Newcomb: Episode Two

[diabloblanco18]

EDIT: Never mind.

[chionophile]

In reading the two accounts of the slaughter in the throne room, I'm still not clear on why exactly Tristan has to kill his father. Could someone explain? I don't get it.

Admittedly my eyes have glazed over a bit in reading even the summaries so maybe I missed it. If so, my bad.

I think that was because they gave Tristan a choice - either he could kill his father quickly or they would do it slowly and painfully.

[Daedalus V2.0]

So, in the next chapter Faegan does some research on Forestallments. Nothing important gets mentioned, nothing interesting happens and neither the story nor the characters develope. All you need to know is that the wizards have a really, REALLY big library and a magical computer with OPEC installed (I kid you not, Faegan writes what he's searching for on a magical touch-screen and the thing pops out search results, including exactly all of the information one would get from a computerized filing system.). Also, Faegan gets so excited upon finding the book he was looking for that he levitates himelf to Shailiha's room at high speeds. I begin to wonder what the point of his wheelchair is, if he can just fly with no effort like this.

Also- Yes, Tristan was given a choice between killing his dad or watching his dad die slowly. Ironically, had he chosen option 2 daddy and perhaps mommy as well would have been saved by the invisibility spell. Too bad nobody in the novels seem to have picked up on this...

[diabloblanco18]

Also- Yes, Tristan was given a choice between killing his dad or watching his dad die slowly. Ironically, had he chosen option 2 daddy and perhaps mommy as well would have been saved by the invisibility spell. Too bad nobody in the novels seem to have picked up on this...

This may be a good thing. Can you imagine the amount of angst you'd have to wade through if the Comb chose to go that route? Better that Tristan is a callous douchebag and doesn't linger on past oversight.

[Daedalus V2.0]

Actually, I imagine that Tristan would realize what a pathetic individual he is and go jump off a cliff with the chick he met at the cemetary. Or at least that's my picture of what would happen, although the chances of any author actually doing such a thing to his Chosen One must be pretty low.

I wish that the Sorceresses had blown up the world...

[Daralys]

Thanks for the answers. I won't bother asking why someone would give him that choice, no matter how silly it seems.

Does Tristan reek of self-insert like Richard is for Goodkind or is he just a flat out Gary Stu?

[theMountainGoat]

MG, I love you. That is all.

and now I can die happily

Does Tristan reek of self-insert like Richard is for Goodkind or is he just a flat out Gary Stu?

I thought I had already explained this?

In all seriousness Tristan is not a Gary Stu - he is in fact a walking cliche.

[Daedalus V2.0]

On the Tristan=Gary Stu/Self-insert: As MG said, Tristan is not, in fact, a Gary Stu. He has the possibility of being the most powerful wizard in the history of wizarding, but currently lacks the ability to do more than use his throwing knives like guided missiles. His combat abilities are outclassed by a surprising number of other people and enemies and to tell the truth he isn't really that smart. I would also describe him as the only character in the books who is not actually a character foil, with the possible exception of Geldon. Indeed, he is without a doubt the best developed character in the entire series, which is saying something considering how shallow his character actually is. I'm not sure about self-insert, since we don't know so much about the Duke, but I do believe that he isn't all that similar to his creator, either.

Now then, the next chapter. Wigg and Tristan are in the labrynth, following the family crests on the walls. Eventually, they reach a door, which they enter. They end up in a room with veins of blue metal running through the walls. Wigg realizes that this is the power that is being leeched from the Paragon, apparently being stored here. He is extremely angry, and immediately wants to start studying the situation to find a way to undo this. Unfortunately, Tristan's mom speaks up again, telling them to hurry on or they'll be late. They continue onwards until a group of undead Consuls (ooh, zombies!) rise out of the ground and tell the duo to come with them, so they may be prepared to see the Master. Tristan, not exactly liking the way this sounds, plops a dagger or two into a few of their heads and proceeds to wreak havoc with his sword. They take down a fair number of the zombies before being knocked unconscious by treacherous sneak attacks.

Our protagonists wake up chained to a wall in a cavern which seems to be on a beach, staring out to sea. Tristan remarks on how this is impossible, due to the fact that they're in the middle of the continent and underground. Not that it matters what you think, Tristan! Anyways, some miniature Minions (actually, they're called Wraiths, but they look just like miniaturized Minions) show up, remark on how handsome Tristan is, and all but one of them start "pleasuring" him (would this be defined as rape? Maybe we can call this sort-of-rape?) while the third turns extremely ugly and cuts a hole in Tristan's foot. They collect a bunch of blood from the wound, and Tristan starts to feel very weak. The trio repeat this provess with Wigg, except that they do not save the blood, before some more creatures show up. These are like the flying lizard-birds with laser eyes we saw earlier, except that they have humanoid arms and carry weapons. They smile at Tristan (they have beaks! Beaks!) and say something along the lines of "You're screwed, Chosen Loser!" before picking up both of the protagonists and starting to fly them somewhere. Tristan blacks out and the chapter ends.

[Daedalus V2.0]

In the next chapter, Geldon and Josh meet up with the Minion commander Traax in Parthalon, where abunch of really, really stupid things happen. However, virtually none of it is important. All you have to know is that Traax and Geldon get along pretty well, the Minion women have become almost absurdly promiscuous since they were "freed", although they are allowed to work and fight alongside the men, and Ox is coming back to Eutracia with Josh and Geldon.

That's all, and I want to slit my wrists. I saw such promise in the first chapter of this plot thread, but the Duke screwed it up completely. I've never seen such idiocy, and the prose seems to have taken a turn for the even worse. There are entire sentences for which I cannot figure out what is being said. You recall the civilian troops from before? Similar things are all over the place, and nonsensical dialogue abounds. If this book does not pick up soon, I may have to put it down for a while, because I'm not sure how much more of this I can handle, in addition to the horrible saturation of frighteningly bad Christmas music invading my life at the moment.

"May the Afterlife have a sense of humor." My god, what are you trying to say!?

[Zap Rowsdower]

Yeah, book 2 kind of defeated me as well. I've had it for a couple of years now and have been unable to finish it. I think I was near the point where you are now, Daedalus. I put the book down when it suddenly occurred to me that nothing had actually happened.

[potsherds]

Daedalus, I don't blame you if you need a break. The book sounds absolutely wretched.

[Daedalus V2.0]

Well, I'm going to be pretty busy for the next few days, so this will be the last update until tuesday, or monday at the earliest. This chapter involves nothing of particular importance, in the developing theme of this book. What it does do is show us that A: Ragnar the blood stalker likes capturing women and raping them for a while before letting them go (he's much less evil that the sorceresses, you see. Not to mention his exceptional lack of homosexuality.) and B: Ragnar did not let one woman go, but instead gave her a time enchantment (immortality) and kept her as a sex slave. This person is of some importance to Wigg, and will be brought to the "meeting" with our protagonists purely to antagonize Wigg (and surely allow Tristan to rescue her when he escapes). And that is, once again, it. It's kind of strange, I never thought that a book could say so much to do so little. It's like Crossroads of Twilight, but Dukified (IE, made worse).

[The Pita]

That's the trick for not being evil? You can have evil-people-sex as long as you don't have icky evil people sex?

Now I know the secret to success!

[Daedalus V2.0]

It's time again, for more dubiously important work from the Duke. This one is back in the redoubt, where Shai and Faegan have been training the butterflies to enter and leave the stronghold on command. Shailiha seems to have developed full-scale telepathy with the butterflies, and Faegan is all but certain that she is making use of an "Event-activated Forestallment", whatever the hell that means. They drone on and on about this for a while (although Faegan does not mention the Forestallment thing) before Faegan says that he's worried about Tristan and Wigg, because they've been gone for too long. The end.

I have to say: where are the ocean of blood? The disembowelment? The thousands of casualties and massive-scale magic? This is like the first book, except with the pacing of a 500 page travel guide to Castor, Alberta (note- town of roughly 1000 people. Nothing interesting to speak of). A message for you, Mr. Newcomb: No chapter should ever lack significance to the actual plot. When this happens for several chapters in a row, it tends to turn readers off of the story due to severe apathy. I'm the kind of person who can read a Dan Brown book in two days, but picking this book up to try and sqeeze a paragraph in is a chore. By the time I've finished the trilogy, it will likely have taken me as long as the first 9 books of WoT.

[Daedalus V2.0]

That's the trick for not being evil? You can have evil-people-sex as long as you don't have icky evil people sex?

Now I know the secret to success!

No, no, no! You can't have evil people sex without being evil. The icky evil people sex is just more evil. It's also less evil if you let the rapee go after a while. Indeed, this is what seperates men and women: men only do the normal rape, then let their victims go. Women do the icky variety and keep their poor victims captive for the rest of their natural lives. Hence why men are less evil than women*.

*Not my actual opinion.

[The Pita]

...

So what happens if I have icky evil rape, but then let the person go?

How would that differ from evil rape, or good rape?

[Daedalus V2.0]

[Goodkind]

There is no good rape. It is always consentual for the good guys, even if their partners don't realize it yet. I mean, really, aren't you a lemming? How did you miss the Yeard bludgeoning you with it for 10 years? [/Goodkind]

[Newcomb]

Remember, icky sex is always worse than any form of rape, consentual or not. Icky rape is even worse than icky sex, and therefore by default the worst thing one can possibly do. By participating in icky rape, you have made yourself into the greatest of all evils, and the only solution for you is to cleanse yourself in purifying flame. [/Newcomb]

[The Pita]

Thank you for clarifying that.

You Are My God.

This thread also needs titles.

I nominate you for The Comb Raider.

[Larry.]

God have mercy on my soul. I get a package from Del Rey today. Hoping it's a copy of Gregory Frost's Shadow Bridge that I requested last week, I open it up...

Only to see it is Rise of the Blood Royal: Volume III of The Destinies of Blood and Stone with the Duke's smiling face on the hardcover jacket. Furthermore, said volume comes out on the 26th, so I got it early.

Damn, he's still grinning at me. Make him stop! :sick:

[The Pita]

It's gotta be horrible, being a reviewer. You're forced to read Tairy and The Duke of Newcomb and then say "The greatest fantasy work since Redwall!"