I love The Ned, but I can't understand one thing

[SansaClaws]

In addition to the possibilities already mentioned, I see a couple of other reasons for Ned to have kept this secret.

First of all, if R+L=J is true, then Jon is obviously in a lot of danger. Look how Robert felt about Viserys and Dany and then just imagine that he finds out that not only is there another kid, one close by that he can actually get to, but that kid is the product of the rape (at least as far as Robert is concerned) of the woman Robert loved AND his best friend has been keeping said kid a secret from him. Catelyn hating Jon just adds another layer of realism and protection to the whole thing.

Second of all, if Ned tells Catelyn--and only Catelyn--nothing really changes. She still has to pretend her husband has betrayed her, people will still think he's been unfaithful. I can think of at least one time Ned's infidelity is thrown in her face (by Jaime) and there might be more (don't have the book nearby to check) How much harder would that be to listen to if she knew it was a lie? She would want to defend him, and given that she's not exactly known for thinking things through, might have snapped and blurted the truth out one day.

[chrisdaw]

Ned chose to carry the burden of being a liar and a traitor to his king. Ned would not force that burden on another, especially his wife.

It's completely in character and would have been out of character had he told her.

[TalalOfDorne]

Ned telling Catelyn certainly would've made things easier for her and Jon. It could also raise suspicion as well.

[joluoto]

Ned keep his oaths (I think, though I'm not 100% sure he never told anyone. He might have told the Daynes when he returned Dawn to Starfall).

But more importantly, it was dangerous information. He probably thought he could keep Catelyn and Jon safe by not telling them.

[protar]

To sum up:

• If Lyanna made Ned promise not to tell anyone he would have kept that promise.
  
• He barely knew Cat when they were married so wouldn't have trusted her for a while.
  
• She may not have taken the news that he was hiding a Targaryen as his son very well.
  
• If she had taken it well it would have looked very suspicious if she was fine with her husband's "bastard" being paraded about.
  
• Ned would have been making her an accessory to high treason and her life would have been on the line.
  

Perfectly logical not to tell her.

[Knight Of Winter]

Probably Ned didn't want to break his promise to Lyanna. And what The Wolfswood said (post #32).

Still, I believe telling Catelyn would have been better solution. Basically, I think potential benefits - happier childhood for Jon and erasing Cat's bitterness - far outweigh potential downside - miniscule chance that secret would somehow be revealed.

Probably greatest part of Cat's resentment towards Jon is feeling of personal betrayal from Ned - he was unfaithful to her by fathering a bastard and chose to rub her with it by raising Jon among his household. Every time Cat or people of WF saw Jon, they might have thought: "Yes, Ned cheated on his wife. Here's proof for all of you to see. Look at him and be ever reminded of that." With Cat knowing the truth, her biggest reason for despising Jon simply vanishes.

Compared to that, I don't think downsides are that dangerous. I mean, for 15 years, secret of Jon's parentage was successfully kept by two people, Howland and Ned, and adding third confidant wouldn't be harmful that much. Especially if that confidant is not blabbering, not stupid and has every possible motive to keep the secret (for one, safety of her beloved husband).

If Ned feared people would take note of Cat's change of behavior towards Jon, he could have simply told her to take things slowly and gradually. Besides, even if people would start to wonder about Cat's change of heart, other explanations would come to their mind first: explanations like Catelyn finally warmed up towards Jon, she did it for Ned, she did it for her kids, she finally got over her resentment and decided to give Jon a chance. "She did it because Ned told her Jon is not his" will probably not come to people's mind, as there are other more probable explanations. And even if it does, people can hardly back up their rumours with anything of substance.

[Tywin Manderly]

To sum up:

• If Lyanna made Ned promise not to tell anyone he would have kept that promise.
  
• He barely knew Cat when they were married so wouldn't have trusted her for a while.
  
• She may not have taken the news that he was hiding a Targaryen as his son very well.
  
• If she had taken it well it would have looked very suspicious if she was fine with her husband's "bastard" being paraded about.
  
• Ned would have been making her an accessory to high treason and her life would have been on the line.
  

Perfectly logical not to tell her.

This!

It might have been easier for all people involved if Ned would have had Jon fostered with Wyman Manderly in White Harbour. The Manderlies would be delighted to help out their liege lord and Jon would be safe there as well as receive an excellent education.

[WhiteOwl18]

Post deleted.

[fantasmas]

While an overall good man, Eddard had his flaws and secrets. The less people who knew of Jon's true parents, the better. Catelyn had moments of being rash and acting upon impulse. Not telling her this secret to a girl he scarcely knew when she arrived at Winterfell with Robb was the wisest choice at the time. Sometimes secrets can become truth if you believe long enough and live within that lie. Ned hadn't even thought of Rhaegar in years and the flashes of the Tower of Joy came to him unbidden.

Some secrets are safer kept hidden. Some secrets are too dangerous to share, even with those you love and trust.

[WhiteOwl18]

It isn't really that hard to understand why Ned wouldn't tell Catelyn. The less people know a secret, the better. It's a simple truth. Presuming R + L = J, there's already a few people who likely know some degree of the truth. Ned and Howland both likely know the full story and Wylla may know a version of it. Ashara as well, if any of those theories are right.

One of the things that strikes me when we discuss this particular topic is the tendency of people to deduce the ideal, most logical solution to a problem - i.e. Ned telling Catelyn keeps her from hating Jon, everyone is happier - without taking in to consideration the fact that when someone is caught up in the thick of things, understanding what the actual best course of action isn't easy. People often get caught up in things or don't fully comprehend how their actions might affect other people. For instance, Tyrion insulted and threatened Joffrey a number of times while in court because it seemed like the best course of action to him, without ever realizing that it could be used to implicate him in an assassination attempt if one ever happened.

Ned likely fell in to the same trap. He spends a lot of time reflecting on the secrets he's kept and the price to keep them. I think he failed to understand just how heavy the price would be when he brought Jon home. Ned wanted Jon and Robb to grow up, close as brothers, which means that he thought it was possible. This isn't canon at all, but i think he simply underestimated just how much of a stigma being a bastard was and failed to understand just how much raising Jon at Winterfell would bother Cat. Once things progressed to the point where it causes strain on the family, Ned is so wrapped up in the fabricated truth that revealing it becomes harder than ever.

In summation, the reason Ned didn't tell Cat is because Ned isn't perfect and failed to anticipate how his lie would affect everyone around him. By the time he understood the consequences, things had progressed to the point where revealing the truth was far more difficult than it had been before.

I'm not sure the fear that Cat might somehow leak the secret was Ned's primary concern. It was a concern, of course...a very natural one, actually. But the bigger idea, I think, is the one theguyfromthevale has been getting at: sharing the secret with Catelyn made her his accomplice in treason, meaning that if the secret were ever discovered by anyone by any means (not necessarily from Cat), then Cat herself would be guilty of treason in the eyes of the crown. It was just as much about protecting Catelyn herself as it was about protecting the secret. Or protecting Catelyn from the secret, not just the secret from Catelyn.

It's easy to forget that Lyanna died and Jon appeared under pretty suspicious circumstances. Ned probably had fears that others would notice the coincidence of the whole situation, put some ideas together, and start asking questions. Moreover, there are other people living who know the secret (or something close to it): Howland Reed, the wet nurse who was at the ToJ, and any other servants who might have been present. Ned never could have been certain that someone in the know would not falter or that an outsider would not be clever enough to surmise the truth. Ned was cautious because if the secret ever got out, Catelyn's mere knowledge could have literally placed her life in danger. These concerns trumped the uncomfortableness of a rift in the marriage -- a rift that seems to have been pretty manageable, by the way. The effects of this rift on Jon and the marriage are certainly unfortunate, but in the end they are simply part of the price that Ned acknowledges he had to pay to keep his promise to Lyanna.

ETA: Also, what The Wolfswood said.

In addition to the possibilities already mentioned, I see a couple of other reasons for Ned to have kept this secret.

First of all, if R+L=J is true, then Jon is obviously in a lot of danger. Look how Robert felt about Viserys and Dany and then just imagine that he finds out that not only is there another kid, one close by that he can actually get to, but that kid is the product of the rape (at least as far as Robert is concerned) of the woman Robert loved AND his best friend has been keeping said kid a secret from him. Catelyn hating Jon just adds another layer of realism and protection to the whole thing.

Second of all, if Ned tells Catelyn--and only Catelyn--nothing really changes. She still has to pretend her husband has betrayed her, people will still think he's been unfaithful. I can think of at least one time Ned's infidelity is thrown in her face (by Jaime) and there might be more (don't have the book nearby to check) How much harder would that be to listen to if she knew it was a lie? She would want to defend him, and given that she's not exactly known for thinking things through, might have snapped and blurted the truth out one day.

To sum up:

• If Lyanna made Ned promise not to tell anyone he would have kept that promise.
  
• He barely knew Cat when they were married so wouldn't have trusted her for a while.
  
• She may not have taken the news that he was hiding a Targaryen as his son very well.
  
• If she had taken it well it would have looked very suspicious if she was fine with her husband's "bastard" being paraded about.
  
• Ned would have been making her an accessory to high treason and her life would have been on the line.
  

Perfectly logical not to tell her.

Pretty much all of this.

[Jory Cassel]

Ned tells you himself: Some secrets are too dangerous to share, even with those you love. Ned would make Cat an accomplice in high treason by telling her, putting her in danger...

Also, if Cat had seen a chance to trade Jon for her daughters in ACoK, she would have done that in a heartbeat... and as the Targ heir, he would be quite an important hostage for the Lannisters to get their hands on.

this.

So letting your wife hate an innocent child and think you're unfaithful is better than letting her know, even though no one would know the truth outside of them and even fewer would believe it?

No, I highly doubt the Lannisters would A) Care for a Targ bastard, and B] Believe her. Her children were a lot more valuable than some bastard whose parentage couldn't be confirmed. Plus, if he was in the Watch she wouldn't be able to trade him, nor would Robb allow it.

The only logical thing is that Ned promised not to tell anyone, and so he didn't. Seems like a weak element in the story, but w/e. Either that, or it's a plot hole.

because she already valued Robb's permission before freeing Jaime..

It is not about actually trading Jon, it's about trading/spilling the secret, and as theguyfromthevale said, she wouldn't hesitate for an instant if she saw even a faint chance of freeing her daughters. In aCoK, Catelyn reflects on why supposedly Jon Arryn and Ned were killed by the queen in order to protect her children, and she asks herself whether she would do any less for her children. Jon's "bastard blood" is already a threat to Catelyn, but Jon does not have any value to her in the current situation.

I'm also quite surprised no one mentioned the quote where Ned basically gives the explanation himself; his thoughts during the conversation with Cersei in aGoT:

"If it came to that, the life of some child I did not know, against Robb and Sansa and Arya and Bran and Rickon, what would I do? Even more so, what would Catelyn do, if it were Jon’s life, against the children of her body? He did not know. He prayed he never would."

[Rahgh Neqaj]

Also, if Cat had seen a chance to trade Jon for her daughters in ACoK, she would have done that in a heartbeat... and as the Targ heir, he would be quite an important hostage for the Lannisters to get their hands on.

I agree that he'd be an important hostage as Targ descendant but he most certainly is not a heir. Rhaegar and Lyanna weren't married so even under the (credible) R+L=J assumption, Jon remains a bastard.

Of course there's always some crack head who's eager to put a puppet on the throne and doesn't care whether the puppet is legitimate or not so both Robert and Lannisters would have had a good reason to shorten Jon by a head or two and Ned had good reasons to keep it quiet. But being a threat to the throne doesn't equate to having a legal right to sit on the throne.

Besides the obvious security and "promised it to L" related reasons I see another reasons for Ned keeping mum about R+L: How would you feel if you learned that your uncle and step father killed your real father and that you're a bastard not only of one big house but of the king's line and that you would have had - had you been legitimat - at good chance to sit on the iron throne one day? I believe that it's much easier to be a Stark bastard than being a Stark + Targ bastard.

[Jory Cassel]

I agree that he'd be an important hostage as Targ descendant but he most certainly is not a heir. Rhaegar and Lyanna weren't married so even under the (credible) R+L=J assumption, Jon remains a bastard.

Proof please.

The circumstancial evidence, namely the presence of the Kingsguard and them explicitly referring to their vows suggests otherwise and strongly implies that they were in fact married.

[Rahgh Neqaj]

Proof please.

The circumstancial evidence, namely the presence of the Kingsguard and them explicitly referring to their vows suggests otherwise and strongly implies that they were in fact married.

Rhaegar was still married to Elia and Elia was still alive in the red keep after Rhaegar died at the trident.

[WhiteOwl18]

Rhaegar was still married to Elia and Elia was still alive in the red keep after Rhaegar died at the trident.

The Targs had a precedent for polygamy.

[Jory Cassel]

The Targs had a precedent for polygamy.

+ there's no indication at all that polygamy was forbidden by law

[Rahgh Neqaj]

The Targs had a precedent for polygamy.

SSM: http://www.westeros.org/Citadel/SSM/Entry/Polygamy_in_Westeros Rhaegar didn't have dragons, he had an uprising to control and I bet Dorne would have been badly offended had he engaged in Polygamy or annulled/divorced the marriage to Elia. No one describes Rhaegar as being that stupid. Even more important, if they did marry, that marriage never entered the books of common knowledge. So any claim that Jon is an official Targ heir would be worthless now unless the claim is being enforced by a couple of dragons. The claim that he is a Targ bastard on the other hand is far more believable IMO.

[RedBean]

The difference between Ned and Cat is that Cat is extremely protective of her own children (to the extent of over-protectiveness). While Ned is so naïve and honourable that he's unwilling to take innocent kids hostage, even it might mean his own kids were in danger for it. If you take that line of thinking, Cat wouldn't want Jon anywhere near her kids because of the risk (however small it may be), while Ned was willing to take the chance because of his promise to his dead sister. It's one of those situations that's crappy to everyone around - there's no real way to make it better.

[Rahgh Neqaj]

+ there's no indication at all that polygamy was forbidden by law

AFAIK there's only one precedent and that's a Targ precedent.

Anyway, there's many vows a person can make, not just marriage vows.

[Ygrain]

SSM: http://www.westeros....amy_in_Westeros Rhaegar didn't have dragons, he had an uprising to control and I bet Dorne would have been badly offended had he engaged in Polygamy or annulled/divorced the marriage to Elia. No one describes Rhaegar as being that stupid. Even more important, if they did marry, that marriage never entered the books of common knowledge. So any claim that Jon is an official Targ heir would be worthless now unless the claim is being enforced by a couple of dragons. The claim that he is a Targ bastard on the other hand is far more believable IMO.

Long after they lost the dragons, the Targs were still able to practice incest, which, unlike polygamy, was considered a grave sin under both religions and was the reason for the Faith uprising against Aegon's son.

BTW, when Jorah suggests Dany that she might take more spouses, he doesn't mention her dragons as the reason why she might be able to pull it but simply because she's a Targ and it's a Targ thing to do.

Besides, if Jon is not legit, the three KG including the fienst knight that ever lived are oathbreakers to their KG vows, as they are placing Rhaegar's order to protect his mistress and bastard above their oath to protect the king, which would be Viserys.