Official Crackpot Theorist Sanctuary

[Serie]

The Others built the wall. Dun dun duuun.

oh yes! and they built it to prevent annoying people invading the North!

[thewingedwolf]

Here is my crackpot theory

Based on descriptions from the book I think its very possible that Tyrion Lannister is the son of Joanna Lannister and Aerys Targaryen. It is will known the "mad king" was infatuated with her and would explain why Tywin had such comptempt for his "son". Also if one reads carefully the physical description of Tyron throughout the novels, his features are more Targaryen then Lannister "hair so blonde it's almost white" and his "one black eye" could be a very dark purple. It would also explain his immediate friendship with Jon Snow (who may very well turn out be half Targaryen himself). Any comments? Thoughts?

[wss233]

---Loras Tyrell is completely fine on Dragonstone, and I bet he found something interesting there after all. Aurane Waters' job was to go spread the story, then bring back the fleet to DS for backup.

THIS! huzzah

This is very interesting. There have got to be dragon eggs out there somewhere. My crackpot theory is that the eggs are under the sea and Patchface knows oh oh oh.

[lmg14]

My Crackpot theory:

Jon is Ned's son - many gasps of horror but tbh if I was GRRM I would do this just to laugh in all of our faces.

[Lemon Cake]

Jon is Ned's son - many gasps of horror but tbh if I was GRRM I would do this just to laugh in all of our faces.

There's a tiny part of me that honestly, truly hopes this happens, simply because I want to see fandom explode at the revelation. Which is a bit trolly of me, I guess, but oh well.

[Tall Tyrion Lannister!]

Bloodraven is spying on Westeros for the Others. He's using the Crows that everybody usues to communicate to get info on what's happening down there so he can have the Others plan their best course of attack.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

Here is my crackpot theory

Based on descriptions from the book I think its very possible that Tyrion Lannister is the son of Joanna Lannister and Aerys Targaryen. It is will known the "mad king" was infatuated with her and would explain why Tywin had such comptempt for his "son". Also if one reads carefully the physical description of Tyron throughout the novels, his features are more Targaryen then Lannister "hair so blonde it's almost white" and his "one black eye" could be a very dark purple. It would also explain his immediate friendship with Jon Snow (who may very well turn out be half Targaryen himself). Any comments? Thoughts?

If there are Lannister-Targaryens, they're Jaime and Cersei, not Tyrion.

[Nausicaä]

Here is my crackpot theory

Based on descriptions from the book I think its very possible that Tyrion Lannister is the son of Joanna Lannister and Aerys Targaryen. It is will known the "mad king" was infatuated with her and would explain why Tywin had such comptempt for his "son". Also if one reads carefully the physical description of Tyron throughout the novels, his features are more Targaryen then Lannister "hair so blonde it's almost white" and his "one black eye" could be a very dark purple. It would also explain his immediate friendship with Jon Snow (who may very well turn out be half Targaryen himself). Any comments? Thoughts?

It's a pretty popular theory and there are a few arguments for it that you didn't list: Tyrion's fascination with dragons, his fantasies of people he hates burning, that Shiera Seastar, a Targaryen bastard, had heterochromia like him, something else I don't remember.. I personally don't believe this theory and hope it's not true. Your argument about Tyrion's physical description is easily my least favorite argument ever. Tyrion has the same hair color as Tommen (from Jon's first chapter: "Arya was paired with plump young Tommen, whose white-blond hair was longer than hers") and if he had a purple eye and not black, someone would have noticed it. If something always looks black, in every kind of lightning, to everyone who sees it and never purple, it's black.

I think his immediate friendship with Jon can be explain by GRRM's desire to paint Tyrion as the "nice" Lannister. The rest of them are assigned negative qualities right away in the beginning of AGOT: Joffrey is a jerk to Robb and doesn't like what Winterfell looks like, Tommen sucks at swordfighting compared to Bran, Myrcella is deemed stupid and "insipid" by Jon and this is backed by Arya's POV in which Myrcella has no idea what to do when she's complimented or asked something, Cersei is fucking Jaime, Jaime throws little boys out of windows... And among those we have Tyrion, our acrobatic, intelligent, brave, witty dwarf, who is so unfairly mistreated by everyone, including Starks (wasn't the treatment Robb and the wolves gave him sad? Nevermind that he knew Bran fell because of Jaime and Cersei and was actually questioning him about a very traumatic event with every intention to use the information he'll get to help his family to whom he's always loyal! He tweaked his saddle design for Bran, so he clearly can't be enemy of the Starks like his evil siblings!) And on top of that, he's a friend of Jon. GRRM might as well have put (YOU SHOULD LIKE THIS GUY) after Tyrion's name in his every chapter title.

As you can probably tell, I dislike their friendship and it drags Jon down in my eyes. Why the hell doesn't he feel resentment towards Tyrion or has any negative thoughts about him in particular (instead of Lannisters in general) after he knows that his-so-called-friend fought against his family and that he forcefully married his sister and raped her (they don't get KL rumors on the Wall) in order to steal her inheritance? I don't know, but I feel like he isn't allowed these thought because in could condemn Tyrion in the readers' eyes (since Jon is a "good" POV) and I hate it.

Sorry, I know this wasn't really the place for this rant..

[Son of Jon Snarkgaryen]

Crackpot Theory: ADWD spoiler.

The Hooded Man of Winterfell who did the killings in ADWD is Un!RobbWind.

[coldplums8]

2. Euron Crow-Eye is disguised as dusky woman, because it would be really sick

*gag* That's so awesome! bwahaha I would die laughing if Victarion actually somehow marries Dany, leads her back to the bedchamber where he accidentally told the dusky woman to remain, and...Euron is just kind of laughing naked in the room. Sick/awful/hilarious.

Yah, Varys being not a eunuch, but a powdered, shaved Blackfyre brother of Serra (and thus, uncle to Aegon) is intriguing. What was it he said in the epilogue of Dance (I'm assuming he's telling the truth, because why would he lie to a dead man?)?

"...Doubt, division, and mistrust will eat the very ground beneath your boy king, whilst Aegon raises his banner above Sotrm's End and the lords of the realm gather around him."

"Aegon?" For a moment he did not understand. Then he remembered. A babe swaddled in a crimson cloak, the cloth stained with his blood and brains. "Dead. He's dead."

"No." The eunuch's voice seemed deeper. "He is here. Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk...

"...Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them."

Weird, he never says that Aegon isn't Aegon Targaryen son of Rhaegar Targaryen, but just plows on into "No, he is here." He doesn't say "Well, duh, but this is my sister's and my fat friend's whelp who ironically enough does have the blood of the dragon, but just through the bastard line." It makes sense, though. Varys seems pretty emotionally attached to this boy Aegon, as did Illyrio, who especially brought his favorite candied ginger from Pentos and looked strangely sentimental from Tyrion's eyes. Why should they almost love Rhaegar's child?

Is Jon really dead? I just thought it was another wordplay thing like Arya ("The axe caught her in back of her head."), where either the wights broke out of their cells (since Jon was worrying about that before he got stabbed) and overwhelmed everybody, or Jon passed out in the snow that he had fallen in before someone came in and stopped the party. But whatever.

Wait, and since the six spearwives Mance brought with him to Winterfell were really Abel's women, does that mean Ramsay's letter is true? Ouch.

Just for laughs:

So Lightbringer the sword is actually an anatomical body part. Gives off heat? Check. Plunges into beloved? Check. :smug: And sooo, you see, Ser Jorah Mormont is actually Azor Ahai reborn! He tempers his "sword" in Dany (the third time...after he tried with his first wife Lynesse and then that Dany-complexioned whore), wakes (the extreme fury of) her dragons (or, even better, that dragon egg Euron threw into the sea), and wha-la! Proceeds to Westeros, gets deployed to Wall, and conveniently slaughters Others. Not bad, eh? ;)

Stannis actually IS Azor Ahai, completely contrary to all opinion. He kills Mel with "Lightbringer," it lights up because she's so flaming hot, and ecstatic, he stabs a bunch of Others. He wakes up, in the noise caused by the murder, his daughter Shireen, who is "stone" because of her greyscale! She is a secret Targ, so BOOM! Stannis woke the (Great) Stone Dragon! Mel is smoking and crying at his betrayal as she dies, and then sends her bloodied red sash flying in the night wind. Hence the bleeding red star. Oh yeah.

When the Others finally swamp the Wall, Shireen runs up and gives them all greyscale. Then they all die and...become doubly zombified. They proceed to take over Westeros, serving as GRRM's tongue-in-cheek literary masterpiece ironic symbolism of today's obsession with the zombie apocalypse.

Satin saves Jon from the stabbing by loudly proclaiming to the Night's Watch that they were "two hearts that beat as one." Horrified, Bowen Marsh and Co. back off, Satin and Jon run off, mirroring Rhaegar/Lyanna, and rejoin the whores in Oldtown, where Jon is supposed to act as a spy. Satin pouts and tells Jon he doesn't want to be made a liar, Jon reluctantly acquieses to his demands, and just when he thinks things are going to be okay...Satin tells him that he knows nothing.

[ARYa_Nym]

I think his immediate friendship with Jon can be explain by GRRM's desire to paint Tyrion as the "nice" Lannister. The rest of them are assigned negative qualities right away in the beginning of AGOT: Joffrey is a jerk to Robb and doesn't like what Winterfell looks like, Tommen sucks at swordfighting compared to Bran, Myrcella is deemed stupid and "insipid" by Jon and this is backed by Arya's POV in which Myrcella has no idea what to do when she's complimented or asked something, Cersei is fucking Jaime, Jaime throws little boys out of windows... And among those we have Tyrion, our acrobatic, intelligent, brave, witty dwarf, who is so unfairly mistreated by everyone, including Starks (wasn't the treatment Robb and the wolves gave him sad? Nevermind that he knew Bran fell because of Jaime and Cersei and was actually questioning him about a very traumatic event with every intention to use the information he'll get to help his family to whom he's always loyal! He tweaked his saddle design for Bran, so he clearly can't be enemy of the Starks like his evil siblings!) And on top of that, he's a friend of Jon. GRRM might as well have put (YOU SHOULD LIKE THIS GUY) after Tyrion's name in his every chapter title.

As you can probably tell, I dislike their friendship and it drags Jon down in my eyes. Why the hell doesn't he feel resentment towards Tyrion or has any negative thoughts about him in particular (instead of Lannisters in general) after he knows that his-so-called-friend fought against his family and that he forcefully married his sister and raped her (they don't get KL rumors on the Wall) in order to steal her inheritance? I don't know, but I feel like he isn't allowed these thought because in could condemn Tyrion in the readers' eyes (since Jon is a "good" POV) and I hate it.

Sorry, I know this wasn't really the place for this rant..

Possibly the friendship was established because it will have some significance when they meet again. I noticed in ASOS he told Ygritte that he had a friend who spoke to him of dragons. He was talking about Tyrion.

I think that he could still not think badly of Tyrion. I don't remember Bran having vengeful thoughts for example and he even "spoke" to Theon. Jon probably didn't have very many friends so Tyrion probably had an impact on him especially what he said to him about being a bastard and for telling him the truth about the NW which his own family didn't do.

Crackpot Theory: I think Rhaenys' cat Balerion.(the one Tommen called a bad cat) doesn't like Lannisters because Bloodraven has been warging it to spy on KL.

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

Crackpot Theory: I think Rhaenys' cat Balerion.(the one Tommen called a bad cat) doesn't like Lannisters because Bloodraven has been warging it to spy on KL.

This is another one that I actually do believe, along with Bloodraven warging Mormont's raven.

[Nausicaä]

Possibly the friendship was established because it will have some significance when they meet again. I noticed in ASOS he told Ygritte that he had a friend who spoke to him of dragons. He was talking about Tyrion.

I think that he could still not think badly of Tyrion. I don't remember Bran having vengeful thoughts for example and he even "spoke" to Theon. Jon probably didn't have very many friends so Tyrion probably had an impact on him especially what he said to him about being a bastard and for telling him the truth about the NW which his own family didn't do.

I just don't understand it. He has every reason to think badly of Tyrion, but doesn't. Instead he thinks about Cersei (and decides to blame her and Cat for Ned's death) and pretty much every other Lannister, but Tyrion, the guy who force-married his sister? Nope. Their "friendship" shouldn't exist anymore, but it apparently does for no reason other than that they might work together in the future and (imo) having Tyrion thought of as he deserves it by Jon would affect his perception by the readers. Ugh.

Bran is a child. Good for him that he doesn't have vengeful thoughts about Theon, but he probably didn't realize just how important and awful what Theon done was.

[Son of Jon Snarkgaryen]

Serious Theory: Bloodraven regularly wargs into Ghost. Also, see below...

Crackpot Theory: I think Rhaenys' cat Balerion.(the one Tommen called a bad cat) doesn't like Lannisters because Bloodraven has been warging it to spy on KL.

You actually posted it before I got a chance to - sort of. Bloodraven is a hardliner and a royalist (meaning he's a Targ loyalist). He was probably seriously pissed at the near extermination of his bloodline. Meaning he doesn't just hate the Lannisters because he's using Balerion the Cat Dread to spy on KL and sees how screwed up Joff and Cersei are, but because he probably actually saw what Jaime did to Aerys and what Tywin's men did to Rhaegar's wife and kids. Unless that's what you were talking about? In which case, good point. :)

[assjfjgjsgjljljglgjfjsduar]

Serious Theory: Bloodraven regularly wargs into Ghost. Also, see below...

You actually posted it before I got a chance to - sort of. Bloodraven is a hardliner and a royalist (meaning he's a Targ loyalist). He was probably seriously pissed at the near extermination of his bloodline. Meaning he doesn't just hate the Lannisters because he's using Balerion the Cat Dread to spy on KL and sees how screwed up Joff and Cersei are, but because he probably actually saw what Jaime did to Aerys and what Tywin's men did to Rhaegar's wife and kids. Unless that's what you were talking about? In which case, good point. :)

Kind of an offshoot of this, but ...

1. Bloodraven knows that Jon's the real deal, assuming that he wargs Mormont's raven — the raven has been known to squawk, "King! King!" at Jon.

2. If Bloodraven wargs Balerion now, who's to say he didn't warg the cat on the night of the Sack, like you suggested? Or when Aegon was — or wasn't — switched?

[Son of Jon Snarkgaryen]

Crackpot Theory: Syrio Forel is still alive. And this theory is only a half-crackpot theory. I'm actually kind of serious about this. I acknowledge that I may be wrong, but the more and more I think about it, the more and more I become convinced it's a real possibility. And no, I'm not going to bother trying to explain myself. We'll all just have to wait and see.

[Candor]

There's a tiny part of me that honestly, truly hopes this happens, simply because I want to see fandom explode at the revelation. Which is a bit trolly of me, I guess, but oh well.

Hehe yes.

But in all seriousness, it doesn't matter, because Jon will always be Ned's son :wub:

He is the man who raised him, loved him, and cared for him his whole life, and if it turns out he didn't create him, it wouldn't change a thing about their bond.

Aww, mushy. But I'm just stating my feelings.

[Candor]

Satin saves Jon from the stabbing by loudly proclaiming to the Night's Watch that they were "two hearts that beat as one." Horrified, Bowen Marsh and Co. back off, Satin and Jon run off, mirroring Rhaegar/Lyanna, and rejoin the whores in Oldtown, where Jon is supposed to act as a spy. Satin pouts and tells Jon he doesn't want to be made a liar, Jon reluctantly acquieses to his demands, and just when he thinks things are going to be okay...Satin tells him that he knows nothing.

:devil: // :drool:

And then they save the world from Le Cold Dead Things with the heat of their passion!

[The Storm Queen]

:devil: // :drool:

And then they save the world from Le Cold Dead Things with the heat of their passion!

Yes, Satin is awesome like this! There is too little Satin love in this fandom :-)

[Candor]

Yes, Satin is awesome like this! There is too little Satin love in this fandom :-)

I love me some Satin. No fear on that account. ;)