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EruditeFool

Official Blatant but Honest Self Promotion Thread

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Rychard:

No offence, mate, but one of the most important traits in an author is learning to accept criticism. Believe me, we all write terrible stuff, and people call us up on it - so we go back and improve. We don't improve by putting our fingers in our ears, and going "lalalala."

There *is* constructive criticism here. Specifically, you need to improve your prose. No problem there - go through and cut unnecessary words. Let's take the first paragraph:

At about that tyme, yet over on Wallins Street, somewhat to the north and west of the tailor’s shoppe, Lanuche gingerly walked back down the rotting steps of Thomryd’s cellar and then tottered over to its eastern end with the hideous, makeshift dress hanging loosely over her well-rounded frame. As she went, she lay her right hand lightly on the craggy, hewn stone wall to support her way; and because she was so very petite, the steps didn’t even so much as groan as she made her way carefully down them, almost as a felis would.  

Cut all the bold, and you have a much tighter, more readable result.

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4 minutes ago, MisterOJ said:

Hell... what was that line in reference to? I remember the thread, and it was epic. Turned out to be a hoax though, right? I am sad that I can't remember the particulars of it now though.

Someone was sock puppeting to self promote his book, which was the best thing he'd read since locke lamora. And we ran with it. :P

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38 minutes ago, MisterOJ said:

Hell... what was that line in reference to? I remember the thread, and it was epic. Turned out to be a hoax though, right? I am sad that I can't remember the particulars of it now though.

That would be Mike Miller's Yeti.....Awesome new author.....fans of George R.R. Martin...on fire with hate.....yeah, that was my little doozy about a year or so ago.  Sometimes you people are too easy.

 

 

Edit:  And just to clear up why I did that: I joined goodreads and started two lists.  A week later, Mike Miller has his books listed, ranked #1, and nothing else even voted for.  I looked into his profile and saw that he 5 starred all his own stuff and #1'd it on every list it was remotely associated with.  He is what I hate about goodreads.  And so I had a little fun at his expense. 

Edited by Muwhahaha
clarification of shenanigans

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45 minutes ago, Roose Boltons Pet Leech said:

Rychard:

No offence, mate, but one of the most important traits in an author is learning to accept criticism. Believe me, we all write terrible stuff, and people call us up on it - so we go back and improve. We don't improve by putting our fingers in our ears, and going "lalalala."

There *is* constructive criticism here. Specifically, you need to improve your prose. No problem there - go through and cut unnecessary words. Let's take the first paragraph:

At about that tyme, yet over on Wallins Street, somewhat to the north and west of the tailor’s shoppe, Lanuche gingerly walked back down the rotting steps of Thomryd’s cellar and then tottered over to its eastern end with the hideous, makeshift dress hanging loosely over her well-rounded frame. As she went, she lay her right hand lightly on the craggy, hewn stone wall to support her way; and because she was so very petite, the steps didn’t even so much as groan as she made her way carefully down them, almost as a felis would.  

Cut all the bold, and you have a much tighter, more readable result.

 

So essentially you feel I should castrate my prose making it devoid of all personality so that these people will like it.

 

As I told Sporkydog or whatever his name is before, I can't do that. Thank you for something approaching constructive criticism though.

 

I will try to write something mainstream soon, with nice short words in it so that anyone with a taste for mediocrity can appreciate it.

 

How does "Tales of the Crimson Prince: An Empire of Hot Iron" sound?

Edited by Rychard Wrythen

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2 hours ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

Don't worry, I will never post free content in this thread again. B)

Yippee!

1 hour ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

You can expect a lot more of my "work" in future.

Booooo!

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18 minutes ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

So essentially you feel I should castrate my prose making it devoid of all personality so that these people will like it.

As I told Sporkydog or whatever his name is before, I can't do that.

Your prose has all the personality of Harpo fucking Marx. Unless you change the way you write, nobody will ever publish you.

Stick your fingers in your ears all you want. We're all illiterate, tasteless troglodytes. I just wish you'd sent this shit to Mark Lawrence when he was critiquing unpublished first chapters.

Edited by Spockydog

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1 minute ago, Spockydog said:

Your prose has all the personality of Harpo fucking Marx. Unless you change the way you write, nobody will ever publish you.

Stick your fingers in your ears all you want. We're all illiterate, tasteless troglodytes. I just wish you'd sent this shit to Mark Lawrence when he was reviewing unpublished first chapters.

 

I won't change it. Not for you or anyone. However, as I said, mayhaps I will start a side project for troglodytes.

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1 minute ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

 

I won't change it. Not for you or anyone. However, as I said, mayhaps I will start a side project for troglodytes.

I have a feeling that when you're a bit older (like 15), you're going to look back at this and realize how childish you sound.

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Why the fuck are you still here defending your turgid hackery against a crowd of people with no taste that you profess not to care about?

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33 minutes ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

 

So essentially you feel I should castrate my prose making it devoid of all personality so that these people will like it.

No, I'm suggesting you cut the fat from your sentences so that the reader is not encumbered with unnecessary verbiage. "Omit needless words" is up there with "show, don't tell" as a cardinal rule of writing.

Let me take that paragraph again:

At about that tyme, yet over on Wallins Street, somewhat to the north and west of the tailor’s shoppe, Lanuche gingerly walked back down the rotting steps of Thomryd’s cellar and then tottered over to its eastern end with the hideous, makeshift dress hanging loosely over her well-rounded frame. As she went, she lay her right hand lightly on the craggy, hewn stone wall to support her way; and because she was so very petite, the steps didn’t even so much as groan as she made her way carefully down them, almost as a felis would.

We have no point of comparison, so "about that tyme" is meaningless. 

"Somewhat" is simply a weasel word. Don't hedge your bets - be precise.

A tailor's is by definition a tailor's shop, so you don't need "shoppe".

Gingerly implies caution - which doesn't fit with the tottering (which makes her sound clumsy and incautious).

This is from Lanuche's point of view, and she wouldn't call her own dress hideous. Besides, what is hideous about it?

Well-rounded is an unnecessary adjective (and telling not showing).

"As she went" adds nothing to the sentence - it's implied by the rest.

We don't need to know it was her right-hand - it distracts the reader.

"Lightly" is an unnecessary adverb.

"Craggy, hewn stone wall" is an adjectival pile-up. Adjectives aren't evil, but you shouldn't overuse them - they are often the sign of a dull noun. A craggy wall implies stone.

"So very petite" - telling not showing. The fact that the rotten wood isn't groaning implies she's light.

You have her reaching the bottom of the steps, and then tottering off - and now she's apparently back on the stairs. The scene feels confused. 

 

  

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I've become a kinder gentler over the years and even I want to box this guy's ears in. Referring to archaic diction as some kind of elevated prose and/or vocabulary has got to be one of the more ridiculous things things I've read in this back and forth so far [besides two chapters of the writing in question]

Here's some constructive criticism, Richard: you're stuck in the writing [whether you think it's good or most inthread think it's bad is actually irrelevant] story is what you need to master first, artful prose after. If your story doesn't hook me, and it didn't, I'm not sticking around. I think that would go for most readers, and most writers.

Edited by JEORDHl

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4 minutes ago, Roose Boltons Pet Leech said:

No, I'm suggesting you cut the fat from your sentences so that the reader is not encumbered with unnecessary verbiage. "Omit needless words" is up there with "show, don't tell" as a cardinal rule of writing.

Let me take that paragraph again:

At about that tyme, yet over on Wallins Street, somewhat to the north and west of the tailor’s shoppe, Lanuche gingerly walked back down the rotting steps of Thomryd’s cellar and then tottered over to its eastern end with the hideous, makeshift dress hanging loosely over her well-rounded frame. As she went, she lay her right hand lightly on the craggy, hewn stone wall to support her way; and because she was so very petite, the steps didn’t even so much as groan as she made her way carefully down them, almost as a felis would.

We have no point of comparison, so "about that tyme" is meaningless. You do. Around the time that the previous chapter ends.

"Somewhat" is simply a weasel word. Don't hedge your bets - be precise. Do you want longitude and latitude? Somewhat is the best I can tell you.

A tailor's is by definition a tailor's shop, so you don't need "shoppe". Yes, you do, it's a possessive.

Gingerly implies caution - which doesn't fit with the tottering (which makes her sound clumsy and incautious). No, you can intend caution and still wind up tottering.

This is from Lanuche's point of view, and she wouldn't call her own dress hideous. Besides, what is hideous about it?  No, it's from omniscient third person point of view.

Well-rounded is an unnecessary adjective (and telling not showing). Your opinion that it's unnecessary.

"As she went" adds nothing to the sentence - it's implied by the rest. It tells the reader that the two actions are occurring simultaneously.

We don't need to know it was her right-hand - it distracts the reader. No, it specifically aids in visualization.

"Lightly" is an unnecessary adverb. Your opinion.

"Craggy, hewn stone wall" is an adjectival pile-up. Adjectives aren't evil, but you shouldn't overuse them - they are often the sign of a dull noun. A craggy wall implies stone. No, plenty of smoothly worked stone in the world. And two adjectives is a pile-up? Good to know ...

"So very petite" - telling not showing. The fact that the rotten wood isn't groaning implies she's light. Maybe I was not going for implication.

You have her reaching the bottom of the steps, and then tottering off - and now she's apparently back on the stairs. The scene feels confused. Now this is a genuine error. What's that, 1 in 12 is valid? Thanks.

 

  

While you are not my editor, on the off chance that you are one professionally I will respond just this once.

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12 minutes ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

While you are not my editor, on the off chance that you are one professionally I will respond just this once.

 

Don't listen to anybody Dyck, your writing is awesomely good.  Keep it up.  Sky's the limit.

 

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7 minutes ago, Rychard Wrythen said:

While you are not my editor, on the off chance that you are one professionally I will respond just this once.

Rychard, believe me, I know a thing or two about editing.

You really have two choices. The first is to keep putting your fingers in your ears. The second is that you take criticism on board, and become a better writer.

If you want to go for the first option, that's fine - no-one can force you to change. It's just that if you don't improve your prose - which means cutting unnecessary stuff, being more careful with adjectives and adverbs, and being more precise - no-one will read your work. You do want people to read your work, don't you?

 

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22 minutes ago, Rcollins said:

Rychard Wrythen, can I ask, how long have you been writing for?

 

I've been active for three years, but submitting to paid markets for only three or four months.

 

 

As for wanting people to read my work, of course. But I won't make it soulless to do so. Thank you again.

Edited by Rychard Wrythen

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To put it another way, good prose should not call attention to itself. Good prose should not be a set of neon lights, and should not distract from the actual story.

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