Goodkind XXII: Better than Newcomb and Stanek

[Moosicus]

I think somebody said last thread he wouldn't mind seeing a QotD come back, and I agree with that. It would be so much better if some ridiculous excerpts were posted from his books for us to mock and tear to pieces.

I'll do my best to post some of the better (you know what I mean) excerpts from Confessor when it comes out, but the QotD was shut down shortly after Phantom due to suggestions that "fair use" was violated. I believe some threats on the Yeardi's behalf were made toward Ran (I'm not going to say who made those threats, could have been anybody), so it was decided that it should be discontinued. But what is dead can never die, but only rises (like Dick's thing) harder and stronger. But shorter.

[Mad Monkey]

:rofl::rofl:

WLU, Word, the two of you together is just too much. I can't handle it, I swear I'm going to die from laughing so hard.

You must be new here. We old-timers learn to breathe through our brains to free ourselves up for laughter. After all, it's not like we need them for anything else around here.

[The Pita]

I don't breathe through my brains.

I use my spine!

It's not necessary!

Only problem is.... I have no clue about ,many things, including my title.

Am I a Lemming, a Rabbit, a Life-Choser, a Death-Chooser, A Miz-Speleer, a Spiderman-3-Liker(Topher Grace is so awesome man), or something?

AHAH!

I do not choose death; Death chose me.

[Maltaran]

You must rise up and choose your own title! Allowing others to influence such an important decision is discordantly lemming-ish death-choosing!

Actually, I think I'll take "Discordantly Lemming-ish" as my own title.

[WLU]

:rofl::rofl:

WLU, Word, the two of you together is just too much. I can't handle it, I swear I'm going to die from laughing so hard.

Wait 'til we start flirting. Oh, it'll happen. Hi word, I see you lurking on the thread...

But what is dead can never die, but only rises (like Dick's thing) harder and stronger. But shorter.

HA! Moose, that is awesome.

I'm gradually reading through an anti-objectivist website that was posted here a while ago. Currently I'm reading a comments page based around another post, and I had to share it. Now, who does Michael Hardesty remind us all of? That mix of incoherence, adhominen attacks, complete failure to address points, accusations that we disagree because we can't deal with a never-defined 'it', "extremely rare person" - I'd think that Atlas Shrugged was some sort of mind-virus that blows a lemon-sized (unlike the Yeard, I understand the dimensions and limitations of the human body) hole in the frontal lobe, but somehow I managed to read it and not turn into a fucking douchebag retard. With apologies to all the retards out there for comparing you to a Goodkind fanboi.

I mean seriously, I'll admit that Atlas Shrugged had some interesting ideas, and I actually enjoyed the Fountainhead, but somehow I managed to keep breathing while reading long enough to sustain oxygen to my brain. How on earth have these people not been cannibalized yet, or put in prison for cannibalism? It's not like they're smart enough to get away with it.

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD BE USED FOR FOOD!!

Not YOU people. Those OTHER people. YOU know who I'm talking about.

ETA:

You must rise up and choose your own title! Allowing others to influence such an important decision is discordantly lemming-ish death-choosing!

Actually, I think I'll take "Discordantly Lemming-ish" as my own title.

I think your title should obviously be Lemmingishly Discordant, you commie follower. Bandwagon-jumper-oner. You'll take my title and you'll like it, bitch.

Too far? It was too far, wasn't it?

[Maltaran]

I think your title should obviously be Lemmingishly Discordant, you commie follower. Bandwagon-jumper-oner. You'll take my title and you'll like it, bitch.

Taking someone else's title suggestion would be choosing death, though. I will rise up and live my own life choose my own title!

[Mad Monkey]

I think the title should be changed. While Goodkind is in fact better than Newcomb and Stanek, so is leprosy, smallpox, polio, and the Ebola virus combined. It should be amended to "Goodkind XXII:Better than Leprosy, Smallpox, Polio, and the Ebola Virus (COMBINED!!!.

[Higravity]

I finally got bored and took WFR out of the library and I will only read it while in the bathroom. Sometimes this can lead to my legs falling asleep and sometimes my brain too. I woke up this afternoon to a horrible realization that my butthole was asleep and i cursed the use of the eletric butt plug only to find it had been changed into a sharp stick. I was most disturbed too say the least. Then my cat laughed and my other cat laughed and I laughed too soon we were all laughing. Anyway I am off to the Temple of Sharp sticks to have sex with my brother's wife in the hope she can remove this stick.

[word]

Question: Is it fair to say that Goodkind is better than Newcomb?

I am guessing by now most if not all of us have read the statement that Newcomb always wanted to be a writer, but reading the SoT was what inspired him to quit his job as a car salesman and write for a liviing. So can we truly say that Newcomb is worse, when without Tairy's craptastic writing he would still be selling cars. I would also venture to say that Newcomb would still be poor, assuming he's as bad of salesperson as he is a writer.

Also regarding Newcomb I was browsing The Site That Must Not Be Named earlier and found mention of Newcomb in their "other fantasy" subforum. Obviously the fact that the even have a subforum named "other fantasy" is a completely separate issue which I am sure has been mentioned in the past. But here is what I was referring to:

"Hey came across this.

http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jun04/newcomb.htm

Never heard of the guy. Anyone read his books?"

No, I haven't read Newcomb.

Considering some of the raves he is getting elsewhere, I might.

So basically by writing SoT Tairy has not only brainwashed all these people and gotten them to read his awful books and think they are good, they now read other shitty books just because it is mentioned that their author was inspired by SoT. I really haven't read Newcomb so I can't comment on how bad his writing is, but obviously it must be god awful for all of you to be putting it below Yeardi.

But yeah anyway I think it is unfair to say Goodkind > Newcomb when Newcomb probably wouldn't even have become an author if it wasn't for Douchekind.

[potsherds]

Wait 'til we start flirting. Oh, it'll happen. Hi word, I see you lurking on the thread...

*waits*

(I see that Word has completely ignored your advances. Ouch. )

On second thought, I'll just keep these ideas to myself, and hope that the thread derails no further from it's purpose...

[word]

We did all our flirting out of the public eye. I'm actually heading over to his house right now, I'll have Tairy write about what happens later. You know how he loves the steamy stuff.

-----------------------------

Richo: Woah. Contradiction.

Everybody freezes in their tracks.

Klanity: What did you just say?

Richo: Nothing, just thought I saw a contradiction.

Klanity: What did you see?

Cara: What happened?

Richo: For a second I realized that I've been preaching to everybody about individuality while at the same time telling them that if they do not do everything I say, I will destroy them.

Morphidduss: Chase! Adie!

Richo: What is it? Whats wrong?

Klanity: A contradiction is usually a glitch due to the Dominatrix. Contradiction's are impossible. They must know we are here, we need to get out of here.

--------------------------

So as I was just browsing some quotes from the Matrix, I noticed this one:

"No. It is another training program designed to teach you one thing: if you are not one of us, you are one of them. "

If that doesn't just prove that the Matrix = SoT well then I don't know what does. The only thing is that Richard doesn't need a training program to tell him this because he already used his superior intellect to deduce it.

Edit: Added a new Matrix excerpt

[potsherds]

We did all our flirting out of the public eye. I'm actually heading over to his house right now, I'll have Tairy write about what happens later. You know how he loves the steamy stuff.

Good gods, I need to move to Canada!

Am I the only person who didn't know you two know each other in RL?

[Jaxom 1974]

Good gods, I need to move to Canada!

Am I the only person who didn't know you two know each other in RL?

Didn't know. Didn't care. But it's okay with me if it's okay with them.

[Mad Monkey]

But yeah anyway I think it is unfair to say Goodkind > Newcomb when Newcomb probably wouldn't even have become an author if it wasn't for Douchekind.

Newcomb is an inferior duplicate of Goodkind. Goodkind at least was the first that I know of to combine Objectivism with pulp fantasy. Newcomb just took Goodkind's work, changed the names of the characters to something dumber, added more misogyny (amazingly enough!) and republished it under his own name.

[word]

My apologies, that was just a joke. I really don't know him in real life.

[potsherds]

My apologies, that was just a joke. I really don't know him in real life.

Tsk. Shame on you, word. I'm much too blonde to detect such subtle humor.

[Myshkin]

Newcomb is an inferior duplicate of Goodkind. Goodkind at least was the first that I know of to combine Objectivism with pulp fantasy. Newcomb just took Goodkind's work, changed the names of the characters to something dumber, added more misogyny (amazingly enough!) and republished it under his own name.

Don't forget the racism.

[potsherds]

Newcomb is an inferior duplicate of Goodkind. Goodkind at least was the first that I know of to combine Objectivism with pulp fantasy. Newcomb just took Goodkind's work, changed the names of the characters to something dumber, added more misogyny (amazingly enough!) and republished it under his own name.

Y'know, I'll probably regret asking, but the masochist in me wants to know: how does Newcomb manage to add to Tairy list if great achievements?

-All the women are either beautiful, and therefore sluts, whores, eeeevil, or dominatrices (and we all know there's something unnatural about dominant women) or ugly and there fore sluts...or old

Klan is the only beautiful, wonderful, chase, noble (that’s; debatable) and 'perfect' woman, whom of course Tairy Rahl-Richard Goodkind gets to screw

-Bra cup size = celerity level as mentioned many times in the series

- Tairy delights in scenes of slaughter, just so he can go into 10-page details about the exact arrangement of the broken bodies of the dead women who were raped for days by ____ army or _____ army.

-He has Klan run naked into battle, and honestly thinks that's a legitimate and realistic plotline (when we all know he just wanted to do a Klan nudity scene)

-Twice he's captured by eeeevil women who collar him (metaphorically, at least). I think that Tairy may have some unresolved issues with an overbearing mother or ex-wife, if he regularly sees women as bearers of collars for men

I'm running low on celery and need to head to bed. It's been so long since I read Tairy, I can’t even remember half of the outrageous things Tairy's written that imply very clearly that he is a misogynist. But I really would like to know how Newcomb could possible be worse.

[Fanatic-Templar]

Back in the day, I promised this title to both Hark but Soft and Mystar, but neither deserves victory. I do.

Therefore, I shall be Goodkind's Nae'blis.

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Therefore, I shall be Goodkind's Nae'blis.

I'm sorry, Fanatic-Templar, but the only person who can have the Truth passing across their eyeballs is (in fact) Terry Goodkind.

You see, TG didn't rip off Jordan, because the only one to have the "One Power" is in fact the author of the books. Tairy has embraced the Taint, and become part of it. Richard may be the Truth Reborn, but Tairy knows his Han, and can focus it to destroy the many unbelievers. This is why he doesn't do book signings anymore, and forces his fans to attend a singular conference in Las Vegas (the city of true freedom, and also, cheap hoors).

Hence, I shall bow my head to Tairy Goodkind, Dragon Unborn, the Pornamoor, He Who Comes With The Rape, Prince of the pRon. Also known as Melonholer, Lord of the Porning, and the True Defender of Life. His birth was heralded with this prophecy: "He is born again! I feel him! The Truth-agon takes his first breath on the slope of Truthmount! He is coming! He is coming! Light help us! Light help the world! He lies in the snow and cries like Ayn Rand! He burns like the clap!"