What made you laugh out loud?

[TheWordsmith]

“They’re girls”

“Are they?” Tormund squinted at the pair of them from his saddle. “Me and Lord Crow made a wager on which o’ you has the biggest member. Pull them britches down, give us a look.”

One of the girls turned red. The other glared back defiantly. “You leave us alone Tormund Giantstink. You let us go.”

“Har! You win, Crow. Not a cock between ‘em. The little ones got her a set ‘o balls though.”

I had to take a break after reading that, Tormund is by far my favorite minor character.

[JOler]

The epilouge of ASoS with Merrett Frey had me laughing pretty hard at most points in the chapter.

[StarkWard]

Don't make me rue the day I raped your mother. -Bolton

Mayhaps this was a blessing, had he lived, he would have grown up to be a Frey. -Manderly

[Buster]

I was laughing all the way through Tyrion's first chapter in Dance. He arrives in Pentos in a barrel and spends his time there stumbling around, making witty comments to people and getting more and more drunk. Unfortunately his story only gets worse from there...

[Artemis]

I also love how everything reminds her of food when she's on her journey with Gendry and Hot Pie:

"Part of her wanted to be a swan. The other part wanted to eat one."

"Septa Mordane said boar hunting was not for ladies, and Mother only promised that when she was older she might have her own hawk. She was older now, but if she had a hawk she’d eat it. "

Her POVs are hilarious! I love her childishly blunt yet innocuous musings. :lol:

[l3ol3o]

"Lollys ate to fast, got sick, and retched all over herself and her sister."

[TheHoodedLady]

"The night is dark and full of turnips" made my day.

[Gingerly Grumkin]

The walls would have shamed any proper castle, and the ornamental iron spikes along the top looked strangely naked without heads to adorn them. Tyrion pictured how his sister’s head might look up there, with tar in her golden hair and flies buzzing in and out of her mouth. Yes, and Jaime must have the spike beside her, he decided. No one must ever come between my brother and my sister.

[deadphoenix]

Any time Hodor speaks up in a situation where multiple characters are trying to decide / discuss something is comedy gold. It is pretty much the only thing that makes me LOL in the books.

[lakin1013]

Love the part where Tyrion is explaining that his father put him in charge of the Casterly Rock sewers.

...Wait, I got a brilliant idea in my fucking dwarf sized brain. "The sewers!" he said. "I was in charge of the sewers of Casterly Rock. They drained into the sea ... Then the tv show added the lovely line where he says that ...the shit never flowed so good.

[Liar]

This one made me lmfao:

Ser Devan Lannister to Lewis Piper in a Jamie's POV from AFFC:

“I beat your brother bloody in a mêlée once. The runty little fool took offense when I asked him if that was his sister dancing naked on his shield.”

[Jon's Queen Consort]

That one:

"Lord Snow wants to take my place now."He sneered. "I'd have an easier time teaching a wolf to juggle than you will training this aurochs."

"I'll take that wager, Ser Alliser", Jon said."I'd love to see Ghost juggle."

And when Joff died.

edit:spelling

[LordBloodraven]

From ACOK when Tyrion goes to arrest Grand Maester Pycelle

Roaring, Shagga leapt foward. Pycelle shrieked and wet the bed, urine spraying in all directions as he tried to scramble back out of reach. The Wildling caught him by the end of his billowy white beard and hacked off three-quarters of it with a single slash of the axe."

Tyrion used a bit of bed sheet to wipe the piss off his boots.

Picturing theis scene with Shagga going for Pycelle with piss going everywhere makes me cry every time I read it.

In that scene, there's a moment where Tyrion chides Shagga and he answered "Dolf fathered fighters not barbers"

ETA. Shagwell: "I am too droll to die"

Brienne: " You are no better than the rest of them. You have robbed and raped and murdered.”

Shagwell: "Oh, I have, I have, I shant deny it… But I’m amusing, with all my japes and capers. I make men laugh"

Brienne: "And women weep"

Shagwell: "Is that my fault? Women have no sense of humour"

[Winterfellian]

I don't remember the words exactly but when Young Griff is studying history and they got him to repeat all this facts about tigers and elepahants. Finally Haldon ask him for a conclusion he answered:''if you want to conquer the world you need dragons''

I know this is is probably not supposed to be funny but is so true that I always laugh:

Cersei is as gentle as King Maegor, as selfless as Aegon theUnworthy, as wise as Mad Aerys.

When Roose is riding with Reek and discuss how he met Ramsey's mother:

Has my bastard ever told you how I got him?

Yes, M'lord. You met his mother whilst riding and were smitten with her beauty

SmitternBolton laughed. Did he used that word? Why, the boy has a singer's soul...

[StannisBamfatheon]

"Lancel pumping dutifully away"

The height of erotic fiction!!!

[Jolene Brown]

Can we talk about The Winds of Winter sample chapter on the "general" forum? Mine is from there, and I really want to post it, but I'm not sure...

[Fredzanityy]

Robert: Ser Barristan, show my brother the door

Renly: My brother is too kind, I can find the door by myself. Perchance later Joffrey can tell me how he got disarmed by a nine year old.

[Fredzanityy]

Or

Mace Tyrell: "The boy must abandon the Riverlands, join his forces to Roose Bolton's once more, and throw all his strenght against Moat Cailin. Thats what I would do." Tyrion had to bite his tongue at that. Robb Stark had won more battles in a year than the Lord of Highgarden had in twenty.

[Larry of the Lawn]

Tyrion to Shagga (paraphrased), when Shagga says "How'd you like to die, dwarf?"

Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of eighty, with a bellyful of wine and a whore's mouth around my cock"

------------------------

when Stannis and Renly are parlaying:

"I am not without mercy" said he was notoriously without mercy.

---------------------------------

Anything that Tyrion, Dolorous Edd, Stannis, or Tormund say.

[l3ol3o]

Jaime had once heard Thoros tell the King that he became a red priest because the robes hid the winestains so well. Robert had laughed so hard he's spit ale all over Cersei's silken mantle.