Malik Ambar Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Now that I'm writing this, I have to wonder why I'm really writing this. To have a place to vent I guess ? Long story short - I share a good relation with all my daughters, but somedays it seems there's nothing I can do right anymore. Now I know all kids are supposed to do is love you then break your heart but then love you more, but sometimes I can't but help thinking I did something wrong with them. Don't get me wrong- I love my girls and couldn't be more proud of them, but sometimes they really make me want to jump off a cliff. The eldest, for example, has decided that I'm to be blamed for everything that had gone wrong in her life. Not even both her parents; specifically me. I either pushed her too hard, or was too lax and gave her too much leeway. That's how it is with the middle child- I'm either smothering her and 'ruining' her life , or am just not interested in her. The strange thing is, I really thought I must have gone wrong somewhere with the eldest, which is why I tried to do things right with the middle one. Went to parent's counselling and everything. But still either I'm not doing enough for her or taking control of her life. The youngest one is a spendthrift. I've tried many times trying to get through to her that money doesn't grow on trees. But it's not just the spending - she's too materialistic. Now I'm saying this again- this is not meant to rant about my children. I'm already feeling bad for posting this- but I really want to know if anybody has adviice on how to deal with this. They're all adults and young adults now, so there's nothing much I can do but advice them. I know they'll become wonderful people when they grow up, but just thought if anybody else went through such a similar phase with their kids, how did they get through it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ser Scot A Ellison Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 OWT, I feel your pain. I really do. I have an almost 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. My son thinks his sister is the the moon and stars. She can't stand her brother. I try to mediate and get accused of favoritism by both of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 OP, I don't have any teenage children or young adults, but what you describe sounds pretty normal to me. There is generally a good decade or so(14-24 or somewhere along those lines) in there for most young people where they are rebellious in nature and have confused feelings towards their relationship with parents. It sounds like your middle child craves independence like most young adults, but also still feels like she's your little girl. She, herself, probably doesn't even know how she truly wants to be treated. My advice to you is just to be a caring and compassionate parent and try your best and eventually this phase will pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Heh, I live in that situation too, except I'm the eldest child. My brother and sister are teenagers, and several years younger than me, and generally we can't stand each other. To them, I'm the older "bitch sister" (actual name they call me), and they're the annoying spoilt brats who never do anything for themselves. What I'm trying to say is that I guess these kinds of situations are fairly normal, to one extent or another. Do they all live with you? I get on much better with my mum when I don't live with her, mainly because I don't have to speak to her very often, and although I do have a somewhat strained relationship with her, it doesn't come out as often as it does when we live in the same house. Like now. Though I do wonder what my mum would say about our dynamic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprincethatwasntpromised Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I think all parents feel the sane at times. More than likely you're doing fine. They will appreciate all you've done later in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Unless you have held something back from your post (and I am not suggesting you have) then I think you should relax. I've had my fair share of "OMG Parents suck and everything is their fault!" Moments myself, but deep down I knew how irrational I was being. And of course, I never really meant it, I always loved them in truth and knew that whatever the problem I was facing was, it wasn't their fault. Don't be too hard on yourself, I'm sure you are raising your daughters perfectly well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I'm 21 and I love my parents to bits, I really do. Am very, very close with both my Mam and Dad but still find them at fault at times. If you love and respect your daughters and advice them the best you can they'll appreciate it one day :P They cant look up to you as faultless forever - i used to think my dad was the smartest best man ever ever in the whole world with no flaws and a cool mysterious past lolol but now im a bit older, still think hes a smart guy, still love him to bits but obvs dont idolize him like i did when i was 7 and he'd read me hobbit as a bed time story lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Just the fact that you care this much, and that you are worried about doing something wrong and trying to do things differently - that speaks volumes about how much you are doing right. They're not mature enough yet to appreciate what a great dad you are (at least, it sounds like it) and maybe that's why they're so inconsistent about what they want from you. Plus, your job isn't to make them happy it's to try your best to give them what they need to be decent human beings. I love what the comedian, Louie, C.K. has to say about raising his daughters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamSongs Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 They will change their tune as they get older and realize how right you were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Young women can be really terrible people, because they get away with it, because everyone is so worried about their self esteem. Well guess what, they can still be assholes and they have just as much of a social responsibility as men to try to not be assholes. It doesn't mean that they always will be terrible, or that the fault lies with any one person. Some terrible young women just grow up to be a little less terrible, hence they become normal, and they never feel bad about it because they just decide to have more self confidence and believe in their inherent goodness - as some sort of "live, laugh, eat, pray" self affirmation of positive thinking. Because they decide that their past terribleness was an innocent response to people making them feel bad. And these superficial girls will eventually grow tried of blaming their fathers and they will meet a man who is acceptable but just flawed enough that she can maintain a sense of superiority over him, control him, marry him, bully him into giving her a perfect "rustic chic" ($$$$$$) barn wedding employing a clever DIY use of mason jars, and she'll direct her superficiality and judgmental thinking into a blog about "clean eating" to disguise the obsession with looks as being healthy, and she'll redirect her energy toward crafting, and organizing an outrageously adorable baby shower for someone, which will only cost slightly less than that wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Methinks you're not talking about "terrible young women" here and instead a terrible young woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightning Lord Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 etd everything. sry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Lightning Lord this is what you went through? My dad was a terrible father to me and to a lesser extent to my brother. He was a liar, a manipulator, a thief and a conman. And we're not the only ones he screwed over, and now he's paying for it and getting what he deserves. I blame him for being a jerk and for what he denied me, but I fully take responsibility for who I am - except the good things I credit to my mother. There's a lot you can do wrong and still be a good father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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