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Song of Ice and Fire Christmas Special


Thucydides

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Pretty much the only thing I know of that is missing from the Song of Fire and Ice novels is Christmas music.



Imagine how amazing it would be for HBO (or even one of the major networks) produce a Song of Fire and Ice Christmas special -- an old fashion variety show with Christmas songs and skits.



Wyman Manderly could dress up as Santa, and Stannis Baratheon could read the poem, "The Night Before Christmas." Every character, good or bad, would have a role singing a classic Christmas song:



Varys: Oh, Holy Night


Roose Bolton: I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas


John Snow: I'll Have a Blue Christmas


Jon Connington: What Child is This?


Ned Stark: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas


Robert Baratheon: Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer


Viserys Targaryen: Away in a Manger


Daenerys Targaryen: We Three Kings of Orient Are


Cersei Lannister: Silver Bells


Tyrion Lannister: The Little Drummer Boy


Mance Ryder: Got Tell It on the Mountain


Renly Baratheon: Ding Dong Merrily on High


Blackfish & Jaime Lannister (duet): I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause


The Faceless Men (choir): Carol of the Bells


Maester Lewen: There's No Place Like Home for the Holiday


Doran Martell: Jingle Bell Rock



What characters would you have singing which Christmas classics?

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Every Who down in Who's Landing liked King Joffrey a lot

But the Stannis who lived just south on Dragonstone did not

The Stannis hated Joffrey, thought his crowning was treason!

Please don't ask why, because we all know the reason

Staring down from his throne with a teeth grinding frown

He plotted of ways to take over the town

For he knew every Who in Who's landing beneath

was adorning their doublets with a Lannister motiff

"You are the true king!" bellowed Mel, the red preistess

"R'hllor will aid you, you must stop this mess!"

"Is he truly a bastard?" asked Davos, ever plucky

Though without his dead fingers he no longer felt lucky

"They're waving their banners!" Stannis growled with a sneer

"And winter is coming, hell it's practically here!"

"They'll praise their false gods, they'll hail their false king!"

Melisandre advised, "you must stop this whole thing!"

"I've sat idle too long!" Stannis yelled, "Until now!"

"I must depose this pretender... but how?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Stannis got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" his laugh died in his throat

This is Stannis, after all. He grabbed a red coat.

Putting it on, he said "what a plan!"

"I'll look like my big brother, come back once again!"

"The Lord Of Light Approves," Mel spoke with a grin

"With his mighty blessing you're certain to win!"

"All I need is a Stag," The Stannis looked around.
But they're scarce south of the wall, and there was none to be found.

Did that stop the The Stannis? Hah! The Stannis simply said,
"If I can't find a stag, I'll make one instead!"

For nothing stops The Stannis, he fights to the end

He ate rats rather than surrender in the Siege Of Storm's End

So he took his Fool, Patchface, and he took some black thread.
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

"Under The Sea, Reindeer fly! Just like so!"

He jumped once and fell. "I know! Oh Oh Oh!"

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Every Who down in Who's Landing liked King Joffrey a lot

But the Stannis who lived just south on Dragonstone did not

The Stannis hated Joffrey, thought his crowning was treason!

Please don't ask why, because we all know the reason

Staring down from his throne with a teeth grinding frown

He plotted of ways to take over the town

For he knew every Who in Who's landing beneath

was adorning their doublets with a Lannister motiff

"You are the true king!" bellowed Mel, the red preistess

"R'hllor will aid you, you must stop this mess!"

"Is he truly a bastard?" asked Davos, ever plucky

Though without his dead fingers he no longer felt lucky

"They're waving their banners!" Stannis growled with a sneer

"And winter is coming, hell it's practically here!"

"They'll praise their false gods, they'll hail their false king!"

Melisandre advised, "you must stop this whole thing!"

"I've sat idle too long!" Stannis yelled, "Until now!"

"I must depose this pretender... but how?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

The Stannis got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" his laugh died in his throat

This is Stannis, after all. He grabbed a red coat.

Putting it on, he said "what a plan!"

"I'll look like my big brother, come back once again!"

"The Lord Of Light Approves," Mel spoke with a grin

"With his mighty blessing you're certain to win!"

"All I need is a Stag," The Stannis looked around.

But they're scarce south of the wall, and there was none to be found.

Did that stop the The Stannis? Hah! The Stannis simply said,

"If I can't find a stag, I'll make one instead!"

For nothing stops The Stannis, he fights to the end

He ate rats rather than surrender in the Siege Of Storm's End

So he took his Fool, Patchface, and he took some black thread.

And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

"Under The Sea, Reindeer fly! Just like so!"

He jumped once and fell. "I know! Oh Oh Oh!"

You seriously just made my day xD

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Every Who down in Who's Landing liked King Joffrey a lot

But the Stannis who lived just south on Dragonstone did not

The Stannis hated Joffrey, thought his crowning was treason!

Please don't ask why, because we all know the reason

Staring down from his throne with a teeth grinding frown

He plotted of ways to take over the town

For he knew every Who in Who's landing beneath

was adorning their doublets with a Lannister motiff

"You are the true king!" bellowed Mel, the red preistess

"R'hllor will aid you, you must stop this mess!"

"Is he truly a bastard?" asked Davos, ever plucky

Though without his dead fingers he no longer felt lucky

"They're waving their banners!" Stannis growled with a sneer

"And winter is coming, hell it's practically here!"

"They'll praise their false gods, they'll hail their false king!"

Melisandre advised, "you must stop this whole thing!"

"I've sat idle too long!" Stannis yelled, "Until now!"

"I must depose this pretender... but how?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

The Stannis got a wonderful, awful idea!

"I know just what to do!" his laugh died in his throat

This is Stannis, after all. He grabbed a red coat.

Putting it on, he said "what a plan!"

"I'll look like my big brother, come back once again!"

"The Lord Of Light Approves," Mel spoke with a grin

"With his mighty blessing you're certain to win!"

"All I need is a Stag," The Stannis looked around.

But they're scarce south of the wall, and there was none to be found.

Did that stop the The Stannis? Hah! The Stannis simply said,

"If I can't find a stag, I'll make one instead!"

For nothing stops The Stannis, he fights to the end

He ate rats rather than surrender in the Siege Of Storm's End

So he took his Fool, Patchface, and he took some black thread.

And he tied a big horn on top of his head.

"Under The Sea, Reindeer fly! Just like so!"

He jumped once and fell. "I know! Oh Oh Oh!"

This. Is. Brilliant. Best part is the Patchface ending. BRAVO

ETA I have to edit this just to say I don't know if I made it clear how BRILLIANT THIS IS. It's freakin perfect.

...the red heart of Stannis grew three sizes that day...

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