Goodkind XXV: Evil Clucking Softly At The Door

[word]

And how were you planning to do this without feeding the Yeard by buying a copy, hmmm? You know only Mad Moose has the necessary dispensation to commit such a heinous crime.

Obviously you have never heard of shoplifting. Although personally I think that Tairy would condone armed robbers more than pussy shoplifters.

[whelp]

Obviously you have never heard of shoplifting. Although personally I think that Tairy would condone armed robbers more than pussy shoplifters.

Death-chooser. A true Believer of Truth would find someone who bought the book, kick that person in the jaw, and take the spoils (spine-removal and almost-rape are optional at this point).

ETA:

An even more celerious person would do this to the bookseller.

[Muttering Bill]

And how were you planning to do this without feeding the Yeard by buying a copy, hmmm? You know only Mad Moose has the necessary dispensation to commit such a heinous crime.

For an honest answer, this was all before deciding to officially join the cause. As a casual observer, I felt no compulsion to follow the rules so strictly. But upon joining the brotherhood, tossing off my lurkers cloak of invisibility, and stepping into the arena, I now fully intent to comply with the lemmings rule of not feeding the Yeard. (Hell, I'll probably never make it that far anyway, so there's no reason to throw away another $25 bucks.) Yes, I have fed the Yeard, but I now choose life and repent my sins. You will forgive me (this is not a question), or I will remove your spines!

For a bullshit answer... what whelp said. I shall march into B&N with sword in one hand, my thing in the other, and demand to be given a copy. If they do not comply, I shall raise my boot to their jaws and take it anyway. If they do, then they are weak, death choosing, commie-pacifists, and for that I shall blast melon-sized holes through their torsos. Either way, there will be blood. Bringer of Death! :fence:

[word]

I'm just going to get it off the #bookz channel on undernet like Erzulie or Ecchi or somebody mentioned last thread. Or I can just search for it on la filesharing program. We'll see.

ETA: I also wanted to tell Myshkin: Sorry I removed your quote from my sig, but it turns out it was against board rules. I was not aware of this .

[WLU]

Thus begins my über post to catch up on the thread. Let your fear start now. (That'd be a good thread title for the one just before Confessor comes out). I also see that Wolf Maid has returned to her busty, moral avatar. That's hot.

No, the evil one would have short hair and no beard. Richard himself would obviously be yearded. It's the inverse of Spock's beard.

I think that Richard already has a yeard points to the truth of the matter - he's already the evil one, so the 'good' Richard would be clean shaven with a nice corporate drone haircut. Like mine. Basically I'm saying that I'm the good Richard, and were I to exist in Tairyland, I'd be polite, learn multiple languages, give money to orphans and protest for peace armed only with my love of moral ambiguity. It would be my Larry Stewart.

According to a description from The Yeard himself, Richard is short hair no beard.

Noone has a beard in the books.

Even Richard isn't celerious enough to have a full Yeard.

I just finished Stone of Tears (expect a rant in the near future) and he grew a beard out of protest (LAME, and MM already pointed this out, my bad). And threatened to slaughter the entire population of the Palace of Prophets. The implications of this to his good or evilness have yet to be seen.

I have no idea why SoT ever got picked up. I wonder how they'd handle the gorier materials?

The same way they handle Tairy's craziness - extensive whitewashing.

And all futanari is strange, but japanese obsession with it is even stranger.

I'm disproportionately frightened by Japanese culture considering they're one of the few people in the world who I am, on average, taller than. And if we're labelling strange obsessions of the Japanese, I think futanari is just the start. I'll never understand the presence of beer halls in Tokyo.

If there's one thing I've learned from hentai, it's that there is no problem that can't be solved by a lesbian orgy.

One of the few lines that actually made me laugh out loud. If only it were true outside of hentai. And my window.

(I know the chimes were beaten by drawing a circle backwards so that they could kill a ghost, but I don't remember how they got away from the chicken)

... I don't even know what to say. The sad thing is, even knowing that you are probably quoting the books almost verbatim, I'm still going to read it. Sigh.

I stay away from English dubs in general. I'm sorry, but the way they pronounce the names and even the moaning is just freaking wrong.

I'm surprised NO ONE has made some sort of porn movie parody of SoT.

You're talking about movies involving multiple groups of D-cup pre-teen girls being triple-penetrated by tentacle alien/demon monsters just before being torn in half, and the DUBBING bothers you? I don't know if I now respect you more or less.

I believe there's been at least one porn-parody.

Imagine if it turns out that we accidentally found one of the sources of SoT in these "games"...

Naw, not possible. For one thing, Wolf Maid appears to be sufficiently well versed in hentai that she'd have caught it. Second, it'd require some sort of contact with weirdo-cultural diversity, and we all know The Yeard's feelings on this. Third, he's too stupid to understand 'concealing your sources'. It'd be blatant, the title of the game would be worked into the books somewhere.

(I suddenly find it disturbing that I have so much knowledge about hentai. Perhaps I was too enthusiastic in my research about it for my paper. )

It's already been said by Ezrulie the Unruly, but...

Sure Wolf Maid, for a 'paper'.

OK, I'm capping this post, I'll continue later.

[WLU]

I think Scott Lynch and Tairy should fight to the death. Scott gets to use two hatchets and Tairy gets to use a chicken (that isn't a chicken).

Does Tairy get the full force of his unrestrained rage? If he does, Scott Lynch could be armed with a mini-gun and it'd still be an unfair fight. No-one is as angry as Tairy, except for perhaps Richard himself.

Oh I know that hentai is anime porn, beyond that I know nothing about it, and I don't care to know anything about it. I haven't even read the last like 20 posts in this thread because each one contains the word hentai and it just disgusts me.

Have you read the SoT series? If so, apparently the line between 'just far enough' and 'too far' is a pretty fuzzy one

I think people who watch naked anime and get off to it are fucked in the head.

Just alienated about half the people on this thread, including myself. Way to make me feel dirty, asshole.

I kid, hentai's pretty fucked up. I respect your disgust and support your choice to judge me. Incidentally, thanks for all the hentai posts, you just provided me with about three weeks worth of hobby-downloading. *Leaves to to buy ointment*

I think he's married. Or at least in a long-term live-in relationship with his girlfriend. My god, that woman must be a saint.

He's married. To Jeri Goodkind. They have a child, probably named Larry or Carry. Who will be bullied for years, until finally snapping and ventilating their entire third grade class using their father's antique Luger P08 pistol (covered in fluids after being used in erotic play).

Mytard had some pictures of her up on his website a while ago, along with the pictures of the crib he built for the Yeard (psycho anyone?) There's a small pic of her on Tairy's myspace page, which unfortunately has an embedded voice file and you have to listen to his douchebag voice every time the page opens. Here's some more. Anyone else think she looks incredibly depressed? I don't know if she's a saint, or just waiting until she's been with him long enough for the prenup to expire.

Say what you will about Tairy, he does know how to make a villain that you love to hate.

The only problem is... he thinks that he's making a hero everybody loves.

Very true. Actually, I almost want Jagang to win.

To date, from what I've read the only thing that distinguishes Jagang and the Duo of Death Richard/Klan is their levels of charitable contributions.

You know, Richard Rahl would be a very interesting character if Tairy just dropped the "Richard is always right" thing and portrayed him as an anti-hero. I do like that Richard will do whatever it takes to get things done, no matter how violent or intolerant. I'm of the opinion that Violet deserved that kick to the jaw.

Jerec, if ascribing subtlety to the Yeard isn't choosing death or wanting spaghetti to bounce, I don't know what is.

Violet deserved to be written as a character, not as a cheap knock-off designed to give Tairy some feel-good jack-off time.

I've just decided that I'm going to try to dress up like Richard Rahl for halloween. It's the only way you could ever wear those clothes outside of your room. Another idea would be to dress up like a big barbed namble cock. But that might be too....wierd?

I think you're asking the wrong group here, I get the feeling we've all got a more than slightly skewed definition of 'weird'. I'm reading books I hate by an author I loath for the sole purpose of shitting on them to a bunch of people I've never met on the Internet. There are people wearing aluminum foil hats that have a better definition of normal than me.

So, if word is correct, expect 57.65 speeches from Richard in the next book. I hope at least one of them is on the moral necessity of good yeard care.

I hope at least one of them preaches the virtues of objectivism.

Gentlemen, you are on FIRE.

Apparently I am a real man as well, 'cause I'm double posting. Expect the third in short order.

[word]

I think you're asking the wrong group here, I get the feeling we've all got a more than slightly skewed definition of 'weird'. I'm reading books I hate by an author I loath for the sole purpose of shitting on them to a bunch of people I've never met on the Internet. There are people wearing aluminum foil hats that have a better definition of normal than me.

Where have you been the last month? Were you imprisoned in a dungeon by a women named Jeri dressed in red leather?

[WLU]

Where have you been the last month? Were you imprisoned in a dungeon by a women named Jeri dressed in red leather?

Nothing so dramatic, not even enough to make up a story involving the South Sea Islands and Wolf Maid doing naughty things to me with a coconut. <pause for thought>

<longer pause for mental images>

<technicolour fantasy and fetishism>

<trip to the bathroom>

Sigh.

I've actually only been gone for like, a week. I had to make a six-hour voyage to my folks place for a wedding on the weekend, and they've got an ancient laptop (1999 I believe) and the grinding noises it makes when accessing its hard drive frighten me. I spent Tuesday and yesterday catching up on my wikipedia account (10, 031 edits in less than 11 months! I am a super-hero!)

I'll be posting my Stone of Tears probably tomorrow. I'm extremely disturbed at how my week-long vacation may impact my postelerity for this thread. I'm brainstorming solutions, but unfortunately the only thing I've come up with so far is threadspamming about how great I am. Damn.

[word]

It took you 33 minutes to post and all you came up with was THAT? I expected another string of 10 quotes/your comments on them. Talk about ultimate let down.

[Red Templar]

Just alienated about half the people on this thread, including myself. Way to make me feel dirty, asshole.

You didn't need criticism of your naked anime watching to make you feel dirty. You read SoT novels, for god's sake!

[WLU]

It took you 33 minutes to post and all you came up with was THAT? I expected another string of 10 quotes/your comments on them. Talk about ultimate let down.

Fortunately I don't exist to please you, I exist to exault my own greatness. Eat me. Haha!

Besides, if you read my last post, you'll note that I spent at least 15 of those last minutes dreaming of Wolf Maid's avatar.

Totally the last time I hit on an avatar. I'm done now. Unless someone changes to a goat. Goats are hot.

In the interests of completeness, I'm also trying to finish that list of links and thread titles I started last week, that's taking up much of my time.

You didn't need criticism of your naked anime watching to make you feel dirty. You read SoT novels, for god's sake!

As I said before, my scales are all skewed. You can get used to anything - I now consider the Sword of Truth to be the norm. I am only on book two by the way, I hear the series doesn't really hit it's stride in filth until Temple of the Winds. I've still got some clean skin left, plenty for anime to filth up.

[Higravity]

Anyone know have a link to the comic making fun of Richard and Klan killing protestors that get in there way of importing hair products where Klan is almost-raped and once she is ugly Richard dumps her?

[Muttering Bill]

I think you're asking the wrong group here, I get the feeling we've all got a more than slightly skewed definition of 'weird'. I'm reading books I hate by an author I loath for the sole purpose of shitting on them to a bunch of people I've never met on the Internet. There are people wearing aluminum foil hats that have a better definition of normal than me.

Thanks for making us all feel a little pathetic. Or if not everyone, me at least. Jackass! :cry:

[WLU]

Anyone know have a link to the comic making fun of Richard and Klan killing protestors that get in there way of importing hair products where Klan is almost-raped and once she is ugly Richard dumps her?

I remember that cartoon, but not the name. Wish I still had the bookmark, it was pretty funny.

Weird, about 10 minutes ago re-found your original post in Goodkind XXI when your name was Darla. Your avatar still makes my eyes hurt.

@Muttering Bill: If my posts make you feel bad about yourself, you're a death chooser and deserve what comes to you, including mugging by eight year olds. Sphincter-boy!

At this point, I'm just posting to up my post count. Who am I kidding?

[Red Templar]

At this point, I'm just posting to up my post count. Who am I kidding?

You've got a long way to go to catch Wolf Maid in this thread. She is clearly the Alpha-Yeard of Goodkind XXV.

[WLU]

You've got a long way to go to catch Wolf Maid in this thread. She is clearly the Alpha-Yeard of Goodkind XXV.

Let me start by saying:

Alpha-Yeard!

I'm claiming that as my new title in the Church of Discord

[potsherds]

Let me start by saying:

Alpha-Yeard!

I'm claiming that as my new title in the Church of Discord

Nononono, I think Wolf Maid gets first dibs on that title, WLU.

[WLU]

Nononono, I think Wolf Maid gets first dibs on that title, WLU.

She can pry it out of my cold, dead fingers.

If you want it, it's yours Wolf Maid, in skimming through previous threads I've turned up a whole buttload of sweet titles. I'll be posting them tomorrow hopefully.

@Potsherds: Why a pirate? Are you saying I am a pirate? Pirates rule, but pre-Pirates of the Caribbean. That movie sucked.

[potsherds]

@Potsherds: Why a pirate? Are you saying I am a pirate? Pirates rule, but pre-Pirates of the Caribbean. That movie sucked.

Heh. Umm...sure. I just like the pirate emote whenever I'm making a dictatorial statement of some kind. Sorry about your disappointment in a Disney movie though. I liked it.

[Red Templar]

WLU - you can be the Omega Yeard. It sounds really cool and kinda sinister.