Sad King Billy Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Is there someone who is still interested in making parodies? If so, perhaps you (whoever you are) could do one in Moose's honour? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I would still love to write some Goodkind parodies from time to time. Might have some free time on Wednesday this week to do one. The problem is my inspiration always came from the QotD and the discussion which revolved around that. With the thread so quiet now, I have fewer thoughts about the subject and therefore no inspiration. If anyone has a suggestion for something they would like to see, I can think about it and see what I can come up with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dothwacky Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 The rest of the AVP Gdknd/Nwcmb will prob be around on here 2moz...trapped in wales until then anyway. :cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I would still love to write some Goodkind parodies from time to time. Might have some free time on Wednesday this week to do one. The problem is my inspiration always came from the QotD and the discussion which revolved around that. With the thread so quiet now, I have fewer thoughts about the subject and therefore no inspiration. If anyone has a suggestion for something they would like to see, I can think about it and see what I can come up with. How about doing a Sword of Truth parody of the The Poseidon Adventure? I've wanted to see something along those lines ever sined I realized how appalling it would be to be trapped with Richard and Kahlan for any length of time. Imagine Richard in the Gene Hackman role, leading a buch of survivors, but the twist is, Richard is determined to force them to survive using Objectivist principals, instead of, you know, going the Collectivist route and actually cooperating with each other during a time of crisis. Imagine the possabilities... "Ah, Manny! I can't go on anymore! I'm just a tired old woman-" the Sword of Truth swung a deadly arc of steel and cleaved the kindly Mrs. Rosen in twain. The remaining survivors watched in horror as the Reverend Richard Rahl began to butcher the corpse. "Y-you killed Belle!" stammered Manny Rosen. "Exactly," replied Rev. Rahl. "She lacked moral clarity. Thus she had to go. She was a pathetic waste of a human being. No real Individual would have behaved as she did; always waiting for a helping hand, or encouragement. She was the disaster survivor equivalent of a wellfare whore." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I would, but erm . . . haven't you just done that already Zap? You can't suggest an idea and then write a funny short parody based on that idea yourself. I think you should just go ahead and write a full length version of this as soon as possible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zap Rowsdower Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I would, but erm . . . haven't you just done that already Zap? You can't suggest an idea and then write a funny short parody based on that idea yourself. I think you should just go ahead and write a full length version of this as soon as possible I would like to write it, but unfortunately I am currently working on a comparatively lengthy murder-mystery Goodkind parody. I'm in the process of jotting down the ideas, and I hope to put something to paper later this week. If you guys are lucky and I don't act as darn lazy as I usually do, then maybe I can post something before the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 God, I just had a vision from hell. A Goodkind - Adam's Family hybrid. :sick: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theMountainGoat Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Now there is an idea with some potential. *puts on thinking cap* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 I'm lazy right now, so I haven't created it, but I was thinking some sort of Richard Rahl street-racing parody (al la The Fast and the Furious), with Richard not obeying traffic signals (he hates all those who mindlessly do), running over the young and elderly (they stepped on his road), etc. As well, I'm not sure that covering up the SoT with DaVinci code is enough. It's kinda like draping toilet paper over a pile of shit: sure, you can't see the turds, but you really need to flush it. I'm going to share a helpful story with the group. A few years ago, my mom was watching Oprah, and she had this little dying kid on, who wrote poems called "Heartsongs". The poems were bad (duh, it was like a 10 year old writing them), but he had like 7 books of his poems published before he died, Oprah endorsed his books, blah blah blah. I would've let it go as the "sad story of the minute", but when I went into the bookstore at my local mall to buy a Dostoevsky book, they had multiple copies of all 7 of this dead kids' books in the Literature section. This made my thing rise with anger (the store had all of 2 copies of the Brothers Karamazov, and that was it for Fydor's shelf space.) So, I took all of the "Heartsongs" books and moved them to the "...for Dummies" section of the store. Every time I went back, I moved all of the books to a different section of the store. And their inventory of those books just kept going up and up (I assume that this was due to them not being able find them, coding them out, ordering new ones, and then finding them and reshelving.) In retrospect, this was a petty act based on what I perceive as "literature" as compared to how the bookstore wanted to sell these books. I don't know if something like this would hurt book sales (customers & employees unable to find the books) or what (if the overstocked books would eventually have to be sent back to a warehouse, destroyed, etc.) I'm suggesting that we take Yeardi's suggestion to heart, and that just because Tor and the bookstores want to put SoT in the fantasy section DOES NOT MAKE THEM RIGHT. Instead of covering up the shit pile (SoT), I suggest we flush it (move all the copies to the Philosophy/Self-Help section when we're at the bookstore). In one fell swoop, we can help vindicate TG by putting his books where he thinks they belong, and eliminate those nattering nabobs of negativity/lemmings of discord who end up reading the books thinking that they are fantasy, and not Objectivist allegory. This way, only those truly interested in Terry's message will read the books, and not innocents who waste their money. Sure, I don't know how this would effect Yeardi's book sales, but won't we all be better off with SoT next to Dr. Phil's next book, and not cluttering up an otherwise-fairly-respectable Fantasy section? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be'lal Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Too bad about the thread. If it had burned down now, I don't want to know how funny it was in the beginning. I would have gotten a hernia from laughing. Congrats, Moose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 This page doesn't deserve to fall off of the main one...does anyone know who James Ellroy is, and would they be receptive to a parody in the mode of TG? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danro Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 VigoTheCarpathian Your sig got me thinking... I would love to read a Big Lebowski style parody. Unfortunately my english is to bad for contributing much, so I'll just throw the idea out there. I'm thinking about the "It's not fair!" dialog and figth scene close to the end of the movie. It would work even better with objectivists than with nihilists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 By request: Donny, Walter and the Dude emerge from the alley, each holding his bowling ball satchel. They hear an earthy, booming techno-pop, and the flames from the Dude’s car are burning uncontrollably. “They finally did it. They killed my fucking car.†Richard Rahl, resplendent in his black and gold war wizard outfit, stood next to the burning vehicle. The Mord Sith Cara,in her tight red leathers, and Nicci, in her topless black dress, also stood with Richard. In a heavy D’Haran accent, Richard spoke “Vee vant za money, Lebowski.†Cara chimed in, chimily “Ja, uzzervize vee kill ze girl.†“Ja, it seems you forgot our little deal, Lebowski.â€, Nicci added. “You don't have the girl, dipshits. We know you never did!â€, retorted the Dude. The D’Harans huddled together, whispering. Donny asked “Are these the Nazis, Walter?†Walter replied “They're objectivists, Donny, nothing to be afraid of.†Richard faced them again,“Vee don't care. Vee still vant za money or vee fuck you up.†Cara spoke, “Ja, vee still vant za money. Vee sreaten you!†Walter yelled, “Fuck you. Fuck the three of you! There's no ransom if you don't have a fucking hostage. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking RULES!†Nicci whined “His girlfriend gafe up her tees! She saught we'd be getting million dollars! Iss not fair!†Walter, continuing to yell, rejoined “Fair! Who's the FUCKING OBJECTIVIST HERE! What are you, a bunch of FUCKING CRYBABIES?! And I would like my undies back.†Donny asked “Are they going to hurt us, Walter?†and Walter replied “They won't hurt us, Donny. These D’Harans are cowards.†Richard raged, ragingly, and drawing the Sword of Truth like a raptor, yelled “Vee fuck you up man! Vee take your money!†Walter replied “Come and get it. Fuckin objectivist. Show me what you got. Objectivist. Dipshit with a jaw-kicked woman.†Richard did his dance of death, gliding toward Walter. Walter’s bowling ball caught Nicci square in her breasts, knocking her to the ground, and leaving her breasts heaving, trying to get a breath. As Cara tried to use her Mord Sith kung fu on the Dude, screaming “I fuck you! I fuck you!â€, Walter grabbed Richard (who was still whirling and twirling in his dance of dance, muttering under his breath “Bringer of Dess, Bringer of Dess.â€) by the head, and bringing it to his face, bit half of Richard’s ear off! Spitting it into Richard’s face, Walter said “Anti-Dentiteâ€, and punched Richard out. The epilogue: Walter hits Cara in the back with the boombox that is still playing D’Haran techno music. Donnie lives, because he knew that objectivists really can’t harm you (unlike people who believe in nossing), and they pawn Richard’s outfit and sword and buy the Dude a new car. A naked Richard drives to the Big Lebowski’s mansion, and kicks him in the face while he is sitting in his wheelchair, while Nicci, Cara, and Kahlan (who has her jaw wired shut, and is missing teeth) torture Brant all night long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 It's so nice that the thread and the parodies are still going strong. Thanks for all the well-wishes everybody. The wedding went well, except the Justice of the Peace completely forgot about it, so he showed up about forty minutes late. Other than that everything was perfect. Unfortunately we couldn't have a SoT style wedding, as we weren't able to find anyone to be the mud people, my in-laws are close, but not close enough. So what's Vigo counting down to? Marriage? Prison? Both? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I've been contacted by Yeardi's legal team, who has stated that I will have to report to a "reeducation camp" located in a secret base some place in Idaho. I'm suspecting that it's probably just a shed in someone's yard, where they'll objectively torture me with garden implements for my blasphemies against TG. Nah. I'm getting married, and I thought the countdown sig was an excellent reminder. I'm assuming you were engaged before this whole TG thing started, as well? Otherwise a logical person might surmise that entering the world of Yeardi drives one to seek solace in the comfort of a wedding. This probably is due to our "collective" nature, and because we're not individual enough to bear the thought of a world were TG's books continue to exist, and must "marry" another person in order to bolster our views. Hmmmm...is a Terry-style objectivist getting married similar to a two-person centipede, and if so, how do they reconcile this "collectivism"? Is it for the tax breaks, or do they become a super-individual, with one mind and two bodies, that can effectively attack twice as many people? By the way, glad your back, Moose, and to know that marriage did not deprive you of the use of your individual hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad King Billy Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 ANOTHER marriage??? Holy crap, What is Goodkind doing to the world???? In all seriousness, though: congradulations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moosicus Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 ANOTHER marriage??? Holy crap, What is Goodkind doing to the world???? In all seriousness, though: congradulations. After reading enough TG (BBNC) you too will eventually desperately need someone to hold you, comfort you, and tell you that everything will be all right. If I hadn't got married when I did I probably would have had a complete Terry-induced nervous breakdown and wound up as a mindless shell of a man, wandering aimlessly around the grounds of some mental hospital, shaking and drooling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 congrats!!! does your intended know that you are carpathian? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VigoTheCarpathian Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Yeah, it's been a great source of strength for us as a couple. As a Carpathian, I usually solve arguments by putting babies onto spikes, but I've had to turn to more benign (read, making fun of TG) outlets for my hereditary rage. As a delegate of the Carpathian people, I would like to take this opportunity to state our distain for Richard Rahl, and all of the things he embodies. 1. Our law dictates that if you kick a child in the jaw, you must then immediately put them on a spike in order to end their suffering. Richard does not 2. We mandate that if you are going to kill, you must keep your word-count to to 5 words or less for the preface, and 10 words or less for the post-kill reflection. I.e., "You will die now.", and "I'm glad I killed that bastard. Time for lunch." Richard does not do this. 3. Any speech or internal dialogue we might have on one subject must be under 100 words, per instance, if Richard was a Carpathian, Naked Empire would be about 40 pages shorter, i.e. "Wow, I really hate hippies. Man, they stink, and they're always like 'Hey, mannnn'. Yep, if I had my way, any unclean hippie who didn't have a job would be put on a spike. And communists too. I'm glad they liked my art. God, I hate people who aren't morally superior like I am. Well, time to go find and spike some Grateful Dead fans." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobydew Posted September 28, 2006 Share Posted September 28, 2006 I wrote my responses to the below questions people had about Goodkind and his work to my friend who was becoming interested in the Sword of Truth series but was reluctant with the negativity from these statements. BTW, I like George R.R. Martin's work. I also like the 6 earlier books of Robert Jordan. Hi, I took time writing my answers up so enjoy it all please. *Question/Statement then ------my response. * Richard Rahl is the hero. He wields the Sword of Truth, which has the word "Truth" embossed on the handle. He is also a War Wizard, which is basically a type of rare wizard that can do all sorts of special magic. He is used as the paragon of morals and virtue, and of Objectivist doctrine. He wears what is described as a "war wizard outfit." ------------Yes, but remember that the books are not only about objectivism but also about romanticism which is the representation of human beings in their greatest light rather than as the shit that seems they are usually portrayed as by say all religions. "Wicked are thee so we shall need to repent for our sins". Nonsense. * While being tortured by the enemy, Richard used his magic power to kick an (evil) 8-year-old girl in the jaw in a convoluted escape plot; the phrase used by Goodkind to describe this power is "Richard's thing rose up in him". ----------Not exactly. Richard is captured by a torture expert called a Mord-Sith who immobilizes him through magic. He is able to partition his mind in order to save his core self from the evil inflicted on him and eventually he is able to reach his inner power which allows him to now control his body in order to escape, although briefly. He demonstrates this new found ability by kicking the princess, who also was torturing him, and showing visually that he hasn't given up his will to be free. * In one book, Goodkind creates a nation of pacifists as a strawman argument to display why Pacifism is Wrong. The pacifists stage a peaceful demostration to stop Richard from going to war; Richard slaughters the protestors, who are "armed only with their hatred for moral clarity." --------No. Not true. Richard deals with people who are looking for peace but who end up getting murdered by "people" calling themselves the Imperial Order who believe that man is the crap of the world and that anyone who doesn't believe this is a heathen who needs to be purged by rape, torture, or forced conversion. He tries to save them by telling them not to bend over so easily. * Richard learns super fighting skills just by holding his sword; he also learns things like how to grab arrows out of the air and advanced algebra. Later, he can learn this from any sword, not just a magic one. ---------No, again, not true. He had sword fighting ability prior but when he held the Sword of Truth it gave him some knowledge of those who had used it before him. His wizard ability gave him the ability to snatch an arrow or two by instinct out of the air kind of like the force powers in those realistic movies known as Star Wars 1-6. * Richard, while captured by the enemy, manages to steal a sword by pretending to stretch, then kills several dozen soldiers before being captured again. The captain of the guard is so impressed that he asks Richard to be on his sports team. (Yes, this really happens!) -----------Yes, this is true but know that the captain of the guard is of the Imperial Order and they are impressed by all things violent. They also have no idea who Richard really is. The sport which is called Ja La Din(The Game of Life) would make rugby look like a pillow fight. * Richard makes very long speeches. Very, very long speeches. -----------No, sort of. He makes a long-winded speech in the eighth book Naked Empire which was considered the worst book in the series. If he opens his mouth in other books its usually with a point and usually only briefly. * Richard's latest battle tactics are simple - his army of D'Harans is too small to take on the huge enemy army, so instead he orders them to go to the enemy homeland and slaughter all the civilians, removing the ears of anyone who preaches the enemy faith. Because this is the only moral thing to do. -----------Partly true. He and his forces are greatly outnumbered(500,000 vs 15,000,000+) so he orders them to attack the huge homeland of the Imperial Order and to kill all those who support(by supply trains) the huge invading army. He only mentions to one of the key platoon leaders to remove the ear of anyone who insights the people of the Order to fight the heathens to the north. It's dramatic but since it's words on a page you have to have something colorful to say. * Kahlan is Richard's wife, and a Confessor, which gives her the power to magically bind men to her will as permanent slaves. She is almost raped at least 9 times throughout the series, but always manages to escape/be rescued in the nick of time. On one occasion, she is attacked by a chicken "...but it was not a chicken. It was evil incarnate." It has an evil cackle. ----------Partly true, again. She has a magic that was passed down her family line from wizards long ago that gives her the power to discover the truth about corruption that was plaguing the lands she is from. The magic she has destroys the individuality of the person she uses it on though and makes them loyal to her for as long as they live. The men and the women, including Kahlan, are fighting for their survival so yes attempted rape does happen from time to time. The Smurfs it is not. The chicken was kind of like a Demon in disguise. * At one stage, Kahlan has to lead an small army in a fight against a large one, in winter. Her cunning plan is to have all the soldiers strip naked and paint themselves white, so the enemy will think they are ghosts. Surprisingly, this works. -------Yes, it's true. The army she is fighting against is very superstitious and drunk on a previous victory so Kahlan and about 100 young soldiers race through the enemy camp and kill anyone they can to lessen their numbers. This is only one attack. Another is poisoning the food. They eventually whittle the camp down to nothing. * One of the enemy soldiers breaks into Kahlan's camp and kills a wizard. Kahlan orders that he be tortured to death slowly over several hours. -------Yes. This one assassin kills a beloved friend so she indirectly orders him tortured over many hours. The wife of the good guy who died was the one who pushed for it. Shocking I know. * Betty is a goat, who is noble (I'm not sure why). Betty is possessed by an evil spirit, but rescued by Richard. -------No, not true. Betty is a goat who is as noble as the turd sailing down my toilet. A wizard-like being uses magic on Betty as a way to spy on Richard and his camp through her eyes. * Zeddicus Zul Zoroander is a wizard, and also Richard's grandfather and mentor. He says "Bags!" a lot; this is possibly intended to be a swearword. -------Yes, true. Goodkind says he won't include profanity in this books so he uses Bags as an alternative. Shame on him darn it. * Gratch is a gar, a type of furry dinosaur. Richard befriends the orphaned Gratch, but later has to drive him away to save his life. Gratch later returns with an army of gars to save Richard in the middle of a battle. Gratch says "Gratch luuuug Raaach Arrrrg" a lot; apparently this means "Gratch loves Richard." ----------Yes, true, but Gratch is more like a gargoyle than Barney the dinosaur. The beings he comes from are called Gars who have nice long teeth and like to eat people. The Gars have a servitude status to wizards like Richard and since he is a nice guy one of them becomes fond of him. He just can't speak good human. * Nicci is an evil sorceress who likes to torture people. She is converted into a good guy when Richard carves a statue of Life (a man and a woman looking happy and alive, or something) and she falls to her knees and weeps with joy. She avoids recognition by taking her top off; the men are so distracted by her boobs that then never look at her face. --------No, not true. Richard does carve a statue for his carving job that he has after having lived in the Imperial Order's Old World for awhile and after seeing the decay of humanity that those people live with. The Life statue is just so unusual for the people there who have lived under the Imperial Order doctrine that it is the final trigger for rebellion. This is part of Book 6 Faith of the Fallen which is my favorite book in the series. Nicci does not take her top off to distract men. She is described though as one of the most beautiful women alive so men tend to get distracted by her looks. * Nicci tries to seduce Richard; her plan is to have sex with his brother in front of him and invite him to join in. She is surprised when this doesn't work. -----------No, wrong character. Nadine, a childhood acquaintance, is the one who does this. She is a stupid side character that I believe she was 15 or 16 at the time of the incident so dumb was definitely on the menu. Just a way for Goodkind to have a four-way arc with Richard's brother Drefan. * Nicci still tortures people in the service of the good guys, but now it's OK because she's doing it for the right reasons. -----WTF= What the Fuck. Bullshit here. * Drefan is Richard's brother, or maybe he isn't really (not sure about this). He starts off pretending to be a good guy, and then tries to outlaw fire with a moving speech about a housefire that reduces the crowd to tears. He then turns out to be bad, but Richard kills him by ripping his spine out through his stomach. Despite this, he is still able to have one last go with a sword before expiring. ---------No, and again a mix up of characters. Richard's brother Michael gives the house fire speech which killed their mom. Richard does eventually fight Drefan and does give a spine wound to him. They are both nearly dead after the fight. * Darken Rahl is the first bad guy, who turns out to be Richard's father, is killed by Richard at the end of the first book, but still manages to come back in several sequels. He had a cult of "Lord Rahl worshippers" - these worshippers now worship Richard. His female leather-clad torturers, the Mord Sith, now also serve Richard. ---------Not exactly. Richard is a Rahl although he didn't know this until later books and by defeating Darken Rahl he was recognized as the new Lord Rahl. This recognition is part of the old magic of D'Hara and makes Richard their new leader. * Jagang is the leader of the Imperial Order, who are the main bad guys. Their philosophy is a bastard mix of communism and Islam, where everyone has to serve the collective and will go to heaven if they die in battle (or somesuch). Goodkind spends several pages at a time detailing the atrocities committed by the IO, in case we were in any doubt about whether they were the bad guys. They also make captured enemies eat their own testicles. ---------Sort of true. Goodkind does go into detail on how bad these bad guys are. I don't remember the testicle eating contest but I do remember the children made to starve to death by these guys. Again, this ain't Disney. * A Yeard is a word born of a typo, which now means the type of beard/ponytail combination sported by Goodkind himself. ------Huh? * Goodkind has some trouble with irregular past participles; he also overuses the words "thing" and "instantly," and parts of anatomy behave in peculiar ways (especially eyes). Many points are stated and re-stated to the point of utter redundancy. ---------I'm going to go with Huh. People like to pick apart everthing but I will say that more words on paper equal more money when published so yes it's financial. * Ayn Rand is Goodkind's hero. People who Goodkind disapproves of are treated in other ways, such as the evil emperor Bertrand Chambor and his evil wife Hildemara, apparently based on the Clintons.. ----------Yes, Goodkind is fond of Ayn Rand's work. If you read the Fountainhead you would be a fan of hers as well. The initials are the Clintons and, like any of us, Goodkind treats people he doesn't like less favorably. Finally, this is all to discredit Terry Goodkind. Sad how people use half-truths to do this. Later, Rob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.