Greywolf2375 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Not everyone is attached to their phones. I only check my phone once a day when I work and maybe every 2 days when I'm off.Sure, but like Mandy posted - if the person you're dating knows that then they shouldn't expect an immediate response from that media; conversely, if you have your phone on you "at all times" and the person knows it, and the expectation is that you could/would respond quickly and don't, then that could cause problems.Really, it is all communication/expectation setting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 If someone doesn't respond pretty much within a few hours of a text message, I write them off. Everyone KNOWS that with today's technology, we are strapped to some form of communication and so we all KNOW YOU SAW THAT TEXT. Not responding... well, if you're at work, ok, but otherwise? It really ought to be that day in the least. Otherwise it's rude, IMO.Mostly I agree with this and would worry someone wasn't that into me if they didn't reply reasonably quickly, but it very much depends on the person. The girl I'm seeing now just doesn't answer texts right away, or sometimes at all if they don't require a response, and it doesn't mean anything, it's just how she is. She's only just upgraded to a smartphone for the first time and just prefers not to stay connected that well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 As a rule of thumb, anyone who sends more than 1 message in a row without waiting for response in between is probably needy and isn't worth your time.Ask yourself, if you didn't answer his first message yet, but he got impatient and sent another one, are you really in-sync in your communication priortieis?Find people on your own wavelength. Everyone is different. Some people spam each other, others send a text a day. If that's out of sync, there is an obvious issue.Sure, but like Mandy posted - if the person you're dating knows that then they shouldn't expect an immediate response from that media; conversely, if you have your phone on you "at all times" and the person knows it, and the expectation is that you could/would respond quickly and don't, then that could cause problems.Really, it is all communication/expectation setting.Everyone is different. If you have a problem with someone taking too long to reply to texts, find someone else. Thinking your love interest has some sort of obligation to you is a huge damn mistake to start out with.This could also turn to be a great red flag to catch on early. If the person is ignoring you for a long time in case of scheduling a date, and is leaving you to hang in uncertainty, maybe they are just not good dating material.Re: sex, once again, find someone you're in sync with. Some people are ok taking time (10+ dates even) before having sex. Others want it right away to 1) "notch" you and never call you again 2) make sure you are sex compatible before putting in effort. Either could be considered rude. I have different standards for different women I would date. Some are so interesting without the sexual component, I actually don't care when we have sex. Those who are more iffy, I'd rather have sex with quick so I can maybe get them to open up more or prove that they are worth my time. I don't do one night stands anymore, but when I did I also followed this strategy, e.g. in the cases where the woman had nothing exciting about her except the body and was actually repulsive intelectually/conversationally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I haven't been in the dating scene in a long time, so I may know squat about this... but showing up at "your" bar if you hadn't taken him there previously and he had never been there before would weird me out.as for text messages... well. it is definitely a new world order out there. I don't have a smart phone (so no access to twitter/facebook/email unless I'm in front of a computer) and the phone I do have isn't glued to me. so people know that I may take a while to respond to text message in evenings and on weekends. I have a number of friends that are in the same boat and it doesn't bother me if they take a couple of days to respond to my text message. But. Anyone who has a smart phone who has it glued to them at all times and is constantly on twitter/facebook/instagram/whatever every day, all day but won't respond to me wiithin the same day? I assume those people aren't interested in talking to me and/or I think they're kinda rude--if someone makes 30 to 40 tweets on a daily basis but can't send me a 3 word text message response in a week, then I think its clear what is going on (I had that happen recently!). so, I let those relationships go. Surely I am not the only one that makes that distinction? So, it kinda depends on the text response issue.This is sort of my take on it. There are things that I am constant about; hanging out at home on the weekends, listening to music, reading, etc. I am generally on this board a good bit, I Skype some, and I do FB. But I go through spells with all of these. When it comes to my phone, I live in the middle of nowhere, my service is not stellar where I live, and I just forget about my phone. I am definitely not attached to it other than using it as an alarm clock, and have the time I have it on silent.I have been out of the dating scene for close to 24 years, but I know this; I need my space. And I need a lot of space. Not just in my marriage, but in my friendships. Mr. ES and I have a blast together, but we very much live our own lives. A person who is looking to me to 'complete' them, or make them happy, or even entertain them, needs to look somewhere else. I'm not interested in having or being a hostage. And if someone expects that, they need a therapist, not a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Maybe I need to check out this OKCupid site.Speaking as a straight guy: There's a lot of low cards in that hand, but I've had a lot of good experiences with it.OP: Communicate your needs honestly. Don't play games. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 It'd be great if there were more normal looking people and less of the muscle-bound shirtless selfie profiles there. Guess I'll find out :PSure, that kind of stuff can get a little tacky (and for the record, I abstain from doing it to that extent, but consider a tight t-shirt in-bounds), but consider the extreme alternative: would you rather have to go on a whole date for a frank example of each and every potential suitor's body type? I personally have been burned by at least one woman on there who turned out to weigh about 200# more than she claimed, and did not appreciate driving 15 miles to discover that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Sure, that kind of stuff can get a little tacky (and for the record, I abstain from doing it to that extent, but consider a tight t-shirt in-bounds), but consider the extreme alternative: would you rather have to go on a whole date for a frank example of each and every potential suitor's body type? I personally have been burned by at least one woman on there who turned out to weigh about 200# more than she claimed, and did not appreciate driving 15 miles to discover that.You should put the above quote in your profile; it's more illuminating than a topless photo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 You should put the above quote in your profile; it's more illuminating than a topless photo.My profile mentions my appreciation for honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prince Alexander Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Anyone who doesn't put a full body pic in their profile isn't worth my time, that was my rule back when I used okc. It is a good site, much better than POF. POF is awful and a huge waste of time in my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Anyone who doesn't put a full body pic in their profile isn't worth my time, that was my rule back when I used okc. It is a good site, much better than POF. POF is awful and a huge waste of time in my experience.Yeah, I've heard nothing but bad reviews about that one ("Plenty of Freaks" is the popular nickname), and dated a girl who got completely fucked over by Match (paid them money; did not receive what she asked for at all). Don't even get me started on the fucking bigots at eHarmony. OKC is where it's at, IMHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 Thanks for all the feedback. Sorry the OP was so rambling. There was wine involved.Lot of good stuff here. Elder Sister, you are speaking with my own mouth. I am very clear on date one where my expectations and availability are. Shocking, frank, too much information clear. At this point in my life, family, career, friends, hobbies , dating are the order of my priorities. The amount of time I'm willing to spend with someone depends on how well they fit in with friends and hobbies. I'm not sharing family or work with anyone I date. I've tried with the last person I dated to include them on group outings only to have it backfire for not giving my undivided attention to the person I was dating. I immediately downgraded my time allowance to that person to "date night only." It fizzled out. Frustrating.Mandy, this puts you and I at the opposite ends of what we want. It's really fun comparing notes with the other end of the spectrum. Glad to hear this thread is needed.I decided the fella was probably out drinking and not using great judgement. Second chance with ANOTHER conversation about where I'm at is in store Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted August 9, 2013 Author Share Posted August 9, 2013 (Sorry, phone field won't let me finish)I'm trying to come up with a polite way to say,"stay the hell out of my football bar."Yag, lizard. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I am very clear on date one where my expectations and availability are. Shocking, frank, too much information clear. At this point in my life, family, career, friends, hobbies , dating are the order of my priorities. The amount of time I'm willing to spend with someone depends on how well they fit in with friends and hobbies. I'm not sharing family or work with anyone I date.If that's what you want and you told him so, keep up the good work. There are plenty of clingy people out there who will be a better match for him if it doesn't work out. If he doesn't get it after one firm reminder, it wasn't meant to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rubies & Jade Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I'm trying to come up with a polite way to say,"stay the hell out of my football bar."Maybe you can just include it in the talk about what you want, and talk about it in terms of boundaries. Count me in the uber-honest camp, and if sounds like the kinda guy you want to be with would understand about boundaries. and maybe in the conversation it'll come up how he ended up there~maybe a friend took him there or something, and it wasn't his choice? it would just be good to know if it was creepy/stalker behavior or just coincidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 last time i used okcupid; someone wrote me a poem it was fucking horrible all milky white skin and rose red lips jesus fuck dude you know it's ok if you had the hots for snow white growing up but don't project that on some strange girl you've been talking to for about an hour thank you very fucking much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I suppose I'm old fashioned, but whatever happened to the honorable and time-tested rituals like picking someone up in a bar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I think bars are a lousy way to meet people for a serious relationship, personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I think bars are a lousy way to meet people for a serious relationship, personally.It was a yoke, Ini. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Walder Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Ha, ha. Yeah, personally I see bars as the joke. Picking people up at the bar is about as good as picking people up at my everybody-is-wasted job: I'd rather talk to them a little first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slurms McKenzie Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 This thread bamboozles me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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