Mellow drama, unleash insane megalomaniac, v. 2

[Count Balerion]

And:

I just realised what is the worst of the Count's (my?) crimes is: he created Balerizon and made it the sole provider of all telephone, e-mail, and Internet services in Wetteros. Gods help us; we'd be better off with smoke signals.

[rocksniffer]

suddenly a weird laugh rings out....and a smallish white dog steps out into the light...the dog is laughing because the smoke signals the count is longing for are really from the cigarette hanging from his mouth...

dog: smoke rings rule!

count: how dare you use such a personal server to deliver your messages...aren't you afraid of hacking...

dog: <cough> <cough> no hacking doesn't scare me i know how to spit...but emails are tricky since i have no thumbs

count: did Stannis cut them off?

dog:...

 

 

[Count Balerion]

Count: "Are you one of Ramsay's dogs? If so, you must be famished. Why don't you join the raid on the Conclave in Selhorys and munch on some nice fat septon-meat? And then gnaw on their bones and chew their brains (if they have any; good people are stupid!) and wolf down their guts and ..." it went downhill from there, while a vido played of the Count's suggestions and the entire audience were promptly and revoltingly sick.

[Normally we probably should avoid writing dialogue for each other's "reserved characters", i.e., Count, TimJames, and canine chap whose name you get to pick. Dialogue can go to shared characters instead, such as, in this case, Roose or Ramsay or Euron. No harm done here, though.]
 

[rocksniffer]

[gotcha...and at this time dog, prefers to be called dog, since knowing his true name gives beings power over him]

dog: "no, i am not one of the bastard's mutts...they are slobbering, mindless beasts...i have a big brain, exceptional skills in multiple areas...and oh yeah, i can speak, and as all know the ability to articulate ideas and concepts is what separates us...the higher beings... from the rest of the ignorant masses, like bolton's bastard and his fleabags ...and FYI, Count, i am a vegan! i would no more partake of mammal meat than i would urinate on a live wire...i shall, however, accompany you to Selhorys to investigate several unsubstantiated reports from that area about a maegi impersonating a wandering septon's canine companion...i shall scout ahead..."

dog trotted off with purpose, ranging far ahead of the Count...of course some who witnessed this might think the dog was being protective of his new human friend...but in reality, with his exceptionally sensitive nose, the dog felt that being any closer to the offensive stink of the biped was more than could be borne.

 

[Count Balerion]

This was true. The Count exuded the putrescence of rotting flesh.

Count: "I am the Drowned Dog ... God. You will carry out my commands or die horribly. And vegan??? I hope you're not motivated by anything so revolting as *mercy*!!!!???!! Blekh!!!" And he paused a moment to torture some kittens. "Anyway, there is indeed a maegi in Selhorys, and her name is Weyrde. She  teaches false doctrine that leads poeople away from recognising my divinity so MURDER HER! DO YOU BLANCH AT THE WORD 'MURDER'???? WHY?? MINE IS A HIGH AND LONELY DESTINY AND I AM BOUND BY NO LAW BUT MY INEXORABLE WILL!!!!

"And be careful! This is a blood-drenched battlefield. BLOOD!!! BLOOD!!!!! BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!! Also wet, thanks to all the sea water, and as you can see it's full of demon sea cucumbers and demon starfish and krakens and demon sharks and demon sea urchins and whatnot."

Ramsay: "Omnipotence, why are you talking to this stupid dog?" Like many evil people, Ramsay was touchy, and was still smarting from being called "bastard" and "ignorant masses". "Aren't you going to listen to my report? We've killed 143,968 false priests, leaving just 32; our casualties amount to one billion, leaving 999 billion."

Count: "Excellent! They don't stand a chance!" He'd never heard of the law of conservation of bad***.

Ramsay, to dog (in a not very friendly tone): "By the way, hOW did you INFILTRATE OUR CAMP, and are you a spy??? Because if so, we'll have you slowly ripped to death demon by electric eels."

"You don't look evil enough," added the Count more affably. "You should at least have fangs and red eyes and maybe get a growing potion to make you enormous, so that you can strike terror in the filthy humans."
$$%^&^^%$$$E#$
Showrunners: "Give the dog a brothel scene!!!!" The Narrator was torn. On the one hand, that would be revolting; on the other, it might distract the showrunners so they won't interfere with what is laughingly called the plot.

[TimJames]

[[Yay! Fresh Blood! Welcome to the madness "dog"! If you want a summary of the crazy that went on lemme know. If not, that's ok too.]]

---------------------------------------

In the Selhorys Palace, TimJames led a heroic defense of the Ruined Palace. he and the other Holy Men and Women fought off the demons and evil things trying to rush in. 

Septon  Meribald: *singing*"The Warrior stands before the foe, protecting us where e'er we go. With sword and shield and spear and bow, he guards the little children."

Demon: "Ahh! Too Holy!!! I can't take it!!!" *falls on own sword*

Red Priest Ezzelyno: "Burn The Unclean!!!" 

Imp: *hit with Holy Rhllor Fire* "Ahh! I'm dying!"

Ser Joffery Doggett: "Go back to The Hells!" *stabs evil thing in face and disembowels it*

Septa Lemore: "Should we worry about Joey?"

Red Priest Thoros: "Hah! He's a Televangelist Septon! He can only hurt people by leeching off true faith."

[TimJames]

On 10/6/2016 at 9:47 AM, Count Balerion said:

Showrunners: "Give the dog a brothel scene!!!!" The Narrator was torn. On the one hand, that would be revolting; on the other, it might distract the showrunners so they won't interfere with what is laughingly called the plot.

Narrator: "You want a brothel scene? Try this on for size."

Instead of a gratuitous sex scene, the Narrator showed a scene of several sex workers deciding to leave a brothel and reform their ways after hearing a Begging Brother in the streets nearby preach about how The Mother was all-forgiving and all-loving.

Begging Brother: "If you truly repent for your sins and attempt to right your wrongs to the best of your abilities then when you die The Mother will lead you to The Seven Heavens."

Female Prostitute: "Perhaps we shouldn't work in the sex industry anymore."

Male Prostitute: "You're right, we shouldn't."

[Count Balerion]

Showrunners: "YOU CHEATED US!!! RELIJUN SUX!!@" Then they ran off to burn down a church.

Narrator: "That's got rid of *them*. Now we can get on with the story."
%%^^&&^%$$$

Of course, at the same time demon sea monsters were also killing holy people, but they didn't get as good lines:

Demon sea cucumber, swallowing septon: "GRR SLOBBER MUCNH MUNCH!!!!"

Septon: "I am filled with joy, for I shall see the Seven!"

Demon shark, eating Storm God worshipper: "GRRR CHOMP CHOMP!!!!"

Storm God worshipper: "I shall live on in the thunder!"

Demon starfish, ingesting Old Gods worshipper: "MUNCH SLRRRRRRGHGKH YUM!!!!!!"

Old Gods worshipper: "I rejoice that I shall live on in the roots of the Oldest God!"

Also, the goodguys kept making bad seafood puns.

Weyrde, meanwhile, called on the Lord to slow down the seawater seeping in, so this wouldn't be a Casta repeat.
*(*&^^^&*****

Whenever Joey trried to attack someone, whimsical music played and there was a slapstick comedy routine. He kept slipping on banana peels and whatnot.

Showpologist: "This shows the showrunners have a sense of humour, which is more than Gerrm can say."

Book purist: "In the books, Qhloroxx is way funnier than 'Joey' AND has tragic ambiguity."

[TimJames]

On 9/3/2016 at 4:05 PM, Count Balerion said:

Count: "Why are you defending Robert? You're supposed to blacken the reputations of the Barratheons and Targaryens, and anyway you hated him."
Cersei: "I *am* blackening his reputation. That was just for the audience. To the people of West... Wetteros I say all sorts of things."
Count: "OK. Anyway, you're hot. Do you know why I love you? I love you because you murdered lots of people and did it with Jaime to keep the bloodline pure. Half-breeds are icky."
Cersei: "You love me beause I'm an incestuous mass murderer?"
Count: "Yeah. So I claim the jus primae noctis."
It's not the first night anymore, though. "
Count: "Any noctis, then."
Cersei: "Eurh ... my hubby Maegor might be annoyed."
Count: "If he's annoyed, I'll kill him. I'm the Drowned God!"
Cersei: "I ... I ... I'm not worthy, Omnipotence."

 

It was around this point that Cersei started to re-think her allegiance. 

Cersei: "Maegor honey?"

Maegor: *Sharpening Impaling-stakes.* "Yes honey?"

Cersei: "We need to leave. Count Balerion is going too far?"

Maegor: "So? We don't have standards."

Cersei: "Being evil isn't funny when it's directed at me. We need to go?"

Maegor: *looks up, pissed* "What did he do?"

Cersei explained what happened, and Maegor was furions. He wanted to rip spleens out, but Cersei convinced him that revenge was best served via rat-fuckery and scheming. So the two left for The Basilisk Isles and sent out a forged Divine Edicit disbanding Count Balerion's Evil Army. Only half of the humans abided by this, as the non-humans could not stop doing evil once unleashed and the other half of the humans in Count Balerion's Army were too crazy to 

==============================================================================================================

Audience Nutter: "I'm going to type a blog about how morality is subjective and how murdering children isn't inherently evil and-"

A great flash interrupted him.

John Locke: "Behold! I am John Locke! Guardian of The Enlightenment!"

Audience Nutter: "Gasp!"

John Locke: "Morality is NOT subjective. To say otherwise is to deny The Enlightenment. For this, your punishment shall be most severe."

Audience Nutter: "Are you gonna kill me?"

John Locke: "Worse! Your American Citizenship is revoked! As you think you know better than the Framers of The Constitution then you no longer get to live in their experiment."

ICE Agent: "Time to leave! We're gonna send you to a Failed State on The Third World."

... ... ........

Narrator: "Thanks for showing me how to summon ghosts. Where'd you learn that?"

Emilia Clarke: "Girl Scouts are different in Berkshire."

[Count Balerion]

Of the half of the humans that observed the fake edict, one third were terrorised into submission by the Count's myrmidons, one third were murdered by the myrmidons, leaving only one sixth of humans kind of resisting. And since Wetteros is mostly underwater, they had a tough time co-ordinating.

Narrator: "No easy victories!"

Chap playing goodguy: "I've spent five seasons being tortured. You have a really warped notion of easy."

Narrator: "Yes, I do. Deal with it. The Showrunners are even worse."

Chap playing goodguy: "I've noticed."

Cameraman: "Time to shoot a nice gory torture scene!"

Chap playing goodguy: *sigh*
$$%%%
Count: "The Enlightenment stinks. Except Robespierre and all that. But even that was too lax."

[Count Balerion]

Also, the magic that placed the various damned souls into robots had been done in such a way that those
disloyal to the Count would lose their robot bodies and immediately be returned to the Seven Hells. So it was when
Cersei and Maegor betrayed the Count.

Maegor: "This isn't fair!"

Cersei: "We did something good! We should get an Ascension!"

Stranger: "Sorry, the best I can do is lift you up a level or two. Cersei, you burnt hundreds of innocent people
with wildfire. Maegor, you had the artisans who built the Red keep for you immured. Neither of you repented. You're
damned."

Maegor: "I'm suing!"

[TimJames]

Cersei and Maegor fell back to The Seven Hells. This caused lowered morale among The Count's Evil Host, as they looked up to those two as role models. Some even thought that Cersei and Maegor did this on purpose, and (concluding that Hell was better) also left. 

Of course The Count's Horde was still massively immeasurable, but many of the demons weren't putting their heart in the fight.

Down and down Cersei and Maegor fell, until they reached The Seven Hells. An old friend was there to greet them.

Cheese: "Welcome back!" 

Cersei: "Oh no, the annoying guy!"

Maegor: "Can I file a lawsuit?"

Demonic Bureaucrat: "Sure, just stand in this infinite line ..."

Maegor: "Oh forget it."

Cheese: "I'll hold your spot!"

Cersei: "Shouldn't you be being violated by Blood?"

Cheese: "Blood's a Demon Robot now. He and Gregor are rampaging across Westeros."

Cersei: "I remember Gregor. Angry, vicious, cruel, easily manipulated, big cock ... it's too bad he didn't have money or titles."

Demonic Imp: "He was a landed knight."

Cersei: "I meant real titles. Like King. Maegor, you're a King right?"

Maegor: "Yes. But now we're in hell."

Cersei: "We could stage a prison riot."

Cheese: *in line* "Impossible! All the strong ones were put in Robots by Count. All that's left are us sniveling cowards and weaklings. Baby killers like me, sexist pigs like Criston Cole, and insincere repenters like Lancel Lannister."

Cersei: "Damn! Well, we'll have to think of something!"

Maegor: "Is your father here?"

Cersei: "Why would he be here?!"

White Walker *reading newspaper*: "Because he molested your younger brother Tyrion by proxy."

Demonic Street Cleaner *sweeping with a broom that contains no thistles*: "Because he gang-raped a peasant girl."

Septon Utt: "Because he murdered an entire castle's population to prove a point."

Cersei: "Shutup!"

Ageon IV: "Because he ... Hic" *drunk* "... because massacred that city."

Cersei: "I did that."

Ageon V: "He did too ..."

Cersei: "Do a sit-up!"

Dragonknight: "Don't listen to him, he's drunk."

Cersei: "What are you doing here? You're too goody-goody."

Dragonknight: "I have committed foul adultery with Queen Naerys Targaryen, profaning the name of sacred marriage."

Cersei: "So you actually did screw Naerys Targaryen?"

Dragonknight: *resists urge to slap Cersei* "Of course not! I took a vow of Sacred Celibacy. I am here because I committed adultery with her in my heart. I never had sex with her or anyone else, but I wanted to have sex with her."

Stranger: "Dragonknight actually got into The Seven Heavens, but he felt so bad that he insisted he stay here instead. He can go up anytime."

Dragonknight: "I must pay reparations for my sick desires!"

Cersei: "Don't feel bad. My husband and I cheated on each other all the damn time. By the way, why didn't he get sent here?"

Stranger: "Deathbed repentance. Gravity of sin mitigated by severe depression."

Dragonknight: "Cersei, you are disgusting. You belong in the lower level with Aerys II."

Cersei: "Arys II? King Aerys II is here??" 

Cersei began to jump with joy before a Demon's whip made her stop.

Cersei: "This is great! He's the Greatest King of my Generation, he can surely aid us in our escape!"

[Count Balerion]

One of the bolder demons complained of lower morale on account of the loss of role models.

Count: "What??? Why would you use those snivelling little traitors as role models???? You have me, you have Ramsay, you have Euron, you have Tywin ... you've got plenty of models!"

Demon: "We don't feel can be as bad as you!!! You are an unattainable ideal of greatness!!!!"

Count: "Rubbish!!!! Anyone can be a monster of depravity!!!! If you're feeling low, read my inspirational book entitled Everyday Abominations, where I show how even the most insignificant minions can be loathsome and despicable!!!!!!!" *hands out copy***

Demon: "Thank you!!!!! My life has meaning again!!!!!!!"

The demons, or some of them at least, perked up a bit from then on. For the reason the goodguys held out for so long against impossible odds wasn't that the Count was weakened, but because they were valiant and heroic and bada$$.
$$%^^&*^$$######

Aegon V, meanwhile, had his sins forgiven and ascended to Heaven and received reparations for having had to hang out in Hell, because he was one of the least bad rulers in Westeros. On condition he do something about his drinking, of course.
#$$%^^%$$
Aerys II: "BURN, BABY, BURN!!!!!!!"

Demon: "I *am* burning!"

Aerys II: "I didn't mean *me*! I meant everything *else*!"

[TimJames]

1 hour ago, Count Balerion said:

One of the bolder demons complained of lower morale on account of the loss of role models.

Count: "What??? Why would you use those snivelling little traitors as role models???? You have me, you have Ramsay, you have Euron, you have Tywin ... you've got plenty of models!"

Demon: "We don't feel can be as bad as you!!! You are an unattainable ideal of greatness!!!!"

Count: "Rubbish!!!! Anyone can be a monster of depravity!!!! If you're feeling low, read my inspirational book entitled Everyday Abominations, where I show how even the most insignificant minions can be loathsome and despicable!!!!!!!" *hands out copy***

Demon: "Thank you!!!!! My life has meaning again!!!!!!!"

The demons, or some of them at least, perked up a bit from then on. For the reason the goodguys held out for so long against impossible odds wasn't that the Count was weakened, but because they were valiant and heroic and bada$$.
$$%^^&*^$$######

Aegon V, meanwhile, had his sins forgiven and ascended to Heaven and received reparations for having had to hang out in Hell, because he was one of the least bad rulers in Westeros. On condition he do something about his drinking, of course.
#$$%^^%$$
Aerys II: "BURN, BABY, BURN!!!!!!!"

Demon: "I *am* burning!"

Aerys II: "I didn't mean *me*! I meant everything *else*!"

Oh S@#t, did I say "Ageon V"?

I meant "Ageon IV", also known as "Ageon the Unworthy". My bad. I edited my mistake.

[Count Balerion]

 

Something odd had happened in Selhorys. Although the defenders had lost one of their number, they were no fewer than before; and there was a new septa who seemed not to fit in very well. She was scantily clad in nothing but bits of plate armour, just enough to keep her scenes not completely X-rated, and she was constantly chain-smoking. She carried two Uzis and cursed like a sailor with Tourette's.

Septon Meribald: "I don't recall seeing you before, septa.What is your name, if you please?"

Septa: "I'm Septa ^^&&&(( Badassa. I'm liberated and empowered, which is why I'm killing these child-demons so sadistically, because cruelty means I'm .. oh, sorry, I haven't cussed in several words ... $$%^%$$$ (*&^^ !@@$%$ )(*&&&^ anyway, I'm bada$$."

Septon Meribald: "You are a most unusual septa."

Septa ^^&&&(( Badassa: "Yeah, because I'm empowered and liberated. I want to be a prostitute because &^^&****( religion needs to stop repressing *((*&&^^ sex because sex is always *(*&&^^%^&* liberating ... PUFF PUFF $$%%%%."

Narrator: "Welcome back."

Showrunners: "Thanks! The golf-course at the minimum-security prison we went to for burniing down that church had rubbish golf-courses."

[TimJames]

Red Priest Thoros: "This new Septa doesn't seem very clergy-like."

Septon Moon: "She must be from one of the Dornish Reform Septs; the ones where they allow gay marriage and allow people to eat meat on Warrior's Day. I bet she listens to jazz and goes on outings without a male guardian."

Septa Unella: "By The Father, her ankles are showing!!!!"

Female Viewer: "When we asked for female role models, we didn't exactly have this in mind ..."

Showrunners: "Not objectified enough? Well we can fix that-"

Female Viewer: "NOOO!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

  

In The Seven Hells, Maegor Targaryen and Cersei Lannister rode on a train to the lower bowls where Aerys II was last seen. This was their only way of escape. 

This train didn't go through an intestine; instead it just span around to give everyone motion sickness.

Cersei *migraine*: "We ........... should ............ be ................. almost ........................ there ....................." 

The Train had no breaks, so Cersei and Maegor just jumped out at the approximate destination.

Cersei & Maegor: "AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

They landed, only to realize that they were were in a mire of RC Cola.

Cola Mud Monster: "Hello?" 

Maegor: "Screw you! That train sucked!" *decapitated Cola Mud Monster with sword*

Cola Mud Monster: *in half but not dead* "Well screw you too!" *picks head up and slushes away*

Second Cola Mud Monster: "I know you, you're Cersei! I'm your biggest fan!!!"

Cersei: "Really?"

Second Cola Mud Monster: "Yeah! I love how you ate all those people in Harrenhal!!"

Cersei: *pissed the fu@k off* "That. Wasn't. ME! That was Danelle Lothston! Know the damn difference!!!"

Second Cola Mud Monster: "Yeesh. Somebody's feeling grumpy ..."

Cersei: "Maegor honey? Kill these Mud Monsters. All of them."

So Maegor and Cersei went about massacring the Mud Monsters of RC Cola Lake.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

In Free Westeros, the Free Armies were preparing for a massive offensive. It would take nothing less than all their efforts, and would be the turning point of the war. While Count Balerion's Forces were besieging Selhorys, they would strike at several Countist Strongholds and liberate Westeros.                                                                                                                                                                                 

[Count Balerion]

Dany and Stannis were still liberating Volantis. It took a while because they were also rewriting the laws.

Dany: "Now ... for the Fair Labour Law ... Wait, what was that?! *We're the ones who are going to liberate Westeros!!"

Stan the Man: "We're kind of occupied right now."

Dany: "Well, yes; but when we're finished here and in Selhorys, we're heading straight over!"

Tyrion: "We'd better speed things up, Your Graces. I said speed, not burn."
)(&^%%%$$$#$%&#$$%^&**&^^

Weyrde (to TJ): "Shouldn't you be doing something heroic about now?"

Septa ^^&&&(( Badassa: "Like (&*&^^ sex with me but I gotta be on top because I'm (*&&&& empowered ..."

Septon Meribald: "... and liberated ..."

Septa ^^&&&(( Badassa: "... and emancipated and bada$$. So let's ***&&&&* do it!"

Mya: "!!!!!!!!!"

Septa ^^&&&(( Badassa: "Chill, baby. You can join us, cuz I'm **&^&&* emancipated."

Showrunners: "You've come a long way, baby!"

Female Viewer: *facepalm*

[TimJames]

TimJames: "Thanks for the offer but I'm engaged. Anyway I like my women like I like my Nazi Hunters: Bastards." *turns to grin at Mya Stone* "Now I believe Wyrde mentioned doing soemthing heroic so ..."

Having said that, the gallant Prophet-Knight TimJames charged at the incoming demonic horde with the sword Just Maid in hand. With each sword swing he slew a a dozen demonic entities, sallying forth on his own.

TimJames: "For The Father! For Westeros!"

Others: "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

But by this point the gallant hero had thrown himself into a battle frenzy. 

TimJames: *shouting incoherently*

Mya Stone: "I'd better go make sure he doesn't get captured." *takes up Lightning Blade* "Ours Is The Fury!!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              

 

In Pentos, Skahaz mo Kandaq was reading stories to the children in Daenerys and Stannis's horde (including those who were children in spirit). He was reading them from a book of Arthurian Legends.

Skahaz: "One day, Merlin saw Lancelot sleeping with his friend's wife. He knew he had to stop this, but he was afraid that his friend would go into cardiac arrest if he found out. Fortunately Lancelot had a dentist surgery arranged the next day. So while he was under anesthetics, Merlin waited for the dentist to get his tools. Then he slowly approached Lancelot with a pair of hedge-clippers -"

Rolly Duckfield: *raising hand vigorously*

Skahaz: "Yes Rolly?"

Rolly Duckfield: "Was he going to cut Lancelot's hedges?"

Skahaz: "No, he was going to cut off something else of Lancelot's. Anyway, on with the story ...."

Audience: "What is it with you and castration?"

Showrunners: "When we were in school, we took a field trip to a vet and witnessed a dog being neutered. That stuck in our minds."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

After a long, difficult trek, Arya and Sansa and Bron and Sandor and Dyrn all made it to The Vale. They were greeted by the guards and given a hot meal.

[Count Balerion]

Septa %^^$# Badassa: "Of course I'm a $$%^^$%$# bastard, too. And 'engagement' is lame $%%%## monogamous ritual and %^^^$#3 monogamy sux cuz we should $%^^&%%$ do it with whoever we %^^^$$ want cuz %%$#@$%%$ sex is liberating. But #$%$$ anyway, that's got rid of #$%%$@@ them. Now listen up cuz I'm in charge now cuz I'm $%^$#### empowered and proactive, so we're #$%%%$## going to have sn orgy and @#$$# attack the ^^##@@@#### demons at the same time cuz I can do $$## both at once cuz I'm #$$%$# liberated and empowered. $$###$$$$%%%^^" Yes, for some reason no one could understand, least of all the Narrator, this Septa %^^$# Badassa seemed to have become the dominant character in this arc. Had the actress slept with the Showrunners? No one knew.

Old Nan: "Your dialogue is rubbish, dearie. And your ego is about a million times larger than your personality. What personality?"

Septa %^^$# Badassa: "You're just a $$%%^$$#$ jealous bitter old hag %%^%$ no one wants %%^^^% to have sex with. I'm emancipated PUFF PUFF."

Thoros: "I'm beginning to suspect this lady is a robot. Not a very good one, though."

Stormy the Storm god Worshipper: "She has all the sex appeal of a dried cicada."

Septa %^^$# Badassa: "You're all %&$$##@ impotent, cuz I'm ..."

Assembled clergy: "YES, WE KNOW! YOU'RE LIBERATED AND EMANCIPATED AND EMPOWERED AND PROACTIVE AND BADA$$ AND LIBERATED AND EMANCIPATED AND EMPOWERED AND PROACTIVE AND BADA$$ AND LIBERATED AND EMANCIPATED AND EMPOWERED AND
PROACTIVE AND BADA$$ AND LIBERATED AND EMANCIPATED AND EMPOWERED AND PROACTIVE AND BADA$$!!! YOU NEEDN'T SAY IT AGAIN!!!!! IN THE NAME OF THE SEVEN, THE LORD OF LIGHT, THE STORM GOD, AND THE ELDEST GOD, WE COMMAND YOU TO SHUT
THE BLUE BLOODY BLAZES UP!!!!!!!!!"

Septa %^^$# Badassa: "I'm gonna ##$$##@@ find someone who's ##$$# not #$$$%$#@$%%%%#W#@@@ castrated. Yo, demons! wanna ##$##@ do it while I %%$@@ kill you?"
****&^$$####$$

Meanwhile, TJ and Mya were having a ball killing globs and globs of demons, and this was good because they were evil and weren't human and the music was inspiring. Mya had a melodramatic scene where a sea cucumber (what is it with me and sea cucumbers anyway?) tried to force itself on her, and she stabbed it, crying "This is the kiss of Mya!" Good melodrama, and none the worse for having been used in a sung mummer's play called TOSQHA.

Roose: "Omnipotence, Public Enemy Number 1 and Mya Stone are on the rampageand have killed hundreds of thousands of our demon-sea creatures!"

Count: "Good."

Tywin: "Good, Omnipotence?"

Count: "Good. That fool will soon be within my grasp. I shall have him and he shall perish. Slowly." Unlike most evil people, the Count wasn't a coward; although this was primarily because he was so sure he'd win in the end and was invincible. "Send out Gregor to rape Mya."
&^%####

Annoying Audience Member: "Didn't the Father give Cheese another chance and let him be reborn as a child?"

Narrator: "I don't remember and don't feel like looking it up. If he did, he murdered one of the other children in the nursery school and was re-damned."

Annoying Audience Member: "Yeah, but what about the continuity error in frame 132, 099, huh? Huh?"

Narrator: "Shut up."
^$##@@

Maegor: "You know what I think, honeypot? When we get out of here, we should play the Countists and the goodguys against each other, and conquer Earthos for ourselves! Whadja think?"

[TimJames]

On 10/25/2016 at 2:33 PM, Count Balerion said:

Maegor: "You know what I think, honeypot? When we get out of here, we should play the Countists and the goodguys against each other, and conquer Earthos for ourselves! Whadja think?"

By this point all of the Mud-monsters were dead.

Mortal Souls in The Seven Hells can not die - they can only be injured eternally. However, demonic entities in The Seven Hells CAN be killed. If they die on Earthos they go back to The Seven Hells, but if a demon dies within The Seven Hells it just stops existing. The sad thing is that not all the demons are malevolent - some just have warped perceptions of reality. For example, the Cola Mud Monsters think that they are spreading cheer when they throw mud at people (instead of spreading tumor growth). 

Cersei lightened up at this idea. 

Cersei: "Oh Maegor, you know just what to say. Most men are turned off by a woman who has brains and who slept with her twin brother and also I burned an entire city to the ground."

Maegor: "I know; I burned an entire city to the ground too."

In Kings Landing there is one street called "Street of Memorials" dedicated to all the atrocities committed in that city. 

After navigating the Mud Swamps, they walk along the railroad track to the lower bowls where Aerys may be.