Feel bad for Ashara Dayne

[BalerionTheCat]

but he may think anyway ned did not have chance to win ashara's heart, so he will go ahead and do it. 

This sounds like something Brandon will do. 

But even if he thought Ned had no chance, it would hurt him anyway. IMO he would not do that to his brother, not any way.

Just my feeling, but I think both Ned and Ashara were putting much value in honor, and would have been naturally attracted by each other. I imagine Ashara like Lyanna doubting of Robert long term engagement. I don't see Ashara putting any faith in Brandon.

[purple-eyes]

It seems to me that Brandon+Ashara theories are always based on Brandon being an asshole and not a good brother.

 

Where does this idea come from?

to be fair, if ashara has no interest in ned, it is not wrong that brandon pursued her. 

If Ned and ashara loved each other, but brandon tried to woo her, then this is bad brother. 

 

[corbon]

Ned does not think a lot of the events around Rhaegar, Lyanna, Harrendal. He never told of the tourney to his children for example. Doesn't mean they are not important, not painful for him. But it was in Cat's mind. She believed Ashara is Jon's mother. Why would Ned react so violently?

The Lady Ashara Dayne, tall and fair, with haunting violet eyes. It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her.

You should apply the whole quote, and read it properly.

That cut deep. Ned would not speak of the mother,¹ not so much as a word, but a castle has no secrets, and Catelyn heard her maids repeating tales they heard from the lips of her husband's soldiers. They whispered of Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, deadliest of the seven knights of Aerys's Kingsguard, and of how their young lord had slain him in single combat. And they told how afterward Ned had carried Ser Arthur's sword back to the beautiful young sister who awaited him in a castle called Starfall on the shores of the Summer Sea. The Lady Ashara Dayne, tall and fair, with haunting violet eyes. It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face².

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon³," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where⁴ you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped⁵, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

1. The subject is Jon's mother, and Ned's reluctance to talk of her.
There are rumours in the castle that suggest Ashara Dayne might be the mother and Catelyn hears them.

2. Catelyn summones up her courage and asks Ned the truth of it, ie the truth about Jon's mother is.
3. Ned reacts immediately and hard, but his concern is explicit - don't ask me about Jon.
Ashara is not what he is reacting to here, its gossiping about Jon thats the problem for him.
4. He then, still not caring enough to confirm or repeat the name, asks where she heard the gossip so he can stop the rumours (about Jon) at source.
5. Ned is successful and the whispers stop.

Catelyn misinterprets Ned's concern because of her own preconceptions (as do you) and notes that Ashara's name is never heard again - but the whispering has stiopped and without a doubt no name is ever heard again discussing Jon's origins.

 

Honestly, Brandon banging Ashara serves very little the whole story. While Ned breaking a promise he made and losing tragically the girl he loved, justify Ned's extreme commitment to honor, to protect children, and his difficult beginning with Cat.

There are many ways to think of this. You choose one you like, that is inconsistent with the given characterisations

Another: Its yet another example of Ned cleaning up after Brandon. Thats part of who Ned is, why he's the serious, never-the-boy-you-were, so precious honour, type. Brandon is the wild wolf, reckless, loose, making messes here and there and the quiet shy wolf has had his whole life seeing the mess Brandon left behind him and cleaning up. Taking up his Lordship, taking on his marriage (to a woman he'd never met), fighting the war he set off, dealing with his abandoned women is just one more example.
This is at least entirely consistent with all data and characterisations.

I personally think too much is made of Barristan's version of Ashara & Harrenhal. His recollection is suspect. We know that Martin loves unreliable narrators. Selmy is smitten with Ashara & views her through rose-colored glasses just like Robert does with Lyanna.

I think its not his recollection that is suspect, any more than any other, but yes, he was never all that clear sighted.

Lastly IIRC Barristan is the only character that suggests she was dishonored

Well, there is the fact that she was a recently arrived Handmaid to Elia at Harrenhal. But apparently no longer at court or with Elia by the Sack. Its far from conclusive, but she does appeared to have lost her position. A 'dishonour' such as even a secret pregnancy that is not widely known, would do that. 

Or Selmy could've been clueless & things didn't go down as he remembered it at all. Regardless, I've always been hesitant to take his recollections of Ashara at face value. 

At face value, not necessarily. But he clearly knew her at least a little, and clearly would have been paying attention to what happened around her, at least when they were in the same place.
So I think his observations about her from the Harrenhal time should be considered fairly sound (in his terms if not hers), though his observations about her stillborn child and suicide are clearly 'from afar (very afar)' and highly suspect

 

But... do we really have any strong evidence that Ashara was actually pregnant or that she commit suicide?

No and no.
The 'pregnancy' is only hinted at by Barristan, though her apparent loss of position at court could be a supporting data point towards a pregnancy starting at least.
Personally I favour the speculative idea that Allyria is actually Ashara's secret daughter. Most people don;t even know she was pregnant and Barristan was told the child was stillborn, while Ashara's mother took the child as her own for the sake of the child and the family's honour. But that is entirely speculation - just fitting and 'neat package' type speculation.

The suicide is a dubious story told by people who weren't there. And we are expressly told that she threw herself into the sea and no body was ever found. It moks very much like an easy fake to me.

I think there are too many holes concerning Ashara, Harrenhal, the Tower of Joy, the death of Arthur Dayne, & what happened at Starfall to really piece together what happened. Martin was vague for a reason & I think that's because these all fit into the larger story. But what if Ashara was never pregnant? What if she didn't commit suicide? The possibilities are endless.

In deed they are.

She killed herself.

Oh you think so?

And the Starks are like a wolfpack, sticking together. I don't see Brandon helping Ned with Ashara, then fucking her. If it was something serious for Ned. Brandon loved his sister. He certainly loved his brothers too.

Are they?
Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't, just as the current Starks sometimes are and sometimes aren't.

And where is the evidence Brandon loved anyone but Brandon?
He certainly displayed no concern for his sister when he went to KL. No "return her at once", no "is she harmed?" , no mention of her at all. No attempt in fact to do anything beneficial to her personally, only to conduct revenge against Rhaegar.
I agree though, he probably did love his siblings, as much as most other siblings do.

And Brandon helping Ned with Ashara? Not confirmed he did that at all. Nothing indicates Ned wanted to dance with Ashara. Brandon did it 'on his behalf', and that can equally be because Brandon thought Ned needed to get off his back wall bench and join the party rather than hiding like the sad sack he was (and asked the girl he was hanging out with to do it for him as a way Ned couldn't politely refuse) as that Brandon was trying to hook Ned up.

It seems to me that Brandon+Ashara theories are always based on Brandon being an asshole and not a good brother.

 

Where does this idea come from?

Thats not actually true. As above, its a fallacy that Brandon had to be an asshole or bad brother to be involved with Ashara. Its based on sloppy reading of the KotLT story combined with the much later gossip that Ashara might be the mother of Ned's bastard (gossip entirely from people who weren't around them).
The crannogman saw a maid with laughing purple eyes dance with a white sword, a red snake, and the lord of griffins, and lastly with the quiet wolf...but only after the wild wolf spoke to her on behalf of a brother too shy to leave his bench.
Note that Ned was too shy to leave his bench. Note also that Ned is characterised in general as the shy wolf in the story. In other words he wasn't shy of Ashara in particular, he was shy, period, and sitting out the dancing entirely, too shy to leave his bench. Note also that the wild wofl (Brandon) is the one who actually speaks to Ashara, and she does Brandon's bidding.

The next major piece of data comes from Barristan's musings about Dany.
Prince Quentyn was listening intently, at least. That one is his father's son. Short and stocky, plain-faced, he seemed a decent lad, sober, sensible, dutiful … but not the sort to make a young girl's heart beat faster. And Daenerys Targaryen, whatever else she might be, was still a young girl, as she herself would claim when it pleased her to play the innocent. Like all good queens she put her people first—else she would never have wed Hizdahr zo Loraq—but the girl in her still yearned for poetry, passion, and laughter. She wants fire, and Dorne sent her mud.
You could make a poultice out of mud to cool a fever. You could plant seeds in mud and grow a crop to feed your children. Mud would nourish you, where fire would only consume you, but fools and children and young girls would choose fire every time.
Barristan thinks of fire men, and mud men. Ned, as we see is a quintessential mud man, quiet, shy, boring, never-the-boy-you-were etc etc. But look at the fertile growth in his marriage to Catelyn, a stranger. 5 kids and, despite all the obstacles, probably the best relationship we see in the series. Brandon by contrast is a quintessential fire man. Wild, rash even, consuming all and burnt out young leaving only ashes behind. A
And what does Barristan say... young girls will choose fire men every time. And what is Barristan's experience of young girls for him to say this? Not very much. Dany obviously. The only other young girl we know of connected to Barristan is Ashara Dayne, whom he had a crush on. It would seem very much then that Barristan is indirectly (but not accidentally from GRRM I am sure) telling us that Ashara chose a fire man.

The third major set of data we have comes from Lady Dustin. She too, is not entirely reliable, clearly coming with her own hangups and an agenda which is not entirely clear. Yet she has no reason to lie about what she knew of Brandon. How he took (willingly from her) her maidenhood despite them not being married or even betrothed. How hewas never shy about taking what he wanted and how he 'liked a bloody sword' (a blatant double entendre in case you missed it).
Brandon was never shy about taking what he wanted. I am old now, a dried-up thing, too long a widow, but I still remember the look of my maiden's blood on his cock the night he claimed me. I think Brandon liked the sight as well. A bloody sword is a beautiful thing, yes. It hurt, but it was a sweet pain.

The fourth set of data we have is Brandon's actions after Lyanna's abduction. How he rode to the Red Keep with some companions and demanded Rhaegar "come out and die". Insanely stupid. Highly inflaming the situation. No possible good result that could come from it. Public high Treason to threaten the crown prince's life.
And not his place at all to do so either (that would be his father's place). A 'gallant fool' Hoster Tully called him, and he was kind.

So, all in all, we don't have a very positive picture of Brandon Stark... and the picture we do have includes a willingness to deflower a noble maiden, a liking of it in fact, and then abandon her, and a general recklessness (hey, he's the wild wolf!)

[purple-eyes]

You should apply the whole quote, and read it properly.

That cut deep. Ned would not speak of the mother,¹ not so much as a word, but a castle has no secrets, and Catelyn heard her maids repeating tales they heard from the lips of her husband's soldiers. They whispered of Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, deadliest of the seven knights of Aerys's Kingsguard, and of how their young lord had slain him in single combat. And they told how afterward Ned had carried Ser Arthur's sword back to the beautiful young sister who awaited him in a castle called Starfall on the shores of the Summer Sea. The Lady Ashara Dayne, tall and fair, with haunting violet eyes. It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face².

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon³," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where⁴ you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped⁵, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

1. The subject is Jon's mother, and Ned's reluctance to talk of her.
There are rumours in the castle that suggest Ashara Dayne might be the mother and Catelyn hears them.

2. Catelyn summones up her courage and asks Ned the truth of it, ie the truth about Jon's mother is.
3. Ned reacts immediately and hard, but his concern is explicit - don't ask me about Jon.
Ashara is not what he is reacting to here, its gossiping about Jon thats the problem for him.
4. He then, still not caring enough to confirm or repeat the name, asks where she heard the gossip so he can stop the rumours (about Jon) at source.
5. Ned is successful and the whispers stop.

Catelyn misinterprets Ned's concern because of her own preconceptions (as do you) and notes that Ashara's name is never heard again - but the whispering has stiopped and without a doubt no name is ever heard again discussing Jon's origins.

 

There are many ways to think of this. You choose one you like, that is inconsistent with the given characterisations

Another: Its yet another example of Ned cleaning up after Brandon. Thats part of who Ned is, why he's the serious, never-the-boy-you-were, so precious honour, type. Brandon is the wild wolf, reckless, loose, making messes here and there and the quiet shy wolf has had his whole life seeing the mess Brandon left behind him and cleaning up. Taking up his Lordship, taking on his marriage (to a woman he'd never met), fighting the war he set off, dealing with his abandoned women is just one more example.
This is at least entirely consistent with all data and characterisations.

I think its not his recollection that is suspect, any more than any other, but yes, he was never all that clear sighted.

Well, there is the fact that she was a recently arrived Handmaid to Elia at Harrenhal. But apparently no longer at court or with Elia by the Sack. Its far from conclusive, but she does appeared to have lost her position. A 'dishonour' such as even a secret pregnancy that is not widely known, would do that. 

At face value, not necessarily. But he clearly knew her at least a little, and clearly would have been paying attention to what happened around her, at least when they were in the same place.
So I think his observations about her from the Harrenhal time should be considered fairly sound (in his terms if not hers), though his observations about her stillborn child and suicide are clearly 'from afar (very afar)' and highly suspect

No and no.
The 'pregnancy' is only hinted at by Barristan, though her apparent loss of position at court could be a supporting data point towards a pregnancy starting at least.
Personally I favour the speculative idea that Allyria is actually Ashara's secret daughter. Most people don;t even know she was pregnant and Barristan was told the child was stillborn, while Ashara's mother took the child as her own for the sake of the child and the family's honour. But that is entirely speculation - just fitting and 'neat package' type speculation.

The suicide is a dubious story told by people who weren't there. And we are expressly told that she threw herself into the sea and no body was ever found. It moks very much like an easy fake to me.

In deed they are.

Oh you think so?

Are they?
Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't, just as the current Starks sometimes are and sometimes aren't.

And where is the evidence Brandon loved anyone but Brandon?
He certainly displayed no concern for his sister when he went to KL. No "return her at once", no "is she harmed?" , no mention of her at all. No attempt in fact to do anything beneficial to her personally, only to conduct revenge against Rhaegar.
I agree though, he probably did love his siblings, as much as most other siblings do.

And Brandon helping Ned with Ashara? Not confirmed he did that at all. Nothing indicates Ned wanted to dance with Ashara. Brandon did it 'on his behalf', and that can equally be because Brandon thought Ned needed to get off his back wall bench and join the party rather than hiding like the sad sack he was (and asked the girl he was hanging out with to do it for him as a way Ned couldn't politely refuse) as that Brandon was trying to hook Ned up.

 

Thats not actually true. As above, its a fallacy that Brandon had to be an asshole or bad brother to be involved with Ashara. Its based on sloppy reading of the KotLT story combined with the much later gossip that Ashara might be the mother of Ned's bastard (gossip entirely from people who weren't around them).
The crannogman saw a maid with laughing purple eyes dance with a white sword, a red snake, and the lord of griffins, and lastly with the quiet wolf...but only after the wild wolf spoke to her on behalf of a brother too shy to leave his bench.
Note that Ned was too shy to leave his bench. Note also that Ned is characterised in general as the shy wolf in the story. In other words he wasn't shy of Ashara in particular, he was shy, period, and sitting out the dancing entirely, too shy to leave his bench. Note also that the wild wofl (Brandon) is the one who actually speaks to Ashara, and she does Brandon's bidding.

The next major piece of data comes from Barristan's musings about Dany.
Prince Quentyn was listening intently, at least. That one is his father's son. Short and stocky, plain-faced, he seemed a decent lad, sober, sensible, dutiful … but not the sort to make a young girl's heart beat faster. And Daenerys Targaryen, whatever else she might be, was still a young girl, as she herself would claim when it pleased her to play the innocent. Like all good queens she put her people first—else she would never have wed Hizdahr zo Loraq—but the girl in her still yearned for poetry, passion, and laughter. She wants fire, and Dorne sent her mud.
You could make a poultice out of mud to cool a fever. You could plant seeds in mud and grow a crop to feed your children. Mud would nourish you, where fire would only consume you, but fools and children and young girls would choose fire every time.
Barristan thinks of fire men, and mud men. Ned, as we see is a quintessential mud man, quiet, shy, boring, never-the-boy-you-were etc etc. But look at the fertile growth in his marriage to Catelyn, a stranger. 5 kids and, despite all the obstacles, probably the best relationship we see in the series. Brandon by contrast is a quintessential fire man. Wild, rash even, consuming all and burnt out young leaving only ashes behind. A
And what does Barristan say... young girls will choose fire men every time. And what is Barristan's experience of young girls for him to say this? Not very much. Dany obviously. The only other young girl we know of connected to Barristan is Ashara Dayne, whom he had a crush on. It would seem very much then that Barristan is indirectly (but not accidentally from GRRM I am sure) telling us that Ashara chose a fire man.

The third major set of data we have comes from Lady Dustin. She too, is not entirely reliable, clearly coming with her own hangups and an agenda which is not entirely clear. Yet she has no reason to lie about what she knew of Brandon. How he took (willingly from her) her maidenhood despite them not being married or even betrothed. How hewas never shy about taking what he wanted and how he 'liked a bloody sword' (a blatant double entendre in case you missed it).
Brandon was never shy about taking what he wanted. I am old now, a dried-up thing, too long a widow, but I still remember the look of my maiden's blood on his cock the night he claimed me. I think Brandon liked the sight as well. A bloody sword is a beautiful thing, yes. It hurt, but it was a sweet pain.

The fourth set of data we have is Brandon's actions after Lyanna's abduction. How he rode to the Red Keep with some companions and demanded Rhaegar "come out and die". Insanely stupid. Highly inflaming the situation. No possible good result that could come from it. Public high Treason to threaten the crown prince's life.
And not his place at all to do so either (that would be his father's place). A 'gallant fool' Hoster Tully called him, and he was kind.

So, all in all, we don't have a very positive picture of Brandon Stark... and the picture we do have includes a willingness to deflower a noble maiden, a liking of it in fact, and then abandon her, and a general recklessness (hey, he's the wild wolf!)

I tend to believe it is Brandon who slept with Ashara and made her heartbroken. 

And ned seems to be bitter towards Brandon, I think this is not only for cat, but also for Ashara. 

Ned surely loved or desired Ashara in HH. 

But Brandon took her then abandoned her. 

Honestly Brandon is even worse than robert. 

At least a young non-king Robert only made children with base-born women and whores. 

Brandon deflowered high born ladies here and there without any commitments, which is quite bad for these girls.

who did he think he is? Aegon IV?

No wonder he ran to RK and asked rhaegar to die. 

he is surely a fool. 

 

 

 

[corbon]

I tend to believe it is Brandon who slept with Ashara and made her heartbroken. 

And ned seems to be bitter towards Brandon, I think this is not only for cat, but also for Ashara. 

Ned surely loved or desired Ashara in HH. 

Surely?
A bunch of people who weren't there and didn't know Ned well (Ned and Allyria Dayne, probably not born yet, Cersei, not at Harrenhal, and Catelyn, newly married to a stranger and also not at Harrenhal) think it so 15 years later (after Ned takes Jon away from Starfall and Ashara commits suicide).
Ned never thinks of her at all.
A person who did know Ned well thinks it unlikely (Harwin).
A person who knew Ned even better doesn't believe it (Robert thinks "Ned's one time" was with a girl named Wylla).

The KotLT story doesn't actually indicate it.

I think 'surely' is thoroughly unwarranted.

But Brandon took her then abandoned her. 

Honestly Brandon is even worse than robert. 

Thats pretty harsh, and unwarranted. We have one known instance by Brandon, when both the girl and her father were dead keen. We have one possible second instance which is under debate.
Thats hardly worse than Robert...

At least a young non-king Robert only made children with base-born women and whores. 

Delena Florent was as well-born as any, sure Robert was king by then, but still. It hardly seems likely Robert was ever careful.
And we don't know all of Robert's other bastards. And therefore their mothers.

Brandon deflowered high born ladies here and there without any commitments, which is quite bad for these girls.

who did he think he is? Aegon IV?

One, maybe two. Hardly 'here and there'. And with Ashara there is nothing to suggest it was a deflowerment, just suggestions it was a dishonour.
Its over the top commentary like this that tends to get the 'Brandon wasn't so bad' crowd's backs up and get them ever more insistent that N+A were an item just so that it wasn't Brandon.

No wonder he ran to RK and asked rhaegar to die. 

he is surely a fool. 

Well, Hoster Tully at least is in agreement with this assessment.

[purple-eyes]

Surely?
A bunch of people who weren't there and didn't know Ned well (Ned and Allyria Dayne, probably not born yet, Cersei, not at Harrenhal, and Catelyn, newly married to a stranger and also not at Harrenhal) think it so 15 years later (after Ned takes Jon away from Starfall and Ashara commits suicide).
Ned never thinks of her at all.
A person who did know Ned well thinks it unlikely (Harwin).
A person who knew Ned even better doesn't believe it (Robert thinks "Ned's one time" was with a girl named Wylla).

The KotLT story doesn't actually indicate it.

I think 'surely' is thoroughly unwarranted.

Thats pretty harsh, and unwarranted. We have one known instance by Brandon, when both the girl and her father were dead keen. We have one possible second instance which is under debate.
Thats hardly worse than Robert...

Delena Florent was as well-born as any, sure Robert was king by then, but still. It hardly seems likely Robert was ever careful.
And we don't know all of Robert's other bastards. And therefore their mothers.

One, maybe two. Hardly 'here and there'. And with Ashara there is nothing to suggest it was a deflowerment, just suggestions it was a dishonour.
Its over the top commentary like this that tends to get the 'Brandon wasn't so bad' crowd's backs up and get them ever more insistent that N+A were an item just so that it wasn't Brandon.

Well, Hoster Tully at least is in agreement with this assessment.

GRRM himself said Brandon may drop some Snows here and there. 

I mean, Brandon is clearly in the same category as Robert and Harry the heir. 

Although there is no enough texts, but it was hinted. 

 

 

 

[corbon]

GRRM himself said Brandon may drop some Snows here and there. 

I mean, Brandon is clearly in the same category as Robert and Harry the heir. 

Although there is no enough texts, but it was hinted. 

May have dropped some snows and hinted at. "Took what he wanted and "liked a bloody sword" for example.
Yes, I agree. There are hints in the text.

But its not clear, and there's no suggestion he was in the Robert category (actually the Harry the heir category might be a perfect fit - IMO, perhaps a bit entitled and arrogant, and happy to take advantage when he could, but not a rutting goat like Robert).
The point is going over the top instead of staying rational and sticking more closely to the text only annoys the people who don't agree with you and makes them agree with you even less.
And it annoys the people who partially agree with you too, because of that.

[rayarts]

Is there actually anything that we KNOW about Ashara, that is like A FACT? My impression was so far, that nothing is certain, just a "hear-say", that not even her body was found, thus everything - from who she was in love with or not, whom she slept with or not, who loved her or not, whether she had a child or not, what happened to that child or not and even whether she died or not - is just speculation.

For certain is, that she dissappeared, and that's about it, right? (And that Selmy loved her, which she didn't know)

For me, there is just one good reason, why she would really have committed suicide: And that's because someone in the books needed to. Like a bazillion deaths and no suicide would seem "lacking". 

Still - the rest is like SOOO uncertain.

 

 

[corbon]

Is there actually anything that we KNOW about Ashara, that is like A FACT? My impression was so far, that nothing is certain, just a "hear-say", that not even her body was found, thus everything - from who she was in love with or not, whom she slept with or not, who loved her or not, whether she had a child or not, what happened to that child or not and even whether she died or not - is just speculation.

For certain is, that she dissappeared, and that's about it, right? (And that Selmy loved her, which she didn't know)

For me, there is just one good reason, why she would really have committed suicide: And that's because someone in the books needed to. Like a bazillion deaths and no suicide would seem "lacking". 

Still - the rest is like SOOO uncertain.

 

 

Well, the series format is POV with unreliable narrators, so everything we don't literally see is 'hearsay' and even some things we do literally see can be clouded by the biases etc of the POV we are seeing it from.

However there are some things that there simply isn't any reason to doubt, when people are just relating simple facts that there is no reason for them to either have misunderstood or be misinformed about. If we go down the route that you suggest  then there is simply no point to virtually any of the 'past' story. But the fact is, we are all products of our past and backstories, and the characters in ASoIaF even more so than most. Almost every move, action or reaction, anyone takes in the series is informed in some way by their own past and backstory, whether they are a major character or a minor character.The more we understand of the past the more relevant the future becomes and the deeper the layers of interconnection are shown to us. And GRRM is better at using this than anyone else I've read. So piecing together the past makes for some really interesting understanding of the current events, and the people in them too.
And that too is by design of GRRM. He puts all these clues in there because they matter to the current story. But just like real life, his clues are mixed up and distorted by the perceptions of those viewing them. Its up to us to figure out through the distortions and best we can - and we won;ty always get it right, but a good author like GRRM shows us enough to give us a chance at least.

But to answer your question, I think we can therefore 'know' the following.
 - Ashara Dayne was the sister of Arthur Dayne
 - she was a young woman new at court in the position of Elia's Handmaid at the time of Harrenhal.
 - she had dark hair and purple eyes and was very attractive
 - she danced with several guys at Harrenhal, including (at the request of Brandon) Ned.
 - Barristan thinks she was dishonoured by something there, apparently left court as a result, and maybe gave birth to a still born girl. I think we can safely say she left court, from that, even if he's wrong about the other parts. He may be right, half right, or all wrong about the other parts.
 - she is reported to have committed suicide around the same time Ned came away from Starfall with his bastard Jon. I think its fairly safe to say she disappeared then, one way or another.

[The Commentator]

What's a "Dornish" way? Quentyn is Dornish and he's anything but flirtatious Obara is Dornish. Is she flirtatious too?

There is not even a certain that she in fact had a baby. People said so. We only know she danced with three guys. Ned, who was too shy to ask so he wouldn't ask for more; Arthur who was her brother; Jon Connington who, well... and Oberyn Martell who we know takes cares of his bastards.

 

Unashamedly flirtatious, as opposed to the more restrained approach that is typical of the Riverlands.