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F*ck,Marry,Kill(ASoIaF style) the Sequel


Chelly

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Fuck Brandon cause Lady Dustin still ain't over that so it must have been good

Marry Benjen cause, idk, he at least sounded more fun than Ned

Kill Ned... sorry Ned.

(wait I chose Fools but I see that has been done)

Baratheon Bastards!

Gendry

Mya Stone

Edric Storm

Marry Mya because I'm largely heterosexual, and she seems like a cool person.

Fuck Edric Storm for reasons that are probably inappropriate to describe... isn't he like 12 or something?

Kill Gendry because he's probably a bit homophobic and would prbly beat the shit out of me if I tried to fuck him

Next up... wise old ladies

Maggie the Frog

The Widow of the Waterfront aka Vogorro's Whore

Galazza Galare, the Green Grace

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Large and In Charge edition:

Wyman Manderly

Illyrio

Yezzan zo Qaggaz (the Yellow Whale)

Fuck Manderly. At least there'll be a good breakfast in the morning.

Marry Yezzan. He'll die soon, so I inherit.

Kill Illyrio. Nothing personal, but he's the last one left.

The Geriatric Edition

Walder Frey

Aemon Targaryen

Grand Maester Pycelle

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Hmm, I don't think I could fuck Greyworm (at least not without getting pretty creative),

and Shavepate is really unattractive, so:

Fuck Ben Plum

Marry Greyworm

Kill Shavepate (even tho I like him, but thems the breaks)

Incestuous Three-way Edition:

Jamie + Cersei

Dany + Aegon

Loras + Margaery

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Marry Loras and Margaery. Margaery seems fun and intelligent and Loras could protect us from all harm

Fuck Jaime + Cersei, even though I would feel like a 3rd wheel

Kill Dany + Aegon because Targaryens scare me and I would never feel safe with them. Plus I could steal her dragons... er, actually I'll probably just leave those alone.

Next up, paramours of noble men and ladies

Ellaria Sand

Qarl the Maid

Daario Naharis

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The Kingly Edition

Aerys II Targaryen

Robert Baratheon

Joffrey Baratheon

Ok first off I'd kill Aerys II. Crazy mofo

Hmm fuck Joff cause at least he's cute.

Marry Robert cause he at least wasn't crazy, but I'd be just like Cersei as a wife to him, I hate his guts

LADY FIGHTERS

Brienne

Obara

Dacey Mormont

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Ok first off I'd kill Aerys II. Crazy mofo

Hmm fuck Joff cause at least he's cute.

Marry Robert cause he at least wasn't crazy, but I'd be just like Cersei as a wife to him, I hate his guts

ETA: oops hang on let me put up the next 3 contenders

How about some ladies!

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Ok first off I'd kill Aerys II. Crazy mofo

Hmm fuck Joff cause at least he's cute.

Marry Robert cause he at least wasn't crazy, but I'd be just like Cersei as a wife to him, I hate his guts

LADY FIGHTERS

Brienne

Obara

Dacey Mormont

Oh this is perfecto.

I would marry Brienne and live happily ever after because she is my favorite character and I am madly in love with her, and with Gwendoline Christie, the actress who plays her on TV.

I would fuck Dacey because she's pretty, sweet and loyal. I was so mad when she died in the Red Wedding!

I would kill Obara because she's the least attractive (Brienne isn't ugly to me!) and most likely to cut my balls off at the slightest provocation. Not that Brienne and Dacey wouldn't cut my balls off--it's just that I think Obara has a shorter fuse

Next up we have war criminals, those who burn, rape and pillage the countryside:

Gregor Clegane

Rorge

Vargo Hoat

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How about some ladies!

yep, you got it

I would marry Brienne and live happily ever after because she is my favorite character and I am madly in love with her, and with Gwendoline Christie, the actress who plays her on TV.

(Brienne isn't ugly to me!)

This is real nice to hear. Everytime I say Brienne isn't ugly guys laugh at me

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Next up we have war criminals, those who burn, rape and pillage the countryside:

Gregor Clegane

Rorge

Vargo Hoat

Oh godamn it.

Ok fuck Vargo Hoat because he doesn't have STDs (lol)

Kill Rorge because he's the scariest of them all for me

Marry... Clegane? cause he won't be home very often? even though he'll end up killing me. Yikes. Maybe I could poison him before he smashed my head up against a wall.

UNCONVENTIONAL HOTTIES

Brienne

Sandor Clegane

Jorah Mormont (yeah not tv Jorah you smartasses)

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Tyrion Lannister

Rhaegar Targaryen

Jon Snow

Finally an easy one!

Kill Tyrion, gladly.

Fuck Jon, hello, Lord's kiss.

And marry Rhaegar. He sounds a little boring but he's a nice chap. Also, he had nice hair!

Now, MILFs:

Catelyn

Cersei

Ellaria

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Now, MILFs:

Catelyn

Cersei

Ellaria

I can make an intelligent guess how 90% of people would respond to this one, but I'll try something a bit different.

Fuck Cersei (killing her is too passe, and I'm sure as hell not marrying her).

Marry Ellaria

Kill Catelyn

Old Biddies

Old Nan

The Ghost of High Heart

Olenna Tyrell

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Ok, this is strange...

Fuck Leaf - I'm not sure how and by process of elimination, this is probably the least disgusting and/or painful

Marry Wun Wun - he seems like a sweet giant and fucking him would probably hurt... a lot.

Kill Sweets - because he/she has been with Yezzan...ew....

Next: Fight! Threesome Edition

Jaime/Ned

Robert Baratheon/Rhaegar Targaryen

Loras Tyrell/Brienne

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Next: Fight! Threesome Edition

Marry: Jaime/Ned (At least I would have Jaime for bed but Ned for parents)

Fu**: Robert Baratheon/Rhaegar Targaryen (I will put Rhaegar to sleep rather than emo-Edward-like sex)

Kill: Loras Tyrell/Brienne (Sorry but I feel straight today)

Great Bastards edition

Aegor Rivers

Daemon Blackfyre

Brynden Rivers

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