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About Datepalm

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    Barbarism and Decadence, Fuck Yeah.
  • Birthday 02/22/1987

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  1. Datepalm

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    Overall vibe of consideration and politeness - like, not interrupting, being able to balance talking/listening in a conversation, etc, and general acceptable personal conduct on a kind of minimal level of not kicking any puppies, not saying anything awful, not seeming especially self absorbed, etc. Though, you're right, who knows? Not kicking any puppies seems like a low bar, but I've had worse dates.
  2. Datepalm

    Careerchat III

    Could you give it a try for a while, or would it be burning too much of a bridge with your friend (and his boss) if you quit? Commutes are the worst (I have references) but it sounds like it might be a really great opportunity - if it turns out to be something you love and want to keep pursuing, it might be worth moving for (and you'll have some connections in the new town at that point.)
  3. Datepalm

    Careerchat III

    I thought Ms. was the catch-all - professional address, as opposed to Miss (unmarried) or Mrs. (married?) This might be weird, but personal experience: I felt like my writing got way, way better - and I generally get very good feedback on my writing as such, at the grad-school and academic paper writing level - after I subjected myself to having my fiction prose critiqued and, especially, critiquing others. I was on something called 'Critique Circle' for a while, which has a points system where you get feedback on chapters you write and have to review others to earn them, and that was fantastic. Beats me if it made in any way a better novelist, but it made me a better writer. Find yourself having to critique - seriously, with real thought - a handful of not-appalling-but-really-not-there-yet amateur writers' drafts of space operas, epic fantasies, kinky romances, etc, and you know, it becomes easy to spot what makes a sentence fail to flow, what words and phrases jump out as amateurish or stilted, what structure of paragraph is convoluted and annoying to read. Suddenly I could see them in my own writing (and cringe). It really helped break bad habits, and I think contributed to being considered a strong writer - at least for academic purposes. So, uh, write you a half-assed fantasy novel, and let some strangers on the internet beat the crap out of it, say I. It was also way more fun than going through the GRE example essay book was.
  4. Datepalm

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    Yeah, I'm a little baffled - this started in a crowded board-game cafe, he turned out to be from a conservative-sounding family in the Pakistani North West Frontier - I'm Israeli, I feel like we could have done something with that, er, producing a decent-story-wise - and had lived in Korea and Japan, and still - just nothing. The conversational fragment... Me: "OK, so that's your job. So how do you like it here though? What's life like?" Him: *a bunch of talking* "You know," teasingly/inquisitively/flirtatiously/in alarm, "that's really not at all an answer to that..." ...was repeated four times. I still got nothing.
  5. Datepalm

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    yeah, I was just thinking...I can't even come up with a funny story around this one. I suppose by my standards a date that is not a clowning pratfall is progress. Relax and enjoy Switzerland! No one who is trying to get out of seeing you is spending an hour on the phone!
  6. From what I've gathered its pretty bad as these things go - an acquaintances out that way (Palo Alto, Mountain View) last weekend said she couldn't be outdoors more than an hour at one point, as her eyes dried out and she started coughing. I've been handed out a mask by my landlady, though I haven't felt the need to use it yet.
  7. Datepalm

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    Well...it was not a catastrophe. It was not good in any imaginable form of the word - we had terrible coffee and walked around because everywhere was packed, and the only thing we managed to actually carry a conversation was a tepid agreement that it is indeed sometimes complicated asking for recommendation letters. That's too low a bar. Nice enough guy, but seems to have absolutely nothing happening in his life that he could describe, no curiosity as to mine, nothing in common and no rapport. This is probably not a good indicator, but I might have preferred catastrophe. I think I'm going to back off the online dating for a while (she said, one date in after an 18 month gap) and try giving the old 'real life' (as the kids are calling it) approach a try while I get my bearings here.
  8. Datepalm

    Dating - I love the way you swipe

    Enjoy it! Also, is hooking up at conferences not the whole point? God knows they're usually wastelands intellectually speaking and appear to serve no purpose but socialization anyway. I'm...going on a date. Nowish. With a postdoc whose communications have become increasingly stilted and awkward somehow. And he picked what turns out to be a board game cafe (sidenote: there are board game cafes.) as one of the options. The other was a Peetz. I'm expecting catastrophe. Will update. (He might be Indian. I'm not sure. Hey, I don't discriminate.) Anyway, first date in probably over a year, and IIRC, the last one ended after twenty minutes and a firm but polite handshake. Well, at least this way I can tick the box for another year.
  9. Datepalm


    I don't want to commit 100% because next week term starts and thus next weekend is still an unknown void to me, but if I make it, I'll try and be there by 4 PM to help with the setup.
  10. Not an expert, nor trying to generalize about Africa or African men...but in that context, yeah, sounds familiar. Come-on that is simultaneously slightly passive-aggressive and yet also crosses what might be considered bounds of creepiness/respect/good taste...there's probably a real element of cultural miscommunication there, but also sounds like that was probably a thing and a bit of face-saving.
  11. What is the culture in question? Sounds like a grasping attempt at plausible deniability.
  12. Tentatively checking out Berkeley OkCupid...why is everyone so pretentiously cheesily radical? Why is everyone's favourite book Ender's Game? Why is everyone named Mike? Tentatively checking out Berkeley therapy services.
  13. I'm pretty sure I'll make it at least for the Saturday party.
  14. Either at 18 or not really ever - I was in the army/commune year between 18 and 22 when I'd really only come visit once a month or so, but I still had 'my room' there. Then I moved in and out in between travel and shared apartments for pretty much the rest of my 20s. I've had a few patches of staying with them for 6 months or so, but also a lot of 2 week stays in between sublets or trips. I've always been in the same city, so even quite long stretches when I was living away, I'd still often drift over for a night here or there. I'm properly moving away now so that will be interesting.
  15. Datepalm

    2018 World Cup - Get a Team to Support Here!!!!

    me, please!