LGBTQI - youtube is awesome!

[brook]

Robin - I think I like your therapist :p

[Weeping Sore]

Now, where have I heard that sentiment expressed before? But ask yourself the question, what happens if someone's attention is drawn to you? Maybe, they'll like you. (My therapist would laugh her ass off, if she heard me say that, because she says stuff like that, to me, all the time.)

Thanks, Robin. What's really throwing me right now is how much I vacillate from feeling strong disphoria to feeling more or less perfectly fine. I keep trying to "get a fix" on it based on my feelings in the moment, but I might have to admit that it's just not a fixed state. I am grateful for the support and good wishes I've been getting around here.

[emberling]

It's certainly not fixed for me, though it's mostly predictable when it'll flare up. Most of the time - especially if I'm alone, which is often - I'll just wander along doing whatever, not particularly conscious of having a gender, and then something will remind me and it's this sudden perspective shift like someone flipped a switch and changed the lighting on the whole world, and now all the shadows are looming and oppressive (if I've been reminded of male things) or everything is bathed in a soft warm glow (if I've been reminded of female things). That's metaphorical, not visual, just to be clear, and the degree to which it occurs is super variable based on my mood and what triggered it.

For some reason the worst trigger, other than someone actively misgendering/gaslighting me, is having my name visually attached to a clearly male image or avatar. This significantly complicates playing Heroes of the Storm :uhoh:

[Robin Of House Hill]

The worst for me is this.

I was walking our elderly, blind and deaf dog. A woman who lives nearby and who I've chatted with on occasion, comes over to pet the dog. and we start talking about the fact that his health is getting more fragile, whe she says, "he's so lucky to have such a good daddy." Absolutely no malice involved. That's what she sees. If I have to assign blame, it is mine, not hers. All I can do is try to avoid encountering her.

[Weeping Sore]

It's certainly not fixed for me, though it's mostly predictable when it'll flare up. Most of the time - especially if I'm alone, which is often - I'll just wander along doing whatever, not particularly conscious of having a gender, and then something will remind me and it's this sudden perspective shift like someone flipped a switch and changed the lighting on the whole world, and now all the shadows are looming and oppressive (if I've been reminded of male things) or everything is bathed in a soft warm glow (if I've been reminded of female things). That's metaphorical, not visual, just to be clear, and the degree to which it occurs is super variable based on my mood and what triggered it.

For some reason the worst trigger, other than someone actively misgendering/gaslighting me, is having my name visually attached to a clearly male image or avatar. This significantly complicates playing Heroes of the Storm :uhoh:

It's funny. I had a Sting avatar here for one day as a lark and it was completely intolerable to me to be attached to it; I ended up reporting my own thread to the mods to be free of it.

The idea of a real or imagined external observer altering our inner reality is an interesting one. It's like the double-slit experiment* in quantum physics. Unobserved, we are a wave of indeterminate energy that does/could pass through the male and/or the female door, and all is well. When an observation changes the wave to a definite particle, we feel disphoria when the observer chooses the male door when we, forced to choose, would pick the female door.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double-slit_experiment

[Weeping Sore]

The worst for me is this.

I was walking our elderly, blind and deaf dog. A woman who lives nearby and who I've chatted with on occasion, comes over to pet the dog. and we start talking about the fact that his health is getting more fragile, whe she says, "he's so lucky to have such a good daddy." Absolutely no malice involved. That's what she sees. If I have to assign blame, it is mine, not hers. All I can do is try to avoid encountering her.

Ugh. How hard would it be to just say "good parent"?

note: my avatar is for a limited time only as I don't really want my real face up on the board. I couldn't get the whole picture to size properly, I've got a cheap costume wig and a prom-dress from the thrift store, but the best thing is the 10-foot statue of Paul Bunyan behind me. It's just the thing to make one seem more petite!

[Robin Of House Hill]

Ugh. How hard would it be to just say "good parent"?

note: my avatar is for a limited time only as I don't really want my real face up on the board. I couldn't get the whole picture to size properly, I've got a cheap costume wig and a prom-dress from the thrift store, but the best thing is the 10-foot statue of Paul Bunyan behind me. It's just the thing to make one seem more petite!

WS,

I can't blame her for what she perceives and there isn't a lot more I could do regarding my presentation. It is definitely not malicious on her part, so I have two options. I can correct her, which might raise questions in her mind, or avoid her. Since she isn't someone who is essential to my well being, I choose the latter. It's so much simpler.

And yes, the Paul Bunyon statue is a good touch. Prom dress...I'm jealous. Never had one. A bit late for me, now.

[Weeping Sore]

WS,

I can't blame her for what she perceives and there isn't a lot more I could do regarding my presentation. It is definitely not malicious on her part, so I have two options. I can correct her, which might raise questions in her mind, or avoid her. Since she isn't someone who is essential to my well being, I choose the latter. It's so much simpler.

I suppose you could have said that the dog is blind and might mistake its mommy for its daddy...

[protar]

For me, I don't think I'm at the point where'd I'd describe any of my feelings as Dysphoria. I dislike using words like depression or dysphoria for me, because I feel it belittles those who truly suffer from those things. I'm not really conscious of gender most of the time either. But there's a fair bit of lying awake at night feeling down about the whole ordeal there's no denying. And little things. Singing is one I've noticed. I like to sing (when no one's listening of course :P ) but the wrong voice will come out and that makes me kinda sad sometimes.

[Weeping Sore]

For me, I don't think I'm at the point where'd I'd describe any of my feelings as Dysphoria. I dislike using words like depression or dysphoria for me, because I feel it belittles those who truly suffer from those things.

I'm comfortable using the term dysphoria, with the caveat that for me the feeling has so far been temporary, and therefore bearable. If it were an unrelenting thing I would need a new strategy.

It's impossible to know exactly what anyone else is feeling or has felt; you can only know yourself, and even that's hard! Dysphoria literally means unease or discontent, not in themselves the strongest of words. I suppose it suggests gender dysphoria as a clinical diagnosis, but as gender identity disorder is no longer considered a disease, I'm not sure we need to reach some kind of clinical threshold to say there's a sense of unease that is real.

[protar]

I'm comfortable using the term dysphoria, with the caveat that for me the feeling has so far been temporary, and therefore bearable. If it were an unrelenting thing I would need a new strategy.

It's impossible to know exactly what anyone else is feeling or has felt; you can only know yourself, and even that's hard! Dysphoria literally means unease or discontent, not in themselves the strongest of words. I suppose it suggests gender dysphoria as a clinical diagnosis, but as gender identity disorder is no longer considered a disease, I'm not sure we need to reach some kind of clinical threshold to say there's a sense of unease that is real.

That's the funny thing with these words, like Dysphoria and depression. If I actually just looked at the purest definitions of the words they'd suit describe my situation perfectly. I am discontent with my gender and I feel "pressed down". But now they've got medical or semi-medical connotations and at most I have these things very mildly. I always feel like I'm lying to you guys about being trans because it hasn't had the impact on me that it's had on a lot of you. Even though it would be silly to deny it at this point.

[brook]

I can't add much to the Dysphoria discussion other than saying you girls are the experts on your own experiences and nobody here is going to be setting any sort of 'you must suffer *this* much' limits.

But I had to say that WS you look lovely, pink suits you!

[Weeping Sore]

But I had to say that WS you look lovely, pink suits you!

That's very sweet of you to say, thank you.

[Robin Of House Hill]

I suppose you could have said that the dog is blind and might mistake its mommy for its daddy...

I could have, but that might have led her to think, "mommy...she...oh, she's one of them."

That's the funny thing with these words, like Dysphoria and depression. If I actually just looked at the purest definitions of the words they'd suit describe my situation perfectly. I am discontent with my gender and I feel "pressed down". But now they've got medical or semi-medical connotations and at most I have these things very mildly. I always feel like I'm lying to you guys about being trans because it hasn't had the impact on me that it's had on a lot of you. Even though it would be silly to deny it at this point.

The words unease and unhappiness, seem to be ordinary words that are appropriate.

But I had to say that WS you look lovely, pink suits you!

I agree, but I would have to ask, "why so serious?" Of course I'm not known to smile, so I guess I shouldn't have said that. :-P

That's very sweet of you to say, thank you.

Now that is something I need to learn from you.

[protar]

I can't add much to the Dysphoria discussion other than saying you girls are the experts on your own experiences and nobody here is going to be setting any sort of 'you must suffer *this* much' limits.

Thank you. Being called a girl sure makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ^_^

[Weeping Sore]

I agree, but I would have to ask, "why so serious?" Of course I'm not known to smile, so I guess I shouldn't have said that. :-P

My name's not Smiling Sore or Laughing Sore, after all. :P

[Robin Of House Hill]

My name's not Smiling Sore or Laughing Sore, after all. :P

I didn't see that coming. :thumbsup:

[emberling]

I agree, but I would have to ask, "why so serious?" Of course I'm not known to smile, so I guess I shouldn't have said that. :-P

I do notice girls like us often looking grim or serious or wistful or generally something-other-than-happy in photos - I think it's part of our charm. We don't get socialized to smile all the goddamn time for no goddamn reason. We don't get trained out of our natural resting bitchfaces at an early age. That's one of the pyrrhic joys of the trans experience: sure, you get fucked up six ways to Sunday by having to navigate all the sexist teachings associated with a gender that isn't even yours, but the essentialist expectations associated with your real gender you can approach with eyes open and take only what you need. I love seeing all these fierce trans women, dreaming trans women, elegant trans women, smirking trans women, and yes, bored trans women: people who wear their mood and personality publicly rather than hiding it all behind the same practiced smile.

[Xray the Enforcer]

WS -- I love the photo!

[Robin Of House Hill]

I do notice girls like us often looking grim or serious or wistful or generally something-other-than-happy in photos - I think it's part of our charm. We don't get socialized to smile all the goddamn time for no goddamn reason. We don't get trained out of our natural resting bitchfaces at an early age. That's one of the pyrrhic joys of the trans experience: sure, you get fucked up six ways to Sunday by having to navigate all the sexist teachings associated with a gender that isn't even yours, but the essentialist expectations associated with your real gender you can approach with eyes open and take only what you need. I love seeing all these fierce trans women, dreaming trans women, elegant trans women, smirking trans women, and yes, bored trans women: people who wear their mood and personality publicly rather than hiding it all behind the same practiced smile.

I can't speak for anyone else, but my resting bitchface, sometimes called a dead stare, is due to two reasons. One, I'm almost 72 years old and the few remaining teeth I have are in deplorable condition. Two, when I'm out and about, I do not wish to appear vulnerable.. When I'm around people that I'm familiar with, I don a more human appearance.