Arya kiddin' Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 All the awesome art works that KoA displays to the world as his are actually plagiarized works, stolen from the president of "Feel Good Club for the mortally icky". The president bears a close resmblance to a cross between bs0 and Ghost of Groat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 AK shows up at ASoIaF costume parties dressed up as unpopular characters like Janos Slynt, or minor like the first guy that Arya killed, or minor and unpopular ones like Boros Blount. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 Last night my mother sat me down and told me a tale of my childhood. As the first and only child of her and my father, I was special, and as such they went all out in celebration. The preparations were lavish, the party extravagant - anyone who was anyone was there. Ghost of Groat was the life of the party, and demonstrated his incredible ability to make the Macarena dance stay in sync with any music from Breakfast at Tiffany's to Free as a Bird. Honeyed Chicken brought the catering, showing my parents that chicken truly can be prepared in over 500 different ways.* Knight of Ashes decorated the party room with wondrous designs, whilst Beautifulsouth0 graced the party with he superior charm and witticisms. King Joffrey's Revenge had everyone hysterical with his choking-on-a-piece-of-pie gag, Jon's Queen Consort looked ravishing in her "Down with the Dragon!" t-shirt, and Koba looked broody over the babies everyone had brought with them.At last came the presentation of the gifts. Ghost of Groat laid a toy pig, dog and two dwarves before me as I slept, and as my mother tells it I reached out and grasped them before giving a happy gurgle. Honeyed Chicken paraded a clutch of chickens before my parents, proudly declaring that they would feed us into the new millennium. Knight of Ashes presented an exquisite portrait of me in my swaddling clothes and Beautifulsouth0 graced my parents with a witty and cutting poetry book which left my parents howling with laughter. King Joffrey's Revenge's offering was less well recieved, being some kittens cut out from a pregnant cat, but it was more than made up for by Jon's Queen Consort's gift of the Alice in Wonderland books. Kobayashi Maru gave a doll that was identical to me in every way, and once more brooded over the babies.The gifts were given and the party was winding down...when the doors crashed open with a flash of blue light and a billowing cloud of smoke. And out from the murkiness stepped...no-one. The assembled guests had looked in puzzlement, my mother told me, until the sound of coughing reached their ears."Water *cough* please *cough*" croaked a voice.A sympathetic guest hurried into the cloud with a glass of water and emerged leading the disheveled Arya Kiddin', soot stained and dressed in black satin.He took a drink and cleared his throat, before shooing the helpful guest. He spread his arms wide and brandished a star-tipped diamante wand."I am your fairy Godmother!" he declared, looking around with a superior gaze. "I have come to bestow a gift on the child."My mother and father claim to have exchanged a glance as Arya Kiddin' waltzed down to where they sat. Apparently he did not cut an impressive figure, partly due his black satin dress being tucked into a luminous pink sock."And 'lo, the child is born!" declared Arya Kididn'. "And with a swish and a whoosh, I bestow upon this child the gift of, um..." He glanced around for inspiration and spotted a fly buzzing around the chicken. "Fly Whispering! From this day forth, the girl shall be able to commune with flys!"He rooted around in his pocket and brought out a crushed packet of polo mints, throwing the dust over my face. "And if ever you shall need me, dear child, simply click your heels together 3 times and declare 'There's no place like Mumbai!'"And with that he skipped from the hall, humming contentedly.It was a strange tale, to be sure, but it goes a long way to explaining the presence of the strange, eccentric man who arrives at my house for each of my birthdays, dressed always in a black satin dress and bearing a star-tipped diamante wand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 It was in her first year at university that Helena discovered the truth. She has a thing for male cross dressers. Women dressed as men don't register on her meter. Men dressed as women?wow.Big turn on.She goes to gay clubs all the time to take in the beauty pageants and dress up events. Hairy legs and mini skirts, ball gowns and shaved legs, halter tops and furry chests - it's all good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 ^ :lol:========================Honeyed Chicken was out looking for love one day, inspired by something he had recently seen on TV. Browsing the music store, he struck a note on thw piano:"I like..."A voice perked up from behind the shelves. "Old movies....""Like Buxom Blondes Go Wild...""...uhm, I have to go."Honeyed Chicken was forced once again to leave the music shop disappointed, cursing Match.com for lying to.him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 9, 2014 Author Share Posted June 9, 2014 ^ :lol:========================Honeyed Chicken was out looking for love one day, inspired by something he had recently seen on TV. Browsing the music store, he struck a note on thw piano:"I like..."A voice perked up from behind the shelves. "Old movies....""Like Buxom Blondes Go Wild...""...uhm, I have to go."Honeyed Chicken was forced once again to leave the music shop disappointed, cursing Match.com for lying to.him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 (Near fatal shin splints! lolo l :drunk:) Helena overdosed on Citrucel fiber supplement this weekend. She's been in the closet ever since, afraid of the cleansing enema that's been prescribed, and the eventual "shit fit" she's afraid of having. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 (Near fatal shin splints! lolo l :drunk:) Helena overdosed on Citrucel fiber supplement this weekend. She's been in the closet ever since, afraid of the cleansing enema that's been prescribed, and the eventual "shit fit" she's afraid of having. I'm so gratified you noticed that! I put those "near fatal shin splints" in there with you in mind. :) A top notch race car driver would have known to down shift before entering the curve. Alas, our BS0 is not one. She's in traction now, hoping for a full recovery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 HC is actually still away but pretending to be back home so noone (i.e., me) will make fun of him for being back online. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 By all means, make fun of me for being back on line. :) As the crumbling edifice of his consciousness slid into the abyss of sleep, one thought remained. That one slip after he'd told her he was a New Yorker. "Good day, eh?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 HC takes out his lactation fetish on innocent cows....prolly best to just end this here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Knight of Ashes is suing manfacturer, Fundue, for 10 million dollars for the pain and suffering he was subjected to after using one of their recipes in his new fondue pot. It might have been a typo, but "chocolate hazelnut nitroglycerine fondue" sounded fun and edgy. The members of his championship Uno club are still picking pieces of pottery out of their hair and clothing to this day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Whenever she's about to get hired for a job she doesn't want, BS0 acts as if she's possessed by some evil spirit and starts to hiss, curse, vomit, and do uncanny contortions and 180-degree turns of the head that some people might vaguely find a turn on.(Though, when she first started this trick, BS0 also tried to make it seem that she also knows her would-be employers deep, dark secrets which resulted in embarrassing and hilarious misses so BS0 immediately cut that out of her act.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arya kiddin' Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 "And 'lo, the child is born!" declared Arya Kididn'. "And with a swish and a whoosh, I bestow upon this child the gift of, um..." He glanced around for inspiration and spotted a fly buzzing around the chicken. "Fly Whispering! From this day forth, the girl shall be able to commune with flys!"He rooted around in his pocket and brought out a crushed packet of polo mints, throwing the dust over my face. "And if ever you shall need me, dear child, simply click your heels together 3 times and declare 'There's no place like Mumbai!'"And with that he skipped from the hall, humming contentedly.It was a strange tale, to be sure, but it goes a long way to explaining the presence of the strange, eccentric man who arrives at my house for each of my birthdays, dressed always in a black satin dress and bearing a star-tipped diamante wand. :lmao: Just FYI, I prefer Delhi to Mumbai. The food in Mumbai is totally flavorless.======================================================================== The sewer was dark and full of RATS. Giant rats. And they were the only companions KoA had ever had. From here, he knew the world would begin to change. These rats would be the first spectators of the revolution that we know will color pages on pages of history books of humans. Only if KoA becomes successful though. The time was ripe. The world was finally ready for guacamole and tabasco toothpaste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulsouth0 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Arya Kiddin' has a unique talent. He can sing the karaoke version of Islands in the Stream as BOTH of the original singers, Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers, and duet with himself. It sounds lame, but it's truly spectacular and must be seen to be believed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Ashes Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 BS0 os the only person in her state that was imprisoned for 'karaoke abuse'. What she did to warrant that, I can't even imagine, though I daresay, it's far worse than anything AK has ever done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arya kiddin' Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 KoA used to believe that banana is a meat sausage of some tropical animal. To that, he used to eat the meat and discard away the 'bone' while eating it. He made himself re-think only when he got a wtf look from his son while trying to instruct him at the breakfast table on the proper way to eat a banana. Edit: Man vegetarian problems hit again!! I'm not sure if a meat sausage has a bone to begin with!! I believe no :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 There isn't, but don't let that stop you - here you're free to create your own reality. :D(Here sausage is assumed to be meat unless otherwise specified.) My leg was going to sleep. I tried jiggling it. I cleared my throat. Again."Sir, if there's anything you'd like me to change . . . ?"Ak, gestured brusquely for me to hush and kept reading.Finally, he finished and dumped my copy in a heap on his desk. He peered up at me and asked, "You know what your problem is Pollo?" leaving out the duenyo so it sounded like the sport played on horse back instead of the Spanish word for "chicken"."What sir?" I responded meekly."You're too F***ing nice! Damnit!! I want cocks & balls, tits & ass, daggers and dirt, secret plots and assassinations - front page stuff that I can sell! People don't give a shit for birthday parties and unicorns!" His mustache bristled alarmingly. "Do you want to write for the kids edition? I can arrange that if you don't shape up!""No sir!""Well get me a real story then!!" and he heaved my copy back at me.I shuffled glumly back to my desk. Momentarily I considered writing about Ak's affair with the secretary, which everybody knew about from when they both emerged from the same washroom during a fire drill. Her panties were hanging from his back pocket (all day because no one dared tell him).I considered writing about BS0's plot to sneak meat into every vegetarian dish the world over. But that was just cocktail party gossip and it was well known that BS0 was three sheets to the wind when she said it. There was KoA's devious use of mirrors in the female employees bathroom, but that hit too close to home and I was pretty sure Ak would spike it.Helena supposedly had some shady stuff going on, but I wasn't going to start tailing a teen. If that was being too nice, Ak could fire me. There's some places I won't go for a paycheck.Adhara and her henchman, Ghost of Groat - now that might prove interesting. I made some calls and pretty soon I had a story on a parrot smuggling ring that involved sex and drugs as well.Maybe this would make the old bastard happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJR the PR of TaFW Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Pollo de Uruguay is actually a product of Tyson chicken's secret super-pollo experiment. The result left him with increased abilities of deception, a fiery love of Football, and a strange hunger for dried corn.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honeyed chicken Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 KJR once brought his chain saw to the dinner table to demonstrate to his wife how tough her meat was.They're working their way through divorce court now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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