Boarders Writing a Novel, Part 9

[First of My Name]

First of My Name - It does sound like you have a real love for writing and an enthusiasm that I couldn't match at your age (and I was quite prolific). Keep up that enthusiasm as it will take you far :-)

Thank you. I sure hope it will!

[Zoë Sumra]

Structural edit officially done (reserving the right to notice structural problems during the line edit). Going to bed...

[Expecto Patronum]

Hi guys, I'm a fellow board member, although I mostly limit to the Forum Games. I just published my debut novella "Let's Kill the Sun." It's a fantasy book for all ages and it is the first of a trilogy.

It is currently available on Amazon Kindle. There is also a paperback version, but it is only available at the moment in the Dominican Republic.

You can find a summary as well as a sample of the book on the amazon page.

If you have the time the facebook page of the book can be found here. I would really appreciate it if you could "like" the page. :wideeyed:

You can also follow me on Twitter as well.

You can check everything out and feel free to PM me any thoughts or comments. I'll be more than happy to answer any questions you might have.

I hope you all enjoy it and thanks a lot for the support!

[Expecto Patronum]

Oh!! and I am also currently writing a sequel!! I'm halfway through!... if you stay tuned to any of my pages you can see its progress... =D

[Francis Buck]

Sounds interesting. I'll check it out at some point (I put it on my wishlist).

[First of My Name]

@Francis, here's a passage from Ensekyrai. I picked one about the fall of a mighty institution called the Astestian Empire, which is lead from the capital Astestia.

This is the only passage I have written from that book ("The Empire Burning"), and it's from the perspective from a young male soldier who desrted the Astestian Army in it's time of need. Now, the capital is in flames after a rebel attack. The Triumvirate, the three cruel and hated dictatots who led the empire, are dead at this point.

Hope you enjoy!

They shall ask me, 'And where were you, when the empire fell? When our capital burned and our leaders were hanged, when our mothers cried and our soldiers died?'

I was not there. I was far away. Disgracing my mother and father, betraying my brother and sister. I was bringing my family to shame, because I was not there to die.

The Astestian Empire is no more, for the mainland's war has reached us. Death came, and in all it's fury it has destroyed us. Gone the Triumvirate, and the generals and admirals. Woe to them, and death as well.

I was deserting, committing treason. I was seeing the truth. I was warring the fear that even now chokes thousands, that once separated me from my family. Somewhere out there, in our burning capital, my brother lies bleeding to death in an alley. My sister is being raped by man a gone wrong. My mother and father are probably joining our Triumvirate in hell.

I was not there. I was living.

Now, even mighty Astestia stands no more. Proud we stood for four centuries, but no more now. We have fallen harder than we ever rose.

Now I look out the window and I see countless plumes of smoke mingling with the night sky. The city in flames, and is it my doing? Would I have turned the tides?

Years from now, even months or weeks perhaps, they will praise the death of the dictators, of the so-called victory of dawn, the beginning of this new day. But we will not. Because it was our empire, our city, our streets.

No one shall see my face around here ever again. I am done with Astestia, done with fighting, done with dying.

I look upon burning Astestia for one last time, and I turn away.

And they shall ask me, 'And where were you, when the empire fell?'

And I shall answer.

[Snikt5]

In a bid to get my novel out there, I am producing a business card to hand out when I discuss with people.

Can I call on your kindness to get some completely impartial advice please? Can you rate the following taglines out of 10: (10 = that sounds really interesting will give that a go).

Thanks in advance.

1) Would you choose your child over your country?

2) How far is too far?

3) What price would you put on your child’s life?

4) If you child had a 1 in 12 chance to live, would you accept those odds?

5) Traditions are made to be broken.

6) Traditions are not set in stone.

7) No one says being a King was easy.

8) Being a King is difficult, being a father is harder, being both...

9) The choices we make have consequences.

10) Sometimes the greater good means mass death.

[First of My Name]

IMHO:

1) Would you choose your child over your country?

8. Captivating and interesting

2) How far is too far?

6. Bit overused, I think

3) What price would you put on your child's life?

8. Good one.

4) If you child had a 1 in 12 chance to live, would you accept those odds?

6. I think every parent would, for the chance to have a kid.

5) Traditions are made to be broken.

6, I feel like encounter variatons on this one a lot

6) Traditions are not set in stone.

6, though better than number 5

7) No one says being a King was easy.

7,

8) Being a King is difficult, being a father is harder, being both...

7

9) The choices we make have consequences.

6, bit too logical to capture my interest

10) Sometimes the greater good means mass death.

I dunno, but I don't really like this one, too over the top perhaps.

These are just my opinions, I haven't readthe story and I don't know what fits the best. Don't let me discourage you if you disagree.

I hope my feeback helps.

[Francis Buck]

Sorry FoMN, I didn't notice your post last page. I'll check read what you put tonight for sure.

3) What price would you put on your child’s life?

Best one in my opinion.

[Jaime's Wench]

Snikt5, my favourite would be "What price would you put on your child's life?" It's the most thought provoking and says a lot for the type of world and plot you're creating.

[First of My Name]

I'll leave for Italy tomorrow morning, and as my parents won't let me take my laptop with me, I won't be able to write for three weeks! Problems of luxury, and understandabe from my parents'side, but still... I guess I'll jut write my ideas down on my iPod.

Good luck writing, in the meantime, everyone!

PS @francisbuck, I'm excited to hear your opinion

[Galleymac]

First of My Name -- take a notebook!! :-)

Snikt -- I responded most strongly to #8, but I don't know why!

Number #3 gives a better hook to what the plot dilemma will be, but sounds a bit cliche. #1 is not as poetic, but is probably the strongest hook into what the plot overall will be, and can be tweaked however you like. "Your country. Your child. Which do you choose?" (And I don't say it's UNpoetic, just not as poetic. Simply a matter of taste, not a law by any means. I've internalized the copy-writing advice that you should make these teasers sound, in your head, as much like a dramatic movie trailer as possible. It affects my opinions. :D)

ETA: I think I responded to #8 because it gave me a hint at genre, maybe? But you will have other genre hints, and the hook is more important. #8 doesn't get across the same urgency as #3 or #1. Movie Guy voice!

[Selysin]

Snikt5 - I'm seconding (or thirding) the vote for "What price would you put on your child's life?"

[The Marquis de Leech]

1) Would you choose your child over your country?

If you're doing this one, be careful that your worldbuilding actually involves the concept of country/state/nationalism. In past centuries, people didn't think of themselves as belonging to an abstract nation (they certainly didn't in medieval times). They identified with their family, local community, and 'personal' leadership instead.

[Snikt5]

Thanks First of my Name, Francis Buck, Jamie's Wench, Selysin, Galleymac and Roose Bolton's pet leech.

You guys are awesome. Can always rely on this board for quick responses. If there is anything you would like read, I would be happy to do it.

[Claire of House Thorpe]

I'm currently working on a story that subverts cliches, especially about the "rebellious princess". How can I make up such a character without making her too "unrealistic"?

[Myrddin]

I'm currently working on a story that subverts cliches, especially about the "rebellious princess". How can I make up such a character without making her too "unrealistic"?

What does she want? (What's her goal?)

What stands between her and that goal/want/need? (What or who is her obstacle?)

How does she overcome that obstacle?

Does her goal change in the process?

Or to approach it another way, have you heard of the Hollywood formula?

Listen to that and then ask these questions:

What does your protagonist want?

Who is the antagonist (the one preventing her from getting what she wants)?

Who is the relationship character?

In my mind, the cliched characters often come from cliched goals. If your rebellious princess just wants to be free to be, but is being forced to marry, then you have a problem.

That said, I thought that Merida in Brave was interesting even though she fit the cliche I just mocked. I think she works because for the first time in a Disney movie, the relationship character was her mother, not some prince.

[Jaime's Wench]

I haven't watched Brave yet, really should, since it looks my type of thing. I agree, though, Myrddin. To me, it's all about going on a journey with a character and placing a number of obstacles in their way. That can become cliche, but I've never begun writing without having a real belief that my idea and MC are strong enough to create a good journey for. Belief in your character and your idea is key.

[Claire of House Thorpe]

What does she want? (What's her goal?)

What stands between her and that goal/want/need? (What or who is her obstacle?)

How does she overcome that obstacle?

Does her goal change in the process?

Or to approach it another way, have you heard of the Hollywood formula?

Listen to that and then ask these questions:

What does your protagonist want?

Who is the antagonist (the one preventing her from getting what she wants)?

Who is the relationship character?

In my mind, the cliched characters often come from cliched goals. If your rebellious princess just wants to be free to be, but is being forced to marry, then you have a problem.

That said, I thought that Merida in Brave was interesting even though she fit the cliche I just mocked. I think she works because for the first time in a Disney movie, the relationship character was her mother, not some prince.

OK, here's the thing:

The princess in question is not only rebelling against her parents and the customs of her time, but she's also fighting against the church and the very thought of being a lady. Sure she's smart and pretty and she's as good at embroidery as she is at archery, but she wants more than just to marry some Prince (especially since she thinks that all princes are just spoiled and stuck-up).

So, how do I go about creating this character without making her too unrealistic?

[Maegor the Cuddly]

OK, here's the thing:

The princess in question is not only rebelling against her parents and the customs of her time, but she's also fighting against the church and the very thought of being a lady. Sure she's smart and pretty and she's as good at embroidery as she is at archery, but she wants more than just to marry some Prince (especially since she thinks that all princes are just spoiled and stuck-up).

So, how do I go about creating this character without making her too unrealistic?

Find someone in real life who you would equate to her. Model her off of that.

That's what I do anyways.