] :dunno: FTR, I don't either, but that's how it was phrased when we were talking about men and what kinds of things they will say, and I'm not a stickler for semantics with the whole objectification thing since I think it's an inherently flawed concept with no real meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Yes, I've dished, but only if there's an extreme situation worth mentioning. If a guy wanted to pee on me, for example, there would be a conference call the next day. Otherwise it's just a vague "we had sex" and I leave it at that. No, I don't find listening to it uncomfortable, exactly, but there's some details I don't care to hear. I'm fine with "his dick curved very, very sharply to the left" or "then I fell off the bed" but I'm not ok with a play-by-play account of positions and degrees of wetness, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyria Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Do I do it? Yes. Digusting? No. I've always been pretty open talking about sex, but I have only ever been really, I guess detailed, about guys I've been with with my two closest gal friends. We've been friends for 20 years, and there really isn't much we don't know about each other. I've never seen Sex in the City, but we've totally had those kinds of conversations Raidne desribed. I don't talk about my married sex life in detail, nor does one of the other gals who is married. But the both of us did talk about the husbands when we had just started dating them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teri Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707825' date='Mar 4 2009, 10.14']Is this true? Teri - no problem. My examples are about (1) telling your friends about how you slept with the guy who is notorious for giving great oral sex and telling your friends that it was, in fact, great, (2) telling your friends that your new guy's sperm tastes awful, and (3) telling your friends that you broke up with a guy because he wanted you to pee on him, and you just really weren't into that.[/quote] I understood what activities were meant by the examples (except that I wasn't sure whether in the first one the woman was being sarcastic or not - the word "dish" sounds similar to "diss", so I thought there might be a connotation of a negative report), I just didn't understand what aspects of what they have in common were intended to be relevant to the word "dish". So does it mean any talking at all about what someone else likes or does or is good at or bad at sexually? Or does it include some connotations of recommending for or against that person, as in reviewing a dish on a restaurant menu? And is it [i]always[/i] related to sex, or would talking about someone's other habits in a relationship, like how they treated you, also fall under the umbrella? (I googled 'dish' to try to find out, but just got a lot of food and kitchenware hits.) Under the assumption that what it means is the first (any talking at all about what someone likes or does in bed, with no connotation of 'giving a review'), then yes, I have done this, although more often with male friends than with female ones, usually in the context of telling a current boyfriend what a previous boyfriend liked and asking if he liked the same thing. Is it disrepectful? That depends on what is said and how it is said, and on how the person you are talking about would feel about it. In general, I would categorize something as disrespectful if you would be uncomfortable if word of the conversation got back to the person you were talking about. Whenever I've talked about a current boyfriend's sexual preferences or skills to anyone else, I have always [i]informed him about what I said[/i], generally because it was positive and I wanted him to know I was talking him up. E.g., my boyfriend has read the thread I started in GenChat yesterday. Is it distasteful or would it make you uncomfortable? Only if it was the kind of talking that was disrespectful, and the person being talked about was someone you thought was worthy of more respect. Really I just try to follow the golden rule. Some people [i]like[/i] to be the topic of conversation, even if it is sexually explicit, and some people want more privacy. If someone wouldn't want me to talk about them in a particular way, I try not to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edda van Heefmstra Ruston Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Haven't dished, and would be uncomfortable if friends did so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Teri, I'm not going to dig too deep into that dissertation there, so let me phrase it this way (if someone disagrees with my characterization, please let me know): if you slept with a guy you'd been out with a couple times and found out he had an incredibly small penis, would you tell any of your friends? Or, you know, any of the other three examples I gave. ETA: Also, for your future reference "to dish" means "to gossip." It's actually kind of an old-fashioned slang term. I also rephrased that part in an effort to facilitate your understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyria Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Arbor Gold' post='1707892' date='Mar 4 2009, 14.52']No, I don't find listening to it uncomfortable, exactly, but there's some details I don't care to hear. I'm fine with "his dick curved very, very sharply to the left" or "then I fell off the bed" but I'm not ok with a play-by-play account of positions and degrees of wetness, etc.[/quote] Oh, totally. I don't think I would want to hear a play-by-play like you described. That would be bordering on icky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anubiel Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Yes, I've dished and no, I don't find it disgusting. Though I've never dished on a guy I've had a serious relationship with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nichole Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 The small penis thing seems mean. Even if you are not serious with that person, that seems to cross a line. Now, if someone wanted to pee on me, well I would definately tell my friends, if he was amazing at oral sex, might say that yeah, he was good, but I find it really mean to tell people that he had a small penis, he can't help that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kel Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Yes I have dished. I imagine most women have done it at some point in their lives. Most women I have encountered talk dirtier than men do about such things! haha No, I do not find it disgusting. It is a good learning experience too because we can share stories and experiences and find ways of handling different things. I do admit, sometimes it has been more about laughing than educational per se. But I am sure men are the same way. And, I have talked to men about these things as well. I do agree it is better to not be too derogatory. Funky spunk is one thing - but you have to be somewhat careful about crossing a line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Raidne Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Tyria' post='1707916' date='Mar 4 2009, 14.09']Oh, totally. I don't think I would want to hear a play-by-play like you described. That would be bordering on icky.[/quote] Yes, totally. Things I've heard are more like, "so, he wants me to watch porn with him, like, all the time!," the small penis thing (several times), once followed with "I was afraid I was going to break it!," the guy that couldn't get it up, etc. It's, you know, dishing. Gossip. Intended for humor as much as any need to talk about it. And it's probably not nice. But I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gertrude Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 If I'm talking with friends about sex, we keep it pretty non-specific. Sure, someone may mention their husband/current boyfriend specifically, but the dish is likely to be pretty generic and nothing really unexpected in that case. I agree with Bellis and LC that the more casual or anonymous the relationship is, the more likely I am to spill details. Anyone I am even semi-serious about or have any respect for I am much less likely to talk about. I'm not saying I never do it, but for the most part mark me down in the 'don't do it, think it's wrong (tacky)' column. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacen Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I don't like dishing. I don't even like it when other guys tell me sexual crap about their girflfriends. It's like hey! that's your girlfriend! have some fucking respect and keep it to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 If my friends had met the guy with the small penis, I wouldn't tell them about it then. I'd only talk about it later as the most general of stories, not connected to a certain person. If my friends didn't know the guy and never would, I don't see any harm in telling them. I'm not offended when other people tell "this one time..." stories. It's not like sharing something private about a specific person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arbor Gold Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 [quote name='Raidne' post='1707924' date='Mar 4 2009, 11.15']Things I've heard are more like, "so, he wants me to watch porn with him, like, all the time!," the small penis thing (several times), once followed with "I was afraid I was going to break it!," the guy that couldn't get it up, etc.[/quote] Exactly. There were two play-by-play chicks in my group of friends, but they stopped once rest of us regulated that shit. [quote]It's, you know, dishing. Gossip. Intended for humor as much as any need to talk about it. And it's probably not nice. But I don't think there's anything wrong with it.[/quote] Often, in my experience, it's usually a need for advice which happens to include a fair amount of giggling. Because sex (mis)adventures are funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.