Innappropriatness, social media and kids don't mix

[north of the wall]

Sorry I came across a bit snarky in that post. And it wasn't aimed at you in particular. I was just trying to say I'm not trying to censor fb. People can post what the want but I don't have to like it.

We already know how to unfollow or hide certain people from fb and have done with a few. I have to talk to him to see if he will, although I doubt he will. He didn't seem as bothered by it as me when I told him. But I may have a chat with this "friend" when I see him next, or I may chicken out and not bring it up again, we shall see how annoyed I am.

[Anythingatall]

I can't 'stop it'. But no parent is ever able to 'stop' their children from seeing/hearing/learning stuff they don't want them to know. It's part of growing up. People keep trying to make out this generation as so much harder and worse than previous generations...in the end, kids are kids, parents are parents. I don't think it's any harder for me to raise my children than it was for my mom to raise us, or her mom to raise her. In fact, I have it much easier because all I have to worry about is the internet and PTA meetings- my mom had to worry about feeding us and keeping a roof over our heads when she divorced my father for being an alcoholic.

So no, I'm not at all worried about what my kids will and won't see, or when they'll see it. We'll cross that bridge when we get there. But the worst thing we can do as parents is to demand that someone else do our job for us. I'll take personal responsibility over censorship any day.

At no point at all have I advocated censorship or implied it is somebody else's job to monitor my kids. I don't want censorship and I don't want other people to monitor them.

My point is I hear "parents should be internet savvy then all will be okay" a lot. This is blatantly untrue and not helpful. Parent's need to accept that a lot of this shit is way beyond our control think about how to deal with it with communication rather than monitoring.

[Anythingatall]

I was responding more to the poster who insists that raising children today is harder than it was before. I disagree with that sentiment whole-heartedly.

I wrote above a handy way of blocking that person without unfriending them. That way your husband can remove him from his newsfeed but still visit his page if he needs to see what he's written.

Erm... I didn't say that and I certainly didn't insist on it. Can you clarify were you drew this conclusion from? I will do my best to explain what I meant as obviously I wasn't being clear.

[sj4iy]

At no point at all have I advocated censorship or implied it is somebody else's job to monitor my kids. I don't want censorship and I don't want other people to monitor them.

My point is I hear "parents should be internet savvy then all will be okay" a lot. This is blatantly untrue and not helpful. Parent's need to accept that a lot of this shit is way beyond our control think about how to deal with it with communication rather than monitoring.

Childhood disease is beyond our control.

Accidents are beyond our control.

The friggen' internet is not.

[Anythingatall]

I beg to differ that there is nothing you can do. You can tell your child that they can no longer play with that child at the playground. If it was the playground at school, then you can file a complaint with the school. Kids at school should only have cell phones to use in case of an emergency.

I wouldn't tell my child who they could play with. I did speak to the school about it. Neither of those things can make my child unwatch what he saw. I agree about cell phones but schools have just about given up trying to enforce it. Short of searching the kids there is little they can do.

Plus I am not naive enough to think this is a one off.

[Anythingatall]

Childhood disease is beyond our control.

Accidents are beyond our control.

The friggen' internet is not.

In the context we are talking about it is. As individual parents we have very little control over how our children engage with the internet.

[sj4iy]

In the context we are talking about it is. As individual parents we have very little control over how our children engage with the internet.

No. I have a lot of control over how much my child engages with the internet at home.

If my child is exposed to something they shouldn't be at someone else's house, then we'll deal with that. If they are exposed at school, we'll deal with that. But in my house, I make the rules. Most children are exposed to stuff at home simply because their parents don't know enough or don't care enough about what their child is doing. That's not the case in our household.

[north of the wall]

In the context we are talking about it is. As individual parents we have very little control over how our children engage with the internet.

I agree that once they go to school we can not be in control of everything the see or hear. I would probably have had the same response as you and just talk to the school. I don't like the idea of deciding who they can or cannot be friends with.

[Anythingatall]

No. I have a lot of control over how much my child engages with the internet at home.

If my child is exposed to something they shouldn't be at someone else's house, then we'll deal with that. If they are exposed at school, we'll deal with that. But in my house, I make the rules. Most children are exposed to stuff at home simply because their parents don't know enough or don't care enough about what their child is doing. That's not the case in our household.

That's great (about your home) and I agree that other parents would benefit from being more tech savvy. That's obviously not what I am talking about though.

That's just one place though and as kids get older it's a place they spend less and less time in. It's the other part I am interested in, the "dealing" with what goes on outside the home.

[Anythingatall]

We already know how to unfollow or hide certain people from fb and have done with a few. I have to talk to him to see if he will, although I doubt he will. He didn't seem as bothered by it as me when I told him. But I may have a chat with this "friend" when I see him next, or I may chicken out and not bring it up again, we shall see how annoyed I am.

It's a fair point, after all it's not just kids you could have been showing another relative something on there. People bring up Facebook at work too, you may not be the only person pissed at him.

[Hutch]

This is pretty much the same argument every generation of parents go through. No matter how diligent you are in the home, outside of it is a problem for swearing, drugs, Internet, etc. Unless you're advocating censoring the entire Internet, I'd say make sure your computer is locked at home, actually talk to your kids about acceptable Internet use, and most importantly if you fear your child will stumble onto your social media site, don't have a social media site. I've never had Facebook, twitter, etc. and I assure you I'm just fine, regardless of popular opinion.

[Anythingatall]

This is pretty much the same argument every generation of parents go through. No matter how diligent you are in the home, outside of it is a problem for swearing, drugs, Internet, etc. Unless you're advocating censoring the entire Internet, I'd say make sure your computer is locked at home, actually talk to your kids about acceptable Internet use, and most importantly if you fear your child will stumble onto your social media site, don't have a social media site. I've never had Facebook, twitter, etc. and I assure you I'm just fine, regardless of popular opinion.

It's extra though, it's a new thing. I suppose that's my point. I never meant to imply our kids are all doomed and that parents shouldn't have responsibility.

Unlike sex/drugs/alcohol this is a new thing that parents before us didn't have to think about, and it is something that has the potential to do tremendous damage. Thinking of it like TV/movies, that is something our kids mainly have access to in our sphere of control, is wrong. I am not being all "think of the childreeeen", I just think that we (as a society) are being really naive in how we are addressing it.

I bolded that part in your quote as that's the bit that I think is most important.

[Hutch]

It's extra though, it's a new thing. I suppose that's my point. I never meant to imply our kids are all doomed and that parents shouldn't have responsibility.

Unlike sex/drugs/alcohol this is a new thing that parents before us didn't have to think about, and it is something that has the potential to do tremendous damage. Thinking of it like TV/movies, that is something our kids mainly have access to in our sphere of control, is wrong. I am not being all "think of the childreeeen", I just think that we (as a society) are being really naive in how we are addressing it.

I bolded that part in your quote as that's the bit that I think is most important.

I guess my point is that every generation has their "new thing" that could be considered the bane of traditional child rearing. It's different than what your parents went through, surely. However, the situation is very similar. They got through the changing times, and I'm confident this generation of parents will as well (without going overboard on censorship or attempting to shame people into morally acceptable social media posts).

[Shryke]

I guess my point is that every generation has their "new thing" that could be considered the bane of traditional child rearing. It's different than what your parents went through, surely. However, the situation is very similar. They got through the changing times, and I'm confident this generation of parents will as well (without going overboard on censorship or attempting to shame people into morally acceptable social media posts).

Is it? This seems an appeal to some sort of "nothing changes" hypothesis that is not at all obvious or, imo, true. Shit changes. Technology reshapes the world and our lives and, you know, how we raise our kids.

Having been there for the switch from no internet to internet growing up, I can assure you it's a hugely different experience when it comes to the things at your fingertips. And the ubiquity of connected devices has only amplified this.

What you choose to do about that is your call, but it's definitely very different from what kids grew up with only like 20 years ago.

[Hutch]

Is it? This seems an appeal to some sort of "nothing changes" hypothesis that is not at all obvious or, imo, true. Shit changes. Technology reshapes the world and our lives and, you know, how we raise our kids.

Having been there for the switch from no internet to internet growing up, I can assure you it's a hugely different experience when it comes to the things at your fingertips. And the ubiquity of connected devices has only amplified this.

What you choose to do about that is your call, but it's definitely very different from what kids grew up with only like 20 years ago.

From a technology standpoint, sure, it is different. However, if this forum had exisisted when, say the A.M. radio came out, I'd imagine this would be a very similar topic. "How do we stop little Johnny from listening to that awful filth on 520 AM? Surely his friends will introduce him to such garbage!" To say that parenting in this day and age is hitting unprecedented ground is both correct (specifically) and unfounded (in the bigger scheme of things). There is always something that is going to "corrupt the children". Basically it's the same demon, with a diffrent mask.

[MerenthaClone]

Shit, kids in elementary and middle school used to print out pictures of porn (or bring Playboy in) to share with the others who didn't have internet/older siblings/whatever. The internet existing doesn't change that kids are going to see sex earlier than you think is acceptable.

[Shryke]

From a technology standpoint, sure, it is different. However, if this forum had exisisted when, say the A.M. radio came out, I'd imagine this would be a very similar topic. "How do we stop little Johnny from listening to that awful filth on 520 AM? Surely his friends will introduce him to such garbage!" To say that parenting in this day and age is hitting unprecedented ground is both correct (specifically) and unfounded (in the bigger scheme of things). There is always something that is going to "corrupt the children". Basically it's the same demon, with a diffrent mask.

No, this is a fallacy. Stuff changes. The AM Radio and the Internet are not equivalent in how they effect parenting. We are not stuck in a world where nothing fundamentally changes and it's irrational to act like that is so.

The internet doesn't change that kids will do stuff you can't control. It does change what they will be able to do and the ease of doing those new things. (Like seriously, I was around for when the internet became a thing people had at home. And I was around for before that. I can assure you, it changed everything about what we could and could not get ahold of. What we could get, how much, how easy it was, etc, etc.)

And the ubiquity of portable connected devices has only given children even more ways to access this stuff because now there's far more places they can potentially access the internet.

You have to be aware that children can now access content and people in ways they never could before that makes their experience fundamentally distinct from the one you or I grew up with.

[brook]

Shit, kids in elementary and middle school used to print out pictures of porn (or bring Playboy in) to share with the others who didn't have internet/older siblings/whatever. The internet existing doesn't change that kids are going to see sex earlier than you think is acceptable.

It does change what type of sex though. I had access to porn pretty young and I don't think it did me any real harm but the type of porn I had access to is very different to the envelope pushing stuff that is easily available on the net.

It's not an issue of 'omg my kids are going to see sex', I have real concerns that my kids will see specific types of sex before they are emotionally mature enough to understand that the boundaries of fantasy and reality.

It doesn't mean we should try and censor the internet, as if that were ever going to be possible, but it does call for a rethink of parenting strategies, and I think all parents need to lift our game as a result and simply make sure we do better. As my kids grow I'm planning on some pretty frank discussions with the boys because I'm aware there is no way I'm ever going to be able to prevent them from seeing this stuff so I need to at least give them the tools to understand it and what does and doesn't carry through to real life. At school and at home I was taught very little other than the basic mechanics of sex and if I tried to do the same and let my kids figure out the rest for themselves I'd be doing them a huge disservice.

[Hutch]

No, this is a fallacy. Stuff changes. The AM Radio and the Internet are not equivalent in how they effect parenting. We are not stuck in a world where nothing fundamentally changes and it's irrational to act like that is so.

The internet doesn't change that kids will do stuff you can't control. It does change what they will be able to do and the ease of doing those new things. (Like seriously, I was around for when the internet became a thing people had at home. And I was around for before that. I can assure you, it changed everything about what we could and could not get ahold of. What we could get, how much, how easy it was, etc, etc.)

And the ubiquity of portable connected devices has only given children even more ways to access this stuff because now there's far more places they can potentially access the internet.

You have to be aware that children can now access content and people in ways they never could before that makes their experience fundamentally distinct from the one you or I grew up with.

As I said before, specifically it's a new challenge for parents, but not that different. The kids now that have full Internet access on their phones are the basic equivalent of those that brought nudie mags to school. Does the Internet make it easier for kids to find such things? Absolutely yes. But to blame it on social media accounts (a purely optional thing) and ask those that frequent such things to censor what they post is not going to curb the issue whatsoever.

[lessthanluke]

I agree. All my kids interent time is usually monitered. This was honestly a case of hubby leaving fb open and 2 yr old pressing spacebar until he conviently stopped and the fb video autoplaying.

I guess I will just have to log him out if he forgets but even if he had been scrolling down on fb himself and he had seen it chances are our kids would have been in the same room since they follow us everywhere. My point simply being that I feel social media is not a place for sexual content. (I couldn't care less about nudity, or swearing but drug use and sex on such an easily accessible forum will continue to annoy me)

For the record this is not my friend on fb to block or hide. Its my hubby's friend who also has kids and most of his fb friends also have kids so I'm surprised I'm the only one who gets annoyed by his shares on fb.

The get your husband to block his feed. Simple. It's not your business to tell other people what they can post on their own profiles.