Disturber of Peace Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Karaddin,I have zero experience with trans people.I did not offer any advice as final.Through dialogue, finding a way for Robin too be most comfortable and least psychologicaly drained was my maxim from the start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Also, i just remembered a recent Ted Talk.I would like you to watch it, even if you disagree with some of it. What would you say to the little girl Ash faced?Your variations of yet unused answers on said yet unasked question would, for most people i think, only strenghten the suspicion that you are trans. Is that not kind of opposite from what you strive for?Or does them having a strenghtened suspicion that you are trans benefit your mental state more than you confirming it?My original advice was just to say "I am a woman."You also seem to think that everyone you "out" yourself to will treat you or think of you negatively, which may not be the case (though i understand the caution very much). It especially should not be the case at that event.Even if you think all i wrote is rubbish, still watch the video pls. Watched the video. I've been asked that question by a little kid. It is much more practical to avoid little kids. That way, no one around them hears the question asked. @Robin.So you don't want to be labeled? Male or Female? Not that at all. Being labeled female is appropriate. Attaching the label, "trans", renders me a subset of female. HE Pennypacker - Do you have any experience with trans people? Because while that approach can be applicable for some cis people, it could be extremely harmful to some trans people. We deny who we are to society and to ourselves for a good chunk of our lives and that really cuts at your psychological health. It obviously isn't going to be the case for all trans people, but I'd be careful giving that advice out. For me at least doing that for a single day would drive me into a very dark corner of my mind I'm trying to avoid these days.Robin - Not much advice while I'm still half asleep sorry. Damn time zones. :P @Yagathai, If I go, in all likelihood, I will take public transportation, put an invisible wall around myself and walk to where I need to go. I'm not going to disguise myself. I think my unease is based on the fact that I feel like I'm being herded into accepting visibility as a good thing. Yes, visibility will make things better for others...some day, but it won't do me a damned bit of good. I guess I'll just have to embrace the horror and accept that stealth may no longer be a viable option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seli Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Not much to add in advice Robin, but best of luck if you decide to go through. (eta: please excuse any Dunglish, it is late for me) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Robin my opinion is that while obviously at the conference itself some people are going to suspect you are trans I very much doubt that it will be something that people who see you travelling to and from will think about.Your height may attract some second glances but you're not a height that is never seen in cis women, and even with increased visability I don't think 'she must be trans' is most peoples reaction on seeing a tall woman. I'm probably as trans aware as anyone you're likely to run into and it still would not even raise that thought in me.Also the chance that anyone who might decide you are trans is going to approach you is lower again, although I conceed there are people out there that would most people are simply more polite than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I think I'm going to leave it be. Thanks all, for your help. One way or another, I'll deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 My apologies for bailing so abruptly, but I found out that my amazon account was still linked to an old twitter account I haven't. I had just reviewed a book on transgender subject and that account still had followers who don't know my status. So, in the midst of a discussion about the consequences of being out, I almost outed myself. Even I have to laugh at that. On a more serious note, I tend to rail against things the most...right before I accept the inevitable. Oh well. Still, thanks to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Summah Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Good questions. I present as female, but the fact that I'm 6'4" means that realistically some people have to suspect I'm trans. Experience has taught me that most people are polite and don't ask, even if they suspect. No career impact as I'm almost 71 and retired. But there are some really tall women, it's not common for a woman to be that tall, but it happens. While not quite to your level, I have a close relation who is a 6'2" cisgender woman and another who is 6'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galactus Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I'm not sure if you saw my comment, but have you considered contacting the org. in question? They've probably dealt with similar stuff in the past (and if not, it might be something for them to consider when planning their meetings next) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I did see your comment, but after a whole bunch of thinking, I've decided I will attend and I'll fight my own demons. But, thank you for your suggestion. In fact, thanks to everyone for their input. It helped resolve this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillio Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Robin, I read this earlier, and while wanting to offer support, didn't feel I had much in the way of helpful suggestions. I would like to say, though, you have come such a long way here on the board, I have no doubt you will manage this next hurdle beautifully. Just go as Robin, that's a pretty special person to be! (and, if you think people are wondering about you, just imagine they are thinking, "A girl that tall must be a supermodel, I wonder who she is?") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 While I greatly appreciate the sentiment, I'm pretty sure no one will ever mistake me for a super model. ;-)This whole issue is about the dichotomy between the protocol I was taught in the 70s and that which is in vogue, today. Under the old, such a conference would not have occurred. It wouldn't fit in with the, "blend in undetected", theme of that era. If I hadn't kept totally out of touch with the transgender community for 35 years, I wouldn't have encountered this culture shock. Actually, I have to change that. Back then there was no such community. No internet to bind things together. Today, it is quite different. The days of everything being controlled by the medical establishment are gone. It has become an era of self governance with its own political agenda, which I'm out of step with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 One thing I think is hard about being bisexual is that most of the girls I was with have a serious problem with me being into guys. Like I ended two relationships that way because it's like I respect what your saying but please don't bash me for who I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Yeah there can be some really shitty attitudes towards bisexuality within the lesbian community. My experience has been that male partners can be just as bad though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Yeah there can be some really shitty attitudes towards bisexuality within the lesbian community. My experience has been that male partners can be just as bad though.Yeah, and somehow I always attract the bad ones. For good and bad reasons.what ate you if you don't mind me asking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Robin, Your self-awareness and bravery blows my mind on a regular basis. I hope you have a great time at the conference. Oh, and here is my sword, it has killed many demons. Yeah there can be some really shitty attitudes towards bisexuality within the lesbian community.My experience has been that male partners can be just as bad though. I agree brook. Jealousy is a big problem with male and female partners. I've also always had trouble with my male and female partners' friends. One thing I think is hard about being bisexual is that most of the girls I was with have a serious problem with me being into guys. Like I ended two relationships that way because it's like I respect what your saying but please don't bash me for who I am.Things are starting to change a little bit though Cora. More lesbian-identified and hetero-identified bisexuals are coming out. I also feel like the queer movement is also helping. I started identifying as queer because it just shuts people up. The queers down here tend to be political and belligerent. Their belligerence has actually reduced the number of impertinent questions that people ask about sexuality. It's frankly nobody's business but a partner's. Also, you're young, and young people tend to be a bit more insecure about their identitiy. I'm not justifying your ex-girlfriend's judgemental attitudes, but it is much easier to accept someone else for the way they are when you're secure that you know who you are. Before my mid-twenties I only dated other bisexual women or straight men. There's a lot bi women out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Robin, Your self-awareness and bravery blows my mind on a regular basis. I hope you have a great time at the conference. Oh, and here is my sword, it has killed many demons. I agree brook. Jealousy is a big problem with male and female partners. I've also always had trouble with my male and female partners' friends. Things are starting to change a little bit though Cora. More lesbian-identified and hetero-identified bisexuals are coming out. I also feel like the queer movement is also helping. I started identifying as queer because it just shuts people up. The queers down here tend to be political and belligerent. Their belligerence has actually reduced the number of impertinent questions that people ask about sexuality. It's frankly nobody's business but a partner's. Also, you're young, and young people tend to be a bit more insecure about their identitiy. I'm not justifying your ex-girlfriend's judgemental attitudes, but it is much easier to accept someone else for the way they are when you're secure that you know who you are. Before my mid-twenties I only dated other bisexual women or straight men. There's a lot bi women out there.Agreed. I wasn't comfortable with my sexuality in the beginning, mainly because I was afraid of the reason I was, I even tried ignoring it all, sticking with asexual. But with this person it didn't bother me what her opinion was, it bothered me what she thought of my male friends (who were just friends) and of me. And I tried to accept and even appreciate her opinions and concerns. But I felt like I was hiding and then with her constant insecurities that she blamed my friends, I felt like she was changing me. Don't get me wrong I tried, honestly I did. But the longer we were together the more unhappy I had become. I don't mean this for all lesbian women I've dated, just the two crazy ones. I have several bisexual friends, lol we're definitely everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Yeah, and somehow I always attract the bad ones. For good and bad reasons.what ate you if you don't mind me asking?I'm pretty sure I don't mind you asking,but I'm not actually sure what it is you're asking :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tellus Explorer Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I'm pretty sure I don't mind you asking,but I'm not actually sure what it is you're asking :)I meant what are you. Not ate.. Sorry. LBGTQI? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace, Extat Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 brook is, to my knowledge, the shortest person on the board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillio Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 brook is, to my knowledge, the shortest person on the board. I think Pebbles and Lady O are shorter, from (faulty) memory. Brook, however, is one of the nicest people on the board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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