Knight of Ashes Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 Jez has been throwing rolls of paper towels at Trump since she found out he tumbled down in the Forbes 400. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 KoA has hacked George Conway's twitter feed. At least that's what George tells his wife. Kellyanne is happy to live the lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 Jezbelieves Trump's tweets are the acme of world literature. She prints them out and places them in an impressive binding; then she tries to sell them for hundreds of dollars to academic libraries. She's entitled the collection WISDOM OF THE AGES. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 2, 2018 Share Posted October 2, 2018 5 minutes ago, Count Balerion said: Jezbelieves Trump's tweets are the acme of world literature. She prints them out and places them in an impressive binding; then she tries to sell them for hundreds of dollars to academic libraries. She's entitled the collection WISDOM OF THE AGES. One day, they will be the subject of history classes... you'll see. Count Balerion has Omphalophobia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 3, 2018 Author Share Posted October 3, 2018 Jez is working on an unauthorized and somewhat fictionalized biography of Kellyanne Conway. The steamy love scenes with the Doors Jim Morrison might be fiction, just possibly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted October 3, 2018 Share Posted October 3, 2018 HC has a burning hatred of GRRM because the latter has produced all these bestsellers and inspired a wildly popular TV series, whilst publishers will barely look at HC's magnum opus, STUFF HAPPENS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 Count Balerion dresses up to look like Melania Trump whenever he buys smokes and chips at the local 7Eleven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 4, 2018 Author Share Posted October 4, 2018 With his flint and tinder always ready, KoA is very proud of his ability to start fires without matches - no matter the conditions. As a person of high moral purpose he uses his power for good. During rainstorms, and on cold, frosty nights he will visit the cardboard shack encampment down by the railroad tracks, and light fires to keep the homeless warm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 Chicken likes to walk around town barefoot and in a sackcloth in the desperate hope people will call High Sparrowchicken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grape Jackanape Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 KoA thinks evaporated milk cans are actually empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 5, 2018 Author Share Posted October 5, 2018 Grape is trying desperately to earn a place on the next unmanned mission to Mars (yes. Let that one sink in. There! Ahhhh. . . . doesn't that feel good?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 Chicken is the lone member of the Boros Blount fan club whom he insists is the greatest literary creation since Captain Ahab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 KOA believes that Podrick Payne is not only the real hero of the series, but also a giant demon Penguin in a clever disguise. (He also thinks the world is run by giant demon penguins, which is nonsense, since GDPs would be a vast improvement.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 The Count is in reality an African Gray named Ricky. His specialty is imitating the back up warning signal of the trash truck his owner, Warren drives. Ricky is so good, even Warren is often fooled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 Chicken was once in possession of Trump's pee tape until he sold it to Michael Avenati for $3.50. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 KoA has a jar of Sarah Huckabee Sanders' tears hidden away in a very safe place. Not only are the tears extremely rare, they are 10000 time more deadly than polonium. It's not exactly clear what he plans to do with the tears, but it would be a crying shame to let them go to waste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 7, 2018 Author Share Posted October 7, 2018 Ever the creative one, Jez has decorated all the waste basket and trash cans in her home with beautifully painted scenes of ASOIAF beheadings. Her bathroom trash can is Jon Snow beheading Janos Slynt, with "Ed, fetch me a block." underneath. Ned Stark's beheading by Ilyn Payne holds the place of honor on a large kitchen trash can. Tywin Lannister's beheading of Lord Tarbeck appears on a basement trash can. In her bed room is Ned taking the head of Gared, the Night's Watch deserter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Count Balerion Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 HC heads a terrorist army called the HPTA, or Hot Pie Targaryen Army, which runs around murthering random people in the name of the theory that Hot Pie is secretly Rhaegar in disguise. Sign me up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted October 9, 2018 Author Share Posted October 9, 2018 While cheating on his wife was not something Count Balerion ever thought he would do, never-the-less he finds himself in another woman's bed every night. Given that his own wife has developed a habit this past year of watching The Price is Right reruns late at night at full volume while eating Cheetos in bed, I'm not sure I blame him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jez Bell Posted October 11, 2018 Share Posted October 11, 2018 HC is a huge Werner Herzog fan. It's mostly because he likes to say "Werner Herzog" over and over. Nevertheless, HC has developed a series of recipes for those interested in following in Mr Herzog's shoes, so to speak. Each recipe highlights the core ingredient: shoes. His recipe for "Seared Sole with Lace Jus" is pretty amazing and his "Brogue Bourguignon" is a modern classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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