Stannis humor

[Cordelia Baratheon]

Love this thread!

[roxWolfox]

Hi all,

I think Stannis is the funniest character in the series, and I started this thread to compile all of Stannis's hilarious one-liners. I searched the forums, but couldn't find anything entirely devoted to Stannis's humor.

My personal favorites:

- "Her own father got this child on her? We are well rid of her, then. I will not suffer such abominations here. This is not King's Landing."

- "Without a son of Winterfell to stand beside me, I can only hope to win the north by battle. That requires stealing a leaf from my brother's book. Not that Robert ever read one."

What are you favorite Stannis quotes? I could use a laugh on this rainy day!

One of the greatest things about being a Davos fan (which led to re-reading his PoVs countless times) was finding all the 'laugh out loud' moments when Stannis' whips up a snark-storm. As much as I dislike the man, I can't help but enjoying his commentary/observations...especially when conversing with Jon Snow. Those two butting heads....hilarious. I can't think of a favourite quote at this time, but if I do, I'll add it in an edit.

I just wanted to respond to the OP with a thank you...this is a great thread.

[Guest]

"Stannis ground his teeth. 'It is not my wish to tamper with your rights and traditions. As to royal guidance, Janos, if you mean that I ought to tell your brothers to choose you, have the courage to say so.'

That took Lord Janos aback. He smiled uncertainly and began to sweat, but Bowen Marsh beside him said, 'Who better to command the black cloaks than a man who once commanded the gold, sire?'

'Any of you, I would think. Even the cook.'" SoS pg 1076.

OMG, you know this quote just makes me like him more.

[Great Other]

This thread gave me a completely new viewpoint of Stannis, as a master of Trolling, and makes me find the TV Series portrayal to be very good.

I would really like to know, why people in Westeros claim Stannis has no humor and more importantly: If Stannis is making his jokes intentional or are just happening?^^

People don't claim he doesn't have humor, they claim he doesn't laugh out loudly with other people's jokes and with court fools though I always understood why, Patchface or Moon Boy didn't make him laugh, they don't make me laugh either.

Anyway, maybe he doesn't laugh because he finds his jokes to be better. :cool4:

[Tommens Cat]

When davos comes back from black water and stannis just looks at him and says

"I heard you were dead."

Lol

[E-Ro]

oh i have another good one

Stannis gave a snort of laughter. “He has you there, my lady. Two is not three.”

lmao Stannis you got jokes brah.

[Tommens Cat]

oh i have another good one

lmao Stannis you got jokes brah.

lol as if 66% of kingslaying magic is not a great accomplishment. (whether the magic effected the deaths is another story but, from stannis point of view it shouldnt really matter.)

[E-Ro]

lol as if 66% of kingslaying magic is not a great accomplishment. (whether the magic effected the deaths is another story but, from stannis point of view it shouldnt really matter.)

Well, Mel promised 3 dead kings, not just the 2. He has to be 100% sure her magic is the real deal. Plus him laughing at mel makes me happy.

[Stannis' shadow babies]

I just watched the second season's bonus histories, and the History of Dragonstone, narrated by Stannis, has a great Stannis quote about Dragon glass.

"The Targaryens called this sharp substance Dragon Glass. I called it useless". You have to hear how he delivers the line after the set up, it's perfect Stannis humor.

I laughed so hard at that one. There''s another where he mentions his "that prancing fool, Renly, my younger brother". Stephen Dillane should read all the Stannis' funny quotes from the book even if they don't put it on the tv series, just because.

[Persepolis]

Please correct me if i'm wrong, but i think it was also Stannis who asked, upon being told that Crowfood got his nickname for biting off a raven's head, if Whoresbane Umber got his for biting off a whore's head.

I found that pretty hysterical.

[E-Ro]

Please correct me if i'm wrong, but i think it was also Stannis who asked, upon being told that Crowfood got his nickname for biting off a raven's head, if Whoresbane Umber got his for biting off a whore's head.

I found that pretty hysterical.

Yup, that was our king, and yes, it was pretty hilarious. GRRM just writes stannis so well, the facets of his character are just so awesome, he is not only a stern and unyielding badass, hes also a fucking comedian.

[Groat]

oh i have another good one

lmao Stannis you got jokes brah.

Doesn't he say something like "Kings can count as well as smugglers my lady". That always made me chuckle.

[The Great Walrus]

Yup, that was our king, and yes, it was pretty hilarious. GRRM just writes stannis so well, the facets of his character are just so awesome, he is not only a stern and unyielding badass, hes also a fucking comedian.

I think the best part about Stannis humor is it's completely unintentional. For the most part Stannis says all of these hilarious lines with a completely straight face.

[RumHam]

The king cut him off. “We all know what my brother would do. Robert would gallop up to the

gates of Winterfell alone, break them with his warhammer, and ride through the rubble to slay Roose

Bolton with his left hand and the Bastard with his right.”

[mcb]

OK, I'm gonna to say it officially: after reading all the examples of a supposedly funny Stannis, I'm now one hundred percent convinced he's one of the saddest, least humorous characters in the series. He sold Janos Slynt a classy burn, I give him that, but the rest is mostly just sad. That "good clean water" quote? That's just whining Viserys style (Viserys wasn't funny, either, intentionally or not). Inventing the clever nickname "Lord Too-Fat"? He's fat! moreover, too fat! LMAO... no, seriously not. It's a jerk jock kind of humor, at best.

[E-Ro]

I never understood the love, (or point for that matter) of going into fun happy threads and giving a poor attempt at trolling by shitting all over the thread. :dunno: gg brah

[Tommens Cat]

I never understood the love, (or point for that matter) of going into fun happy threads and giving a poor attempt at trolling by shitting all over the thread. :dunno: gg brah

It's the persons opinion of stannis humor. It's completely in line with the topic. And while I can understand wanting to keep things lively, each poster has the same right to contribute either positively or negatively to a topic. How boring would it be if we all had the same opinions?

[E-Ro]

It's the persons opinion of stannis humor. It's completely in line with the topic. And while I can understand wanting to keep things lively, each poster has the same right to contribute either positively or negatively to a topic. How boring would it be if we all had the same opinions?

It wasn't any contribution at all, it was just mindless complaining for the sake of causing bother and annoyance. The op specifically states they are looking for funny stannis quotes, not "omg stannis called someone fat thats mean!"

[The Great Walrus]

OK, I'm gonna to say it officially: after reading all the examples of a supposedly funny Stannis, I'm now one hundred percent convinced he's one of the saddest, least humorous characters in the series. He sold Janos Slynt a classy burn, I give him that, but the rest is mostly just sad. That "good clean water" quote? That's just whining Viserys style (Viserys wasn't funny, either, intentionally or not). Inventing the clever nickname "Lord Too-Fat"? He's fat! moreover, too fat! LMAO... no, seriously not. It's a jerk jock kind of humor, at best.

Clearly you don't understand the purpose of this thread.

[E-Ro]

I dont think this was posted yet

He means to kill me. The thought was queerly comforting. Death did not frighten Theon Greyjoy. Death would mean an end to pain. "Be done with me, then," he urged the king. "Take off my head off and stick it on a spear. I slew Lord Eddard's sons, I ought to die. But do it quick. He is coming."

"Who is coming? Bolton?"

"Lord Ramsay," Theon hissed. "The son, not the father. You must not let him take him. Roose... Roose is safe within the walls of Winterfell with his fat new wife. Ramsay is coming."

"Ramsay Snow, you mean. The Bastard."

"Never call him that!" Spittle sprayed from Theon's lips. "Ramsay Bolton, not Ramsay Snow, never Snow, never, you have to remember his name, or he will hurt you."

"He is welcome to try. Whatever name he goes by.

Thought that was funny when i first read it because hes basically saying he doesn't give a damn ramsay was legitimized, hes so dismissive of this guy that thinks hes so tough. hilarious.