Goodkind XXII: Better than Newcomb and Stanek

[PhelanArcetus]

Damn, we'll stop. Before our brains melt, run down out of our noses and ears, and then explode.

Obviously the important human themes embodied by Dickie and Klan are important enough that we don't need to be concerned with people disagreeing with them (if it's not a straw man argument for them to destroy, it just doesn't happen), or any of the logistical or logical issues. I mean, we've already determined we don't need continuity or consistency. And things don't happen off-stage, either. Ever. If there isn't a PoV character nearby, nothing important will happen.

If Klan, Dickie, Zedd, and Jagang are all away from the front lines... the soldiers all get together for a nice game of cricket. No fighting without the principals around. That's in fact the reason why we ever have other characters have a PoV scene. It's not to give us insight into them, but rather to allow us to see something happen. We can't just have Dickie hear about something third-hand, we need to see it ourselves.

[Moosicus]

It's always a problem. Fantasy in general requires a suspension of disbelief, but TG's crap requires a suspension of most higher brain functions. If we ever teach monkeys to read I bet they'll love his shit.

[Mad Monkey]

If we ever teach monkeys to read I bet they'll love his shit.

No.

Just... no.

[Moosicus]

No.

Just... no.

Geez, what's a guy gotta do to get on the vendetta list?

[pat5150]

Just wanted to let you know that I just pimped the Complete, Unabridged Dictionary for the Lemmings of Discord on the blog!

Great job, guys!

Patrick

[Moosicus]

Good to hear mystarbaiter. Spread the word.

[The Wolf Maid]

Okay so what you are saying is that Panis Rahl told Darken Rahl that Zedd's daughter died at age 6, and that he was just raping a random girl who happened to end up being Zedd's daughter. This would still lead me to question how Darken Rahl raped her, since the boundaries went up when he was a child. While it is true that Zedd stayed in the Midlands for a little while before going to Westland, is it feasible to think that Darken Rahl would have somehow been able to find a way past the boundaries when he was still a child?

I think my head just hurt after reading all that stuff. Now instead of clearing things up, I'm more confused.

I feel...bereft.

On the other hand, That's great! Mystar Baiter. Spread the truth

[Piper]

I think my head just hurt after reading all that stuff. Now instead of clearing things up, I'm more confused.

Ditto. Would someone with the sufficient moral celery type that up as a bullet point timeline type thing, for those of us who are obviously not old enough to understand TG's masterful plotting? Because, you know, you choose life?

[Myshkin]

You guys need to stop trying to make sense of Tairy's writting. The Yeard is a genius, and if you fail to understand that you are too young or too stupid to be reading his great works in the first place!

[The Wolf Maid]

Yes, I know Myshkin. Still, I feel a strong compelling...thing that makes me want to make sense of things, if only to make the thing stop hurting.

[Caligula_K]

It's always a problem. Fantasy in general requires a suspension of disbelief, but TG's crap requires a suspension of most higher brain functions. If we ever teach monkeys to read I bet they'll love his shit.

I know lots of people who are able to create antidotes to poisons based on how the poison tastes.

[Dycedarg]

Geez, what's a guy gotta do to get on the vendetta list?

I'd give you some suggestions but helping someone, even one as celerious as The Mad Moose, would be charity and that would be choosing death.

[Mad Monkey]

Geez, what's a guy gotta do to get on the vendetta list?

A lot better than that, for certain. Really, if you had said something like that Richard he would have just ripped out part of your spine. Not worth getting worked up about.

You guys need to stop trying to make sense of Tairy's writting. The Yeard is a genius, and if you fail to understand that you are too young or too stupid to be reading his great works in the first place!

The problem is that I do understand it. His works make perfect sense -- it's not like he's approaching deep philosophical thoughts or employing Joycean prose or something. The Sword of Truth is just... stupid.

Not the actual Sword in the series; the Sword of Truth is actually my favorite character. It has never given a speech. But the actual book that it's in is DUMB.

[The Wolf Maid]

I know lots of people who are able to create antidotes to poisons based on how the poison tastes.

...I think Eddings has a character who can do that.

[Jaxom 1974]

Just wanted to let you know that I just pimped the Complete, Unabridged Dictionary for the Lemmings of Discord on the blog!

Woo! I made one suggestion to the dictionary and it got taken! WOO HOO!

[The Wolf Maid]

So this is the bulleted chonological events on how Richard was conceived or how Panis Rahl died

• In Debt of Bones, Zedd's (then known as the First Wizard) wife and daughter were attacked by a quad set upon them by the ruler of D'Hara, Panis Rahl, in retaliation to Zedd's successful efforts in attacking him
  
• Wife was left to die; daughter was taken by soldiers. Zedd's daughter appear to be a young girl, around 6 years old (or possibly older). Wife eventually dies due to a worm spell planted in her that was triggered by Zedd's magic.
  
• Daughter eventually recovered. Zedd stages elaborate illusion to trick D'Hara that his daughter is dead; casts a death spell over her to ensure Rahl or their enemies no longer detects her as alive. Casts Wizard's fire against Panis Rahl, kills him and burns his son, Darken as well.
  
• Zedd casts wall of death that would serve as a division between the Midlands and the new land without magic Zedd proposes to establish; Takes about a year or so to accomplish the migration to the new land.
  
• Speculation: Zedd presmably still in Midlands with daughter after wall was built. Sometime soon, perhaps when she was in her teens, she was raped by Darken Rahl (who didn't know who she was) and got her pregnant.
  
• Zedd and daughter then migrates to the land without magic where his daughter eventually marries George Cypher
  

Whew. Any corrections? Additions?

[Piper]

So this is the bulleted chonological events on how Richard was conceived or how Panis Rahl died

• In Debt of Bones, Zedd's (then known as the First Wizard) wife and daughter were attacked by a quad set upon them by the ruler of D'Hara, Panis Rahl, in retaliation to Zedd's successful efforts in attacking him
  
• Wife was left to die; daughter was taken by soldiers. Zedd's daughter appear to be a young girl, around 6 years old (or possibly older). Wife eventually dies due to a worm spell planted in her that was triggered by Zedd's magic.
  
• Daughter eventually recovered. Zedd stages elaborate illusion to trick D'Hara that his daughter is dead; casts a death spell over her to ensure Rahl or their enemies no longer detects her as alive. Casts Wizard's fire against Panis Rahl, kills him and burns his son, Darken as well.
  
• Zedd casts wall of death that would serve as a division between the Midlands and the new land without magic Zedd proposes to establish; Takes about a year or so to accomplish the migration to the new land.
  
• Speculation: Zedd presmably still in Midlands with daughter after wall was built. Sometime soon, perhaps when she was in her teens, she was raped by Darken Rahl (who didn't know who she was) and got her pregnant.
  
• Zedd and daughter then migrates to the land without magic where his daughter eventually marries George Cypher
  

Whew. Any corrections? Additions?

Thanks WM!

I guess that's as much sense as we're going to make out of this, no specific ages or anything. This guy can't even be bothered to keep distances and countries consistant, how do we expect him to care about a little thing like backstory?

ETA: post 700 woohoo! What a great thread to hit that milestone on, I couldn't have done it without Tairy. I remember my first post, debunking a Nightflyer theory; it seems like so long ago. Now accepting suggestions for custom titles.

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

*throws hat into ring*

Ok...I'm on board with the the Most Holy and Divine Church of Discordant lemmings.

First things first: Confession

SOT was actually my introduction into the fantasy genre. I picked up Stone of Tears at the library (even then I was not feeding the yeard!) in a fit of extreme boredom based soley on the neat cover art featuring chick with amazing rack. Clearly I have sinced cast aside my false beliefs and accepted the truth of the mother church.

Second: contrition

I repent of my lurker status in the Goodkind threads, and swear myself to the continued dismantling of his yeardliness.

Third: penitence

I submit as my penance a parody of the first few bit of WFR.

<ahem>

It was an odd looking vine. And when I say odd looking I mean quite fracking odd looking. It definately looked like the kind of vine that would kill you so much as look at you. Especially if you touched it. Dick of course decided to touch it. It immediately almost-raped him. After an amazing battle requiring martial prowess it takes normal men 10-15 years to achieve, Dick subdued the vine, Macguivering some Round Up by memory. Dick was just a rare kind of guy.

You see, Dick was a woods guide. He guided people in the woods. He wasn't guiding anyone today, but he was in the woods anyway, because most people hang out at work on their days off right? Dick wasn't exactly sure why he was a woods guide. It seemed that there were, at the most, four towns in his entire country, and they were kind of all laid out in a row so you would think there was a road or something, but there wasn't. You might have thought that there were too many commas in the previous sentence but that is because you are death chooser so now Dick hates you and doesn't want you reading his books. Piss off.

Fourth: Acceptance?

I humbly submit myself to the clergy of the church. Bestow upon me the vestments of a Prophet of the Rising Thing; or be known as commie death-choosers, undeserving of victory.

[The Wolf Maid]

I'm somewhat drunk on iced tea, so I can't truly make sense of anything, but Tormund, you're in (in my book). The Prophet of the Thing Rising? Sounds like a good title to me.

Now go forth with your commie ways.

[Watcher]

Wife was left to die; daughter was taken by soldiers. Zedd's daughter appear to be a young girl, around 6 years old (or possibly older). Wife eventually dies due to a worm spell planted in her that was triggered by Zedd's magic

Worm spell?