You are left in Westeros all alone...

[Ordos]

OK let me try to lay out how it will work. You wake up the next morning in Westeros or would you rather find a dark portal to another dimension in your closet that brings you to Westeros?

Let's give some options where you will find yourself:

1. Laying on the grass on an open plain somwhere in Essos.

2. On a rocky cliff of a mountain in the Vale.

3. Sitting in a dirty puddle in the middle of a poverty stricken villiage in The North with people in rags looking down upon you.

4. Soaking wet on a cold beach on one of the Iron Islands.

5.On the top of The Wall shiverning from the cold and looking out over a vast landscape of Ice with men in black armor staring at you wondering how you got there.

6. Or maybe everyone's favorite: In the throne room itself with the King and everyone of the court looking surprised at finding a stranger in strange cloths abruptly appear in the middle of the room.

Now give me a step by step plan on what you would do then? Not long term like invent gunpowder, but what would your next immediate action be? My first step(after getting up a dusting myself off): find out if anyone speaks my language.

[Alia of the knife]

OK let me try to lay out how it will work. You wake up the next morning in Westeros or would you rather find a dark portal to another dimension in your closet that brings you to Westeros?

Let's give some options where you will find yourself:

1. Laying on the grass on an open plain somwhere in Essos.

2. On a rocky cliff of a mountain in the Vale.

3. Sitting in a dirty puddle in the middle of a poverty stricken villiage in The North with people in rags looking down upon you.

4. Soaking wet on a cold beach on one of the Iron Islands.

5.On the top of The Wall shiverning from the cold and looking out over a vast landscape of Ice with men in black armor staring at you wondering how you got there.

6. Or maybe everyone's favorite: In the throne room itself with the King and everyone of the court looking surprised at finding a stranger in strange cloths abruptly appear in the middle of the room.

Now give me a step by step plan on what you would do then? Not long term like invent gunpowder, but what would your next immediate action be? My first step(after getting up a dusting myself off): find out if anyone speaks my language.

Honestly?

None of these areas are a good go if your a woman in modern clothing.

I'd cry and start asking for my "lord" Husband who didn't fall down the rabbit hole -at least so they didn't think I was a whore, because I'd be wearing cosmetics and pants, no matter where I landed.

[Frank the bunny]

Join the Night's Watch, then join the wildings, then become their king using my advanced inteligence and witty charm. Women to steal, mammoths to hunt, mead to drink, sounds like a great o'l time. (Except for the whole Otherpocalypse and everything.

[Steelbadger]

Well.

First I'd need to find out where I am, this would be problem number 1 because while I like to feel I have a pretty decent grasp of the geography of westeros as a fantasy land it's no where near good enough to use for helping me get around. Say I appear in the middle of a field with a village off in the middle distance, I walk to the village and ask the first likely person (by likely I mean person least likely to beat me up) where I am. The best case response is something along the lines of:

"Eh, you fick or sumfink? It's Sow's Crossing innit"

This guy seems to be noticeably confused by my clothing. I, of course, have no idea where the village of 'Sow's Crossing' is with respect to everywhere else. So I'm forced to make another attempt. (Sow's Crossing does not, to my knowledge, appear in the books but I rather imagine that there's thousands of unnamed villages in Westeros that we'll never see).

"Bless my soul, you dunt know that Sow's Crossing is owned by his high lordship [spits] Ser Roger Hogg?"

Now my knowledge of the Great Houses of Westeros isn't too shabby but it's the minor houses I'm likely to want to know if I wish to know where I am. Despite House Hogg appearing in the books (I selected a random minor house for the purposes of of this example) I do not know that House Hogg is sworn to House Hayford with is itself sworn to King's Landing without reading the wiki. So I'm gonna have to ask Trevor (lets call him Trevor, he sounds like a Trevor) to paint his picture in somewhat broader strokes.

"What side are we on? Huh, seems like we're on a side of our own, every sod that comes by seems to ave it in for us"

"..."

"Ere, why you askin all these weird questions? You a spy or summat? Want I should go tell Kev there's a nobby talker turned up asking about our... all-eeg-ienc-es?"

At this point 'Trevor' start to look over his shoulder, clearly getting worried that he's stepped into something far over his head and likely to get himself killed. Fortunately at this moment there is no sign of 'Kev', though some dishevelled looking women are, I'm certain, giving me the evil eye. Perhaps I should have toned down my well spoken accent. Too late to regret that now though. I make one final attempt to put 'Trevor' at ease and say:

"Mate I don't have a sodding clue about anything any more, been hit over the head once too often I reckon, I'm just trying to work out where those smarmy bastards have dumped me"

Trevor:

"You bin escaped from them 'Brothers without Banners' bastards?"

This is a godsend, something I get. This puts me somewhere in/around the Riverlands/King's Landing area, though quite why the smallfolk of this village hate the BwB is a bit of a mystery, I have to assume that Lady Stoneheart's rather different approach has caused something of a shift in the feelings of the smallfolk, but it does mean that this guy is probably ultimately ruled by Lannisters or Freys. It also means I'm in the middle of one of the worst possible places to be, and, worse, I obviously stand out in my (admittedly convenient) modern clothes.

Trevor has had a brainwave, however:

"Here, are you one of them meesters? I herd them wore weird getup"

Trevor is a genius, he's just presented me a solution to my current problems. I may not be great Maester material, but I've got the pomposity to pull it off infront of smallfolk. Also, Oldtown seems like a decent place to attempt to gather my thoughts and work out just what in all the gods I should do to deal with my predicament.

"Ahhh, yes, that's right. Good of you to notice. I don't suppose you'd know the way to Oldtown from here?"

Trevor:

"Nah, know it's sodding miles away though, here, some meester you are if you dunt know your way around, eh?!"

I'm going to need a better source of information than Trevor, he's really not much help. But I didn't expect him to be such, peasants in this kind of period were woefully ignorant of anywhere more than a day's walk away. I decide that, despite my better judgement, I'd be best off heading for the nearest major city; probably King's Landing in this case as Trevor might not take kindly to me asking the way to Riverrun.

"Just follow the road, it'll get there eventually. Fink Mel said it was bout weeks walk?"

Well, that's not too bad, I just have to hope they let me in (and, of course, that I actually get there alive). I doubt the Maester act will work on the gate guards what with the lack of Maester's chain and I rather suspect that they'll be disinclined to let random blokes in weird clothes right into the city. Still, it it means I can talk to someone with more than 5 braincells to rub together, all the better. I take my leave of Trevor and head off down the road.

"Stingy bastard, all that help wot I gave you and you gimme nuffing!!"

Bye Trevor.

[Darth Visenya]

Going to Westeros wouldn't be much fun :(.

[princeofnothing]

OK let me try to lay out how it will work. You wake up the next morning in Westeros or would you rather find a dark portal to another dimension in your closet that brings you to Westeros?

Let's give some options where you will find yourself:

1. Laying on the grass on an open plain somwhere in Essos.

2. On a rocky cliff of a mountain in the Vale.

3. Sitting in a dirty puddle in the middle of a poverty stricken villiage in The North with people in rags looking down upon you.

4. Soaking wet on a cold beach on one of the Iron Islands.

5.On the top of The Wall shiverning from the cold and looking out over a vast landscape of Ice with men in black armor staring at you wondering how you got there.

6. Or maybe everyone's favorite: In the throne room itself with the King and everyone of the court looking surprised at finding a stranger in strange cloths abruptly appear in the middle of the room.

Now give me a step by step plan on what you would do then? Not long term like invent gunpowder, but what would your next immediate action be? My first step(after getting up a dusting myself off): find out if anyone speaks my language.

1. No. Grass+plain+Essos=Death by Dothraki

2. No. Rocky+Cliff+Vale=Death by Hill Tribes

4. No. Iron+Islands=Death by Reavers

5. A possibility, all sins forgiven, etc, but too damn cold. Pass on this one too.

6. I'd go for this. Get glib, do some fast talking and convince them I was a wizard from the future, but be dead fairly quickly when I realized nobody knew WTF I was saying. So, pass on this one too.

3. Yes. Start splashing about in the puddle with a dim-witted grin on my face talking in (what would surely sound like) babble. Prance about in a maniacal fashion for a while without alarming anybody (anymore than I already have), and, in time, find my way to a Lord's keep as a Mystic Fool, ultimately try to pick up on the native Language and live out my days trying not to be horribly slain.

[Pyrebee]

Eeek, not sure I like this thought experiment.

Essos - raped and murdered.

Vale - probably raped and murdered. Or frozen!

Iron Islands - raped and possibly made a salt wife, which means I'll have to deal with polygamy and squealing fishbrats. Better than murdered, maaaybe.

Wall - Hrm. Well, if they decided I was harmless, they'd probably send me to Mole Town. I could probably handle living underground. If they thought I was some sort of spearwife, though, they might either kill me or send me over the Wall, where I'd get eaten by wolves or freeze to death or get turned into a friendly blue-eyed, black-handed traveler.

King's Landing - Fast talking! Crazy foreigner! Just got off a ship from Essos! Can you believe they let us lady-folks wear breeches over there? Unfortunately, they'd probably kick me out, and since I have no medieval-setting skills, I'll probably be working at a brothel until I'm inevitably murdered.

The North - Best option? Act non-threatening, claim I was with a mummer troupe but got lost in the woods, then try to attach myself to the first traveling septon I see and get into the Silent Sisters. Possibly avoid both rape and murder! But I would miss talking.

[Alia of the knife]

.....and when last we left Alia, she's still crying.

[Alia of the knife]

Eeek, not sure I like this thought experiment.

Essos - raped and murdered.

Vale - probably raped and murdered. Or frozen!

Iron Islands - raped and possibly made a salt wife, which means I'll have to deal with polygamy and squealing fishbrats. Better than murdered, maaaybe.

Wall - Hrm. Well, if they decided I was harmless, they'd probably send me to Mole Town. I could probably handle living underground. If they thought I was some sort of spearwife, though, they might either kill me or send me over the Wall, where I'd get eaten by wolves or freeze to death or get turned into a friendly blue-eyed, black-handed traveler.

King's Landing - Fast talking! Crazy foreigner! Just got off a ship from Essos! Can you believe they let us lady-folks wear breeches over there? Unfortunately, they'd probably kick me out, and since I have no medieval-setting skills, I'll probably be working at a brothel until I'm inevitably murdered.

The North - Best option? Act non-threatening, claim I was with a mummer troupe but got lost in the woods, then try to attach myself to the first traveling septon I see and get into the Silent Sisters. Possibly avoid both rape and murder! But I would miss talking.

And forget about having even a cat for a friend, because then for sure they'd burn you for a warg- if your in the South at least.

Nice to know for all our modern skills, our two options are a brothel, or the convent.

[Kozma]

I like an idea of Hill tribes of Vale. I can probably milk a goat and I certainly can sell them my moonshine... :cool4:

[Alia of the knife]

I like an idea of Hill tribes of Vale. I can probably milk a goat and I certainly can sell them my moonshine... :cool4:

It's all about the moonshine.....

That works until Shaggas throat is burned beyond repair, because moonshine will take the paint off of a car! :stillsick:

[Kung Fu Kiddo]

I would die.

I have a bit of knowledge on how to survive in the wild, but with outlaws everywhere...

My only real skill is my knowledge of American history and astrology so....

Maybe I could jump ship to one of the free cities and become a courtesan... :leer:

[Ser Lepus]

It's all about the moonshine.....

That works until Shaggas throat is burned beyond repair, because moonshine will take the paint off of a car! :stillsick:

There are many kinds of moonshine; the dangerous ones are so mostly because they have a too high alcoholic graduation (and you can fix that diluting it) or because crazy people mix things like paint solvent when making it, but a carefully well-made moonshine wouldn´t be so different from brandy or whiskey, just not as tasty.

You know, we could even use the milk of the goat to make moonshine!

[Pyrebee]

And forget about having even a cat for a friend, because then for sure they'd burn you for a warg- if your in the South at least.

Nice to know for all our modern skills, our two options are a brothel, or the convent.

Ugh. Maybe the best of all possible options would be to try to become someone's "pet" foreigner at court? Claim you're some sort of exotic princess from some tiny island and caught a trade ship in to "treat" with another kingdom. Play up the Jalabhar Xho card without really trying for resolution. You might even get married off to a petty lord!

Or, you know, you could be a casualty of another coup and end up--say it with me--raped and murdered.

[Kozma]

There are many kinds of moonshine; the dangerous ones are so mostly because they have a too high alcoholic graduation (and you can fix that diluting it) or because crazy people mix things like paint solvent when making it, but a carefully well-done moonshine wouldn´t be so different from brandy or whiskey, just not as tasty.

You know, we could even use the milk of the goat to make moonshine!

For a better rectification one can use a milk sub-product. That thing adsorbs all nasty oily stuff that cause hangover out of moonshine. Good Stoli is made on that technology...Milk of goat would work...no problem.

[Alia of the knife]

There are many kinds of moonshine; the dangerous ones are so mostly because they have a too high alcoholic graduation (and you can fix that diluting it) or because crazy people mix things like paint solvent when making it, but a carefully well-done moonshine wouldn´t be so different from brandy or whiskey, just not as tasty.

You know, we could even use the milk of the goat to make moonshine!

Ser Lepus, as always, your a genious. :)

But, the only moonshine I've been personally affiliated with will put hair on your chest, or cause a 250 pound football player to curl up in a fetal position and spit up like a infant.

[Snowmelter]

I would probably make my way to Oldtown and try to get into the Citidel for an education, and thus a job in a Lord's castle, but I'm not sure if they would just take someone in off the streets. Another option would be to join the Faith of the Seven. I'd have to learn the religion, but I don't think being a priest would be all that bad in Westeros.

[Kozma]

But, the only moonshine I've been personally affiliated with will put hair on your chest, or cause a 250 pound football player to curl up in a fetal position and spit up like a infant.

They mislead you and instead of the moonshine gave you an extract from the break fluid... :ack:

[Alia of the knife]

Ugh. Maybe the best of all possible options would be to try to become someone's "pet" foreigner at court? Claim you're some sort of exotic princess from some tiny island and caught a trade ship in to "treat" with another kingdom. Play up the Jalabhar Xho card without really trying for resolution. You might even get married off to a petty lord!

Or, you know, you could be a casualty of another coup and end up--say it with me--raped and murdered.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE MARRIED TO A PETTY LORD!

WHERE AM I GOING TO EVEN GET WATER!

HOW WILL I SHOWER?!

HOW WILL I SHAVE MY ARMPITS AND LEGS??!!

AM I GOING OFF THE DEEP END?!

YES!!!

Okay, we'll be raped and murdered.

[Ser Lepus]

This thread is quickly becoming the thread of moonshine and prostitution...I would go fetch a pimp cane, hat and suit, but I don´t have the proper looks and people would just laugh at me...