Mini Rants

[ohmahgaw]

Stop calling her "fatty" and maybe she would be cool that you are thin and in shape? :cool:

I NEVER called her fatty, i would never call anyone that

the part of my post where i said that , was when i was very little, and when i was immaturely trying to defend myself from teasing

my roommate is not even remotely fat! i always tell her shes in good shape, better shape than 90% of people who never work out

but we cant go a day without her talking about my weight, and its really bothering me

[ohmahgaw]

That's awesome! You also might want to check out the healthy eating or working out threads for more responses.

thankyou! i have never checked out that board!

i think i posted this more to just rant, and not talk about working out you know?

its just something that has bothered me for a really long time

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

Sorry dear. Girls can be bitches sometimes, and even a lot of time. They see themselves as in competition with you, and you are winning. Get guy friends instead of girl ones, you won't have a problem doing that.

[▲Jim▲]

Sorry dear. Girls can be bitches sometimes, and even a lot of time. They see themselves as in competition with you, and you are winning. Get guy friends instead of girl ones, you won't have a problem doing that.

Well there will be the whole bit of them trying to get into her pants.

[Frog Eater]

I NEVER called her fatty, i would never call anyone that

the part of my post where i said that , was when i was very little, and when i was immaturely trying to defend myself from teasing

my roommate is not even remotely fat! i always tell her shes in good shape, better shape than 90% of people who never work out

but we cant go a day without her talking about my weight, and its really bothering me

I was joking, I understood that you had said that when you were a kid. I was making light of your situation.

Next time she starts saying how skinny you are, tell her how awesome it is and how you know she wishes she was too. She wont bring it up anymore.

[ohmahgaw]

Sorry dear. Girls can be bitches sometimes, and even a lot of time. They see themselves as in competition with you, and you are winning. Get guy friends instead of girl ones, you won't have a problem doing that.

It's funny because most of my friends are male

about half of them are gay men. i just find it way easier to become friends with guys, but that also might have to do with my personality in general, i'm still sortof an inner tom boy. and the girl friends that i have are the same way...just to clarify, i do have friends who are over weight who are very kind and not interested in putting me down, but i do find that its harder to find good girl friends

[ohmahgaw]

I was joking, I understood that you had said that when you were a kid. I was making light of your situation.

Next time she starts saying how skinny you are, tell her how awesome it is and how you know she wishes she was too. She wont bring it up anymore.

its even more annoying because shes a thin person

she just has a different shape

shes taller than me, so she weighs more, but shes still proportional so i dont really know how to approach it

we both go to the gym together like every day

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

Well there will be the whole bit of them trying to get into her pants.

Fit 21 year old women have that problem whether they have a bunch of friends or a few.

i do have friends who are over weight who are very kind and not interested in putting me down, but i do find that its harder to find good girl friends

I'm with you. I only have 2 real guy friends. It's easier to be friends with women for me.

[▲Jim▲]

Fit 21 year old women have that problem whether they have a bunch of friends or a few

Very true.

[ohmahgaw]

Very true.

well i mean, the people who want to get in my pants are usually not the kind of guys i want to date you know?

i have more guy friends than girl friends, but i think a lot of guys are kinda surprised at how nerdy i am....same with girls

i think its hard for girls to make real girl friends than for them to make real guy friends...dont know why

i think its because guys dont mind if you are a little different, where as a group of women all want to act, dress the same...just my experience

[▲Jim▲]

ohmahgaw - if you do not mind me asking, how tall are you?

[seastarr]

It is probably other people's insecurities speaking to you when they comment about your body. You are going to have to thicken your skin and try not to let other people's issues become yours. Try to have compassion for others. Our culture is not easy on women and their body images, and I don't think anyone really has all their body issues sorted through at age 21. I know I certainly didn't.

Do not seek praise from others, only from yourself. Again, this culture is not flush on body-praise. It's as scarce as dragonglass. Offer it to others, and you can start to change that. It will come back to you eventually. By paying others the compliments you would like to hear, you are putting positivity about bodies out into the world, and that is a very good thing.

Rather than taking offense when someone makes a comment about your body, see if it can become a door to deepening the conversation. Maybe you have something you could share with others to help them so they can relate to their body and yours in a more compassionate way?

Why don't you invite your friends to the beach or to go shopping with you? That might be a good place to start. if those are activities you are seeking company for.

Remember, everything starts and ends with you. No one can touch your mental equanimity unless you allow them to.

Take a deep breath. Being 21 is awesome, and it sounds like you are beautiful. Enjoy it! I wish I had been wiser about body image stuff when I was your age, because, as someone who really was anorexic, my body image issues did ruin all my relationships, both with men and women. The only way any of that was repaired was through my own efforts at relating to myself in a more forgiving and loving way, and being able to share that compassion and love with others. It didn't have anything to do with what I looked like or the number on the scale or what size pants I wore, or how anyone else felt about that.

[ohmahgaw]

ohmahgaw - if you do not mind me asking, how tall are you?

i'm average height, about 5'5....some people consider that to be pretty short

[ohmahgaw]

It is probably other people's insecurities speaking to you when they comment about your body. You are going to have to thicken your skin and try not to let other people's issues become yours. Try to have compassion for others. Our culture is not easy on women and their body images, and I don't think anyone really has all their body issues sorted through at age 21. I know I certainly didn't.

Do not seek praise from others, only from yourself. Again, this culture is not flush on body-praise. It's as scarce as dragonglass. Offer it to others, and you can start to change that. It will come back to you eventually. By paying others the compliments you would like to hear, you are putting positivity about bodies out into the world, and that is a very good thing.

Rather than taking offense when someone makes a comment about your body, see if it can become a door to deepening the conversation. Maybe you have something you could share with others to help them so they can relate to their body and yours in a more compassionate way?

Why don't you invite your friends to the beach or to go shopping with you? That might be a good place to start. if those are activities you are seeking company for.

Remember, everything starts and ends with you. No one can touch your mental equanimity unless you allow them to.

Take a deep breath. Being 21 is awesome, and it sounds like you are beautiful. Enjoy it! I wish I had been wiser about body image stuff when I was your age, because, as someone who really was anorexic, my body image issues did ruin all my relationships, both with men and women. The only way any of that was repaired was through my own efforts at relating to myself in a more forgiving and loving way, and being able to share that compassion and love with others. It didn't have anything to do with what I looked like or the number on the scale or what size pants I wore, or how anyone else felt about that.

thankyou so much for your reply, that really does sound like a good idea

i am always trying to improve, and i think i just need to realize that people can be good deep down, and that i should just give people a chance. no one is perfect, and i think i need to stop being so negative all the time

[HyperVolk]

Girls are bitches. Just a fact of life. You just have to find some who you get along with. It's tuff, but you are young hot and everything else awesoem that the previous posters have said. :D

I was super skinny forever too, being called 'soggy noodle girl' in the 6th grade is not the best. Made me cry. I had a BMI of like 17-18 till I was around 22-23. (5'10" 130 lbs) and everyone kept saying OMG you are so skinny, you look great, eat eat.

Like if I ate lots I would get fat like them...

Now Im almost 30 and I am 160 lbs. (Birth control = gigantor boobies and butt) I have found girls want to be my friend way more now than when I was skinny. It's petty. So, I stick with my old friends.

Anecdotal fun. Enjoy, grab a pint and just enjoy yourself how you are!

[ohmahgaw]

Girls are bitches. Just a fact of life. You just have to find some who you get along with. It's tuff, but you are young hot and everything else awesoem that the previous posters have said. :D

I was super skinny forever too, being called 'soggy noodle girl' in the 6th grade is not the best. Made me cry. I had a BMI of like 17-18 till I was around 22-23. (5'10" 130 lbs) and everyone kept saying OMG you are so skinny, you look great, eat eat.

Like if I ate lots I would get fat like them...

Now Im almost 30 and I am 160 lbs. (Birth control = gigantor boobies and butt) I have found girls want to be my friend way more now than when I was skinny. It's petty. So, I stick with my old friends.

Anecdotal fun. Enjoy, grab a pint and just enjoy yourself how you are!

Haha, thank you for your reply, i'm glad to hear from the perspective of someone who has gone through this

People tell me to eat ALL the time, and it is so annoying, because i eat a lot

when you work out a lot, your appetite is huge, as is mine!

i also CANNOT stand it when, say, if i want to eat a sandwich, and i ask for no mayo, the sandwich ladies assume its because i am on a diet and they go "honey, you dont need to be on no diet! you could use some mayo!"

maybe i dont F---ING like mayo!

[Lightning Lord]

Nadine,

Yes! I love that first crack, that one that just sneaks up on you and makes you jump. Ah, I miss that.

ohmahgaw,

I have a friend with the same issue you have, she found it every bit as annoying. She actually almost lost her job because of it, the medical personnel kept telling her she was too skinny and needed to put on weight. She was tall, had a slender frame and ran marathons - she was skinny but also fit enough to carry me around (187 cm, 80 kg). She was also friends with mostly guys, even though we worked with about 65% women.

Hope your roommate can settle down a bit, maybe grow up?

[ohmahgaw]

ohmahgaw,

I have a friend with the same issue you have, she found it every bit as annoying. She actually almost lost her job because of it, the medical personnel kept telling her she was too skinny and needed to put on weight. She was tall, had a slender frame and ran marathons - she was skinny but also fit enough to carry me around (187 cm, 80 kg). She was also friends with mostly guys, even though we worked with about 65% women.

Hope your roommate can settle down a bit, maybe grow up?

i can't exactly say for sure, but i'm pretty positive i have lost job opportunities, during interviews, when i was interviewed by certain women, because of my weight.

and also by men, for example, when they ask me if i can lift 50lbs in the interview ( when i have applied to grocery stores) and i say yes, they dont believe me....

i used to have a job, where i was the only girl working (besides my boss) and she would throw little work parties, on the days where she would send me "out running errands"

every time i was on my way back to work, with her laundry and food, she would call me and be like "oh, hey btw can you go do this for me too!"

when i would come back, the guys at work would be like, where were you! we've been partying down here all day! isnt our boss the greatest?

[Kat]

Mayo is slimy and does not belong near my sandwiches. :ack:

But, er....I dunno. I agree with Seastarr, unsurprisingly. I know it's hard to be female, but that kind of applies to everyone, and an attitude which starts out with "I have nothing against fat people, but why can't they just get into good shape like me?" and ends with "everyone is jealous of me 'cause I'm thin, why do they have to be such judging bitches?" isn't really helping the problem out, ya know? So maybe an attitude adjustment is called for all around, starting with not assuming the worst from people if/when you don't get what you want. I'm reminded of Chaldanya's signature line--it's something I try to live by and remind myself of. :)

If someone looks at you like you can't lift 50 lbs, by the way, ask them for a 50 lb box and demonstrate your strength. Don't get too defensive about it, but if they ask you, say yes, and you are willing to demo if they would like it. Leave it at that. (This requirement does not go away after college for all jobs--it's a requirement for almost all geology jobs, for instance, Chataya.)

[ohmahgaw]

Mayo is slimy and does not belong near my sandwiches. :ack:

But, er....I dunno. I agree with Seastarr, unsurprisingly. I know it's hard to be female, but that kind of applies to everyone, and an attitude which starts out with "I have nothing against fat people, but why can't they just get into good shape like me?" and ends with "everyone is jealous of me 'cause I'm thin, why do they have to be such judging bitches?" isn't really helping the problem out, ya know? So maybe an attitude adjustment is called for all around, starting with not assuming the worst from people if/when you don't get what you want. I'm reminded of Chaldanya's signature line--it's something I try to live by and remind myself of. :)

If someone looks at you like you can't lift 50 lbs, by the way, ask them for a 50 lb box and demonstrate your strength. Don't get too defensive about it, but if they ask you, say yes, and you are willing to demo if they would like it. Leave it at that. (This requirement does not go away after college for all jobs--it's a requirement for almost all geology jobs, for instance, Chataya.)

let me just clarify by saying that in no way do i feel like EVERYONE treats me this way. i do not think everyone who has a problem with me is jealous, far from it.

( i do not think im hot, or sexy, or amazing, or any of those things, just that i am in great shape.)

and i never said, "why cant they just be in great shape like me" just that i think they should at least try to strive for a healthy weight, since, you know, its healthy?

this is not a vanity issue, its an issue that just bothers me. people tend to project their insecurities on to others, and since i am constantly surrounded by petty college girls, i get treated this way a lot.

i do not assume the worst in people, but when i'm constantly being sized up by other chicks, i think it tends to get a little obvious whats going on.

pretty much all of my close female friends are secure with themselves physically. they are all very pretty and not "fake." some of my guy friends like to make jokes about how i only have hot friends, but its not like i sit around and choose my friends you know? i just tend to stick with people who are not insecure with themselves, and in my experience, the friends that have all seemed to stick around are attractive

for example, i had a really close lesbian friend who was a little over weight. i started noticing that she would sort of 'diss' me on a daily basis. we would be walking somewhere and she would be like "hmmm, did you break your nose at one point?" and i would be like....no why? and she would say "oh, just wondering why it was shaped that way"......so yeah stuff like that, things that on paper dont look mean, but the ultimate goal was to give me sortof a put down you know? this happened so often that i eventually confronted her about it and she admitted that she felt insecure around me, and that she felt a little better when she did that kind of thing....it wasnt because she was jealous either, it was because she was in love with me, but thats another story

anyway, if this seems like one of those "oh, please help me, im soooo hot and sexy and no other girls like me waa waaa!" then i am sorry, i didnt intend for it to sound that way.