Myshkin Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Cleomedes~ I think you're confusing that horrendous travesty Wizards First Rule, by Tairy Goodkind, with OldBen's brilliant novel Wizards First Tool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldBen Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I did come out with Wizard's first tool first. Tairy is a scandolous charlatan trying to cash in on my epic pornographic fantasies! I called Paris Hilton to ask if she wants to be the voice of Harlot the red dragon. She said that it will be marvelous especially since she gets to be a haughty giant lizard that holds all people in contempt. Ritz must earn her affection by retrieving the "pornographic scandal tape" from the evil Boner Raw! In the midst D'banger troops will engage in an epic orgy with white clad Kahleena and the Mord'Suki ninja chicks! Yes I know. I'm a philosophical genius destined to push the porn genre into new territory! As a matter of fact my works are labeled as porn by non-believers opposed to sexaul liberation. My smut is actually high art for the noble spirit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Regarding the Sword of Truth movie that is going to be made, I just realized who would be the perfect person to play Richard Rahl. This man's moral celery should be clear for all to see since he fights against the evil and corruption that is the chicken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piper Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Regarding the Sword of Truth movie that is going to be made, I just realized who would be the perfect person to play Richard Rahl. This man's moral celery should be clear for all to see since he fights against the evil and corruption that is the chicken. Or, that is not the chicken. Oh, wait... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerec Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Waiting on the next books in the series. Like Blood of the Flaps, Faith of the Frigid, The "Pillars" of Procreation, Naked Empire... etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agulla Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 I'm a philosophical genius destined to push the porn genre into new territory! As a matter of fact my works are labeled as porn by non-believers opposed to sexaul liberation. My smut is actually high art for the noble spirit! Or maybe this people who label your works as porn are not old enough to be allowed into a porn movie theater. Oh, wait, there is a contradiction here because your high art is not porn to start with and they should be allowed to watch your movies then. Remember contradictions cannot exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldBen Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 Or maybe this people who label your works as porn are not old enough to be allowed into a porn movie theater. Oh, wait, there is a contradiction here because your high art is not porn to start with and they should be allowed to watch your movies then. Remember contradictions cannot exist. Ah yes Agulla. My perfect circular logic! It is true. Though children and teens cannot understand the adult kink of my movies or their super symbolism they can still get enjoyment out of them! Boner Raw is the personification of evil because he doesn't use protection! Thus I'm teaching our youth not only to have fun sex early to come into the tantric art of nookie banging I'm also teaching them to use protection! I'm a pillar of mortal celery! Disclaimer: Ben does not encourage sex before marriage,sex when a minor,or sex on a speeding bus. This is a parody. However if you are drunk off your ass and lacking in moral celery such weird scenarios could happen so PLEASE consume liquor and beer responsibly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 As long as your porn does not contain *"weirdo cultural diversity" it will stand as a monument to moral celery. One more question: how many noble goats are in Wizards First Tool? *an actual quote from Tairy. I'm not making this up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldBen Posted February 4, 2007 Share Posted February 4, 2007 There are many noble goats and true to form commie bastards get humped by them! Bestiality to traitors of freedom is good because it will be the heroes doing the torturing Myshkin! I have a side story called "Lady Jensen and her goat lover" for those that are more into eccentric porn. We are still trying to get in contact with the giant chicken that was seen in family guy to have him play as Bawk-Gang the evil rooster dream clucker but have gotten no replies as of yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Maid Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Isn't high-quality porn called erotica? weirdo cultural diversity What? God, I missed this por-I mean, thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldBen Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Isn't high-quality porn called erotica? What? God, I missed this por-I mean, thread. Sadly wolf maiden I tried to Get my wizard's first tool put into the "high erotica" genre as it redefines sexual satisfaction but those EVIL publishers said slong of truth is more along the lines of cheap porn. I'm already getting my Morde'suki ninja girls to bring me the ears and slongs of every person that consider my books pointless smut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhysdux Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 And here's another quote. This one is Wizard's Tenth Rule, from Phantom, Chapter 12. Zedd is the speaker: "People who for whatever reason don't want to see the truth can be acutely hostile to it and shrill in their denunciation of it. They frequently turn their venomous antagonism on whoever dares to point out that truth ... To those seeking the truth, its a matter of simple, rational, self interest to always keep reality in view. Truth is rooted in reality, after all, not the imagination." You know, this explains so MUCH about Tairy's hostility to any and all criticism of his illustrious not-fantasy series... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deluge Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Woah, I go skiing for the weekend, and suddenly everyone is talking about porn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleomedes Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I wonder if Terry's watching the superbowl. There might be a bit too much co-operation going on, but then again Peyton Manning might be sliding into a Seeker trance (a la the Baka Ban Mana slaughter, and the countless other times Richard has hacked down hundreds of foes in one go). Throw. Whatever's going on in front, behind or to the side - Throw. Don't stop to think - Certainty BEFORE scrutiny. Throw. After all, dude doubtless practices in a field with some woman's hand down his trousers. Alternatively, the Colts defense could pull a Kahlan and come off the bench stripped and whitewashed. We all know what a tide-turning advantage nudity and paint can grant. Dammit - I want a SoT-Bowl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I wonder if Terry's watching the superbowl. There might be a bit too much co-operation going on, but then again Peyton Manning might be sliding into a Seeker trance (a la the Baka Ban Mana slaughter, and the countless other times Richard has hacked down hundreds of foes in one go). Throw. Whatever's going on in front, behind or to the side - Throw. Don't stop to think - Certainty BEFORE scrutiny. Throw. After all, dude doubtless practices in a field with some woman's hand down his trousers. Alternatively, the Colts defense could pull a Kahlan and come off the bench stripped and whitewashed. We all know what a tide-turning advantage nudity and paint can grant. Dammit - I want a SoT-Bowl. A SoT-bowl would be AWSOME!!!! SoT-Bowl I: The Badass Ninja Chicks Vs. The Arm-breaking Rapists Gooooo mighty Ninjas!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldBen Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I wonder if Terry's watching the superbowl. There might be a bit too much co-operation going on, but then again Peyton Manning might be sliding into a Seeker trance (a la the Baka Ban Mana slaughter, and the countless other times Richard has hacked down hundreds of foes in one go). Throw. Whatever's going on in front, behind or to the side - Throw. Don't stop to think - Certainty BEFORE scrutiny. Throw. After all, dude doubtless practices in a field with some woman's hand down his trousers. Alternatively, the Colts defense could pull a Kahlan and come off the bench stripped and whitewashed. We all know what a tide-turning advantage nudity and paint can grant. Dammit - I want a SoT-Bowl. There are people that write more realistic violence then Tairy but none write it quite as over the top and gorey as Tairy! Being a testosrone driven male I'd love an SOT bowl too. Spinal chord pulling heart ripping fun! Sorta like playing Mortal Kombat deception. Scantily clad lethal "sluts",guys losing pints of blood as they pound on each other. Fatalities. Only instead it is 100% real like a roman gladitorial arena! Disclaimer: Not all scantily clad nubile women are sluts. Slut muttered during certain "passionate throes" can even be an endearment. Some girls love to be called a slut during sex others will break your jaw for it. Use the word slut responsibly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleomedes Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 It'd be dashed tough to fake out a team coached by a Dreamwalker though. Richard could redesign pro ball so that nobody gets hurt - have the seamstresses do up some Nerf balls, fix the rules so that the weaklings can play too. It's always cracked me up that Richard takes such delicate offence at contact sport, but thinks nothing of doling out some foot to Violet. I watched Pan's Labyrinth a few days ago, and the ultimate, searingly brutal villainy of one of the characters is established at the start when he administers a modified 'Violet' to a peasant. Graphic sadism makes hilarious bedfellows, non ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Disclaimer: Not all scantily clad nubile women are sluts. Slut muttered during certain "passionate throes" can even be an endearment. Some girls love to be called a slut during sex others will break your jaw for it. Use the word slut responsibly!Thank you for the disclaimer Ben. I have, for some time, been unsure of the proper usage for the word "slut". I hereby swear by all that I hold holy (noble goats) that I will never again utter the word "slut" unless my moral celery tells me that the context is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cleomedes Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 Curse this forum for leading me to dig out my Terry books. "Are you going to kiss me, or are you going to cut my throat?" she asked, still panting". Nowhere in literature can a reader find Eros/Thanatos so finely rendered. I sway with admiration. The thing is, though, that in Terry's world this situation could go either way. If I were Kahlan, I wouldn't be putting ideas into the Bringer of Death's head, lest mine own skull be converted into a bursting papaya, a crimson spray soaking the ground for twenty metres in every direction and globs of pinky, foamy mush and whitest bone arcing gently to a rest. Me, I'd opt for "Kiss me - put the SoT AWAY - no, no - look me in the eye Richard - PUT THE BLADE DOWN I AM ON YOUR SIDE". Ambiguity is death - to court or tolerate ambivalence (the dreaded bifurcative wotsit) is to invite and wretchedly to deserve gory doom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myshkin Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 I'm totally down with the fact that even the poeple who Lord Dick loves know that he is capable of ruthlessly killing them at any time. I mean, when his thing is rising you never know what he's gonna do. It's the burden of moral celery. P.S. Spell his name right. It's Tairy, not Terry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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