Jump to content

Xray the Enforcer

Board Moderators
  • Content Count

    27,429
  • Joined

1 Follower

About Xray the Enforcer

  • Rank
    no, you can't eat a whole ass capybara

Contact Methods

  • AIM
    Array

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Array
  • Interests
    Array

Previous Fields

  • Name
    Array

Recent Profile Visitors

26,823 profile views
  1. YESSSSSSSSSSS Another sign of awesome: Mr. X got his lifer Barn Owl and lifer Canvasback today!
  2. One thing I wanted to add: part of the shittiness about how society treats women is that they're never given the space to think about their feelings on parenthood in peace. If a woman has any ambiguity about her desire for children, she has to immediately build up a firewall of rationalizations and defend her choice to not want them, because the pressure to conform into the shit-ass societally imposed model of "motherhood" is so fucking brutal. Speaking from ample personal experience, it's very similar to those of us who are ambiguous about gender -- the pressure to conform to either side of the binary ("just choose whether you're a woman or a man!") is what made my life as a non-binary transmasc person hellish for years, catching all kinds of shit from binary cis and trans folk alike. So, Stannis, part of your job as a respectful partner is to deflect the pressure so that your girlfriend has the space to come to her own conclusions and be at peace with her desires around parenthood. Maybe she'll find that she's actually OK with it, once the grinding expectation to conform is gone and she's no longer on the defensive. Or she might discover that she really, really does not want to be a parent, and she can be comfortable with that decision, too. And you two can decide, as a couple, what the future may or may not hold.
  3. yes -- absolutely do NOT attempt to persuade her to change her mind. Only shitty people do that to their partners (and yes there are a lot of shitty people out there, and some of them might waltz into this thread claiming that everything is hunky-dory in their relationships/marriages, but that doesn't negate their basic shittiness of not taking their partner at their word). Also, I want to highlight something important: It's OK to have feelings about this, even those without a rational argument. Your feelings of wanting kids are totally valid. Her feelings of not wanting kids are totally valid. Not everything needs a "rational" underpinning. This becomes important in my next paragraph. As someone who was in your girlfriend's position: Society browbeats women in particular about being mothers and tells them constantly that it's unnatural if they do not want children. A lot of young women will work overtime to build the rational case against having kids, directly as a result of that lifelong emotional abuse (and I deliberately use the word abuse here). I certainly did that when I was younger -- I had all the reasons mapped out and ready to deploy, because nobody actually just TOOK ME AT MY FUCKING WORD about my own opinions on my own bodily autonomy. Now bring that back to paragraph #2 -- everyone's feelings about their own needs are valid. I cannot speak for your girlfriend, but I can tell you that when I was in a similar position, I used the rational arguments because I didn't feel anyone would pay any mind to my actual opinion of "I don't ever want kids." This doesn't mean you're a shitty person who has been ignoring her feelings -- this is how women are forced to navigate a sexist society. And remember, your feelings for wanting kids are also valid, even if you don't have a powerpoint slide deck rationalizing all the reasons why you do! Anyway, my suggestion is to give her a lot of space to feel comfortable in actually exploring her feelings/opinions on the matter without having to rationalize or defend them. I'd also spend that time exploring your own feelings on this so you know more concretely what kinds of parenthood you would like to have and a timeframe for that. No need to justify any of it -- these are your desires. That way, in a few months when you both revisit this conversation, you can have an honest, respectful dialogue without either of you feeling the need to justify or defend. It could be that your goals are divergent and that the best and most respectful course of action is to break up. Or maybe it won't. Only time, space, and honesty will tell. Good luck. (also I apologize for that wall of text.)
  4. I should not be surprised and yet....I am still surprised. That's some bold-ass Nazi shit from some bold-ass Nazis.
  5. While it is true that not everyone who has a strong reaction to the vaccine would necessarily have a strong illness from SARS-CoV-2, in my particular case all bets are off. The manner in which my immune system malfunctions is very similar to how Covid kills (especially in those patients where you see multiple-organ shutdown) and my immune system is both 1) always dysregulated and 2) extremely reactive. But yes, immunology is hard. It was the worst course I had at university besides physical chemistry, so it makes total sense that I'd become a physical chemist with a poorly understood immunological disorder. Anyway, thank you for the kind words, everyone. I am feeling a lot better today. Systemic side-effects are mostly gone; now I mainly have the expected sore, swollen, hot-to-the-touch spot on my upper arm.
  6. So I've finished the Vera Stanhope series and started in on the Shetland series and AGAIN WITH THE BIRDS, ANN. I tried to read the first Shardlake book and it was very well written but I could not handle the religious bigotry because it reminds me way too much of the transphobic bigotry I have to deal with on the daily. So I will revisit that one maybe, oh, halfway through the Biden Administration or something like that. It's just too raw right now.
  7. Fingers crossed! I was not happy person yesterday and today.
  8. I slept most of today and yes, now feeling less terrible but still not delightful. I started getting the side effects maybe 4 hours post-injection (I got the shot at 8:15am yesterday), and it was really bad from about 6pm until 5pm today. And yes, being at heightened risk for cytokine storm and organ failure was my main concern for Covid because of the specifics on how my immune system is messed up, and it did cross my mind that my reaction to the vaccine might be indicative of how I would react to the Sars-Cov-2 virus. I was also not sure how my body would react to the mRNA technology. I get flu shots every year with the usual side-effects, but wasn't sure how I'd fare with this vaccine. Amongst my friends (many of whom have been vaccinated because they are essential workers), I definitely had one of the worst first-dose experiences. But I'm not sure if that's due to my immunological history or due to the type of vaccine -- I think I'm the only one who got the Pfizer vaccine; everyone else I know in NYC got the Moderna vaccine.
  9. Word to the wise: those who have an angry disaster of an immune system, be mindful that your reaction to even the first dose might be intense. I just spent two days feeling like absolute shit.
  10. I agree with @Ormond on this. Years of habit and socialization and stigma can explain why the numbers haven't budged much in older individuals. Our society is much more accepting of LGBTQIA+ folk now than it was when I was growing up, and there isn't the same level of stigma that would affect how young people self-identify. It's simply safer (not safe! just safer) to be openly queer these days.
  11. [mod] I should not have to say this: If a mod removes something, it's for good reason. Please do not repost materials that have already been removed. Thank you. [/mod] Edit: Looks like two or more mods were acting simultaneously. I only deleted the reposted material, but it looks like another mod removed the whole post.
  12. "getting comfortable with being uncomfortable" is the perfect way to put it.
  13. Wait...You didn't know Schaffer was a complete racist CHUD? He's been actively awful for awhile. But also I know how it feels when you find surprise Nazis in bands you like, so my condolences.
  14. Ran is correct. Iced Earth was a decently well-known (for "underground metal" values of well-known) power metal band.
  15. @BigFatCoward I have no advice re: going cold turkey or not. But I just want to suggest that as you start to taper those beers, be prepared for some psychological disequilibrium: Basically, you're going to get pretty sad for awhile. And bored and fidgety. And you might even get headaches or backaches from additional tension. So talk to your wife about setting up a slightly different after-work routine (one that doesn't interfere with raising a small child). It might be setting aside time for chores or board games or hikes or whatnot -- whatever you can do to take you outside of your own head (that's one of the psychological roles that alcohol plays, and it can be just as strong as the physiological roles). Happy to be an ear if you need to vent. And good luck.
×
×
  • Create New...