Outrageous Lies About the Previous Poster, V.14 - Back to You Arya kiddin'!

[honeyed chicken]

Is Justin Bieber.

And always a safe topic for an outrageous lie. :P

After several grueling months of testing and photo shoots, Horizon's masterpiece: Wires, Clamps, and Body Parts - An Amateurs Guide To Low Or No Cost Erotica You Can Make In The Home is finally done and off to the printers.

[beautifulsouth0]

You didn't hear it from me, but Honeyed Chicken has an affinity for the color orange. Specifically, the color hazard orange used by the Department of Transportation to mark road construction and traffic dangers. His back yard is full of traffic cones, guiding barrels, benches and pylons. He has cleverly arranged the road signs that he has acquired to guide visitors up the winding path over his 4 acre yard to his front door. At the door, visitors are greeted with an array of lighted "danger" and "lane closed" markers, flashing "detour" signs and blinking intersection lights. For holidays, family reunion picnics or when he is in a particularly jaunty mood, HC will light flares and arrange them in festive patterns to mark the occasion. The pride of his collection, however, he keeps indoors and behind locked glass doors: he has many orange foreman bullhorns, arranged in order of their manufacture, dating to before the turn of the 20th century. One of the bullhorns was actually used by a fireman guiding traffic away from the fires that resulted from San Francisco's 1906 earthquake. Another was used by war protestors at Kent State on the day of the massacre. The seemingly frivolous collection actually holds some historical importance and he has offered his property up for educational tours. So far no one ever signed up, but he does have a script for a guided tour prepared.

[honeyed chicken]

BS0 is a very, very nice person who would never, ever even think of saying something she did not know to be absolutely true about about a fellow Westerosi.

[HexMachina]

I walked up the path to Arya Kiddin's house, admiring as I went the perfectly alligned tulips that bordered the pristine white path. Looking at the highly.polished, spotless door, I decided to forego knocking.and ring.the.bell instead. From inside came, not the deep chimes I had expected, but the faintest hint of some tune or other that I couldnt quite catch. The words sounded vaguely like a repitition of Baby, followed by an Oh!

The sound of footsteps brought me back to myself as the door opened, and a broadly grinning Honeyed Chicken answered the door, wear a full French Maid outfit, complete with feather duster. Not what I expected when calling on AK!

The smile slipped from Honeyed Chicken's face like hot oil sliding down a drain. With a terrified, high pitched shriek, he threw his feather duster wildly.behind him, hitched up his skirts, shoved past me.and ran hell for.broke.down the garden.

Even in my state of shock, I had to admire how well Honeyed Chicken was able to run in 6 inch heels.

[honeyed chicken]

I walked up the path to Arya Kiddin's house, admiring as I went the perfectly alligned tulips that bordered the pristine white path. Looking at the highly.polished, spotless door, I decided to forego knocking.and ring.the.bell instead. From inside came, not the deep chimes I had expected, but the faintest hint of some tune or other that I couldnt quite catch. The words sounded vaguely like a repitition of Baby, followed by an Oh!

The sound of footsteps brought me back to myself as the door opened, and a broadly grinning Honeyed Chicken answered the door, wear a full French Maid outfit, complete with feather duster. Not what I expected when calling on AK!

The smile slipped from Honeyed Chicken's face like hot oil sliding down a drain. With a terrified, high pitched shriek, he threw his feather duster wildly.behind him, hitched up his skirts, shoved past me.and ran hell for.broke.down the garden.

Even in my state of shock, I had to admire how well Honeyed Chicken was able to run in 6 inch heels.

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Oh, you are wicked!! :)

Helena will never talk about it.

It's really better she doesn't because who would believe her? They'd all just say her mind is finally going.

But it is true. In another life, Helena really was the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

[HexMachina]

Honeyed Chicken once worked as head chef in a restaurant. He used to make exquisite Italian dishes, and his pastry work was the stuff of legend. However, after gradually became more..."experimental" (read: unhinged) he ended up losing his job after he caused several bouts of food poisoning with his attempts at play-doh spaghetti

[beautifulsouth0]

HelenaAndThe Machine just called the police for a disturbance call, reporting the college kids partying next door at the "Houseasaurus." They have frequent free concerts by garage bands, and today the music was abnormally loud. And bad. This is a bit of the call center transcript: "Yes, 911? I'd like to report a loud disturbance next door, possible underage drinking. Yes, yes I am aware that this is Saturday afternoon and it is Spring Break week in a college town, what does that... what? What is the disturbance? Well the choice in music that the band is playing is utterly horrible. Yes, as in the songs. Huh? Some reggae-ish band I suppose. No.... no... well, right now the song is Stairway to Heaven,.... well yes... I am aware that is a popular cover tune but... but, this isn't even a GOOD cover version of the song. Excuse me? Well, earlier it sounded like it was The Cure. Possibly..... Well no, the lyrics were not particularly offensive, it was the poor job the band was.... no, wait.... they're finished. Maybe it's over.... nooooo, oh no. Please, please can you send someone here? Yes, I am well aware that it's a free country but... officer... you don't... you just don't understand. Oh no. No no no. They are.... wait a minute... is that.... yes, they are DEFINATELY attempting the Spin Doctors now. Yes, The Spin Doctors. What? Well, I don't know..... Two Princes, that Kryptonite song. Please, please... I'm begging you. For the love of all that's holy, please send a unit out here NOWWWW!"

Jeeez, time for some Depends, grandma. Lighten up and let the kids have some fun!

(edited for yeah, OK, faves on this thread have been Helena/Florence's League of Liars meeting, AK's "Let's Belch Again (Like We Did Last Summer)", and HC's Snickers bar hiding place. and, PS, this thread has introduced a few of my friends to westeros.org. ones who are the ultimate hipsters and refuse to join my geeky obsession, and either read or watch Game of Thrones- probably cuz I've been beating them over the head to do so, since, like, 2003. but they DO enjoy this thread.)

[Knight of Ashes]

Hrummmm.."Let's Belch Again..." was mine.

BS0's super-heroine persona is Bra-Woman, so named because of her arsenal of weaponized bras such as the boomerang bra, the gas bra (yes, that kInd of gas), the sonic bra, the bazooka bra ( the most feared and popular one) etc, etc. Of course, to activate a bra, BS0 has to take them off first (yes, she wears all of them underneath her sweater) which makes her a popular target for both male AND female super-villains (videoclips of her unleashing her meteor-detection bra are very popular on youtube).

Her arch-enemy though, is someone called FrenchMaid-Man, whose identity is mentioned in one of the above posts.

At any rate, a movie about Bra-Woman is rumored to start production somewhere in 2016. No word yet as to who's been cast to play the title role.

[beautifulsouth0]

(was it? OMG, so sorry! egg- meet face!)

Knight of Ashes' super alter-ego is Pissy Attitude, a cat who is the companion animal to my ACTUAL super-heroine, Ultra Bitch. Neither of us has any super powers, however, unless you count the fact that we can snark you to death, alone or in tandem.

[Knight of Ashes]

(was it? OMG, so sorry! egg- meet face!)

No biggie, Helena. :D

BS0 is still next in line for a lie since I don't one.

[HexMachina]

Knight of Ashes has spent the past week digging holes and tunnels in his garden. Today, I found him laying a red carpet along the garden path too.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Helena, silly!" he chided me. "I'm digging burrows so the Easter Bunny can come see me abd deliver my chocolate eggs, and laying out the red carpet so he feels special and welcome. Now stop asking silly questions and help me prepare the carrot salad for him!"

[Knight of Ashes]

Helena hates people who don't know where Easter really originated from. "It came from celebrating the Goddess of Fertility, ya dweebs!!" she would yell at people on the streets, at which point, she would point to a giant image of BS0 projected onto a side of a building as she gives birth to octuplets, and rather redundantly, the words 'Goddess of Fertility' underneath.

[honeyed chicken]

picking a fave from this thread would be like trying to pick a favorite child. I'd much rather an outsider do it. Now all I have to do is find someone willing toread all 392 of them. :P

For weeks, KoA was finding Herman everywhere in the house, except in his tank where he was supposed to be. One morning he be in KoA's sock drawer. That afternoon, the dishwasher. That night between the sofa cushions. He's not big for a snapping turtle, but what he lacks in size he makes up for with an ugly temper. The scars and scabs on KoA's arms & hands will attest to that.

One day Herman's owner, KoA's partner, Kristi could not find him anywhere. Finally, as she was eating the supper KoA had prepared, Kristi said to him, "I haven't seen Herman all day. By the way, what is this delicious meal?"

"Turtle soup." said KoA without a trace of a smile.

[HexMachina]

Waving his arms wildly around his head and making obscure gestures, Honeyed Chicken began speaking very loudly. "Och aye the noo and Glasgae ye ken?"

Bemused, the Scottish man looked at Honeyed Chicken much as one looks at a tortoise stuck kickig on its' back.

"Are you okay there sir, you seem a bit confused." said the Scot.

Stubbornly, Honeyed Chicken began jabbering away in what he thought all Scots would understand.

"Haggis Neeps and Tatties d'ya ken?"

The Scotsman leaned over and patted Honeyed Chicken kindly on the head.

"There there son, its okay. You can have all the food you want just calm down."

Defeated, Honeyed Chicken sank to the ground. He would jusr never understand the Scottish language

[honeyed chicken]

He brittle and biting wit on full display, Helena stomped out of the teachers lounge. "When you learn how to dress yourselves without help from your mothers, you can talk to me about my appearance!" She said over her shoulder as the other teachers snickered.

Poor Helena found out the hard way that "melts in your mouth, not in your hand" is just an advertising slogan. She has two round, brown stains on her white cotton blouse. She has no idea how she ended up with exactly one m&m in each of her breast pockets.

[beautifulsouth0]

Honeyed Chicken has spent this Easter AND 4/20 imbibing, and now that he's intoxicated and bored, he's decided to dub today International We Hate Peeps Day. He has set about to destroying many different colors of Peeps in as many creative ways as possible. Although putting them in the microwave wasn't exactly original, it was while he watched the yellow chick expand and then contract on itself while melting that he had his best idea. He heated up a SCALDING cup of hot cocoa, and then set about green bunny Peep-icide in it's chocolately depths. "I'm melting, I'm melting! Oh what a world!" HC mimicked the Peep's voice screaming.

(edited for: my influence for this one was epicurious blog A Peep of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Peeps post from last easter when they recreated season one scenes with Peeps)

[HexMachina]

They clung to each other, hanging on the edge of the oblivion. It was here at last, there time had come. And now it was time for the end.

"We can do this Glynith," whispered Beautifulsouth0, her voice cracking. "We finish this as we started it, together and united."

Beside her, Glynith gave a weak, wavering smile. Always the weaker of the two twins, her resolve was beginning to crumble. It was now or never, Beautifulsouth0 knew. If they didn't do this now then all was lost and the opportunity would be gone forever.

"On three," breathed Beautifulsouth0, reaching out to clasp her twins' hand once more. "One." Glynith gave a swallow and set her jaw. "Two." The twins released each other's hands and faced forwards. "Three!" screamed Beautifulsouth0, as she threw herself down the Kamikazee water slide, as beside her Glynith flew down its' twin.

Tales vary wildly on what happened to the twins after this, and to this day, the matter is hotly debated among historians. What all sources agree on however, is that the floral bikini top of Beautifulsouth0 was found later that day, floating in a nearby swimming pool.

[The Abominable SnowOther]

A Girl can Dream

By Helena

Tonight, it was cold out, chilly and damp, but Helena did not mind. These were her favorite nights. These nights are just right for dreaming she thought. Beautiful dreams always accompanied cold weather. Dreams, No, to be precise, a deam of a boy clad in black, tall and lean with a solemn and distant aura around him. Let me comfort you, please, please just me give the chance...Try as she might she could not tell the boy in black. Every night was the same. "Soon!" she swore to herself, "soon!"

"Who are you?" she said. "Whats your name?" Helena could not keep her voice calm. Tell me,please just tell me, PLEASE!!! her voice almost broke with desire then, but she kept calm. The boy only stared back, but his eyes were looking, looking back at her with passion.

A smile broke on her face, then...

"Who are you?" she said again. "Your future!" he responded. OMFG, his voice, its... its, so beautiful. Her face was the color of lava, her legs gave out, but he was there as quick as a cat holding her in his arms. He's soft, dont ever let me go.

"who are you?" she asked again, in the stories, a question asked three times could not be refused.

"Jon Snow!" the boy said. Its beautiful she thought.The boy began to get closer. grabbed her, and whispered in her ear. " I am your yours and your are mine"

Helena woke from her dream, sweaty and hot, loins burning with desire. :blushing:

FIN

Anyways, i found this on online while spamming the internet

https://i.imgur.com/qbx0IlX.jpg?1

[honeyed chicken]

Anyways, i found this on online while spamming the internet

https://i.imgur.com/qbx0IlX.jpg?1

That's pretty funny.

"Was machts du??" Snow asked in broken German.

He had surprised the "maid" in his room at Hotel Berliner Plaz. She was going through his things - ransacking, really. Stuff was strewn everywhere. When he spoke she let out a little shriek, spun and sprinted out the open balcony door and vaulted the rail in a single smooth motion and disappeared.

Snow walked cautiously out onto the balcony as if she might return as dramatically and suddenly as she left. When he finally did peer over the rail of his 20th story balcony, there was nothing to be seen but a wire attached to his balcony rail by a small, but strong hook. The wire trailed down to the balcony directly below his.

He returned to the room and began putting the stuff back in his suit case. When it was done, he realized the only items missing were an unopened pack of Justin Bieber trading cards and a fan mag with a glossy of the Beebs on the cover.

((Seems like the only appropriate way to wind up this thread. :P))

[The Abominable SnowOther]

Passing a KFC chicken farm, in the distance i could see what I believed to be a man, though i could not quite make him out. Working my way slowly to what looked like a horrendous crime scene I began to smell blood. Something evil is here. Everywhere, the dead carcasses of chickens and their families littered the barn floor, blood gleaming off the sunlight, the shadowed man no where to be seen. I turned to leave...

"bckaa bckaa" i heard something bckaaing. whats that? I thought. Hmmmm, putting my back against the wall, I peaked around the corner, :eek: what i saw will never forget. There, with a bloody bat and a pink childs apron, stood HC with a malevolent smile worthy of any comic book villains praise. Lifting his bat once more, HC, continued his descent into insanity and darkness. :devil:

"CRACK!" i could hear the their bones crunching. oh my f- "CRACK! bckaa! bca-CRACK! Bckaa!" the chickens were bckaaing. I turned to flee, stepped on gravel, "Fuck!" I looked up. HC was looking directly into my eyes with what looked like amusement,

"bckaa!" HC bckaa'd

"Fuck this!" :leaving:

I ran, and ran, and finally when i thought i was away, i looked back. HC was standing right there, smiling, "peep! peep! peep!" i heard something peepeeing from his hand. Im gonna die. Suddenly, HC's hand rose to his mouth, biting the chicks head off with one final "peep!" before the baby chick went silent.

"bckaa" he bckaa'd one last time, looking at me smiling, before turning to leave.

I will never forget that day!