The Zombie Apocalypse

[Merentha]

One point: Swords are fundamentally useless. Having worked with and done some decent amounts of western martial arts, specifically German longsword, I wouldn't lay bets on my ability to decapitate anything unless it was stretched flat in front of me If it was actively resisting with undead strength and determination? Hell no. (And katana are no better for decapitation than longswords, myths aside). If you're going to use melee weapons, they need to be sharp and stabbing or really damned heavy. Picks, some halberds, and maces are what you're looking for, not swords. Machetes also work, but they require far too much close-in work. Use guns. High caliber, semiautomatic guns.

[K26dp]

Nothing a little heavy artillery can't take care of. I can't imagine they would be moving very fast.

Zombie sharks. With zombies inside them. Natural submarines, baby.

I love the tropics. See you there!

[CelticBrennus]

Why wonder about medieval era weapons, when a massive supply of perfectly functional ones already exists littering the asiles of every Sears, WalMart, Lowes and Home Depot and hardware store in the nation - wood axes, sledges and mauls. All would have perfectly good weight and striking power.

Armor? Why bother with maille? Wouldnt spending a few hours with a 55 gallon plastic barrel, a hand saw, some straps, rivets and protective sports gear do the job of making a lightweight suit of bite proof armor?

The biggest problem will be fresh water, and food. Any house with a second floor can be made zombie proof indefinitely if you take out the stairs, but you will need to ensure the proper food supply.

Now, the critical question will be if the zombies freeze in the winter. If so, you have months of the year to loot food, set up growing spaces and the like. After looting a home furnishing store, you can get a very comfy bed, couches and the like. Dont know how to grow food, grab some gardening books at Borders or Barnes and Noble...

[lacuna]

Could removing people's teeth and replacing them with dentures be a possible way to avoid spreading infection? Hopefully, the shambling gait of a zombie would eventually dislodge the dentures, rendering the zombie weaponless. Of course, there aren't enough dentures available for everyone in the world, so plans must be drawn up for mass production. Once the apocalypse hits, everyone who wants to join the resistance must be de-fanged - a small sacrifice for the greater good. Most of those serious about zombie eradication will, if bitten, remove their dentures before they turn.

[Zap Rowsdower]

In the event of a Zompocalypse, many people fail to realize that with the inevitable collapse of the Federal Government (fat chance Obama would be able to deal with a crisis of that magnitude), funding for maintaining the interstate highways will immediately cease. Road conditions will swiftly deteriorate and render motorized vehicles useless. In fact, all wheeled conveyances, such as bikes, wheelbarrows, and segways would become impractical as potholes and cracks multiplied. The chaos and brutality that would immediately follow the zombie outbreak would no doubt leave the roadways littered with broken glass and other sharp objects that could puncture a tire with great ease

It would therefore be prudent to employ the pogo stick as the primary means of locomotion. It has no tires to be torn to shreds. It requires no fuel in order to run. It requires no oil changes. Pogos, with their utter dearth of wheels, may simply scoff disdainfully at hostile road and off-road conditions which would render even the most sturdy truck or humvee vincible. What happens, after all, if a pogo stick encounters a pot hole? It simply hops out!

When using the pogo stick, you are using your own energy to power its movement, so it is therefore vital to travel as lightly as possible. This makes heavy chain mail impractical as armor against the zombies. Instead of cumbersome chain mail, I would advocate specially designed armor. Imagine if you will, a plain jumpsuit, such as a workman would wear. Then attach multiple rolls of toilet paper to every inch of the jumpsuit.

Unlike metal, toilet paper (in the nature of most paper) is very light. And it is surprisingly shock absorbent. Have you ever tried to bite into a full, plush roll of toilet paper? I have, and believe me, a single roll of toilet paper has enough resiliency to blunt even the bites of the hungriest ghoul.

Toilet paper has another advantage in that it absorbs moisture in addition to blunt schocks. What would happen to the poor chain mail wearing soul who has an open wound or even a slight scratch beneath his seemingly impenetrable mail? His mail may turn aside the zombie's bite, but what about viscous drool all zombies slather, which spreads their disease? It could easily seep past the chain mail links and his thin layer of padding and into their wounds. The wearer of Toilet Paper Armor would have very little worry in this respect, since their suit would absorb the infected saliva.

[Elrostar]

Playing excessive amounts of Left4Dead has been honing my survival skills. Shotguns and assault rifles are excellent tools. Although it's really all about finding sufficient ammo, particularly for the latter. You really don't want to be engaging in hand to hand combat with these guys if you can avoid it.

Why not make use of the sophisticated tools available to us?

[CiaranAnnrach]

One point: Swords are fundamentally useless. Having worked with and done some decent amounts of western martial arts, specifically German longsword, I wouldn't lay bets on my ability to decapitate anything unless it was stretched flat in front of me If it was actively resisting with undead strength and determination? Hell no. (And katana are no better for decapitation than longswords, myths aside). If you're going to use melee weapons, they need to be sharp and stabbing or really damned heavy. Picks, some halberds, and maces are what you're looking for, not swords. Machetes also work, but they require far too much close-in work. Use guns. High caliber, semiautomatic guns.

Umm, you obviously don't know much about katanas then. Your prejudice (due to a completely different type of sword, with a completely different feel and cutting style) aside, a katana if properly held can easily decapitate a person.

Particularly old katanas, on the tang, would occasionally have a number on them. That number is the number of bodies this particular blade cut through. They would take condemned prisoners, and pile them one atop the other on a bunch of sand, and then they would see how many bodies it cut through. (The sand was so that, if it cut through all of them, it wouldn't hurt the blade.) A good blade would go through about three or more bodies.

[CiaranAnnrach]

Playing excessive amounts of Left4Dead has been honing my survival skills. Shotguns and assault rifles are excellent tools. Although it's really all about finding sufficient ammo, particularly for the latter. You really don't want to be engaging in hand to hand combat with these guys if you can avoid it.

Why not make use of the sophisticated tools available to us?

You do, first and foremost. But, always have a backup, and a backup to the backup, just in case you do run out of ammo. We're discussing our backup plans.

[Elrostar]

Umm, you obviously don't know much about katanas then. Your prejudice (due to a completely different type of sword, with a completely different feel and cutting style) aside, a katana if properly held can easily decapitate a person.

Particularly old katanas, on the tang, would occasionally have a number on them. That number is the number of bodies this particular blade cut through. They would take condemned prisoners, and pile them one atop the other on a bunch of sand, and then they would see how many bodies it cut through. (The sand was so that, if it cut through all of them, it wouldn't hurt the blade.) A good blade would go through about three or more bodies.

A katana is a short blade, though, relatively speaking. I just don't want a zombie that close to me. I feel that something allowing me to extend my reach further than an arm's length is in order. Perhaps a high powered sniper rifle? Or a light machine gun? Headshots are devastating.

As far as backups are concerned, I think you're all forgetting about the-backup.com.. It's your source for good, solid, home protection. And yes, it's the best approach for defense against the coming zombie apocalypse also :) Bruce Campbell would agree with me.

[CiaranAnnrach]

A katana is a short blade, though, relatively speaking. I just don't want a zombie that close to me. I feel that something allowing me to extend my reach further than an arm's length is in order. Perhaps a high powered sniper rifle? Or a light machine gun? Headshots are devastating.

As far as backups are concerned, I think you're all forgetting about the-backup.com.. It's your source for good, solid, home protection. And yes, it's the best approach for defense against the coming zombie apocalypse also :) Bruce Campbell would agree with me.

A katana is no shorter than a longblade. That historical katanas are short because the Japanese are short, too. A taller westerner would have a much longer blade made to fit him. And it's a lot quicker than a claymore or other, bigger, heavier blade. And do keep in mind, this is all last resort, ideally you kill them at a good distance with a gun or other ranged device.

SPEAKING OF WHICH. Trebuchets. For defending homesteads and fortresses. They require no electricity, so they will be useable when the power lines die out. Ammo is easy to get - rocks and pieces of already decaying buildings make for perfect ammo. And it can cause massive damage when properly aimed at a horde of zombies. Why has nobody thought of these yet? Engineering corps, get to it!

[CelticBrennus]

Bah, keep your single dimension swords that need to be sharpened and cared for and can break. I will take this instead. Good to crush a zombie skull, and useful for all sorts of looting related activities, and is quite easily replaced, so you can drop it to run faster if need be.

Tried breaking down a door with a katana or longsword?

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

One point: Swords are fundamentally useless. Having worked with and done some decent amounts of western martial arts, specifically German longsword, I wouldn't lay bets on my ability to decapitate anything unless it was stretched flat in front of me If it was actively resisting with undead strength and determination? Hell no. (And katana are no better for decapitation than longswords, myths aside).

You do not need to decapitate, merely damage the skull. A sword can do this (even when blunted) very well, and quickly against multiple opponents.

Armor? Why bother with maille? Wouldnt spending a few hours with a 55 gallon plastic barrel, a hand saw, some straps, rivets and protective sports gear do the job of making a lightweight suit of bite proof armor?

Yes, but would our esteemed soldiers be able to walk in public without shame? Give me flashy chainmail. It's good for morale for the troops to look good.

Could removing people's teeth and replacing them with dentures be a possible way to avoid spreading infection? Hopefully, the shambling gait of a zombie would eventually dislodge the dentures, rendering the zombie weaponless. Of course, there aren't enough dentures available for everyone in the world, so plans must be drawn up for mass production. Once the apocalypse hits, everyone who wants to join the resistance must be de-fanged - a small sacrifice for the greater good. Most of those serious about zombie eradication will, if bitten, remove their dentures before they turn.

An interesting idea, but it does nothing to keep the zombies hands from rending your flesh. I would save this as a last resort.

Playing excessive amounts of Left4Dead has been honing my survival skills. Shotguns and assault rifles are excellent tools. Although it's really all about finding sufficient ammo, particularly for the latter. You really don't want to be engaging in hand to hand combat with these guys if you can avoid it.

Why not make use of the sophisticated tools available to us?

It has already been decided, shotguns will be issued to the Cricket Bat Brigades, Long rifles to the Air Force.

Where should I head in the coming Zombie Apocalypse? Are we planning to get an island? Do I need to stick a raft on top of my minivan and head for the coast? I couldn't be arsed to read the whole thread. This is info I need ASAP people!!!

As you are in Texas, you should rendezvous with the Arizona BWB at George's place in New Mexico. We will be taking him and his word processor to Cheynne Mountain in Colorado.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Give me a lobo anytime: they can be improvised, are useful for more than one thing, and are explicitly made for killing zombies. I always envisioned a lobo as a longer/meaner version of this

Why always with the swords? After a few passes through the rotted necks and skulls of zombies, swords may go a bit dull, and be difficult to sharpen or discard when in a horde of zombies. Wouldn't you also need a larger swinging area to get it up to penetration velocity? What if you're fighting in a hallway or an alley?

The other question I have is this: are we assuming that zombie bone structure is roughly equivalent of humans? I envision zombies having squishy skulls, but this is mainly from movies: I wouldn't think bones would get substantially softer for quite some time. If this is the case, I'd probably make my primary firearm an over/under .22LR/410 shotgun (like the M6, but with a longer barrel like the Remington SPR94).

.22s have been known to penetrate one side of the skull but not have sufficient velocity to get through the other side, and rattle around in the brain, which I would think would mess a zombie up sufficiently, and they are pretty darn accurate and have very little recoil. Combine it with defense load or slug in the shotgun barrel, and it'd be good in just about any situation, including bagging small game and varmints for the stew pot.

Along with a good target pistol (.22LR, a really common round, and I'd want it to be the same as the rifle) with a large clip capacity and a high-quality lobo, I'd think this would be a good base armament for a scout corps, or even the engineers.

[CiaranAnnrach]

Why always with the swords? After a few passes through the rotted necks and skulls of zombies, swords may go a bit dull, and be difficult to sharpen or discard when in a horde of zombies. Wouldn't you also need a larger swinging area to get it up to penetration velocity? What if you're fighting in a hallway or an alley?

A sword should not go dull just from slicing up rotting zombie flesh/bones. Hardened steel is a good deal stronger than bone, the only way for it to really dull would be for you to try cutting through steel or another similarly hard surface. You may want to sharpen it nightly, or every other night, but you should never run the risk of losing an edge on your weapon mid-battle if you entered into battle with it sharpened.

ETA: The need for a large swinging area to achieve penetrating velocity really depends upon a lot of things. The short answer is "no, not necessarily."

[K26dp]

As you are in Texas, you should rendezvous with the Arizona BWB at George's place in New Mexico. We will be taking him and his word processor to Cheynne Mountain in Colorado.

The other zombies and I have talked it over... well, we grunted and made disinterested gestures... and we've decided that GRRM will be allowed to live until ASoIaF is completed.

Of course, that probably gives him an excuse to drag his feet a little longer.

[CiaranAnnrach]

Of course, that probably gives him an excuse to drag his feet a little longer.

GRRM is not a zombie, damnit!

[Tormund Ukrainesbane]

Give me a lobo anytime: they can be improvised, are useful for more than one thing, and are explicitly made for killing zombies. I always envisioned a lobo as a longer/meaner version of this

Seems to me to be a jury-rigged pole-axe.

Why always with the swords? After a few passes through the rotted necks and skulls of zombies, swords may go a bit dull, and be difficult to sharpen or discard when in a horde of zombies. Wouldn't you also need a larger swinging area to get it up to penetration velocity? What if you're fighting in a hallway or an alley?

All bladed weapons go dull. Even a dull sword will penetrate the skull when correctly wielded. It is never recommended to fight the horde in enclosed spaces. Flee to an open area to ensure appropriate fighting terrain, and viable escape routes. If you find yourself in an enclosed area, rely on your firearms.

The other question I have is this: are we assuming that zombie bone structure is roughly equivalent of humans? I envision zombies having squishy skulls, but this is mainly from movies: I wouldn't think bones would get substantially softer for quite some time. If this is the case, I'd probably make my primary firearm an over/under .22LR/410 shotgun (like the M6, but with a longer barrel like the Remington SPR94).

While the over/under would be ideal for taking down single zombies, having to break open to breach to reload after each shot is going to lead you to being overwhelmed quickly. The 22LR is a fine cartridge for zombie fighting. Cheap, light, easy to manufacture. But you need to be able to put lots of bullets into lots of heads real fast. I recommend the Sig Sauer 522LR.

[Swordfish]

I think we are all missing the most obvious of the anti zombie weapons here....

[CiaranAnnrach]

I don't remember, did the hat return like a boomerang, or did it stop moving after it did it's decapitating? The latter would make it useless, but the former...

...sharpened boomerangs...hmmm.....

...or how about we somehow attach a rotary saw to a remote controlled helicopter, so we could fly it around and have the saw decapitate zombies for us, all at a safe and comfortable distance. Sort of like an aerial battle bots robot, except, fighting zombies instead of each other.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Seems to me to be a jury-rigged pole-axe.

While the over/under would be ideal for taking down single zombies, having to break open to breach to reload after each shot is going to lead you to being overwhelmed quickly. The 22LR is a fine cartridge for zombie fighting. Cheap, light, easy to manufacture. But you need to be able to put lots of bullets into lots of heads real fast. I recommend the Sig Sauer 522LR.

My recollection is poor, but in the book, it was essentially like a shovel that could be wielded one hand like an axe with a spike on the backend, sort of like a convertible pick mattock (the how-to isn't terribly helpful in description).

Yeah, I wasn't thinking of laying down a lot of fire with it, primarily just a light, all-purpose survival gun for the folks lugging a bunch of explosives or moving quickly through terrain. If we got serious about it, I'd figure out some way to get a fully-auto .22 (maybe side-loading clip) on top of a 16 or 20 gauge semi-auto shotgun with a single stock and two triggers. But now I'm just dreaming.