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Secretary of Eumenes

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Everything posted by Secretary of Eumenes

  1. You can't base a general off me. If I were a General I'd run my whole staff out of one of those armored Spas the Ukrainians just got. In fact, my treachery well established, I might betray our Ukrainian allies to the NuReds just to get my dirty dirty footpaws on theirs. You don't want me to run a bath without an authority figure nearby. It's not that I -can't- It's that nobody knows what I'mma do. Least of all me
  2. Hannibal? Ok, I like GEnerAls who don't lose Afrika (You know Donald spells Africa like a German, just for reasons[lol, who am I kidding, we all know Donald couldn't spell "spell"]). You take twenty years to be LOSer, I don't need you, Ok?
  3. Blood don't pay bills, playa Not unlike a Republican, my loyalty is never for sale - but it is always for rent.
  4. When I was six years old my father got me and my brothers and sister (I don't actually have brothers) together and made us swear a blood oath to live in peace with no spider and to always be an enemy of Rome.
  5. This whole exchange reminds of that Chappelle bit he did, like right after Trump was elected, where he's comparing the way Donald Trump (as president) talks about national security to a broke-ass parent telling their child "Listen, little man, I don't know what I'm gonna do I can't pick up any more hours and these lights ain't free... now get on down to the bus stop and have a good day at school"
  6. That righter is write. Elon and his ilk won't save you because they aren't heroes. I AM And I could begin saving YOU right NOW! Hi, I'm YOUR HERO and when my Daddy first started saving he told me that it's not about HOW MANY you save or WHERE you save them from. "Her-O", my Daddy would say, "Her-O the only thing that really matters, when it comes to saving... how much?" That's how Daddy did it, that's how I do it. So if you need saving call my computer-operated line at 1-800-GET-STOL. Dialing charge -$15 Computer response charge -$33 per response Self-description of problem needed saving -$55 per vowel Computer generated solution to problem - $1,500 per process (Note: due to high volume of problems and limited computer memory additional processes may be required to formulate appropriate problem-response, no refunds) #MakingTheWorldBetter #You'reWelcome #I'mAGenius #Scammin'
  7. We gonna need a SuperMan We gots an Elon See y'all on the other side. The only question left I suppose is if the scientologists helped prep the masses to Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran on their own initiative or whether that was more of a JC decision. Either way it's a very exciting time
  8. Splendid. Fuck world peace, get our Top Men working on keeping Elon on Twitter
  9. Oh now we're talkin'! I stand with you, Lily! China is a place of smiles and joy and smartfones. Anything else is a decadent accusation by a dastardly and Sinophobic west!
  10. Also known as: Hi, have you met Man? Here he is, about to kill you and take your stuff up to and incuding the skin off your back and the flesh off your bones Here Man is, doing those things to you now. Would you like to know more?
  11. They should publicly offer them to the Russians too, at the same price the Ukrainians got them "War is simply the continuation of political intercourse with the addition of other means."
  12. I always identified strongly with Sonar Taxlaw. Not unlike the machine communicator at the end of The Matrix 3, there are levels of survival I am prepared to accept. Sign me up for moleworld fascism I guess. Let's be honest, I could use the structure.
  13. Don't tell anybody I told you, but I have it on good authority that the future of war is genetically-engineered earthworms. I can't say more here. This line is probably bugged... Oh no! It wasn't bugged, it was wormed!
  14. Yeah! Purple-to-blue in just one or two more cycles! That's how that works, right? I only ask because 2023 is almost here so the 2024 Election Hype Machine is being cranked up as we speak. I wanna have my repetitive wishful thinking/disappointment deflector cards ready to play.
  15. Look at that photo of him and that Surprised Masturbator special edition sexdoll standing near all those arab dudes upthread. What are all those Arab dudes doing? Filming their live event on smartphone like they just goobered out of 2013. You think state-sponsored terror was effective, wait until you get state-sponsored influencers [you already do, but now they can be turned inward -constructive influencers for home use, reinforcing state approved values and ideas as opposed to offensive attempts against American systems] That's power Ask Ghinah Ooooh! Whas dat!?!
  16. Not in 'Murika Not in Turkey and Arabia, apparently. A business doesn't NEED liberal customers to thrive. It just needs customers. Ruh-roh: the entire Corporate Good model was just just following market trends! If I was Mr. Musk's personal attendant (I see myself as a sort of Theodora kinda character, but she was a workin' girl first too) I would advise the following pitch: "So look at how easy the american/european public, and a lot of high-profile individuals therein, were to manipulate with our algorithms. And that's in countries with a legacy of public education and freedoms of information. By influencing what they see, from whom, when, and most importantly; how many times and in what sequence we can reliably predict things like charitable giving, media engagement, investment rushes, food consumption habits and travel patterns. All in countries where men like me have to spend a lot of time and effort pretending we're not doing what we're doing. But you, Mr. President, and you Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, well you're men of more direct measures. Xi doesn't need twitter. He has TikTok. But as I morph fully and openly into Bond Megavillain rather than simple 1st act villain I need allies. That's where my girlfriend Nastia comes in- my baby has a lot of ideas about Jews. She's also literally my baby. I mean she's all grown up now, I mean I'm not some sick fuck going around fucking his baby girl, y'know... as a baby girl... it's just that she'll always be my baby girl no matter how grown she gets. Yeah, y'know what I'm saying Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques, I bet you gotta bunch of little daughters running around. Gosh it passes quick, can't believe it's been eighteen years, nine months, and three days since I dragged her passed-out socialite momma into my limo like a funnel spider retreating with a prize. That was an amazing six seconds. And now, eighteen years, nine months, and three days later I get to spend as many six seconds' with my baby girl as I want. NASTIA, WHERE ARE YOU THE PRESIDENT AND THE CUSTODIAN OF THE TWO HOLY MOSQUES WANTS TO MEET YOU! NASTIA!!!!! THE MEATLOAF! I mean yeah, I fuck her. Look, you want to buy some Twitter or you just after the weed?"
  17. Wtf is an Amateur Wife? She doesn't have a corporate sponsor for the Hawaii Housewife Invitationals? I'm afraid to google PMV outta Ohio
  18. Indiana- Furries? No shit... i woulda thought it'd be TILFs [Tractor I'd... you know the rest]
  19. Y'know if you try to imagine this as some kind of social-engineering mission (sounds like Elon to me) allow me to project Twitter became America. The 10s were defined by Twitter and its dances/reflections of the video-based platforms like Youtube and TikTok, at least here in America. Twitter was also undeniably liberal-idea/communications friendly. That's why y'all liked it so much. I do not think it is possible to overstate the impact of Twitter on American life in the 10s. Maybe that wasn't true before Trump went down that escelator, but it's true now. Liberalism, actual non-neoliberalism liberalism, is a threat to the kind of man who believes that with enough power he can... whatever But entire chunks of American society, entertainment industry, news medias, scientists and artists SOCIAL REFORMERS all depend(ed) on Twitter to coordinate. Elon is no ally of mine, but from my perspective his attack on your communications platform was not only highly successful in shattering liberalsm (I mean look how quick you people are to abandon the ideals that won you things like lgbt awareness and increased rights, all off a single defeat) but he's now scattered the users who are the most liberal, the most vociferously pro-rights and anti-abuse The advertising companies will return to twitter as soon as it's undeniable that Elon won't sell and his userbase didn't actually shrink <so give it a year> The result will be corporate advertising, policy, and general practices lurching back rightwards from where they meandered these past twenty years. Eta: overstate
  20. Oh shit- i thought you knew! Space X isn't real. "Space" isn't real. Mass media conspiracy. We can't even get up there. I've seen the videos, ok? [Bit credit: Armando and his magnificent team]
  21. Wait, I got another one: When he put in at Pyongyang Thursday E had to fill up the jet with unleaded, 'cause Kim wasn't comfortable issuing him credit
  22. Values cost - But that's not what Elon is doing. He's been declared toxic by polite society and messiah by the monstrous among us. Who else he gonna become friends with? Jk, Elon doesn't have friends. He's selling user data: How to Manipulate America on Twitter With Thirty Geeks and Algorithm Insights Y'all're'll making so much fun of him not having no monE Poor motherfucker's prolly so broke his private jet ain't got no first name
  23. Elon looks like a disappointed dad who isn't sure what to do about discovering his son playing with dolls Jared is the doll
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