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Best in Bed?


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My MILF list:

Cersei, Taena, Catelyn.

Cersei and Taena would probably be up for a little threeway, too.

Ladies:

Arienne Sand - she sound very voluptuous, and ripe.

Melisandre - Very beautiful and exotic. And I definitely want to experience that session of ecstasy she promised Davros...

Everyone else, unfortunately, is kinda underage...

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For general skills-in-the-sack-ness, I'd choose

Taena--every step is a seduction, and she seems down for anything.

Cersei--she might not be having fun, but she certainly knows how to keep the Kettleblacks coming

Doreah--she's very good, both Viserys and Illyrio can attest to that.

Irri--both sweet and skilled

Robert when he was young--he seems to have gotten around quite a lot, and most of the women (sans Cersei) seem to have been glad to see him.

Oberyn Martell--seems like he devotes a lot of time and effort to the pursuit of good sex.

As for who I'd want to sleep with:

Xhondo--Summer Islanders seem to have a healthy attitude towards sex, and Xhondo in particular seems to be a generally happy guy, as well as being quite attractive and seemingly good at heart. I'm not big on brooding men.

Daven Lannister (provided he trimmed the foliage a bit)--also not a brooder. I think that there would be a lot of wine, and a lot of fun.

Daario Naharis--um. he is a bad, bad man. And also very hot. And there's something about the way that he fondles his sword hilts...

Any of Dany's bloodriders

Harrold Hardyng--he's got to have some ability if he keeps getting all those common girls in the sack.

Sandor Clegane is not the type that would usually attract me (brooders, bah), but I am intruigued at the way that the idea of kissing him has obsessed Sansa. It doesn't seem like her mooning over Joffrey, it's a little more...ah, adult. A man that has the little bird having grownup thoughts must have some sort of animal magnetism...

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Jaime, Jaime, Jaime.

I know people claim he has had only one partner and thus limited experience, what was good for Cercei (and she does have some knowledge) will certainly be good for me. There´s much to be said about the sex appeal of a beautiful arrogant faithful male with redemption issues. I´d share baths with him, do night-long vigils in the septs and teach him somewhat less bloody things to do for love (of me) :drool:

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Dany would be pretty great. She's creative, she can handle rough sex, she cares about the pleasure of her partner, and she's horny.

We don't know that much about Asha's sex life, but she's messed around with pirates and such and she likes to be on top...

As for guys, probably Oberyn, though his tastes might be too kinky for some. Littlefinger isn't the hottest guy around, but he had to be doing something right to give Lysa a screaming orgasm even while presumably not that into it himself--he seems to be good at everything he sets his mind to, including sex. And Jon Snow gets major points for going down on Ygritte; that doesn't seem to be in the typical Westerosi guy's arsenal of sex skillz.

Loras is probably terrific.

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From a few pages back, I don't think Jeyne W is necessarily great in the sack. Robb would have married her regardless as he was so eager to live up to his father's honorable ways, plus she got to him at a really difficult time when he was wounded and dealing with Bran and Rickon's supposed deaths. I think they were more horny teenagers then any great passionate affair.

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Cersei - it's always good to have some risks in sex, and Cersei surely delivers...

Arianne Martell - She's a Martell people, not a Sand. Please show some respect to the girl that I can only describe as "voluptuous". She's really hot in bed it seems to me. Someone mentioned seductive? That's always good too.

Future Sansa - and for those who would prefer the more experienced version of just beautiful auburn-haired lady - Catelyn, of course. Nothing wrong with "sweet" sometimes.

Nym Sand and Tyene Sand, preferably together - two hot sand snakes in bed, and what could be better?

Lyanna - Beautiful and has a will. That's great, I like it. A very beautiful name too, to my opinion.

Margaery - Just a beautiful girl, but all this "I'm a maiden, I'm not a maiden, I drink moontea, I have sex with my cousins" thing really do the trick.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Bring-'Em-Ons:

Arianne Martell: Lushly beautiful, and she's one of the few we know for a fact is good in bed. A possible minor complication is that she's a screamer - unless I don't care about people finding out we're doing it, I might have to locate an isolated bedroom beforehand.

Tyene and Nymeria Sand: After making sure they don't want me dead for some reason, of course. I can easily envision having a threesome with them, and then drinking poisoned wine and the two of them watching impassively as I die in agony. They might be willing to do a foursome with Arianne, which is all to the good.

Asha: Hot, energetic, witty. Not as beautiful as the other women on my list, but unlike most of them she has a warrior's toned body. C'mon, girl, I wanna row my longship into port and unload my crew...

Chataya's girls (and Chataya herself): All very beautiful, all highly experienced, and willing to do threesomes if Bronn can be believed. What's not to like? The only problem would be coming up with enough gold to pay for them all (for a tenday at least).

Dany: Exotically beautiful, though I'd rather her dragons were elsewhere. Being stared at by those while doing it would be awkward, and the knowledge that I might be roasted immediately afterward if Dany isn't satisfied with my performance might untowardly affect said performance, a bad catch-22.

Margaery Tyrell: Virgin or not, she's pretty enough. Plus she brings all the power of Highgarden, a definite plus if I'm contending for the Iron Throne.

Taena Merryweather: Another exotic beauty, and seems willing go to any length.

And, finally, a hottie I believe no one has mentioned so far, which means I have her all to myself; Val, the wildling princess. Poor Val, always ignored in such threads... We don't know much about her other than the fact that she's hot, but that's a good starting point AFAIC. :D Of course I'd need to steal her away from her tower, but I wouldn't be fighting off half the guys on the board while I did it.

The No-Nos Even If They're Hot:

Melisandre: Yeah, she's exotically hot (literally), but there's the "draining partner's life force to make shadow babies" part that rather cools my ardor...

Cersei: Beautiful and no doubt highly skilled in bed, but she seems to use sex as a way to manipulate men. I'd rather not be part of her ill-thought schemes, thanks. Plus there's the fact that I want her dead. After the deed I might feel obliged to do something about that.

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I think Cersei's bedroom skills are overrated. She only enjoys sex with Jaime; we have no reason to think that she cares about the pleasure of her other partners. (She certainly doesn't care about Taena's.) Most of the time when she has sex with somebody else it involves rigid restrictions on what they can do, which is kind of off-putting.

But now let's do some Worst in Bed!

Guys:

1. Gregor Clegane, Aerys and Ramsay Bolton are tied for first place, no explanation necessary

2. Walder Frey. Sicko, and whoever was in bed with him would have to put up with a lot of sex and a lot of babies. Maybe he should be number 1.

3. Ned. Bad cuddler, as "dutiful" as Stannis but less adventurous (I'm thinking of whatever Stannis did with Mel)

There aren't as many women who are obviously bad in bed. Lysa freaked me out a little with her wails of "Make me a sweet little baby, Petyr!" Arya's private parts are going to be taken by the Many-Faced God, so she'll never develop any skills. Selyse is shrill and hysterical and has a mustache.

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  • 3 years later...

He said he wouldn't say KNIGHTLY vows. He had to say the KG vows but there was the little problem that every previous member of the KG was a knight and Sandor wasn't.

Seriously I know Sandor is tall, dark, and whatever else you want to say but do you remember the descriptions of his face? Ladies must be a lot less shallow than I thought. Let me know how the kisses go :leer:

I think Sandor would be excellent genetic material-tall, strong, black hair, survives infected wounds, I don't think he is a genius but I don't think he was stupid (he was quite insightful and stepped outside the bounds of his medieval society).

Certainly he would beat Tyrion as "the father of my children/mate" every time.

From a female perspective.

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The problem with the Hound is that he's sorta had the lips on one side of his face burned off. This could cause significant problems.

3. Ned. Bad cuddler, as "dutiful" as Stannis but less adventurous (I'm thinking of whatever Stannis did with Mel)

Yes! This is not cool. The quality cuddling is necessary. I nominate Davos as best potential cuddler. He also had 7 kids, so he must have been doing something right.

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Woah, how come all of the characters in your book are way hotter than the ones in my book? How does Ygritte "...short and bandy-legged with a round face, small hands, a pug nose, with shaggy bright red hair. Her teeth are crooked." (From Tower of the Hand) warrant hotness at all?

Pale british redheads are one of my types. :-P

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