Arya kiddin' Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Helena is a known thief of purple lingerie in her neighborhood, something every new woman in the area is made aware of either by Helena's neighbors or by Helena herself. One way or the other, they eventually learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 :rofl: I do LOVE the colour purple..."Rat meat, get your fresh rat meat here!" cried Arya Kiddin'. "Bloody, fatty rat meat, freshly butchered just last week! Or what about you young lady, do you need something to spice up your love life? I got lovely skunk meat for that, well known as an aphrodisiac. Not for you? How about flea bites, crunchy and nutritious? Anybody? No?"Arya Kiddin looked crestfallen. His stall had done so well when he had visited the slums for the day, what was wrong with these people in Hollywood?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Helena once had a radio how called "Ask Me Anything" where she dispensed advice. The show, however, didn't long 'cause her response to her listeners was almost always "Get away from me, you disgusting pervert!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 The real reason the show didnt last long was because of a call Knight of Ashes made, in which he asked whether I was wearing clothes, and went on to describe, in vivid detail, how he in fact was NOT wearing clothes, and what every square inch of his body looked like. To avoid a repeat performance, the show was cancelled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 (My mom's family is from Castle Rock/kelso area.... her dad was friends w mr truman. He was apparantly an a-hole) Helena inadvertently begins large production dance numbers in the middles of traffic while walking across the street. That's because in her Head, she's singing The Austin Powers themesong and shaking her ass whenever she's in a crosswalk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arya kiddin' Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 You can't talk about traffic madness without mentioning bs0. I mean when the red signal goes on for more than two minutes, she has to lick the front windshield clean from the outside. If it goes on for more than three minutes, that is enough time to make the other passers by fill out a survey titled 'Sex life of the Urban Middle Class, and the effects of dietary practices on it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 ^^:bowdown:Speaking of odd habits, here's one of AK's. If it happens to rai. while he is out and about, he will take a deep breath and holler: "Everybody take cover its the end of the world!" and proceed to shepherd everyone he can to the nearest of his "Rain shelters", specially built bunkers to protect him from.the rain. Once there, he orders everyone to strip off their wet clothes "lest you catch your death!" Unfortunately for the poor souls he listen to him, at this point AK remembers he isnt afraid of the rain, and runs off with a whole wardrobe of new clothes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted April 9, 2014 Author Share Posted April 9, 2014 While grading papers for her high school English class Helena came across one titled, Outrageous Lyres.The whole paper was full of references to creative and excessive lyres and posts about same on something called Westeros.org. As it happens, Helena is somewhat familiar with that site and she knows a little about a thread called Outrageous Lies About the Previous Poster.Unfortunately the school day is long, pay is poor and a teacher often finds herself doing this work late at night when the mind is not sharp and she should really be sleeping.But wishes aren't fishes and sometimes we just have to do what we must, so she dutifully took out her red marking pencil and crossed out every reference to lyres and replaced it with liars.The next day, red faced she stood and listened as the young man explained patiently that his paper was indeed about lyres, not liars and he had no idea what this Outrageous Lies thread she referred to might be (whoops - her secret is out). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 After the first fortnight, they had eaten all of their provisions. During the second, their old mare Rosey died suddenly, but Honeyed Chicken and his companions abandoned her corpse with their wagon when they took to their feet. How could a person even consider making a meal of a horse who had been a lifelong friend? On the third fortnight exactly, Benjamin was forced to trade his lute for a crusty heel of bread and some moldy cheese to sustain them. Gold was of no use to the old farmer that they met;on the other hand musical instruments were precious and wonderful things. "We'll buy a new, better lute when we arrive," said Honeyed Chicken as he slapped Benjamin on the back. "We've gold enough to live like princes, and all our dreams will come true, you'll see." But Benjamin looked more morose than he had been when Rosey died. After a few more days passed, they saw no further travelers, but the city became visible. They had passed no populated farm or village for days, and not eaten in a week. Baden was the first to point out the light to the others, as he was the least weary. "We've only to cross the water," Honeyed Chicken told his companions. "Our gold could pay for passage ten times over. Once there, we'll fill our bellies, rest our bones, fetch that new lute and have our dreams all come true." And so they waited on the lonely bank of a deserted lake, in a weary, barren countryside, and saw not one soul. No boats or skiffs. The trees had all burnt down in the recent wars, and although they had coin, there was no means to cross or even fashion a raft themselves. The twinkling city lights seemed so close, they could reach out and touch them. But once the moon took it's turn, they knew the time had passed and the opportunity was lost to them. Honeyed Chicken and his brothers would never cross the Kaagerplassen and make it to Leiden before the events were over. Disheartened, they turned and began to journey back in the direction from which they had come. Back home, empty handed, broken hearted, and now lute-less. Their audition for "Neatherland's Got Talent" would have to wait another year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 That was a good story, BS0 -well done!! Twas a dark and stormy night. Trees were down. The power was out and the roads were closed.Nothing for BS0 to do but open the laptop and play 70's arcade games till the battery ran out. Then go to bed and pray for power to be restored by morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 (It was classic pinball games, and I made "pew pew" noises with the bumpers) Honeyed Chicken was a model as an infant. His newborn behind still graces the packages of an Italian brand of babywipes called "Bimbi" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 BS0 keeps a one-legged lawyer drunk on unicorn piss in her basement. Noone knows why, least of all BS0. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 My beliefs stem from the head injury, I suppose. Every time I prance away with my unicorn horn intact, I end up limping back. Knight of Ashes hammers harder and harder each time to keep it fastened onto my forehead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Btw, absolute truth for a moment- I have illustrations in mind with everything I write. I'm a technotard tho and can't manage attatching the files here, but hell if I don''t have a photo of my 10 yr old self dressed as a unicorn that i'd love to scan and attatch to that last one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 :) :) BS0 has an absolutely stunning collage made 100% of ginko biloba leaves dyed various colors.They're arranged in an autumn swirl of falling leaves. In my mind this piece transports me back to a misty October afternoon in the woods.She's an artistic genius, is BS0. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I HAD a stunning collage made of ginko biloba leaves. When I returned from South America, however, Honeyed Chicken found it among my things. He rolled it up and smoked it thinking I had found a way to cleverly smuggle in some illegal psychoactive substances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 First the butter, then the sugar. Next BS cracked some eggs and whisked them up, time for those now. Weigh out the flour, your next. Maybe some apple and cinnamon, that always goes down well. splash of milk and done.BSis very creative in the way she has food fights with the neighbours children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 First the butter, then the sugar. Next BS cracked some eggs and whisked them up, time for those now. Weigh out the flour, your next. Maybe some apple and cinnamon, that always goes down well. splash of milk and done. BSis very creative in the way she has food fights with the neighbours children eek! You must live in a very "interesting" neighborhood if people behave that way where you are. :) Are you ready? set! go! And with that Helena kick starts her neighborhood turtle race. First reptile to the end of the driveway wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arya kiddin' Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 The only Cooking Championship trophy Honeyed Chicken has in his drawing room was won by presenting to the chefs chicken bought from KFC, with honey on top of it. Honeyed chicken went as far as to tell them that he had added 13 secret herbs in it, the extra two being fennel and cardamom of course, something he got as a mouth freshner last night from his weekly visit to Bombay Mahal Restaurant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 "Knit one, pearl two, pick up a stitch, that's all you do.Knit one, pearl two, pick up a stitch, that's all you do."Ak is knitting madly trying to make baby booties for his new crocodile in time for it's arrival from the specialty pet store. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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