Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Lol. We needed someone to replace Prince Alexander's role in this thread, Red Tiger. So thanks for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 In other news my pizza date over the weekend went well. Watching a bunch of half naked people beat the crap out of each other on TV and eating greasy food can make for a surprisingly nice evening. Gotcha. Sounds like you're on the right track already though. Remind her of your position, preferably making it clearer that a relationship is a "probably not" and not just a "maybe". Okay. I'll do just that. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I'm certain she wants to date. She's all but said it. I think I will remind her of my previous stance, and that she shouldn't feel obligated to stick to our weekend plans, if my stance is too much of a turnoff.This sounds pretty reasonable, as long as you make your stance clear. If she is still interested, that is her choice. Um, maybe when you restate your stance though follow with something like "So, how do you feel about this weekend now?" (But, you know, better phrased) to make it clear you don't expect anything if this arrangement ( Not dating) doesn't work for her. That could just be me though, because I'm not very assertive so would probably still feel obligated. You obviously know her personality best though, so I guess it's for you to decide whether she'd feel comfortable saying she doesn't want to go ahead anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Lol. We needed someone to replace Prince Alexander's role in this thread, Red Tiger. So thanks for that. Not sure who that is, but my pleasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KiDisaster Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Nah, this is more of a guy thing. Moderately hot is a decently attractive girl you'd sleep with but you probably wouldn't put in a lot of effort to be with her, hot is somebody you'd really do your best for, somebody that really makes you go WOW!. Speak for yourself, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Speak for yourself, please. Wasn't speaking for every guy, something you were probably very aware of. The point is the whole 'rating scale' thing only seems to come up around men, not women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Well, I've been getting the feeling that she's forgetting what we talked about and she's been acting like she eventually expects a relationship.I definitely want to sleep with her, I just don't want her to feel that's a precursor to a relationship. But it's possibly too late for that. I would talk with her. Let her know you don't see this weekend as moving you closer to a relationship, and in fact you don't see having a relationship with her. Don't try to be "nice" as in "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship right now" which implies that sometime in the future you might be, and leads to the idea there is hope. ETA If your clear with her, and she still wants to go through with the weekend then enjoy guilt free. You sound like a great guy, I hope you have a great weekend. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Wasn't speaking for every guy, something you were probably very aware of. The point is the whole 'rating scale' thing only seems to come up around men, not women.Eh. I sort of "rate". But it's more of a sliding scale based on overall attractiveness (physical+personality etc) from, say "nah, not a chance" to "why aren't we going out already?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Eh. I sort of "rate". But it's more of a sliding scale based on overall attractiveness (physical+personality etc) from, say "nah, not a chance" to "why aren't we going out already?" Yeah I get where you are coming from, that's one thing I was getting it, with women it's much more simple. With dudes, it's "nah she's just a 6" "What do you mean a 6?" "I am saying she has rabblerabblerabble and rabblerabblerabble" "Oh, I get you". It's one of the reasons im glad I gave up clubbing, cause my friends gave me headaches over that shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I would talk with her. Let her know you don't see this weekend as moving you closer to a relationship, and in fact you don't see having a relationship with her. Don't try to be "nice" as in "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship right now" which implies that sometime in the future you might be, and leads to the idea there is hope. ETA If your clear with her, and she still wants to go through with the weekend then enjoy guilt free. You sound like a great guy, I hope you have a great weekend. :)So I should just be a bit more forward. I can do that. Thanks :) Eh. I sort of "rate". But it's more of a sliding scale based on overall attractiveness (physical+personality etc) from, say "nah, not a chance" to "why aren't we going out already?"I suspect I do quite well on a sliding scale, since I think I'm average looking but have a great personality that can usually keep me in the game if given a chance. I use the sliding scale too, and personality weighs more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 So I should just be a bit more forward. I can do that. Thanks :) I suspect I do quite well on a sliding scale, since I think I'm average looking but have a great personality that can usually keep me in the game if given a chance. I use the sliding scale too, and personality weighs more.Same. Personality weighs heavily on my sliding scale too. Very good looking but awful personality? Not a chance in hell. I want to be able to talk with this person and feel happy around them, not gawk at them all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Duuuuuuuude.Can you please try to be slightly less offensive? Maybe consider a verbal filter? Can you contemplate assessing women on the "whole person" basis rather than on a sliding scale of hotness???It's based on the context of what info im getting out of this. He doesn't say, im going out on a date with a girl that interests me, he is saying I'm supposed to be getting laid this weekend by a woman whose company I enjoy but who I probably won't date So in this case, yeah, im gonna primarily focus on the physical and not personality. Now if he asked me about a potential valuable romantic partner, it would be a completely different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 On the advice of Chats, I'm going to assume that Mr. Hair Inquiry just wanted to make conversation. If it turns pervy, I will drop the communcation altogether. I'm pretty sure it's pervy, though, because I seem to attract the pervs. I'm not sure why. Is there some place you can go for perv attraction analysis? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Also, LitA already proclaimed he was looking forward to sexytime with her in general, so it's really none of your business how hot she is, RT... And I've met dozens of ladies I found hawt but who I would never have done the dirty with, for a variety of reasons (personality, relationship status, drug issues, wrong social context etc.) While physical attraction is a necessary prerequisite for sex, it's really not sufficient on its own. On a somewhat related note, my gf is still smoking, even after the actual stress of the last few months abated. Actually, her smoking got worse the last two weeks; she's now at eight cigarettes per day. She also wants to drink alcohol every other evening, while I'm more of a sporadic consumer. I'm at a loss what to do though. These excesses still eat into our slowly recovering budget, and it's certainly not what I ever imagined our relationship to be. At the same time, I'm unwilling to cancel eight years of a shared life over such a relatively short episode... but the longer it lasts, the more it hurts.At the same time, I got a crush for a new coworker. Not that I'd actually pursue anything with her - she's in a relationship, too, and I really don't think work relationships are all that swell to begin with...I had crushes like that in the past during this relationship, too. I've always suppressed them for some of the aforementioned reasons and the sake of my relationship. But it's also something that obviously gnaws at my nerves, and I don't think I've ever been so tempted because our relationship has most of the time looked more stable than it looks now. So here I am, pondering the importance of my eight-year relationship on the one hand versus two months of issues with my gf's addiction issues and one week of me crushing on somebody I have no business dating in the first place. Sorry for the rambling, guys and gals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Also, LitA already proclaimed he was looking forward to sexytime with her in general, so it's really none of your business how hot she is, RT... ..I didn't ASK him how hot she was. He asked "How would y'all go about this?" and I just gave him my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 But why should that decision hinge on her hotness? There are so many other factors that play into this over her attractiveness, as long as LitA considers sexytime with her in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Guy from Vale - I wouldn't say that cigs and booze are "drug" abuse*, but I agree that differing expectations can be problematic. It's also clear that she's under some stress. Personally, I tend to hit the wine if I'm stressed, though I limit myself to three glasses at most, and I know that tea and yoga is healthier.I seriously think you should consider counseling if you want to save the relationship.*Yes, technically, both ARE drugs, and so is caffeine. And Tylenol. People usually reserve the word "drugs" to refer to illegal drugs, around here. Sorry, I probably should have put those words in quotation marks or something. I didn't quite find a better way to phrase things though, and I'm not a native speaker so sometimes my vocabulary is more limited than I'd like it to be... ETA: edited the drug reference into an addiction reference, which is more appropriate I guess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 But why should that decision hinge on her hotness? There are so many other factors that play into this over her attractiveness, as long as LitA considers sexytime with her in the first place? It hinges on her hotness because he asked How would y'all go about this? He asked somebody else what THEY would do, so in this case I told him what I would do. He presented a situation where he's with a girl who he's planning on having sex with and he doesn't intend on dating and then he asks somebody else what they would do in that situation. Now, if the girl in question is somebody I can see myself with, sure I will place a ton of weight on her personality, but if there's not much there and "im supposed to be getting laid", i'll put a lot more weigth on the physical aspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It hinges on her hotness because he asked How would y'all go about this? He asked somebody else what THEY would do, so in this case I told him what I would do. He presented a situation where he's with a girl who he's planning on having sex with and he doesn't intend on dating and then he asks somebody else what they would do in that situation. Now, if the girl in question is somebody I can see myself with, sure I will place a ton of weight on her personality, but if there's not much there and "im supposed to be getting laid", i'll put a lot more weigth on the physical aspect. I guess we're just talking past each other here. Let's just agree to disagree? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I guess we're just talking past each other here. Let's just agree to disagree? Sure, i can live with that :cheers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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