LGBTQI Thread - An Ode to Lesbians

[Tellus Explorer]

I meant did this thread mean I could post... I'm bi and this was for lesbians. How is that sexist?

[brook]

Oh absolutely!

This is just a continuation of a theme, a few months back it was time to start a new lgbti thread on world bisexual day so karaddin wrote me an ode :D

Since then we've had 'an ode to transexuals' and now 'an ode to lesbians', next one will be something different, it's not supposed to be exclusionary.

[Disturber of Peace]

I would suggest an ode to polyamorists.

They are most interesting.

[Lily Valley]

:ROFL: Robin, I think it was a Freudian slip. How do you make a typo like that?

Cora, welcome aboard. This thread is open to a wide range of topics.

[karaddin]

I would suggest an ode to polyamorists.

They are most interesting.

They are neither a gender identity, nor a sexuality, nor at this point in time are they allied with the LGBTQI movement. Some of them are wonderful people and I put forward no judgement, others are assholes, so they are just like everyone in that respect. Regardless being told that they are the most interesting part of a group they aren't part of is kinda weird. Feel free to start a thread for polyamorists and be regaled by the exploits of the polyamorists on the board.

[Tellus Explorer]

I was asexual a while ago. Mainly because I didn't find sex stimulating (on account of some unfortunate events) however with time, experiments, and long talks I found out I was bi.

@Lily Valley your here too! Lol thanks for the welcome

[Robin Of House Hill]

:rofl: Robin, I think it was a Freudian slip. How do you make a typo like that?

I have no information on what garments he wears, slips, petticoats or otherwise. :P

ETA: Gov. Brewer vetoed SB 1062!

[Tellus Explorer]

The funniest Twitter typo I've ever seen.

https://twitter.com/mcpli/status/438768864067723264/photo/1

Lmfao, let the truth out Dan :D

I wonder what his PR team are thinking

[Lily Valley]

I have no information on what garments he wears, slips, petticoats or otherwise. :P

ETA: Gov. Brewer vetoed SB 1062!

:lol: You're killin me. I had this picture in my head that he was watching American Football. My internal dialogue looks kinda like that tweet when I do, "Man. Man+Man+Man! MAN O MAN! MANPILE! Awwwww MAN! Can we get another huddle?"

[Robin Of House Hill]

Maybe I can tap into the hive mind regarding a predicament I'm faced with. As most here know, I'm out here and elsewhere on line as a trans woman. In real life I am still very much stealth. No one within 10 miles of me knows my status, though some may suspect.

One of the things I adhere to is avoiding being in the same location where there are other trans women. My thinking has always been that the risk of public detection increases markedly when there are more than one of us in the same place. Surprisingly, there are a number of trans women I see in the area around where I live. In part, this is due to the proximity of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center which is nearby, but there are others who live in the area. I keep a comfortable distance, while ensuring it isn't obvious I'm doing so.

Here's the problem. The Transgender Law Center is having a conference at the University of California, Northridge in April. I want to attend and have even paid my registration fee.There will probably be well over 100 trans persons in attendance (the last conference saw over 200). My fear is that the level of anxiety attending will produce, will make it impossible for me to go anywhere near the place.

Any ideas?

[Yagathai]

Just so we're clear, are you currently trying to pass and living in relative stealth, or are you male-presenting in everyday life or in contexts where you aren't out? What are you actually afraid of? Are there serious career implications if you break stealth / get outed, and do you work at or with UCal Northridge, or with people that do?

Either way, you have options. An anti-anxiety drug prescription might be the ticket. A little valium goes a long way. But just a little. You don't want to be That Guy (figuratively, of course).

Alternatively, there's a lot to be said for screwing your courage to the sticking point and doing it. It's never as scary as you think it's going to be, and afterwards what a sense of achievement and confidence you will have. Cowboy up!

[Disturber of Peace]

How exactly would they detect you?

Also, i can not help but to think that perhaps your biggest fear is facing someone asking you "Are you transgender?"

If that is true, it is just a matter of saying No confidently while not alowing yourself to feel any guilt or other bad feelings.

I am definately not suggesting or even thinking you should feel guilt or something with answering likewise.

Always "being yourself" is overrated. It is a thing of pride which makes us envision a role that should be us and playing that role, leading to being volnurable and predictable, while also neglecting wishes of our true selves and being less capable of change.

Want to attend that event but not want that day to be the day of major dealing with certain fear?

Ok. Adopt a persona that is easier/more fun/more benefitial/overall better to be in a certain situation

and play it!

/insert a Shakespeare quote

This should not change your true inner person, yet it will make it more acceptible to some slow changes.

Do not constrict yourself to the simplistic simulation of yourself that other people or even you have in your head.

Do these things, and you can never be hurt like that.

[Lily Valley]

Robin, that's tough. I'm assuming that it doesn't help that the conference isn't in your home area. Could you plan some other activities in Northridge and make the trip about those activities instead? Then if you feel up for it, go to the conference. Maybe it would let you take some of the pressure off of yourself.

I also second Yags idea for medication. I've seen it take people from "so scared I'm throwing up" down to "a little bit nervous".

How disappointed are you going to be if you don't attend?

[Robin Of House Hill]

Just so we're clear, are you currently trying to pass and living in relative stealth, or are you male-presenting in everyday life or in contexts where you aren't out? What are you actually afraid of? Are there serious career implications if you break stealth / get outed, and do you work at or with UCal Northridge, or with people that do?

Either way, you have options. An anti-anxiety drug prescription might be the ticket. A little valium goes a long way. But just a little. You don't want to be That Guy (figuratively, of course).

Alternatively, there's a lot to be said for screwing your courage to the sticking point and doing it. It's never as scary as you think it's going to be, and afterwards what a sense of achievement and confidence you will have. Cowboy up!

Good questions. I present as female, but the fact that I'm 6'4" means that realistically some people have to suspect I'm trans. Experience has taught me that most people are polite and don't ask, even if they suspect. No career impact as I'm almost 71 and retired. Any medication is out of the question. I don't wish to tamper, chemically, with my brain. The sticking point is the same one that kept me from seeking medical attention for 32 years. I simply don't want to be in any situation where I am easily identified. Once in the conference, I'll have no problem. Approaching and leaving are my areas of concern. Once I'm a distance away, all will be well.

How exactly would they detect you?

Also, i can not help but to think that perhaps your biggest fear is facing someone asking you "Are you transgender?"

If that is true, it is just a matter of saying No confidently while not alowing yourself to feel any guilt or other bad feelings.

I am definately not suggesting or even thinking you should feel guilt or something with answering likewise.

Always "being yourself" is overrated. It is a thing of pride which makes us envision a role that should be us and playing that role, leading to being volnurable and predictable, while also neglecting wishes of our true selves and being less capable of change.

Want to attend that event but not want that day to be the day of major dealing with certain fear?

Ok. Adopt a persona that is easier/more fun/more benefitial/overall better to be in a certain situation

and play it!

/insert a Shakespeare quote

This should not change your true inner person, yet it will make it more acceptible to some slow changes.

Do not constrict yourself to the simplistic simulation of yourself that other people or even you have in your head.

Do these things, and you can never be hurt like that.

To clarify, I completed my transition in 1978 and for over 35 years have been living by the protocols of that era, i.e., blend into society and let no one know I'm trans. I also had no contact with the trans community from the time I transitioned until last August. The world has changed radically from what it was in 1978. The increased visibility of others, raises public awareness and makes my invisibility more difficult. I'm well aware of Tyrion Lannister's advice to Jon Snow.

As to someone asking if I'm transgender, I've given that a boatload of thought and my answer will be some variation of, "the fact that you've asked tells me that you suspect I am. You're entitled to believe what you wish, but if you're expecting me to answer your question, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed". That serves two purposes. It says, politely, don't bring this up again and alerts me to who I may wish to avoid. I'll never confirm my status. It casts me in the role of "otherness". People may suspect, but if I don't confirm it, they can never know.

@Lily Valley,

The conference isn't the problem. It is being in an area where people who are not trans will almost certainly recognize that I am. The conference is important to me, not only to learn more about the law and how it applies to transgender issues, but because I need to find out how far the push toward visibility in the transgender community is likely to go. That impacts me and any transgender person who puts a high priority on their privacy. So, if I don't go, it is to my disadvantage. And while I have a history of episodes of rapid, irregular heartbeat, the cause of which isn't known, stress may be a factor. Still. I'm not throwing chemicals at my brain. I may reconnoiter the area about a week prior to the conference and get a map of the campus so I can pan the best route to take.

[Disturber of Peace]

Robin, i like Tyrion very much but my advice is very different than his :)

I was aiming for a similar tone and context but the final advice is maybe even the opposite.

[Galactus]

Good questions. I present as female, but the fact that I'm 6'4" means that realistically some people have to suspect I'm trans. Experience has taught me that most people are polite and don't ask, even if they suspect. No career impact as I'm almost 71 and retired. Any medication is out of the question. I don't wish to tamper, chemically, with my brain. The sticking point is the same one that kept me from seeking medical attention for 32 years. I simply don't want to be in any situation where I am easily identified. Once in the conference, I'll have no problem. Approaching and leaving are my areas of concern. Once I'm a distance away, all will be well.

To clarify, I completed my transition in 1978 and for over 35 years have been living by the protocols of that era, i.e., blend into society and let no one know I'm trans. I also had no contact with the trans community from the time I transitioned until last August. The world has changed radically from what it was in 1978. The increased visibility of others, raises public awareness and makes my invisibility more difficult. I'm well aware of Tyrion Lannister's advice to Jon Snow.

As to someone asking if I'm transgender, I've given that a boatload of thought and my answer will be some variation of, "the fact that you've asked tells me that you suspect I am. You're entitled to believe what you wish, but if you're expecting me to answer your question, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed". That serves two purposes. It says, politely, don't bring this up again and alerts me to who I may wish to avoid. I'll never confirm my status. It casts me in the role of "otherness". People may suspect, but if I don't confirm it, they can never know.

@Lily Valley,

The conference isn't the problem. It is being in an area where people who are not trans will almost certainly recognize that I am. The conference is important to me, not only to learn more about the law and how it applies to transgender issues, but because I need to find out how far the push toward visibility in the transgender community is likely to go. That impacts me and any transgender person who puts a high priority on their privacy. So, if I don't go, it is to my disadvantage. And while I have a history of episodes of rapid, irregular heartbeat, the cause of which isn't known, stress may be a factor. Still. I'm not throwing chemicals at my brain. I may reconnoiter the area about a week prior to the conference and get a map of the campus so I can pan the best route to take.

Have you tried contacting someone at the organization and talking about these issues? My guess is that there'd be a lot of people with similar kinds of problems, and they might have some idea of what to do?

[Disturber of Peace]

Also, i just remembered a recent Ted Talk.

I would like you to watch it, even if you disagree with some of it.

What would you say to the little girl Ash faced?

Your variations of yet unused answers on said yet unasked question would, for most people i think, only strenghten the suspicion that you are trans. Is that not kind of opposite from what you strive for?

Or does them having a strenghtened suspicion that you are trans benefit your mental state more than you confirming it?

My original advice was just to say "I am a woman."

You also seem to think that everyone you "out" yourself to will treat you or think of you negatively, which may not be the case (though i understand the caution very much). It especially should not be the case at that event.

Even if you think all i wrote is rubbish, still watch the video pls.

[Tellus Explorer]

@Robin.

So you don't want to be labeled? Male or Female?

[karaddin]

HE Pennypacker - Do you have any experience with trans people? Because while that approach can be applicable for some cis people, it could be extremely harmful to some trans people. We deny who we are to society and to ourselves for a good chunk of our lives and that really cuts at your psychological health. It obviously isn't going to be the case for all trans people, but I'd be careful giving that advice out. For me at least doing that for a single day would drive me into a very dark corner of my mind I'm trying to avoid these days.

Robin - Not much advice while I'm still half asleep sorry.

[Yagathai]

Robin: Big sunglasses, big hat, scarf especially if you don't normally wear one. You know, the woman-of-a-certain-age-immediately-after-a-facelift look. Your height is going to be an issue, but there isn't much you can do about that. I'm assuming you drive or are being driven, so it shouldn't be a problem until you're actually on campus. If you're very very concerned, take a cab.