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About MinDonner

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    Social Justice Space Warlord
  • Birthday 06/14/1975

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    the dark spaces between the galaxies
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  1. 1) Ahhhhh this thread is still going! 2) My crush from PRIMARY School just got back in touch via LINKEDIN (ffs!), what the hell? 3) Met up with crush from 2003 in Edinburgh a few weeks ago, he's kind of gone the Luke Skywalker route and looks like he's been eating cheese in a cave for the last 15 years. Though I was ON FIRE, witty and articulate etc etc, and 100% certain he totally regrets not leaving his gf for me, so there's that. 4) HWD... ugghh. So last autumn, I made a creditable attempt to cut him off, and lasted a whole week before he came begging me to come back. And he has really showed improvement, making a genuine effort to make plans and show up, etc. Plus he's been off work with anxiety and depression since December. But now I've just found out that for the first few months of that, he'd been lying about some medication he'd supposedly been coming off with serious withdrawal symptoms, and I'm really torn about whether to mention it, especially after I'd explicitly said "dude you need to stop lying to me" when we resumed our friendship in October. So yeah. 5) Theda and Liffguard, we were shipping you two so hard at LonCon. Just PM each other and sort something out!
  2. Belated congrats Starkess! I couldn't say this on FB cos he might read it and cause trouble, but your ex was always a douche and you're well rid.
  3. The marvellous Captain Awkward linked to this Margaret Atwood poem, "Siren Song", the other day, which is pointedly relevant: This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons even though they see the beached skulls the song nobody knows because anyone who has heard it is dead, and the others can't remember. Shall I tell you the secret and if I do, will you get me out of this bird suit? I don't enjoy it here squatting on this island looking picturesque and mythical with these two feathery maniacs, I don't enjoy singing this trio, fatal and valuable. I will tell the secret to you, to you, only to you. Come closer. This song is a cry for help: Help me! Only you, only you can, you are unique at last. Alas it is a boring song but it works every time.
  4. Alas, this would involve me resuming my unpaid position as career counsellor, and he's getting no more of that from me; I'll just have to suck it up and tolerate his presence for the forseeable. Lily, fear not, I'm having a productive weekend enumerating the ways in which this guy sucks, to armour myself against any temptations to be reeled back in. I suspect he won't try to do this until a) he realises that certain of my skillsets can't be so easily replaced by other members of his harem*; b ) he needs someone to make New Girl jealous and keep her on edge; c) his ego wants a demonstration of how his control cannot be breached, or d) he's bored and nobody else is available. So I have a while yet to build up my defences. In the meantime, here's a sample to edify and entertain all y'all: - he has literal tantrums in high-end shops so that the salespeople will give him a discount. I've never witnessed this in person, just heard about it when he boasts about it in "what did you do over the weekend" conversations. - his gf takes countless photos of him whenever they go anywhere; he then sends them on to all the other women he's stringing along. Does she know about this? I have no idea. - I *think* I managed to persuade him that Breitbart is not actually a credible centre-right news outlet? (this was pre-Trump) - but now I wonder if he was just pretending to have been persuaded - He has a crush on Michael Fassbender because he looks remarkably like himself. *he has at least one other ex from years ago who coincidentally also works elsewhere in my building; he used to lie about his lunch plans and sneak out with her occasionally, much in the way that he's started doing with New Girl - I let it slide back then cos obviously they had some weird history going on. I still do not know whether he was being deliberately obvious with the subterfuge, or whether he was just really crap at it. ETA: To be fair, I can credit my last two promotions at work to the fact that "trying to impress this guy" dragged me out of a terminal motivation slump. So it's not been a total wash. But I'm pretty confident now that I can extricate myself and ditch this asshole for good
  5. Same guy - though he never moved near the ex in the end cos the house fell through; he has, however, since spent considerable time bitching about ex's new husband and the fact that she made the new guy spend £17k on an engagement ring, and what a terrible return on investment that is... He's def serious about leaving (to date I have helped him apply for 3 internal positions and at least 7 external), but is way overestimating his abilities, so likely won't be going anywhere any time soon. I'm really struck now at the tawdry patheticness of his scheming. His dad is an industry bigwig who has used his charm and ruthlessness* to build a huge business empire; junior uses lazy versions of the same powers to persuade a series of smart lonely women to help him use Microsoft Outlook. *yes, there are actual newspaper articles about how much of a dick his dad is
  6. If it helps, consider that a social media friend request is one of the laziest social interactions available to humanity, second only to a "like" click, and by fretting about it you have already exceeded the effort it took to send - so no need to feel bad about taking no further action. If you don't want to connect, it's OK to completely ignore it.
  7. This is disturbingly accurate I'm hanging tough, he's still blanking me, probably expecting that I'm gonna crack and apologise like all previous occasions. NOPE. Worried about New Girl though; she's from a sheltered background and this is like her 2nd job since Uni; I knew what I was getting into with this dude but she's gonna get badly burned. I'm making a point of still talking to her so she doesn't fear that I'll retaliate, but is there any way I can warn her without looking like crazy jealous lady?
  8. The thing with work is that I have to go there anyway, but an extra one or two nights A WEEK going out? Holy shit who has time for that? My brain keeps trying to persuade me that I'm the bad guy here - I had a stupid jealous reaction and now he's all hurt that I doubted his true friendship - but I must resist. If I'm the bad guy then I can fix it by apologising!! Ugh stupid brain. Anyway I guess I'll need to return the extremely expensive macro lens he lent me - that's gonna be a bit awkward, but can't have it hanging around my house like an unwanted Mitt Romney bobblehead...
  9. Once or twice a week is... LOW maintenance?!
  10. Guys, I already tried a mutually-supportive emotionally-healthy marriage with a lovely guy who some of you have met, and who I am still good friends with. It nearly suffocated the life out of me and I had to flee. I fear that dysfunction may be my lot in life, and I'm cool with that; I just need to find a way to make it work a bit better for me.
  11. You are quite correct, I am a dysfunctional wreck when it comes to relationships. But honestly, while things were going "well", I had no need to do anything about it; I wasn't exaggerating when I said the situation was perfect. While it lasted. Anyway yeah, dude's a douche and he has to go. But despite all the borderline-sketchy stuff going on under the surface, he was also my friend; I wouldn't have stuck it out this long if he had zero good qualities. And that's the shit that hurts.
  12. It's kind of... all of the above? For a fact, I realised some while ago that my penchant for unavailable men is really just a semi-unconscious dating-avoidance strategy (when ur best dude is an unemployed alcoholic on the far edge of a different continent, it becomes apparent that "dating" is not the end-game here - I mean surely there are unemployed alcoholics closer to home?). But if there was no possibility at all of a fling developing out of this, it would take away the fun, like idk a rollercoaster that went really slowly. The escalation is also partly payment demands for services rendered - if I'm gonna redraft his CV 27 times, I'm getting bought some beers tyvm (and boy did he try to weasel out of that, despite me setting it out as a condition before starting work). Also: I know what I'm like. If I wasn't crushing on this dude, it'd be someone else, possibly even less appropriate, and this seemed like adequate damage limitation for many reasons (eg. he isn't married, I don't have to spend loads of money to see him, he's fun to hang out with when he's not whining, he's kind of a dick so no great loss if it falls through, etc). Still kind of angry and upset; there's no easy fix for finding out that you're so easily disposable - luckily my office has just today gone "agile" so nobody has fixed desks any more, so I'm hiding out in a far corner where I don't have that shit in my face all day. But I'll live.
  13. This is why I love you guys
  14. So yeah. Has Min returned to the board after many years simply to resume bitching about Hot Work Dude in the Dating thread? Why yes, yes she has. Basically I just need to vent for a bit then you can all remind me that he's a dickbag unworthy of my time. Thus: Things had been going really well, by my standards. I've pretty much concluded that the only part of a relationship I like is the will-they-won't-they sexual tension you get before you actually and disappointingly fuck, so this deal was perfect - the existence of an unpleasant gf meant that the tension could continue indefinitely, while he was quite happy to drink and flirt and text and get inappropriately cosy on pub sofas and give lingering hugs at the end of evenings, etcetera etcetera. Bliss. But, and there's always a but, along comes Office New Girl. You play with a player, my friends, you're gonna get played. So now - just as I'd finally gotten to visit his flat! - he's suddenly lying about his lunch plans then very obviously sneaking out with her, or spending all morning chatting to her and ignoring me, only to msg me at midday to ask me to proof his boring document (not my job). In response to this last, which was today, I basically said "if you're gonna chat to New Girl all morning instead of me, you can't just swan up and ask for favours", at which he got The Huff and resumed his furious WhatsApping, with further not very surreptitious lunch sneaking. We've not spoken since, barring some strictly professional emails about actual work shit. I am quite upset; I fear that I may have killed a dysfunctional but pleasant friendship, or possibly I'm just grieving one that was already dead or never was real in the first place. We'd talked before about how he too-often just asked me to do stuff for him, and he has regularly insisted that he really is my friend and isn't just in it for the freeloading... but then there's a) the actual freeloading and b ) the lying which means I can't trust his utterances anyway. So here we are. (honestly, New Girl is lovely but even dumber than me - bad enough getting attached to a guy at work with a girlfriend, but she's gone the extra step by going for a guy at work with a girlfriend who is also somewhat involved with a senior member of her own team...) Hit me with the clue-bat, folks!
  15. MinDonner

    Board Issues 4

    Yeah, another one here to report the mobile-skin banner-ad problem. Doesn't always appear, but it totally stops me from posting when it does, cos it covers the post button. Looks like it's saying something about carrying some elephants on a tablet? Yep, useless ad, can't even see the full text of what it's selling!