Newcomb Part I

[kuenjato]

such garbage.

I'd lose faith in the publishing industry, except I have so little faith as-is... remember folks, Tairy's brand of poor prose / heaps of sex n' violence / people-are-stupid philosophy sold books by the boatload. Anyone wants to get published, just say your hero is Goodkind and Newcomb, the hounds of the industry will come sniffing.

except... in newcomb's case the bandwagon apparently failed. The reviews over at amazon.com are far more entertaining than even the excellent summaries above. Despite the fact that Del Ray is still championing this dude's work, I get the feeling he wasn't any great success.

[Daedalus V2.0]

I just checked out the Amazon reviews. Checked the other reviews of all the people who gave it 5 stars... Huh. Looks like all of them have only reviewed Newcomb books, and all of them gave all of the Newcomb books 5 stars. Coincidence? You decide.

[Daedalus V2.0]

I've read the next 2 chapters, but I'm really tired. Sorry, no more tonight, but expect both in the morning.

[The Real Will]

I think I'm going to start doing a little more editorial and a little less quoting as per Ran's request up thread. That being said, I'm going to start chapter six with a quote. Since this is also the beginning of part three (yes, part two was only one chapter long) we have a header quote, and I know how much Shryke enjoys Newcomb’s page numbers:

The Chosen One shall come, preceded by another. And the knowledge that he seeks he shall one day demand of the one who recovers the stone. And those of the Pentangle, the ones who practice the Vagaries, shall require the female of the Chosen Ones, and shall bend her to their purpose.

—PAGE 1237, CHAPTER ONE OF THE VAGARIES OF THE TOME

There are couple of things which come to mind reading this chapter, but I think the biggest surprise is that Eutracia is really quite a liberal country. That is, their views on premarital sex, and on casual sex generally, seem much closer to our modern point of view than the stricter viewpoint you might expect.

We know Tristan sleeps around. I have a feeling that this is supposed to be seen as a character flaw, but if it is, it's just that he's a little devilish and nothing to really worry about. In this scene he wakes up next to some nobles daughter. He picked her up at a party the night before. He'd been drunk and presumably she had been too. They'd been chatting away and so her father had left the girl to seduce the prince and headed back to his hotel. Tristan is a little worried about what the father might think when he realises that his daughter never made it home, but there is no indication that it might be a serious problem.

The thing is that Tristan really isn't responsible for all of this, at least according to his mother and sister. We learn later in the chapter that:

She [his mother] and Shailiha had always been more forgiving of the prince's dalliances than had been Nicholas or the Directorate—after all, they were women and could better understand the effects he had on so many of the young ladies of the realm.

You see? Tristan has a hypnotic effect on women and so it isn't his fault that he sleeps with so many. His manly powers and the detrimental effect that they have on female self control don't place a greater burden of responsibility on him. It doesn't open him up to all sorts of accusations of date rape and the like. No, as Spiderman's uncle would have said, "With great power comes great responsibility... to use that power to sleep with as many women as possible."

He's a sensitive sot as well. When the girl wakes up and seems a little embarrassed at the situation, Tristan points out that he's already very familiar with her breasts so there is no point in covering them. When she mentions that they fell asleep last night, Tristan says that it wasn't the only thing they did. The text doesn't quite say that he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, but I think that one is invited to imagine the action if one so desires.

In the end, of course, he does the "gentlemanly" thing, and actually walks her to the coach before he sends her packing.

In this chapter, Tristan takes a lot of advice and some of it seems to me, well... suspect. From Freddy we get advice on swordplay:

"...you still spend too much time looking at my face during battle. As I have told you repeatedly, keep your eyes on my abdomen, so that you can more quickly tell where both of my arms and legs are, and when they are about to move against you."

I don't know, I could be wrong, but I have this nagging feeling that I've read somewhere that watching the face for hints is a good way so fight. I really don't know if staring at a man's belly will tell you much. Am I wrong?

Wigg also has this piece of advice:

"But let me give you a word of advice about taking a life... Every time you use your dirks, or sword, or bow to take a life, try to think not of whom or what you are killing, but rather whom or what you are allowing to live."

I'm not entirely sure, but I think he's saying that if you ever start to feel guilty about killing someone, just try to think of is as a public service and then the guilt will pass. Now, I'm not aware that the Comb has ever claimed to be a fount of moral clarity, so this is perhaps not as objectionable from him as it would be from Goodkind, but it does seem that every time a character gives advice in this book, one would be better served by doing the opposite.

To be fair, he's actually talking about killing a harpy here.

Speaking of harpies, there is something interesting about them as well. Did you know that harpies didn't always have female faces, and they weren't always quite so vicious? The connection is not made outright, but it is very heavily implied that their viciousness and their womanly complexions came about at the same time. One would never suggest that Newcomb believes one caused the other in any way since that would be tantamount to misogyny, and a man like the Comb just wouldn't go for that sort of thing.

On the subject of women, there is something odd about Tristan's sister's belly, or more precisely, her abdomen. Now, we know she's pregnant, but why, every time her pregnancy is described, is either a protruding or a swollen abdomen? I'm starting to think that it is some kind of disease she has. Look at this:

placing an affectionate hand on her protruding abdomen...rubbing her protruding abdomen...rubbed her abdomen...placed the palm of his left hand on her abdomen...and gently gliding her hand across her swollen abdomen.

Those are the quotes I can find up to this point in the book. And, yes, I know it is not always protruding or swollen, and I know that abdomen is an accurate description of that part of the body, but can't he think of another word for it?

Am I alone in feeling uneasy about this?

The final thing I noticed is that, again, there's something screwy about those secret magic people living under the castle. There is a big meeting of them at the end of the chapter and they all have to show their tattoos and do some feat of magic to get in (this proves that they are supposed to be there you see). The only odd thing is the group at the meeting has been hand picked as the best of the best and so you would think that meeting organisers would recognise them and know if they were supposed to be there. We know that changing your appearance is very difficult magic in this book, so there is unlikely to be an imposter, and if there were an imposter... couldn't they have passed both of those tests? I hate to be a Picky Ricky but I'm really starting to believe that the Comb has no idea what he's talking about when it comes to this whole magic system of his, and the idea quite simply breaks my heart.

[Shryke]

Holy shit Will. There's too much sexism, stupidity and various other crap in there to bother responding point by point.

Just please try and make it to the end of this .... thing without irreversible damage to your brain,

[Sophelia]

In this chapter, Tristan takes a lot of advice and some of it seems to me, well... suspect. From Freddy we get advice on swordplay:

I don't know, I could be wrong, but I have this nagging feeling that I've read somewhere that watching the face for hints is a good way so fight. I really don't know if staring at a man's belly will tell you much. Am I wrong?

Um... I think you're right there. Or at least, my fencing instructor, who knows a thing or two about fighting, said "keep your eyes on the face not the weapon".

However in fencing this allows you to see the weapon by peripheral vision. The only answer I can think of in that case is that (as implied by the quotation) people fight with their feet. Maybe they all have extending sword thingies incorporated into their boots, or engage in Japanese martial arts. However I would have thought staring at someone's bellybutton would give you less clues about their intentions than looking at their face, but my training in battle arts is limited

Or maybe this was just meant to show how inept Frederick was, hence how he managed to be ignominiously decapitated. If only he hadn't been looking at the creature's stomach... he might have had a chance. :/

ETA: Oh dear, I can't believe I am looking for rational explanations here. :sick:

[Maid Sansa]

Or maybe this was just meant to show how inept Frederick was, hence how he managed to be ignominiously decapitated. If only he hadn't been looking at the creature's stomach... he might have had a chance. :/

ETA: Oh dear, I can't believe I am looking for rational explanations here. :sick:

And Ole Freddy was supposed to be the best... I guess that also explains why the rest of the so-called Royal Guard was slaughtered indiscriminately by Minions with extendomatic swords... the mechanics of fighting with which still elude me. All it takes is someone getting a bit too close to you, not even within reach of the unextended weapon, pushing the button, and... yay, Minion kebab! I bet it makes for boring fights.

[whelp]

We know Tristan sleeps around. I have a feeling that this is supposed to be seen as a character flaw, but if it is, it's just that he's a little devilish and nothing to really worry about. In this scene he wakes up next to some nobles daughter. He picked her up at a party the night before. He'd been drunk and presumably she had been too.

Hey, if the guy is supposed to look "piratical", then sleeping with the ladies is a default attribute, not a flaw. The Comb should try to keep things straight.

You see? Tristan has a hypnotic effect on women and so it isn't his fault that he sleeps with so many. His manly powers and the detrimental effect that they have on female self control don't place a greater burden of responsibility on him. It doesn't open him up to all sorts of accusations of date rape and the like. No, as Spiderman's uncle would have said, "With great power comes great responsibility... to use that power to sleep with as many women as possible."

Maybe Captain Jack Sparrow will teach this pirate wannabe a lesson.

"...you still spend too much time looking at my face during battle. As I have told you repeatedly, keep your eyes on my abdomen, so that you can more quickly tell where both of my arms and legs are, and when they are about to move against you."

Somehow, Gurney Halleck seemed to give better instructions...But then, what do I know?

Speaking of harpies, there is something interesting about them as well. Did you know that harpies didn't always have female faces, and they weren't always quite so vicious? The connection is not made outright, but it is very heavily implied that their viciousness and their womanly complexions came about at the same time. One would never suggest that Newcomb believes one caused the other in any way since that would be tantamount to misogyny, and a man like the Comb just wouldn't go for that sort of thing.

It's okay, I've read that Freud wrote a lot of his things just because his wife wore the pants in the family. Perhaps it's the same with the Comb.

The final thing I noticed is that, again, there's something screwy about those secret magic people living under the castle. There is a big meeting of them at the end of the chapter and they all have to show their tattoos and do some feat of magic to get in (this proves that they are supposed to be there you see). The only odd thing is the group at the meeting has been hand picked as the best of the best and so you would think that meeting organisers would recognise them and know if they were supposed to be there. We know that changing your appearance is very difficult magic in this book, so there is unlikely to be an imposter, and if there were an imposter... couldn't they have passed both of those tests? I hate to be a Picky Ricky but I'm really starting to believe that the Comb has no idea what he's talking about when it comes to this whole magic system of his, and the idea quite simply breaks my heart.

You expect consistency and logic from a disciple of the Yeard? Will, really...

[The Real Will]

Somehow, Gurney Halleck seemed to give better instructions...But then, what do I know?

Is that where I remember reading about it before? Now that you mention it, that sounds right.

[AverageGuy]

Um... I think you're right there. Or at least, my fencing instructor, who knows a thing or two about fighting, said "keep your eyes on the face not the weapon".

There's a lot of debate there. I've known people who've said solar plexus because it lets you watch the eyes, hands, and feet. And I've known people who've said watch the face.

[The Real Will]

There's a lot of debate there. I've known people who've said solar plexus because it lets you watch the eyes, hands, and feet. And I've known people who've said watch the face.

What do you know, the Comb's answer was genuinely possible. And here I thought he was just pulling nonsense out of his arse.

[whelp]

What do you know, the Comb's answer was genuinely possible. And here I thought he was just pulling nonsense out of his arse.

Still, the wording of it was rather awkward, imo.

[Lies And Perfidy]

"Frederick's solar plexus felt as if it was being watched."

[whelp]

"Frederick's solar plexus felt as if it was being watched."

"...and his thing rose in angry response."

[The Real Will]

"Frederick's solar plexus felt as if it was being watched."

Even more Combian would be: "Frederick's solar plexus told him that it felt as if it was being watched."

ETA: Actually, rereading the quote, I do like the fact that Tristan should watching for Freddies arms and legs to "move aginst [him]".

[danro]

ETA: Actually, rereading the quote, I do like the fact that Tristan should watching for Freddies arms and legs to "move aginst [him]".

The man seems to maneuver his bodyparts around like an officer commanding an advancing army.

I wonder if he uses a single or a double line formation...

[Daedalus V2.0]

Okay, up this time is chapter, uhh, 18. So, this one starts off with our heroes and Shannon the Gnome camping in the forest. Tristan is unable to sleep because he's spending so much time thinking. Anyways, he sees some things coming down out of the trees on ropes made of fluid, but rather than doing the smart thing and warning his confederates, he just hides behind a tree. Now, description time. These things are hairy (but not very hairy), anthromorphic creatures with no facial features other than a slit-mouth and eyes. The eyes are pure green, and the fur (best description) is some weird colour. Also, it is specifically noted that they have no genitals. Anyways, Tristan thinks that these are beasts which are not beasts, but rather death incarnate (YES!). So, the things creep up and are about to murder Shannon and Wigg in their sleep before Tristan yells something and throws a knife through one's skull. Wigg proceeds to brutalls slaughter the rest, although one gets away. Then, we have a big, tense scene in which Shannon talks about these things. You see, they are called Breserkers, and they are the Gnome Hunters which were in the wood when the wizards magically transformed it. Their sole purpose in existence is to kill Gnomes, and they do it by shooting fluid ropes out of their mouths.

Now then, time to keep going. Our heroes come upon a lake and a cave and- gasp! It's the giant butterflies! Hundreds of them, cavorting around the lake. Well, Tristan is very happy, so they proceed into the cave. This cave has super defense systems which cause it to flood whenever someone of unendowed blood who is not a Gnome or a horse walks in. So, they wade through the corpses (there are dozens of them), before reaching another room, where there are thousands of skeletons lined up, like an army standing at attention. Apparently, all of these corpses are just innocent people who came here during the war. Wigg, however, is unconcerned. He's sure that their very presence here makes them bad people, and the'yre just unendowed after all (is anyone else noticing that the wizards defenses wouldn't be very effective at keeping out sorceresses), so does it really matter if the wizards killed them?

Anyways, we get out of the cave, and end up in a Gnome city, where the gnomes live in houses made out of trees (drat! Another plot point for Piers Antony). A buch of Gnomes walk up, and Tristan prepares to slaughter them all (taking a bit of Wigg's standpoint, eh?), but Wigg convinces him that it would take so long to kill enough Gnomes to get them to back off that they're better off trying to talk to them first (yes, both of their first choices was to just kill them and be done with it, but the number of Gnomes available means that it would take too long). So, Shannon convinces the Gnomes to let them go through, and it's off to See Faegan. The chapter ends.

[Fighter]

Anyways, Tristan thinks that these are beasts which are not beasts, but rather death incarnate (YES!).

Anyway, I still can't believe how popular these crappy books are. Take SoT, this, or Eragon. I'm just thankful I had the sense to skulk around the internet before I started reading fantasy, or I'd follow the rest of the sheep and only end up very confused.

[kuenjato]

Are these books popular though? In every bookstore Ive been in, the managers do not make space for the newcomb like they do Jordan, Goodkind, Brooks, Fiest or Martin. And his board has very little activity for a fantasy message forum.

[Daedalus V2.0]

No, the Comb's books are not popular. Sales of the first book were actually pretty good, but from there it's been going downhill to the point of almost no sales for the last few. He's never seen a bestseller list, so that might also be a good indication. However, none of this actually matters as he was given an advance by Del Ray which essentially covered all of his living expenses for 10 years, his wife works and the income from the copies of the books he has sold add enough to mean that he's set to keep writing for as long as he wants, regardless of sales.