Madame deVenoge

Much luck!!!!! Fingers crossed!!!!

I literally need my phone, computer, chargers for both, sun hat, SPF 50, a bra, and my medication. I can buy pretty much anything else on the streets of Naples (Italy). And, in fact, this has happened. I can tell you that nowhere in Italy can one find a decent lingerie shop or even an indecent one with a size 30E brassiere, though I’m pretty sure that one could find such in Brazil. Or perhaps Germany. The Germans are generally….well. MY MOTHER said, “Germans. It’s either two twin beds or an orgy.” MY MOTHER.

I am an innocent young lady who would be smoking a cigarette if I smoked. He just left the house, but we are planning Wednesday at his place and then Thursday is an overnight here. He would have invited me to Seder, tomorrow, if it were just him and his dad, but there’s the kids. So sweet of him to even think about inviting me!!!! He also asked how I stay looking like I’m 25, as he said, with his eyes roaming up and down my naked body. I told him there is a painting in the attic. He got it. @Mlle. Zabzie - James also said that The Doctor was not that smart. Anyways - I’m going to go for a walk and then read a book

I wouldn’t know, lol. This is the longest it’s ever taken, and certainly don’t plan on letting this wait any longer The third date would have been difficult, because it would have had to have involved conveniently placed shrubbery.

Well - anyways, after SEXTING last night, oh myyyy, Law Professor is coming over to my place, tomorrow, and he is bringing the sourdough. He truly is hilariously funny, smart as hell, and ridiculously cute, and I am so attracted to him. I have RESTRAINED myself, people!!! This will be the FOURTH DATE!!! I once married a man and stayed married to him for twelve years after random work sex that wasn’t even a date!!!

100% agreed. I mean, you, Toth, kind of remind me of Werther - probably because you’re German, and I think “echtromantishe” is a word, one that I haven’t spelled correctly, I’m sure, but like, Very Romantic on the Romantic Age sense. But, if you haven’t read “The Sorrows of Young Werther” it is about a young man who falls very much in love with lovely Lotte, and there’s a lot of sighing and words and zero physical interaction, but then I think she is somehow unavailable and he kills himself, and while the moral of the story is “is it better to have loved and lost or never to love at all” (which is So Very Toth, the whole philosophizing of love part) but also I think the book might have been banned because young men were literally harming themselves after reading it.

Well, good people! Since I do not have a ring on my finger, I, while at lunch, attracted the attention of Forestry PE Guy. We chatted about his junior investment banker days at SunTrust. We are going to call him “Trey” because if his name does not have III after it, I would eat my Blahniks. He knew my former CEO at Big Tree, who was his boss at SunTrust back in the day. Trey is off to play padel, the latest in racquet sports, while I am off to have a glass of wine at the wine bar while my housekeeper finishes up. I do think that Law Professor is the much better bet, because he is freaking brilliant, has an amazing sense of humor, and Sunday is Date 4, at which I shall finally rip off his clothes…. But since I have not yet ripped off his clothes, nor have we had the exclusivity discussion, I must keep my options open.

I would absolutely nottt go anywhere near climbing on the roof of my house to clean the gutters. I could do most of it standing in a ladder, but there was just one part where my son had to get it because I just couldn’t do it. However, I stood on that 10 foot ladder, so I don’t think it was a fear of heights per se, more like a fear of falling off that roof? So, I’m right there with you.

Cockroaches. Oh, dear god. Aaaaaugh!!!

Apologies. I did not intend to sound hostile. I get a little exasperated probably because I just assume that everyone has read the same depressing stuff that is constantly in the news about dating, starting from the book by the OK Cupid founder and the massive troves of data regarding the dating preferences of men vs women to…..(basically, men pay more attention to women the younger they are, with age 18 being prime age for women, to age 51 being the prime age of contact for men on the same dating apps) all the articles in various magazines on those same massive troves of data, which are all of the exact same thing. (Let’s not forget that the more educated a woman is, the more difficult it is for her to find a partner, because men actually prefer non-educated women, while educated men are preferred by women). And let’s not forget the book by Nancy Jo Sales, which I believe was titled “My Life in the Dating Inferno”. Basically, any single woman over the age of 40 is often hit over the head with “you are more likely to get struck by lightning than to marry a man after age 35” and then once one starts to approach the age of 50, well….might as well get three cats, and good thing you’ve got a great career? We all get told to “lower our standards” when that is the last thing we need to be doing.

As to your last paragraph, you might consider or examine the unexamined stereotypes of which you might be unaware? Men have no societal repercussions to what might be seen as “marrying down”. (Assuming the goal of serious relationship similar to marriage). Have you not possibly noticed any graduate students or administrative assistants throwing themselves at you? And, yes, exceptions happen all the time, but where there’s smoke, there’s often fire. Speaking of fire, as in the FIRES OF PASSION, ahem, Law Professor and I had a delightful walk at the Botanical Garden, or, rather, a bit of a make-out session with some plants involved from 9 am until noon. I have already turned my Match to “private” as I am not shopping and it leaves me cold to get all the random messages.

Wow, you killed my hopes for marriage, right there. Naaaaw, I’m pretty sure I’d still want it most nights

Please don’t focus on “annual trip to Europe” because that’s achievable in the situation in which you describe. But that’s not what I’m aiming for. Going to NYC and wine country a couple times a year, Europe a couple times a year…it’s lifestyle we are discussing, here, not “can he afford a one-week vacation to Europe once a year.” This also ties in with level of socio-economic status / cultural sophistication - someone who doesn’t need to be dragged through a museum. Most guys age 35 (or in your example, 40) who are making $100k / year are not that. I think we have sufficiently established that I am using “income” as a proxy for SES, which, yes, is not always correct. And, no, I do NOT have to lower my standards; I seem to get enough men who meet my standards, and I don’t expect anything of anyone as a partner that is not currently achieved by me. Although if he can cook, that’s a plus

Anyone who behaves badly to service people of any sort shows absolutely no class and is immediately of no interest. It’s a HUGE red flag. It is also on par with “don’t you know who I am?” Which, if that question needs to be asked, no, they don’t know who you are, and it also doesn’t matter, and also, that person asking the question isn’t as important as they think they are. ETA - on the topic of men who make significantly less money - most of them SAY it’s ok, but they can get really defensive about it. Example: my ex husband was initially tooootally cool when my salary surpassed his, but then my career really took off, and his….didn’t. It was very subtle, but he had some very real “issues” about it. Jealousy, almost. There are a number of heterosexual men for whom this is a problem.

Hahahaha!!!! Found that Onion article, where she is also relieved that he is of the same race Statistically, a successful relationship is also within 5 years of one’s age. The Doctor was 7 years older, which wasn’t a huge issue, for me, and we had both had a lot of the same experiences growing up, but he often got a little tetchy that I was in better shape that he was. That kind of bothered him. I’ve noticed anything beyond 10 years in either direction can be difficult. Having gone 15 years in both directions….doomed to failure, for me.

I’ll admit it’s not super hard and fast of a rule - I think only Mr. MBA probably made significantly less. My other men have generally made a lot more, but the whole point is, if I want to go to Europe, or something, I want someone who can reasonably afford to come with me. I also want someone who has a career where if I take them to dinner with a tax or audit partner, or an executive, knows how to behave and can carry on a conversation.

It’s good to have an ideal you, and an ideal partner. However, you have to remember that an “ideal” is never achievable. Perfection does not exist. My ideal partner did not and would not vote for Donald Trump, doesn’t hunt or fish, and does not consider any sporting event to be the highlight of their year. Do you know how long it’s taken to find this?? After 30 years in the state of Georgia?? *Just* found one that I’m attracted to who isn’t currently married!! (My absolute requirements are a graduate degree and makes at least as much as I do, which narrows the field substantially.) It’s not unrealistic to have conversations about wants and needs. But those can’t be the only conversations you have, you have to be able to carry on a conversation about your day, also, and your thoughts about the books vs the TV show (or whatever your shared interests are). You know this. Perhaps this internet couple had other failings, perhaps she just decided she wanted to focus on something else, or he wanted to get married and she didn’t, or she couldn’t stand that he only liked white wine and not red wine. After all, I got dumped after a year and a half for being a “vegetarian and a cat lover” - two things I never hid, from the get-go, nor did I make a big deal of those things. Most people never notice that I’m a vegetarian and only if we are on a Zoom meeting at work do they see a cat butt crossing the camera. And “inexperienced in bed” is a terrible reason to dump someone. I’m sure that Wilt Chamberlain was very experienced in bed, but was he any good?? Probably not. Now, dumping someone for being selfish in bed is another story.

No, but stating for the record that he wasn’t drunk and belligerent or intent on violence a la OJ Simpson. He just had no idea how inappropriate he was, and that this can absolutely happen .

I’m not in NYC. I’m in a city where there are four operas per year, and I have a season subscription. I should clarify to him that I have seen this particular opera three times, so if he wanted to leave after the first or second intermission, I would be totally fine with that.

Yuuuuup to the crawling. This may even continue to happen right up until the papers are signed, and quite possibly even 20 years hence. You might want to get specific in any temporary separation agreement as to who is allowed in which residence at what times. You may all recall that my second ex once went to my house (yes, legally “our house” as his name was on the deed) during the divorce process, and stayed there and watched football on the TV waiting for me to come home so that he could “talk” to me. I am glad that I had two friends with me (one male and large) who, together with me, dissuaded him from being in the home and to go back to his mama’s house, where he was staying. Note that Second Ex was stone cold sober and probably had NO IDEA how threatening it appeared to be waiting for me in my home, uninvited. I had no reason to ask for a (useless) TPO and also legally could not have changed the locks at that point. i encourage you to consider setting your hard boundaries and guard rules now. ETA : tried to remove the kind words of Mlle Zabzie, since she already said them and I don’t need to repeat them, but I can’t remove the shout out ah, well.

After sitting through 5 hours of opera, they get to lean back, relax, and receive rewards. I’m not stingy.

You need to let some scandal into your life So - the Chatayupdate: 1. Mr. MBA has drunk texted me multiple times, but I really can’t judge. He’s 35. What did I think I was doing? I just deleted his latest texts, and hope he doesn’t start stalking. 2. The two peripheral men, I am counting out (Valuation Guy and VP Sales). I’m not going to sit around for monnnths. 3. I hadn’t checked match in 4 days. Admittedly, I worked 48 hours and had a second date with Law Professor, so it’s not like I felt compelled, but…I really like Law Professor. He’s actually also a man of the cloth…an ordained minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He actually performed two marriages for his students 3a We also had a great second date, during which I held back, as a Proper young lady should. I did not seduce him; there was just a nice make-out session during which I could tell, oh hell yes, we are compatible 3a(i) I foresee perhaps a bit more on date 3, but giving a bit of frisson to rounding the bases, as it were. YOU KNOW. Ahem. 3B If he will see it, I’ll plan on taking him to Wagner’s “Die Valkyrie” on Saturday. That’s a 5 hour opera.

As little to do with his ass or any other parts, to be sure!!! I congratulate you, my dear, and we shall get you an amazing dating profile up and ready whenever you are ready. You are waaaay too good for him. He will try and crawl back, trust me. You are strong and you won’t give in.

I really should have followed up more with that, he would have loved being dominated. Clearly. BUT - in national news….the Golden Bachelor pair are divorcing after only THREE MONTHS of marriage.

Duuude!!! That reminds me of the time I was in a crowded club and some frat bro sloshed beer on me. I held out my arm and told him to lick it off. AND HE DID!!