Lummel Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 YES!(hmm that was worryingly quick) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 YES!(hmm that was worryingly quick)What do you know that we don't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 Before I jump into Chapter 6, there's just one last thing that I missed from the very end of the last chapter, being distracted by mutant horses and whatnot. The apparent content of the message is that "K-Day has arrived". K-Day? It's unlikely that Stacy will even remember this bit of terminology by the time an explanation would be appropriate, so I throw it open for speculation. Kill Killov and the KGB Day? TaKe bacK AmeriKa Day? FucK yeah RocKson Day? I mean clearly it's a riff off of D-Day, but the chances of Stacy knowing that D-Day is just a generic name given to any date for a military operation are... minimal. Does it stand for anything? Or does Stacy think that these Days get listed alphabetically and now we're up to K?But look see! Our myriad troop leaders are starting to arrive for the Let's Finally Get Round To Convening Our Forces meeting, with considerably less stealth than they bothered with for the pointless election! Charlie Whiskers, you died in vain, THIS is the meeting you should have been trying to infiltrate.They came from out of nowhere. From wretched thatched-roof hovel-towns, from mini-cities as advanced and technologically proficient as Century City itself. They came by hybrid and mule, by ancient rusted cars and bicycles, a few even in stolen Soviet choppers.Yeah, cos none of that would be spotted by the ever-vigilant Russians. Remember how Langford had a wooden pistol so he wouldn't be spotted from afar by their metal-detectors? Uh huh. Also, bicycles?? Bear in mind too that the call to arms went out only seven days ago, and it took Jed and Eisenhower over 2 days to even get to the first relay station. Those must be some damn bicycles.And I wonder if those thatched-roof-hovel towns are allowed to compete in the national softball league. But no time for that, here come the stereotypes!Each town and city had its own version of the proper combat gear, and the men strutted among one another like peacocks, showing off their stuff. The Texas fighters with their wide ten-gallon hats and six-guns strapped to each leg hooted and hollered across the floor, spinning lariats around one another, showing their expertise in the American sport of lassoing.*gasps for breath* Oh, glory. We have a fucking WIld West show going on in here! Though I have to say, it's pleasing to see Stacy turning his keen anthropological eye on his own countrymen as adeptly as he does on other nations. Just wish he'd thought to make the Colorado faction a bunch of, I dunno, stoners on skis; CC would be a much more interesting place.The Kansas City Brigade wore suits and narrow leather ties - useful for garrotting - and looked like businessmen of the last century, ready for a board meeting. Only their Uzis betrayed the fact that they were fighters, not 20th-century account executives. Well, that, and the fact that it's now 2089(ish) and they live in a postapocalyptic wasteland.There were men in full US Marine regalia, in Navy gear, in moth-eaten olive-drab Army uniforms. An all-Black unit from the outskirts of the ancient city of Detroit was dressed in black jumpsuits and bristled with knives, pistols and smgs that were slung around their necks. They looked as tough as nails, but mingled with the other US fighters smiling, their hands extended in friendship.Even the scary black guys are friendly! Who'da thunk? Best not to confuse the black stereotypes FROM Detroit with the one CALLED Detroit though. That way lies madness.So, all the men (and yes, of course they're all men) mingle and chat and compare weapons and boast about how many Reds they've killed and how, and generally bro down in manly ways.So their exchanges of friendship and joking had special meaning for every one of them. A memory to clutch hold of when they were lying somewhere in a ditch with their guts smoking out of a hole in their stomachs.Ah yes, remember that time I met a black man and he wasn't scary at all, he smiled at me! Shit, where's that smoke coming from?Council President Randolph (maybe that's his full name? Stacy never trusts us to remember what he's doing in the story so must remind us of his title every time) is about to call the meeting though, so that will have to wait till next time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Maybe the bicycles are also nuclear mutant hybrids with a greyhound's lean body and eight legs?@Datepalm, if I know something you don't about hybrid nuclear turbo horses, why I'm I going to tell you? And yes, Dobbin always used to glow in the dark. **looks shifty** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Neck-tie garrots from Kansas City? What brilliant regional stereotype am I missing? I must know this!I live that the Texans literally break out into a dance number. I imagine them doing a square dance while randomly shooting off eachother's cowboy hats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 I also love that they wear the garrottes round their own necks. Yes, handy for garrotting indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winter's Knight Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 Neck-tie garrots from Kansas City? What brilliant regional stereotype am I missing? I must know this! I know the sort of tie he's talking about! They're called bolo ties or bootlace ties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 I know the sort of tie he's talking about! They're called bolo ties or bootlace ties.I was thinking more like this - it makes more sense with the corporate attire. They're not cowboys, they're businessmen! Totally makes more sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 I know the sort of tie he's talking about! They're called bolo ties or bootlace ties.Whoa. From that link... states have passed laws about what is the "official neckwear"?? :stunned: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winter's Knight Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 I was thinking more like this - it makes more sense with the corporate attire. They're not cowboys, they're businessmen! Totally makes more sense.Considering that the bolo tie is the official neckwear of at least three states, I'm guessing businessmen wear them too-besides you could totally use them for garrotting purposes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 You know what? Over the past few years of doing these books, I've learned a hell of a lot from just fact-checking the wilder claims and stranger details. If Stacy ever did intend for his books to be educational, this probably isn't what he had in mind, but overall I do believe we've all come out knowing more about stuff than before we came in. Who'da thunk it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winter's Knight Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 You know what? Over the past few years of doing these books, I've learned a hell of a lot from just fact-checking the wilder claims and stranger details. If Stacy ever did intend for his books to be educational, this probably isn't what he had in mind, but overall I do believe we've all come out knowing more about stuff than before we came in. Who'da thunk it?Heh this reminds me of a moral story quite popular in India. The gist of it is, if you saw a gold coin in the mud, you wouldn't hesitate to grab it. Similarly, one shouldn't hesitate to snatch knowledge from even the meanest of sources. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 , and it seems we have uncovered the secrets of how Ryder & Stacy came up with their totally biologically plausible mutants... :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 lying somewhere in a ditch with their guts smoking out of a hole in their stomachs.Are the guts whale shaped? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Dunno wtf happened to my av. :dunno: But anyway.All the visiting dignitaries in their regional outfits are gathered in "Lincoln Square", which is apparently a huge open area flanked by one- and two-story factories and concrete walls, with a thoroughfare running through it. Has Stacy even remembered that they're supposed to be underground? Langford shambles to the front, to the sound of rapturous applause - even these hard-bitten fighters are heartened by the sight of some feeble old guy calling himself President, cuz America, yadda yadda. They are not the only happy ones - Rona is especially pleased that Kim has to be up on the dais with Dad, so she gets to sit next to Rock, and smirks about it and makes sure Kim can see her. And Rock is pleased that he's not actively stuck in the middle of a catfight right now.Rousing speech from Langford, everyone gazes up at him "as if he was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen", then it's Rath's turn to talk, and the reaction is... less positive.The delegates yawned and scratched their chests and stomachs, eyes half-closing as if they were ready to take an afternoon nap. They were fighters, most of them - with short attention spans and an eye for food and women.Yep, this is the Let's Co-ordinate Our Military Forces tactics meeting, and the delegates can barely even stay awake past the Fuck Yeah! keynote speech to listen to the actual information. It's becoming clearer as to why it's taken them a hundred years to kick out a bunch of totally inept Russians.Reminds me very much of that Viz comic strip S.W.A.N.T. (the Special Weapons And No Tactics squad). One of the best ones started off something like this (imagine this as a dramatically-drawn comic):(telephone): RRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGG!!!!!Sergeant: LET'S MOVE!!(van): VROOOOOM! (speeds off down road)Driver: What's our destination?Sergeant: No idea, no-one answered the phone.Anyway, they all reluctantly pinch themselves awake and try to listen with "every ounce of attention" as Rath gets on with the infodump, clearly on the Efficient part of his split-personality cycle. "Please curtail your applause", he says, which I am taking as a magnificent bit of dry sarcasm rather than the fact that Stacy probably forgot that no-one was applauding and just put this in as the sort of thing a humourless stick-in-the-mud might say.Rath holds up pieces of paper to show current Red and KGB troop placements, which again suggests that Stacy has forgotten that this is a big public meeting in a square and not a small one in a briefing room. I mean it's not like overhead projectors are complicated technology. Short version:The KGB have taken over 65% of all Red Army bases. Zhabnov fled back to Moscow, Killov took DC, some nameless black guys Rockson kicked his arse and the Red Army took DC back...Audience applause! Why are they applauding? Even the audience are unsure. Maybe they need to put in a few more ounces of attention. Rath admits that the situation is weird, but continues......so basically we need to free the Red Army from the KGB cos Killov is eeevil and wants to nuke everyone. And we can't take on both sides at once cos we're outnumbered. But the Reds outnumber the KGB and just need a bit of prompting to free themselves from KGB tyranny. Then we let them fight it out and move in when they're weak!Within seconds the place was roaring with yells, protests, and anger. The fighters could hardly believe what they were being asked to do. Fights start breaking out! Men jump onto their chairs! Rath calls for order but to no avail! This looks like a job for....Suddenly a figure rose from the seats and jumped on the stage. He walked past Rath and to the front of the platform. Without a word, he stared down at them, a palpable fire of fury burning in his mis-matched violet and aquamarine eyes. Slowly, under the gaze of Ted Rockson, the crowd stopped moving and came to a hush.Schoolmistress powers, activate! Rock cows them into silence with his steely glare and gives the "I'm very disappointed with you" speech. "And we also consider it rude for people to yell while others are talking."And you with the sweeties! I hope you brought enough for everyone.This is extra funny when you contrast it with the glowing description of "pure democracy" from Chapter Four. I just paraphrased it at the time, but here's a brief flashback:After nearly two-and-a-half-hours of intense debate - for Century City was, if nothing else, egalitarian to the hilt, preferring the screaming and occasional fist-fighting of pure democracy than the appointment of an ongoing leader, or a proxy system - they came to a decision.But you out-of-towners? STFU! Important people are talking!Anyway, Rock threatens to beat up anyone who starts any more fights, and cos they've all heard of the Ultimate American, they all sit down again. And now Rock suggests an addendum to the plan - not only do they go and help out the Red Army, they also get in touch with Vassily who can supply extra help. Especially as YOU LOT are so UNDISCIPLINED *moar steely glare*Rath is strangely horrified by this suggestion, even though it is basically the same as what he just proposed, with the same drawbacks ("what's to stop them turning on us once the KGB are defeated?" etc etc).Anyway, it's opened up for debate, and surprise! everyone votes for Rock's plan, partly because Rock suggested it and partly because they are all knackered and want to go and have a lie down. Those are the exact reasons given in the text.The only one not happy is Rath, who only wanted to attack the KGB without Vassily's help. The last line of the chapter is him vowing to undo Rockson's mad scheme! Do we have an enemy within? Or is Stacy going to completely forget about this within a page or two? I honestly have no idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 His eyes are mismatched violet and aquamarine?!? Where did I miss this? For realz? Thats the kind of thing 11 year old girls writing Mary Sue's who date Draco Malfoy get embarrassed about putting in their fanfic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winter's Knight Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 His eyes are mismatched violet and aquamarine?!? Where did I miss this? For realz? Thats the kind of thing 11 year old girls writing Mary Sue's who date Draco Malfoy get embarrassed about putting in their fanfic....DPthat came out..four threads ago? Methinks that you are not giving Mr Stacey the undivided attention he deserves. Please tell me you at least picked up on the lock of white hair? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummel Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I can only remember that Rona has white nipples :leaving: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antonius Pius Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Everyone remembers the white nipples. Ask yourself, what kind of Eve Braun lookalike* would she be with mundane nipples?* is that actually so far-fetched that we should give credit to Stacy for coming up with something so inconceivable as Soviet-Nazis worshipping the white-nippled reincarnation of Adolf's old ladyfriend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vampire Squid Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Everyone remembers the white nipples. Ask yourself, what kind of Eve Braun lookalike* would she be with mundane nipples?* is that actually so far-fetched that we should give credit to Stacy for coming up with something so inconceivable as Soviet-Nazis worshipping the white-nippled reincarnation of Adolf's old ladyfriend?My memories of this are blurring together - did the Nazis show up in any of the other books or did they just come out of nowhere for the one book? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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