Goodkind XII

[VigoTheCarpathian]

I'm hoping that "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis is slightly better known that "War"

Slip inside the eye of Ayn Rand

Objectivism will force you to find

A moral higher ground

You said that you've never been

But all the things Richard’s seen

They seem kinda lame

So I'll start a revolution from D’Hara

'Cuz the Order won’t give us a tomorrow

Step outside, Richard’s giving a speech

Stand up beside the Lord Rahl

Or Kahlan will make eat your balls

You ain't ever gonna rip my spine out

And so, Nicci can’t wait

She thinks it's too late and has sex with that guy

Her soul slides away

Lord Rahl’s full of anger

I heard you say

Take me to the Imperial Order

When we cross the border, how do we get food?

Please don't put your life in the hands

Of a war wizard, man

He'll throw them all away

So I'll start a revolution from D’Hara

'Cuz the Order won’t give us a tomorrow

Step outside, eat some moral celery

Stand up against the commie pigs

Dress up like ghosts and kill some kids

You ain't ever gonna sway me with logic

And so, Denna can’t wait

She made Richard feel pain, because he’s a guy

His soul hid away

He’s a wizard, remember?

Is all you need to say

So, Cyrilla can wait

She’ll be gang-raped, just like times gone by

If Kahlan has her way

But it’s morally justified

The fans of Yeardi say

So, Jagang can’t rape

He feels he must wait, until Kahlan knows her name

Richard will play your game

But don’t let Richard play sports

Lord Rahl is full of anger

He’ll kill your guards

Gratch lugg Racch Argg

[Xray the Enforcer]

:cry: :cry: :cry:

Gods, I am going to miss this thread. I think all of my favorite scenes have been mentioned. The Con Dar one is good -- but for mockery I think the Fire Speech is superior.

At this time I'd like to thank everyone who has participated (for laffs or for trolls) in the Goodkind (BBHN) Sporking Fun. This goes all the way back to Mme. Erzulie's original sporks (when a thread would last more than 5 days). Also, kudos especially to Mad Moose (my gods, he is a Saint!!) and to those who made Tairy Fan-Fiction.

Two last thoughts:

PROTECT YOUR MORAL CELERY

FUCK YOU, CLOWNS. THOSE BOOKS ARE NOT FANTASY!!

[Knight of the Wineskin]

Of course, TG's biggest fan whose name involves a star will claim this as a triumph for Objektivism.

[Baeraad]

Yes, but while we keep it going, doesn't he claim it as proof of how childish and unreasonable non-objectivists are? I really don't think there's any way to keep a die-hard objectivist from finding conclusive evidence of their own superiority. Mind as well not worry about it.

[Gylfie]

Ah, those were the days. Reading the QoTD, laughing about celery. I learned all about chickens (and not chickens), and yeards. I couldn't look away from the big barbed namble cock. I found joy in killing tailors and surgeons. I was enchanted by magical boobs and found the truthiness of gang-raping-for-the-forces-of-good. Some death was brought, some "innocents" righteously slaughtered. There were statues. So many memories.

[Lightsnake]

A gem of a quote from Terry: I never allow magic to solve my characters' problems.

Bullshit, sir. Bullshit

Anyone notice he and Mystar have insane persecution complexes?

[theMountainGoat]

Sadly I don't think the parodies will continue for long since they are fed by the Quote of the Day. It is possible to come up with good new ones like the Don't Look Back In Anger one (perhaps it should have been Do Look Back In Anger Vigo?) but the real inspiration for the parodies comes from the Quotes and the discussion which revolves around them.

Furthermore it is not only the quotes and the parodies which made this thread so much fun but the discussion which followed them and the incredulity we shared over how truly bad the writing is, how disgusting the philosophy is and how funny we find the whole thing. Archiving off a few quotes and parodies for future readers is a good thing, but they will only get a small slice of the flavour of these threads. It would be better if someone could save off all 12 threads complete and host them on a website somewhere if they cannot remain here any longer.

[MinDonner]

What exactly was decreed? Is it that the threads are getting removed, or is Mad Moose just going to go back and delete all the QotDs (except the selected few)? If we're losing the lot, I agree that it would be great if someone could just grab the 12 threads and host them elsewhere for posterity, because some of the discussions were great. Any volunteers?

[Daralys]

I am such a freak but I love these threads way too much. I spent a while (err, quite a while) last night saving all the threads because I was scared of losing them. I laughed way too hard not to want to save them. I don't have a site to host them, but if someone else does, they could pm me their e-mail address and I could try zipping all the files together and e-mailing them. Only if someone wants. I know I have the threads to laugh at forever so I'm content with whatever happens.

Maybe the Goodkind threads'll be reborn later on once we've all gotten a rest and Goodkind's had the chance to spew out a few more books.

[Jaxom 1974]

Maybe the Goodkind threads'll be reborn later on once we've all gotten a rest and Goodkind's had the chance to spew out a few more books.

That would be when a nOOb, who knows no better, comes into the Literature Forum asking about TG and before you know it, it'll be off and running...

Though to be fair, Jordan threads eventually died off, though without Ossie to defend to the last man, they tended to lose their luster...

[Xray the Enforcer]

I am pretty sure that, when the next book appears or whatever, we can have our gleeful fun with it. Or when someone comes in and proclaims that Goodkind (BBHN) is great literature. Or whatever. But a break is nice.

[Agulla]

I agree. The first thread and good part of the second, if my memory does not fail me, existed without the glorious Quote of the Day. The pace was slower and they lasted much longer. I imagine that it will be the same now. A more calm Goodkind thread that will ignite for short periods of time when the Great Yeard appears in an interview to enlight to rest of the World or a new book is published.

I too believe that it would be great to have a site, independent from this forums, where to stack all the Quotes of the Day (with commentaries) and the fan fiction.

[Moosicus]

The threads aren't being deleted, just a bunch of the QotD's. It's grown too big, too much may have been quoted (it's a 135 page word document right now). So things should slow down around here, but not permanently. There's still one more Sword of Truthiness book coming out and, assuming it's at least as awful as the previous ones, I will be here to rip the shit out of it. I certainly hope you'll join me. We've had a good run and in the future we can still make fun of TG (BBNC) but without so much quoting. There's nothing to stop any of us from describing what's happening in the story and use a few short quotes to demonstrate how horrible it is. I really don't mind too much that the QotD is being shut down as I think I may be developing carple tunnel syndrome from all the typing, which I guess is Terry's revenge. We'll keep the greatest hits (I didn't realize how popular the "fire speech" was) and hopefully the parodies will continue. Some sort of limited QotD could still go on using a few lines from the books, instead of several pages. Either way, I'm on holidays now so I won't be seeing much of you guys over the next couple weeks.

May the yeard be with you.

Bringer of Death.

Time was hers.

Bwuk-buk-buk-buk-buCUCK!!!

[MinDonner]

I thought about doing a special wedding parody in honour of the noble Moose's impending nuptials, but it's been a long week and I couldn't find the inspiration (picture Richard rushing up the aisle with his sword to prevent the surrender of individuality) - anyway, congratulations Moose, and you've certainly earned your holiday!

[Jaxom 1974]

I thought about doing a special wedding parody in honour of the noble Moose's impending nuptials, but it's been a long week and I couldn't find the inspiration (picture Richard rushing up the aisle with his sword to prevent the surrender of individuality) - anyway, congratulations Moose, and you've certainly earned your holiday!

Yah, congrats, Moose! (Sucker!)

Though I picture more of a Mrs. Robinson type of scenario with Richard up in the window yelling through it while Defran stands at the altar with Kahlan...

[Zap Rowsdower]

The Goodkind threads are like Dracula; nothing can ever really kill them for good. Those of you in despair about the impending slowdown should always remember that Goodkind has promised us teeming masses at least one more Godawful book. And after that thre is the Sam Raimi(!) miniseries. God help the Westeros boards when that thing staggers onto the airwaves.

As for future parodies, I think we haven't seen the last of them. Granted, they won't appear with the same frequency as before, but I think we'll still see them from time to time.

In fact, I'd like to throw out an idea for a series of parodies called "What Would Richard Do?" (WWRD). Richard would be presented with a common, everyday problem, but the twist is, is that he would always resolve it in the same manner we have all come to know and love. For example, Richard Rahl is stuck in rush hour traffic. Instead putting up with it like us poor saps, he leaves his car, stands in the middle of the road and lectures his fellow drivers on Objectivism. Or he could just kill them. Whatever works best.

The series could write itself and anyone on the boards would be free contribute. Imagine it: Richard Goes to the Movies. Richard Visits Amish Country. Richard Gets His Driver's License. Richard Gets Stuck In A Long Line At The Airport. Those things would practically write themselves!

Also, ever since the parodies started, I've had a hankering to see a "Goodkind meets Robert Newcomb." Are there any writers on these boards that think they have the talent to write this parody? Then again, maybe it is a bad idea- "Goodkind meets Robert Newcomb," might actually trigger the Apocalypse.

[Lightsnake]

Maybe we could make a Newcomb bashing thread?

[Daralys]

Aren't there already a few Newcomb threads? I thought I saw a couple when I was rooting around looking for stuff to amuse me.

There isn't just one book left in the series. He said there would be, but then he started hedging and it's gone from "the Chainfire trilogy will end the series" to "the Chainfire trilogy will end this story arc". (Totally paraphrased.)

I think it's nice that things will slow down. They were going so quickly that it seemed kind of diluted. Once people have more time to stew on their thoughts, I think the quality of the threads, overall, will get back to what it was.

Thanks for all the QotDs, Mad Moose! I felt bad for all the typing you were doing, but it was way too amusing to actually say something that might stop you.

[Mr Smash]

100 stylepoints to the first person to parody Newcomb vs. Goodkind in the style of Alien vs. Predator.

I'd do it, but I've only seen that movie once, a long time ago. Also, I've steered well clear of Newcomb.

However, I think the general principle holds: "Whoever wins, we lose."

[VigoTheCarpathian]

Maybe a little bit of "Law and Ordies" is the ticket:

“And so we see, that the evidence points solely to the defendantâ€

Richard felt his thing rising. He could not believe that any person, regardless of their upbringing, would resort to some sort of cheap threat against his right to speak freely. He stood up, in the way of a Bringer of Truth, and set his mind to convincing the jury that anyone who would suppress a free opinion was wrong.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury†he started, trying not to let the distain in his voice bleed through (for as all knew, any gathering of people in order to make decisions angered Richard With An Anger) into these proceedings. “There have been those who choose to mock this court, and say that it is stupid to let anyone have their say about anything, but I, for one, believe that any idiot should have the ability to say what ever he would like, freely and in an objective-type manner.â€

The opposing lawyer rebutted. “Is it not the Truth that anyone who speaks out against the Truth is someone who must be silenced?†Richard clenched his jaw, with much anger, that someone so simple would try to halt all discussion. “For we have seen the words written, and we must follow them mindlessly, even if it means removing any true message in for-mentioned words. We must threaten litigation, even though what we believe abhors the fact that there are people in the world who may not agree with us. And we must silence these with threats, yea, though we probably should not believe in these threats by our very natures (as those who believe we are doing what is right), but in fact will shall turn to these as hollow threats, when our wits fail us.â€

Richard, rugged individualist and all-around libertarian-sort that he was, could not believe this lying commu-hippie logic when he heard it. What kind of world was it that a person could make weak threats against someone, and have their voices heard? He rose (with his thing) to make a rebuttal.

“Your Honorâ€, he began, aware of the fact that there may be a certain type of people who cannot have a rational discussion without invoking the rules they professed to hate so much as being a stain on their individuality. “I believe that as a fully mature person, we should be able to have a discussion, whether or not I agree with my opponent, without having to involve the Creator. Merely the fact that this person has avoided conversation, and went as far as trying to ‘tell’ on those responsible for this free and lively debate shows the content of his character. Does it not say something about the pettiness and un-Truthful nature of this person, that he could not stand to be in a sincere debate about values?â€

The jury stood up, applauding Richard for the fact that he still stood up for individuality. The opposing lawyer leapt, and started beheading the jury for agreeing with this Bringer of Truth, who thought that maybe people should be able to voice their own opinions. Richard wept, and tried hard to remember that maybe because there are people who don’t like a particular thing, it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily bad people. He stood up, and his Yeard was prominently displayed. The opposing lawyer keeled over, seeming to suffer an overdose of self-importance, and Richard masturbated all over his ridiculously righteous face.

**sorry, a little drunk and bitter

**ETA for content