Goodkind XXII: Better than Newcomb and Stanek

[Piper]

What if you are poor, but have big boobs and are willing to torture?

Impossible. No one with big boobs and who is willing to turture would be poor, because they'd just get swept up for mord-sith duty. What you propose is a contradiction, which, clearly, don't exist. Duh

[word]

What if you are poor, but have big boobs and are willing to torture?

Really the only relevant attribute in that statement is big boobs. If Emperor Jagang had actually been Empress Jagang and had big tits, Dick would've converted her years ago. Everybody knows that women with large breasts are just praying to be liberated by ol' Dicko.

[Red Templar]

Impossible. No one with big boobs and who is willing to turture would be poor, because they'd just get swept up for mord-sith duty. What you propose is a contradiction, which, clearly, don't exist. Duh

Here's another one, then:

What if you are poor, have small boobs, and are willing to torture and get breast implants?

[WLU]

How are they evil? Isn't killing people so you can get stuff for yourself choosing life? If the soldiers can't fend for themselves, aren't they death choosers, and thus evil? [head explodes]

I'd make fun of his morality more, but I can't say I even understand it.

The real problem is, you're trying to understand it as if it were an objective standard that applied to all people in all situations. This is a fundamental error of understanding on your part. SoT morality goes more like this:

If Richard does it, it's OK. Doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter what the circumstances, if Richie gives it a thumbs-up, it's OK. See Papal infallibility for something similar, though God knows the Pope can't even approach the holiness, or holier-than-thoughness of Richard Rahl.

-this has a halo effect in that those in physical or mental/emotional proximity to Richard also have a blanket sanction on their actions. Yes, I am aware of and endorse the inherent ambiguities and contradictions of the use of that word in this context. It's 'cause I rule

-further, mental/emotional proximity is a euphemism for 'blind worship' - as no-one can ever actually approximate the wonder and joy that is Richard (who as we know is a rare man), the closest anyone can ever come to thinking or feeling like Richard is unthinking adoration. Such is the Author's Sixteenth Rule, sub-clause I.i.a.ai.v. - Don't think about the relative actions of your protagonist, your fans won't notice the contradictions.

If anyone except Richard and his adoring fans do it, it's wrong. Opposition to Richard is inherently evil. This would be the equivalent of non-Papal fallibility, or the jibber-jabber of furrin folks who couldn't be bothered to build clay roofs.

[Red Templar]

Everybody knows that women with large breasts are just praying to be liberated by ol' Dicko.

Hmmm... Something tells me that word has just revealed the entire foundation and premise of SoT.

Could it be that TG is just a juvenile that has become tired of his collection of Hustler magazines?

[Piper]

What if you are poor, have small boobs, and are willing to torture and get breast implants?

Hmm, good one. I'd say you'd be such a death chooser for being poorly endowed (in two senses) that you'd never live long enough to get those implants, so in that case you'd deserve what you get.

The real problem is, you're trying to understand it as if it were an objective standard that applied to all people in all situations. This is a fundamental error of understanding on your part. SoT morality goes more like this:

My bad. I was just expecting something objective about a philosophy called objectivism

[Red Templar]

The real problem is, you're trying to understand it as if it were an objective standard that applied to all people in all situations. This is a fundamental error of understanding on your part. SoT morality goes more like this:

If Richard does it, it's OK. Doesn't matter what it is, doesn't matter what the circumstances, if Richie gives it a thumbs-up, it's OK. See Papal infallibility for something similar, though God knows the Pope can't even approach the holiness, or holier-than-thoughness of Richard Rahl.

-this has a halo effect in that those in physical or mental/emotional proximity to Richard also have a blanket sanction on their actions. Yes, I am aware of and endorse the inherent ambiguities and contradictions of the use of that word in this context. It's 'cause I rule

-further, mental/emotional proximity is a euphemism for 'blind worship' - as no-one can ever actually approximate the wonder and joy that is Richard (who as we know is a rare man), the closest anyone can ever come to thinking or feeling like Richard is unthinking adoration. Such is the Author's Sixteenth Rule, sub-clause I.i.a.ai.v. - Don't think about the relative actions of your protagonist, your fans won't notice the contradictions.

If anyone except Richard and his adoring fans do it, it's wrong. Opposition to Richard is inherently evil. This would be the equivalent of non-Papal fallibility, or the jibber-jabber of furrin folks who couldn't be bothered to build clay roofs.

So.... Richard is the Pope, then?

[word]

Personally I think that choosing to get breast implants would essentially be choosing life.

Question: What would hurt more, a kick to the chin from Dick or a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris?

[Piper]

Question: What would hurt more, a kick to the chin from Dick or a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris?

Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

[Red Templar]

Personally I think that choosing to get breast implants would essentially be choosing life.

[WLU]

My bad. I was just expecting something objective about a philosophy called objectivism

*sputter* *sputter* *sputter*

SHUT UP!!!!!!

Hold on, why am I getting defensive for something the Douchyeard did? Terry Goodkind sucks.

So.... Richard is the Pope, then?

Richard is the Queen of Popes. Combines divine right to rule with a mandated inability to commit errors. Killer Queen. Someone hasn't read Goodkind IX. Communist. Red Menace. Triple-C'ed socializer of industry. Why don't you go give some money to charity!

[Moosicus]

Here's another one, then:

What if you are poor, have small boobs, and are willing to torture and get breast implants?

Naturally the way it would work in SoT-land is that this poor small-breasted Mord-Sith would eventually have some sort of breakdown due to her lack of celery. This would happen right in front of Ol' Dick, probably in the form of trying to kill him with the electric butt-plug of pain. Dick then lays hands on her chest and voila, her tits get bigger. Much bigger, but not quite as big as Kahlan's. With Dick's hands still on her new celeriously huge boobs, she falls to her knees *wink* weeping. She is later "comforted" by Nicci *double wink*.

Someday I'm going to be a big porn producer and "The Shlong of Truth" will be my opus.

[Red Templar]

Richard is the Queen of Popes. Combines divine right to rule with a mandated inability to commit errors. Killer Queen. Someone hasn't read Goodkind IX. Communist. Red Menace. Triple-C'ed socializer of industry. Why don't you go give some money to charity!

Oh, but my immoralistic lack of celerity knows no commie-pinko bounds! But I must say, Richard must look just smashing in his Pope-Queen outfit.

[Mad Monkey]

Here's another one, then:

What if you are poor, have small boobs, and are willing to torture and get breast implants?

It would turn out that you were the daughter of the King of SomelandIjustmadeupforthisbookia and after he dies in a chicken-related accident at the beginning of book you inherit all of his wealth and titles. So you were never poor at all.

[Myshkin]

Naturally the way it would work in SoT-land is that this poor small-breasted Mord-Sith would eventually have some sort of breakdown due to her lack of celery. This would happen right in front of Ol' Dick, probably in the form of trying to kill him with the electric butt-plug of pain. Dick then lays hands on her chest and voila, her tits get bigger. Much bigger, but not quite as big as Kahlan's. With Dick's hands still on her new celeriously huge boobs, she falls to her knees *wink* weeping. She is later "comforted" by Nicci *double wink*.

You forgot the part where Richard would have to stick two fingers inside her in an unneccissarily graphic scene.

[Moosicus]

You forgot the part where Richard would have to stick two fingers inside her in an unneccissarily graphic scene.

Of course, cuz it would be a shame for her to be in a state of constant orgasm. Oh the horror!

[The Wolf Maid]

I kinda like GOODKIND XXIII: I recommend you start drinking heavily.

Unless this has already been used in the past (I wouldn't be surprised). Still 90 posts to go though so I guess no reason to try to come up with thread titles yet.

Goodkind XIII: Drinking heavily since WFR

Really the only relevant attribute in that statement is big boobs. If Emperor Jagang had actually been Empress Jagang and had big tits, Dick would've converted her years ago. Everybody knows that women with large breasts are just praying to be liberated by ol' Dicko.

Great. Liberation by titty-fuck. Dick is a lucky man.

Have you ever seen the two of them in the same room?

You have a point, LPOP.

[Jaxom 1974]

Still 90 posts to go though so I guess no reason to try to come up with thread titles yet.

If I'm choosing life by picking my thread title with 90 posts to go, then you can bite my ass.

[Dycedarg]

Anyhoo, I'm working on a Neuromancer / Sword of Truth parody, should be ready for TG23, stay tuned.

This lemming will be waiting. Tell me, will Operation Screaming Fist involve melon-sized holes and removed spines?

[Piper]

This lemming will be waiting. Tell me, will Operation Screaming Fist involve melon-sized holes and removed spines?

Heh, that would require some backstory, which hardly fits in with the SOT part of the parody I can gaurentee melon-sized holes, removed spines, and little girls getting kicked in the face by though, and I'll try to deliver on the cyberpunk side.