Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

MinDonner

GOODKIND IX - Killer Queen

397 posts in this topic

Note: TG does not smile. TG does not pose with blondes.

Here I must disagree with you.

check out the yeard in action

And MinDonner, you should be ashamed of yourself. I should know better than to read your posts before I've had my coffee. :sick:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

MinDonner, you're a gem!!

Also, random thought on the actual non storyline of the non fantasy characters, that will never be a contradiction, of course. Jagangbang is going on about how hes going to get Kahlan pregnant - and Im not getting the big deal..... Look at Dick, his dad was a Nasty Bad Man, and he turned out just fine and Good. Clearly, JagangBang is a Nastier Bad Man, so I fail to see why Dick will not be overjoyed at the news.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Also, random thought on the actual non storyline of the non fantasy characters, that will never be a contradiction, of course. Jagangbang is going on about how hes going to get Kahlan pregnant - and Im not getting the big deal..... Look at Dick, his dad was a Nasty Bad Man, and he turned out just fine and Good. Clearly, JagangBang is a Nastier Bad Man, so I fail to see why Dick will not be overjoyed at the news.

Considering the fact that Jagangbang wants Kahlan and Richard dead, yeah, whats with getting her pregnant? Instead of killing them, maybe he's going to knock her up, let the two of them be together for the rest of their lives, but Jagang's vengeance will be that his bastard child will be growing up with them, forever pointing out to Richard that Jagang fucked Kahlan. Is that it? Instead of torture and beheading (and all the other good stuff the IO dishes out) the evil plan for Kahlan and Richard is....heartbreak? :cry: :cry: :cry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really have to wonder how someone so inept became emperor of the Old World in the first place...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It hurts my head. I've just realised why drink is necessary. So you lose the desire to make sense of things :rofl:

And on another note, I thought it was quite clear that Six was a Goodie, for two reasons.

1) Requisite Violet bashing, quickest way to truth, life, and moral celery.

2) The Most Evil And Namble Loving Sisters of The Dark are afraid of her, and clearly they are immoral geniuses, lacking in celery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I really have to wonder how someone so inept became emperor of the Old World in the first place...

A number of times Jagang is spoken of as a brilliant leader and strategist, patient and tireless, looks like a brute but that conceals a very cunning mind, blah blah blah. Nicci in particular goes on about how brilliant Jagangbang is. Somehow, coming to the New World and facing Richard made him become more and more stupid.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

MM, those poor girls! Someone save them!

TG looks like a DOM in that pose. :o

And MinDonner, I could almost hate you, my image of Rhaegar is ruined! :sick:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A number of times Jagang is spoken of as a brilliant leader and strategist, patient and tireless, looks like a brute but that conceals a very cunning mind, blah blah blah. Nicci in particular goes on about how brilliant Jagangbang is. Somehow, coming to the New World and facing Richard made him become more and more stupid.

Maybe there is something in the New World atmosphere that has an adverse effect on people opposing Richard&co... or it is again deus ex machina in action.

Btw, MinDonner: excellent stuff! Are you planning to write a Complete Parodies of... collection? Would be worth it...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

I'm broken - the last few QOTD (and MinDonner's incredible work) have finally melted my brain. the World is different now - I truly understand the truth. The Thing came in an instant and instantaneously I knew what I had to do...

This Geurilla/Gorilla/ghastly "Tactic" of Richards is quite probably the stupidest piece of "literature" I have ever had the misfortune to come across, TG would do well to actually think for 10 seconds before attacking his word processor - just 10 second's thought and he might realise why this "tactic" is insane and impossible... gads its bad. :cry: :cry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How much do you think TG charged for that photo?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
How much do you think TG charged for that photo?

$25 dollars for each finger touching the girls.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okeedokee. Some people have asked about Nicci’s famous “distract the enemy with my tits†strategy, but I never got around to posting it. So here it is in all its (their) glory as today’s Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day.

Nicci is hanging out in Altur Rang with the insurgents there, when a IO army shows up (20,000 men and one of their sorcerers) demanding their surrender. They send a message back to the army from “the Mayor†stating that the insurgency has been suppressed, everything is okay here now, how are you. In order to prove loyalty, the Mayor is then asked by Kronos (the sorcerer) to send out his wife as a gift (all tied up). Nicci bravely volunteers. Kronos has threatened to kill everyone in the city by dawn if they don’t comply, Nicci wants to be sure the IO attacks tonight.

Without comment, Victor climbed up the wall and waited until she boosted herself up and was seated in the saddle. Nicci arranged the skirts of her red dress and then unbuttoned it to the waist. She pulled her arms out of the sleeves one at a time, holding the front of the dress against her chest and then holding it up with her elbows as she lifted her hands toward Victor, her wrists pressed together.

Victor’s face went as red as her dress. “Now what are you doing?â€

“These men are experienced Imperial Order troops. Some will be officers. I spent a lot of time in the Order’s camp. I was widely known – to some as the Slave Queen, and to others as Death’s Mistress. It’s possible that certain of these men may have served in Jagang’s army during that time and so they very well may recognize me, especially if I were to wear a black dress. Just in case, I’m wearing a red dress.

“I also need to give these men something to stare at to keep them off guard and hopefully from recognizing me. It will disrupt the usual calculating judgment of soldiers such as these. It will also get Kronos’s attention and make him think that the ‘mayor’ is desperate to appease him. Nothing rouses the blood lust in these kind of men more than weakness.â€

<blah blah, she’s going to try to get close to Kronos so she can kill him, then escape, and when this force of IO soldiers chase her she wants the little ragtag group of insurrectionist to kill them all. Something like that. So they tie her hands and Ishaq leads her on her horse to where the IO army is>

“I am an aide to the mayor,†Ishaq said in a subservient tone to the powerfully built man atop a towering, brown, bull neck gelding. The butt of the pole with the white flag rested on the man’s saddle between his legs, his meaty fist gripping it halfway up the length of the stout shaft. <I had to read this last sentence a couple times for some reason. Seems like there’s something else going on here.> The man sat mute, waiting. Ishaq licked his lips as he bowed before going on. “He sent me in his place with his woman, his wife…as a gift to the great Kronos to show our sincerity in agreeing with his wishes.â€

The soldier, a midlevel officer of some sort, smirked at Nicci after taking a long and deliberate look at her breasts. <Hey, it’s working. Snip, the officer looks at her boobs, all the soldiers look at her boobs.>

The grim officer who had carried the white flag into Altur’Rang bent down and now took the reins to her hors from Ishaq. He stepped his mount close to her. As he leaned toward her he casually seized her left nipple, twisting it as he spoke intimately to her.

“Brother Kronos tires quickly of a woman, no matter how beautiful she is. I expect it will be no different with you. When he moves on to the next he gives us the one his is finished with. Know that I will be first.â€â€

The men with him chuckled. He flashed her a grin. His dark eyes gleamed with menace. He twisted harder until she gasped in pain and tears stung her eyes. <Snip, they take her to Kronos of the Unspeakably Original Name.>

A lustful grin spread across Kronos’s face. “Bring her in. I will have to unwrap the gift and have a closer look.â€

The men laughed all the louder. Kronos’s smile widened, pleased that hey found his wit entertaining.

<Snip, Nicci gets ready to unleash her awesome magic.>

In a blinding instant the late-afternoon camp was lit with a flash of crackling light – discharges created by the intense heat generated by a focused compression of air. Threads of light lashed around the convergent release of force. […] Before brother Kronos ever realized that something was happening, Nicci’s sudden relese of power blew a fist-sized hole through the center of his forehead. Blood and brain matter sprayed the lambsking wall of the tent behind him. He dropped like a sack of sand, his life already long gone. He never had a chance to respond in kind. […] Without pause she fed a flow of her Han <inner magical source kinda thing> into a focused line of power that she swept around her like a blade wielded by a master swordsman. The officer who had led her hors and leered at her the whole way grunted as that hot edge ripped through him, cutting him in two below the rib cage. His mouth opened but no scream escaped as his upper half tumbled toward the ground, landing with a hard thud. <Whump! That’s what you get, nipple twister!>

With a wet thump the second man could do no more than gasp as he was hit by the same power and torn in two. Coiled ropes of his intestines disgorged across his horse’s neck. Nicci twisted in her saddle as she whipped the conjured blade around in an arc. With frightening speed and a flash that lit the shimmering leaves of the nearby cottonwood trees, the edge of deadly power sizzled as it ripped through the air. Before anyone could begin to react, it cut down all the men on horses around her as they still sat in their saddles.

The air filled with the stench of burned flesh, blood, and the contents of ruptured viscera. <snip, pandemonium erupts, she’s gonna do more, but something hits her across the back and knocks her off her horse, face first in the dirt. Then a bunch of guys jump on her and hold her down. Oh no! Nicci’s been captured!>

Some of the men pulled her over on her back. A boot at her throat kept her pinned to the ground. Weapons all around pointed down at her.

And then a terrible thought came to her…dark eyes.

The wizard she had just killed had dark eyes.

Kronos didn’t have dark eyes.

Kronos was supposed to have blue eyes.

She was having difficulty sorting it all out in her mend. She had killed the high priest. It didn’t make sense.

Unless there had been more than one Brother. <Nicci’s powers of deduction are astounding.>

The men holding her down backed away.

Grim blue eyes glared down at her. It was a man wearing long robes. The hood was pulled up. A high priest.

“Well, sorceress, you have just managed to kill Brother Byron, a loyal servant to the Fellowship of Order.â€

She could tell by his tone that he had not yet begun to voice his building anger.

Through the shock, Nicci still couldn’t draw a breath. The pain in her back radiated out in paralyzing waves. She wondered if the man who had clubbed her had broken her ribs. She wondered if her back was broken. She supposed it didn’t matter, now.

“Allow me to introduce myself,†the red-faced man above her said. He pushed the hood of his robes back. “I am Brother Kronos. You belong to me, now. I intend to make you pay a long and painful price for the murder of a good man who was only doing the Creator’s noble work.â€

~Terry Goodkind, Chainfire

Part II of this stunning turn of events will be posted whenever I bloody well feel like it. When will that be? Tonight? Tomorrow morning? You’ll have to tune in for the next Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. Same Yeard time. Same Yeard channel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You sure it's not Goodkind who had to pay for those girls, rather than vice versa?

Hey, MM, how dare you sneak up on me and post while I'm not looking???

The butt of the pole with the white flag rested on the man’s saddle between his legs, his meaty fist gripping it halfway up the length of the stout shaft. <I had to read this last sentence a couple times for some reason. Seems like there’s something else going on here.>

you're not the only one who thought that...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WTF! MY EYES! :o

Victor's face went as red as her dress. "Now what are you doing?"

"These men are experienced Imperial Order troops. Some will be officers. I spent a lot of time in the Order's camp. I was widely known to some as the Slave Queen, and to others as Death's Mistress. It's possible that certain of these men may have served in Jagang's army during that time and so they very well may recognize me, especially if I were to wear a black dress. Just in case, I'm wearing a red dress.

BAH! Her breast-baring is NOTHING! Marge Simpson can do better!

As if the dress could make a difference. Why didn't she just wear a mask on the face? Or 'magicked' herself up? these people's logic boggles the mind.

Without pause she fed a flow of her Han into a focused line of power that she swept around her like a blade wielded by a master swordsman.

Sounds like Oriental influence to me.OMG. It's the Force all over again. *dies*

The butt of the pole with the white flag rested on the man’s saddle between his legs, his meaty fist gripping it halfway up the length of the stout shaft. <I had to read this last sentence a couple times for some reason. Seems like there’s something else going on here.>

I think something IS going on here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
they very well may recognize me, especially if I were to wear a black dress. Just in case, I’m wearing a red dress.

That'll fool 'em!!! :rofl::rofl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The use of bare breasts has been common in the history of warfare. We have many examples of this clever strategy some of them successful like the time when Sargon send a company of Ishstar sacred prostitutes against the chariots of the Sumerian city of Lagash, it kept the drivers staring at them enough time for the feared Akkadian archers to pick the Sumerians one by one.

Another example of boob decoy has been found in the Minoan civilization of Crete. The lack of armament has surprised archaeologists for years until someone linked the bare breasted women that appear in paintings and statues to this particular tactic. The demise of the enemies of the Minoans, once they were mesmerized by the firm breasts of the gorgeous Cretan women, was completed by a charge of Bulls and trampoliners (as depicted in those magnificent wall paintings in Knossos).

This tactic was forgoten for a few centuries after the fall of the Minoan civilization. The Micenians favoured more straightforward tactics like hand to hand combat. It was in VIII century BC (some historians think that it was IX century BC) with the founding of Carthage by the Tyrian princess Elissa that this tactic was used again. Elissa went to the negotiations with the local king bare breasted and gained the upper hand there because the man couldn't concentrate properly. Later the Carthaginians decided that this part of the story reflected bad on them and invented that tale about a cowhide.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The use of bare breasts has been common in the history of warfare. We have many examples of this clever strategy some of them successful....

Serious or not, this is a very fun read. :rofl:

The bare-breasting doesn't bother me much, though. It's the bit about the dress. Why would wearing a different color change anything?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serious or not, this is a very fun read. :rofl:

The bare-breasting doesn't bother me much, though. It's the bit about the dress. Why would wearing a different color change anything?

Nicci's trademark for centuries has been that she always wears a black dress. I'm not sure if it's the same black dress every day, but there it is. Death's Mistress would never wear a red dress.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

“These men are experienced Imperial Order troops. Some will be officers. I spent a lot of time in the Order’s camp. I was widely known – to some as the Slave Queen, and to others as Death’s Mistress. It’s possible that certain of these men may have served in Jagang’s army during that time and so they very well may recognize me, especially if I were to wear a black dress. Just in case, I’m wearing a red dress.

So, the experienced troops would know her from her dress? Not her face? WTF?

“I also need to give these men something to stare at to keep them off guard and hopefully from recognizing me. It will disrupt the usual calculating judgment of soldiers such as these. It will also get Kronos’s attention and make him think that the ‘mayor’ is desperate to appease him. Nothing rouses the blood lust in these kind of men more than weakness.â€

Meaning: IO soldiers are rapists. We get it.

The butt of the pole with the white flag rested on the man’s saddle between his legs, his meaty fist gripping it halfway up the length of the stout shaft.

Ok, someTHING is going on here...

The men with him chuckled. He flashed her a grin. His dark eyes gleamed with menace. He twisted harder until she gasped in pain and tears stung her eyes.

Yes, the IO soldiers are rapists. We get it.

In a blinding instant the late-afternoon camp was lit with a flash of crackling light – discharges created by the intense heat generated by a focused compression of air. Threads of light lashed around the convergent release of force. […] Before brother Kronos ever realized that something was happening, Nicci’s sudden relese of power blew a fist-sized hole through the center of his forehead.

Nice, smooth move - but how about getting out from the camp, eh?

And then a terrible thought came to her…dark eyes.

The wizard she had just killed had dark eyes.

Kronos didn’t have dark eyes.

Kronos was supposed to have blue eyes.

She was having difficulty sorting it all out in her mend. She had killed the high priest. It didn’t make sense.

Unless there had been more than one Brother.

Youn know, you should have been more attentive in Assassination 101...

Generic evaluation: :sick: :sick: :sick:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"You belong to me, now. I intend to make you pay a long and painful price for the murder of a good man who was only doing the Creator’s noble work."

Muuuuuuahahahahaha Muuuuuahahaha! MMmmmmuahahah! ONE MILLIUN DOLLARS!! MMMMUUUUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.