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About Datepalm

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    Barbarism and Decadence, Fuck Yeah.
  • Birthday 02/22/1987

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  1. Good point - right now probably moot. But I could invite him for like (takeout) brunch or something after. Everything is so constrained right now I'd have to invite myself over to his place though, as COVID rules mean I'm not allowed visitors (and they're enforcing it). Argh. Maybe I can just like send cake over.
  2. Oh, bother. Casual "sex until you leave the country" guy had a moderately bad bike accident over the weekend. He's OK, but bad enough to require hospital visits and now an MRI. So now there's (real) sympathy and like cosy takeout dinners and things. I'm wondering if I should offer to go for the MRI with him, but he hasn't asked (or been in touch much) and I don't want to get, well, too cosy about the whole thing for the week and a half I'm still around.
  3. @Chats, I'm so sorry, but good for you. As ever you are an icon and an inspiration. I have nothing to contribute to the home decor discussion, as I will be moving for the fifth or sixths or something time* this year (to the fourth country) in May, and everything I own either fits into a military surplus duffel or is in a trashbag under my desk in a building no one has been allowed into since last March on the other side of the world. So that's my position on home decor, and, it ties into my current relationship issue which is that...I sort of have one. Well, in any event, have been on a few dates with a fellow over the last month, including sleeping over and related activities the other night. I made it really clear I'm leaving in a few weeks and that I'm bouncing around for a while for work and that's how it is and that's how I want it, and he seems to take that in stride and just suggested we just 'have lots of sex until you go' (honestly, there's an 8PM curfew so there's really not that much else to do) and I think this may be something I am not opposed to, though still definitely figuring some stuff out in this regard, and not entirely certain what 'lots' consists of or how much other time ought be spent together? But I leave sometime between the 25th and 1st and have some flexibility there, and now I can't figure out whether I want that extra week (with him) or alternatively want to already be done and moving on...So, at any rate, this is in the 'nothing happens and then it happens' category, since I pretty much figured at this point I was just going to be one of those statistics, and, um, actually apparently not. *one aside - my new airbnb there at least for the first month has a raw concrete floor throughout! I am so excited about this! For real!
  4. Sigh. Always something at the three-week mark. Econ Guy...deleted a joint library on an academic literature citation manager (the way the thing works it sent me a notification). It had crossed my mind to delete it, particularly since I had put it together in the first place, but that seemed so ridiculously petty and picayune I couldn't bring myself to. So there's that.
  5. One of the things I like about my life at the moment is how erratic I can be. If I feel like going off and having a nervous breakdown and playing video games for three weeks, literally no one would notice and it would have no impact most of the time I've had periods where I got into a groove of writing at 5:30 in the morning in the one coffee shop that was open, I've had periods where I work from bed, there was a couple of weeks where I only showed up at the office to work on a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle I took over the empty desk next to mine with. Come to think of it, that was just before I left for a trip and then covid hit - it might still be there.
  6. I'm starting to be a bit tired of all the travel, but its also very much what I signed up for and its still exciting too. I'm really not sure what I want 10 years down the road to look like, but at the moment, this works. I also usually go for 1-3 month stretches. But this one may be more like 6-12 (if I can pull it off), probably between several cities but hopefully with a relative continuity of friends, colleagues, etc in each. In a way that's a little stability. Carrying projects on credit is definitely a thing with grad students, who often get refunded post-hoc, sometimes months later. I'm fairly lucky in that most of my small grants so far have been very hands-off, and would generally just transfer me funds up front and not really worry what I do with them so long as I come back with something. There is one now that I will need to be more careful with in terms of working against receipts, and I'm not looking forward to learning how to manage that. I'm also lucky the university just transfers a good part of my actual personal salary as a grant which comes as a lump (and sometimes mysteriously changeable) sum three times a year. I'm a very conservative financial planner, so that works for me and lets me save up easily, but it might be a nightmare for some people who really need a monthly paycheck that covers their actual living costs. Speaking of, given that I know have some savings, I was thinking of starting a savings/pension/what? thread of some kind...the interest rate being, you know, effectively zero.
  7. I...have not. On that note, flight booked, housing sorted, COVID testing entry requirements at this country presently a complicated mystery but hopefully they will get it sorted by the end of the month. Now to get the two projects I want to get moving on going through the system...
  8. I was sort of kidding. I'm actually going to shut this whole project down on my side, or at least move it somewhere else. I'm not going to compete with him on it. But this is more my field than his and he's planning to go forward with one thing in particular that's really been my line of thinking, so far. I'm not super jealous of it, it's just a methodology, but I've also got some commitment to it. I wasn't actually planning on setting him as some moving target for my academic career. Yeah. I know. I can't believe its been this long. And I was probably trying to paint it in a more goofy, interesting light than the reality, pretty often. Thank you - I need people to keep giving me the reality check.
  9. Thanks :-) Have I mentioned the guy hasn't actually seen me in almost two years, and has refused to for the past four months, for the first time that we've actually been in the same city for any amount of time? While telling me he needed me to prove that I'm serious about investing in a collaboration? And also just generally, you know, refusing to see me.
  10. Honestly, probably in about ten years when my paper on this has decisively made more of an impact in the field than his paper on this. Which it might or it might not. Or something. I think this I need to accept this is in a way - hopefully a limited way - a lifetime story, because we'll continue to cross paths, which is something that's new for me. My sort of adult and professional and personal circle of people I know I'll be in touch with for decades is just beginning to form. But I think something here has, at least for tonight, killed my sense of a need for resolution, understanding, whatever it is I was always after him for - oh so annoyingly - to untangle this thing we got wound up in. I just want some respect and some dignity back. I don't think I'll get them from him, for a while at any rate, so not really any desire to punch him in the face, oddly enough.
  11. Thanks This helps. Especially the baseball bat. I was like - since he's blocked me anyway, I don't need to show him I care by blocking him (also, god, we have like 9 different ways of contacting one another and I'm not going to go about and delete his linkedin connection or something. To hell with the 21st century) but it has been clarified to me that I must both block him, to stop actually receiving messages from him, and show I do not care at the same time. But I want to receive messages from him. You know, so I can ignore them. I also really think he won't get in touch, and won't respond if I do - he's very, very good at leaving things alone for...forever, almost, which is part of what I always hated about our interactions.
  12. My roommates: Oh, is it something with Econ Guy? Me: yeah...its done.... Them, literally: YES!!! DATEPALM, WE NEED TO THROW YOU A PARTY!!!! LETS DANCE IN THE LIVINGROOM! We can just invite the downstairs-bubble-neighbours so we don't bother them!!! Roommate Who Is A Great Cook, Start cooking!!! There will be a joint celebration of 'breakup', including, I am informed, ceremonial ritual of blocking him, cum celebration/mourning of Georgia vote tomorrow at 8. Anyone in the Greater Boston Metro Area who feels comfortable coming by and accepting a cookie at a COVID-safe distance is invited. I'm serious.
  13. God what's wrong with me. Seriously, you guys, you've been rolling your eyes and telling me to get out for years. I've been miserable the whole time I've known him. I'm sorry to see a project go - there was money, hopefully some mentoring involved, but if that would had looked the same as trying to like...be friends now looks, what the point? I've spend three days watching youtube narcissism survival videos (all my friends conclusions are identical to all of your conclusions), veered from "OMG, yes!" with a side of "I thought this was wild and special and interesting but here's 750 identical comments that are exactly the same this is so boring!" to "actually maybe I've been insane and terrible" to begging - begging! - him to "take me back". To him blocking me. To him unblocking me to send me a vaguely reasonable message about how he regrets all this, and then blocking me again. And also a lot of stuff in between about he'll be in touch and I should be in touch but also we shouldn't meet and he's not ready and its not my fault only it is and he will absolutely acknowledge my contribution and of course will cite me, and would I cite him? Why is this a thing with me? I have got my shit figured out, I swear. I'm about a million miles from who I was when I met him. I have an amazing group of friends. My work has taken off - and taken me places - that I literally couldn't imagine. I mostly feel pretty good. And then there's...this. Christ. Just club me about the head, someone.
  14. I actually had a really cinematic moment last year when I was walking along home in a cute dress, the California sunset in my hair (which was having a rare good day) feeling at once that I was exhausted and had a long work day and my life was complex and full of (minor) drama, but also satisfied with having a life that has stuff going on in it, and had this aha! I shall get a bottle of white wine, and I shall drink it on my porch, with the view of the bay, and think about my complex and interesting life, like I'm an adult person in a movie or something! I can do that! I am an independent empowered woman in her goddamn 30s, embracing both her career and her femininity. Etc. Et. And then I walked into Trader Joe's, discovered they'd lowered the price of both their 3-dollar white wines to 2, and therefore I hadn't the foggiest which one to pick, because I can't even tell a 2-dollar chardonnay from a 2-dollar...I want to say pinot grigio? And I think red wine is really icky, and sort of burst out laughing at Trader Joe's by the quick dissolution of this momentary vision of adult self. But that's kind of normal in a Berkeley Trader Joe's.
  15. This is how I make every consumer, and most other, decisions in my life.
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