Eradicating "Nice Guy" from your life

[Guest Raidne]

No, I mean, I'm married and have actual interest in this person at all, in terms of dating or as a friend, but was truly just having an eye candy kind of moment over the cute, nice tech guy.

I just cannot compute the sentence "I don't think you'd take one to bed with you or consider making it your partner ;p." in the context of the work environment.

ETA: Also, I think I've said before in this thread, but I am actually married to a "nice guy" and he's really just not that nice. Most of the time.

[JungianQueen]

I'm sorry, but that "vagina" comment is just sexist and rude. The idea that that body part somehow should or does go along with these personality characteristics is insulting. Most of the women I know don't have those traits.

A know quite few who do, so perhaps we're even.

[JungianQueen]

A page ago there was a heated debate about sensitive guys and the only conclusion I reached was that sensitive guys in their early 20s are less likely to succeed in scoring women than their future selfs.

Without trying to generalize for the entire population, I do believe this is somewhat true, as both guys and girls in their early 20s are rarely looking so settle down with a life partner just yet. They'd rather experiment, so the demand for sensitive, "nice guys" is less than the supply.

Many older (yes, the age card is strong in this discussion) posters claimed that sensitive guys have just as big a chance to find a good relationship, however, the existence of such bitter and controversial articles as the one given earlier proves that there are quite a number of girls out there who prey upon those "unmanly" man.

Since we've stayed on the guy topic for waay too long, I'm gonna try passing the ball by questioning women's sensitivity.

Why does a sensitive men spark so much controversy, but it is ok for women to be as sensitive as they wish (in rational boundaries, ofc - we're not talking about those girls who start crying/yelling at every second comment). I've never seen a woman being hampered in finding a relationship by her sensitivity. There are actually a lot of guys to whom sensitive chicks are appealing.

Au contraire. I'm all about "sensitive men." But for me, there is a line between being a sensitive, thoughtful man and someone who is not going to jive with my own personal chemistry. I like a guy who is manly. Now, did I mention anything above about a man crying or not crying? A dude who refuses to cry is far from manly, imho. On the opposite end, a guy who cries all the time is going to be a turn off (and would be the same in a friend of any gender).

[Shemy]

No, I mean, I'm married and have actual interest in this person at all, in terms of dating or as a friend, but was truly just having an eye candy kind of moment over the cute, nice tech guy.

I just cannot compute the sentence "I don't think you'd take one to bed with you or consider making it your partner ;p." in the context of the work environment.

Thats because it was aimed about the puppy. Puppies are cute, blablabla. Cute is a horrible word, because you really need to be in the mind of the person who said it to understand the meaning behind it because so many people use it to mean 1000 different things.

ETA: Also, I think I've said before in this thread, but I am actually married to a "nice guy" and he's really just not that nice. Most of the time.

Yes, you're married. I don't think anyone disputes that guys with a nice nature make for good relationships, a good lifetime partner. I've said it myself. But if a guy goes through life being the nice guy, he's not going to have a lot of oppurtunities come his way, and when they do, it'll probably be in the 30s, once people want to (mostly) settle down. Or the girls who want a good long term relationship before that, but those are few and far in between.

Again, I guess what Solymr said back on page 10 would sum up perfectly what I mean.

Edit: or the quote above mine.

[Guest Raidne]

Yeah, I don't think so. There are people who date people that are attainable to them, and people who waste their time mooning over people who have clearly expressed their disinterest. That's the big mystery. Period.

ETA: And, I like the word cute and I'm going to continue to use it. Over here, if a guy is going to have conniptions over not knowing what I really mean by the word "cute," then he's really a little angsty and self-involved and not my type anyway. I will charitably assume that it's way more horrible in Scotland. :)

[Solmyr]

Au contraire. I'm all about "sensitive men." But for me, there is a line between being a sensitive, thoughtful man and someone who is not going to jive with my own personal chemistry. I like a guy who is manly. Now, did I mention anything above about a man crying or not crying? A dude who refuses to cry is far from manly, imho. On the opposite end, a guy who cries all the time is going to be a turn off (and would be the same in a friend of any gender).

My general point was that since most of the dating people do (absolute number of dates, NOT time spent in a relationship) is while they are in their 20s and since there are quite a few women who do not dig the sensitive, nice guy persona at that period of their lives, sensitive nice guys are handicapped (the severity depends on the society they live in) when it comes to dating for an extensive period of time.

You give examples with yourself, which is very justified, however I strongly doubt you are part of the age group I mentioned above (if I am mistaken, my sincere apologies). Come to think of it, I deem fewer of the female posters on the board are in it rather than not. And since it is nearly Friday night (in Europe at least, catch up already America! :P), I doubt we'll be hearing from them today ;)

ETA:

... and people who waste their time mooning over people who have clearly expressed their disinterest. That's the big mystery. Period.

So you do not believe in the change of heart. That's a bigger misery, imo :/.

[Guest Raidne]

I thought the average age of the Board was 27? Is it time for another survey? Sol makes an excellent point though - if so, we should do it on Monday.

[Solmyr]

Maybe the last survey was 2-3 years ago and the board aged? I hear it sometimes happens ... :P

[Guest Raidne]

New people show up with regularity, also. So I might keep getting older, but the Board stays the same age. :)

It's funny, possibly I'm so old, that nobody will get that reference. :lol:

And no, generally, I do not believe in the change of heart. Even though I've had one, and kept my now-husband in the friend zone for quite awhile. But trust me, if he would have stayed interested in me that whole time instead of moving on, it would have never happened. Ever. And, furthermore, husband and I are still the exception there, not the rule.

Seriously, nobody changes their mind about wanting to get with a person or not. They just drink too much and regret it later, or come whining to you for an ego boost when the guy they really like didn't like them back.

[slim da reaper]

It's not about being "nice," IMHO. It's about chemistry and finding a partner that is yang to your yin. For me, I can't stand a guy who can't make up his mind, manage his own life (finances, family/friend relationships, etc).

When we decide to go out to eat, don't tell me, "aww, wherever YOU want to go, honeykins."

Don't use baby talk to me.

Don't whine like a little girl when you're having an orgasm.

Get off your momma's titty. No, I don't want to move in with you if you live next door to your mom - no matter how cool you say she is.

Don't call me every hour or text me every hour.

These are things that folks might associate with the "nice guy." I, however, associate it with being less assertive and manly. Yes, manly. If I wanted to date someone with a vagina, I'd be a lesbian.

Saying this makes you feel all grown up? awwwww, makes you feel like the adult? what it tells everyone else is simply you're not mature, you're relying on degrading others for you sense of maturity. You come across as a child well done.

You're not simnply stating facts as you well know, you're stating opinion that is self serving to building a false sense of worth. The reasons for doing this are narcisistic i.e covering for a realisation of feeling inadequate, only you can break this cycle of idiot behaviour.

[Solmyr]

And no, generally, I do not believe in the change of heart. Even though I've had one, and kept my now-husband in the friend zone for quite awhile. But trust me, if he would have stayed interested in me that whole time instead of moving on, it would have never happened. Ever. And, furthermore, husband and I are still the exception there, not the rule.

Seriously, nobody changes their mind about wanting to get with a person or not. They just drink too much and regret it later, or come whining to you for an ego boost when the guy they really like didn't like them back.

Actually I wasn't quite expecting such an admission - it serves only to strengthen my point. Furthermore, change of heart might happen due to a major change in yourself or the other person. This is not so rare for people in their 20s (I know I keep pulling the rug towards this age group, but hey, it's my age group after all ;)) so it is worth to keep in touch even with those who you now think you could never have a relationship with ... ever.

[Shemy]

Yeah, I don't think so. There are people who date people that are attainable to them, and people who waste their time mooning over people who have clearly expressed their disinterest. That's the big mystery. Period.

I'm a bit confused as to what you mean here. Can you explain it to me?

ETA: And, I like the word cute and I'm going to continue to use it. Over here, if a guy is going to have conniptions over not knowing what I really mean by the word "cute," then he's really a little angsty and self-involved and not my type anyway. I will charitably assume that it's way more horrible in Scotland.

All I meant was, it's a horrible word to hear in relation to yourself. Someone calls you "cute." Well, what the hell does that mean? It could mean you think I have boyish looks. It could mean that you think I'm a very sweet person. It could mean you are attracted to me. It could mean that I am attractive, but not your type. It could mean that I have something that brings out a nurturing tendency in you. It could mean all manner of things. So when someone calls you cute, you're sitting there thinking, "What the hell does that mean?" and imagine even worse if its a woman that you like and you're trying to work out if she likes you back. Cute just could be a compliment to your personality, but some woman also use it as a sign of they are interested in you. Really annoying word to figure out.

[Guest Raidne]

This is not so rare for people in their 20s (I know I keep pulling the rug towards this age group, but hey, it's my age group after all ;))

It is so depressing to have someone talk about their 20s as the age group that is not mine. *sigh* No, it's fine, most people who date and are single are in their 20s. Or their early 30s. Which, goddamn it, is really no different from your late 20s!

so it is worth to keep in touch even with those who you now think you could never have a relationship with ... ever.

But not if you're doing so out of hope of someday having a relationship with them.

Someone calls you "cute." Well, what the hell does that mean? It could mean you think I have boyish looks. It could mean that you think I'm a very sweet person. It could mean you are attracted to me. It could mean that I am attractive, but not your type. It could mean that I have something that brings out a nurturing tendency in you. It could mean all manner of things. So when someone calls you cute, you're sitting there thinking, "What the hell does that mean?" and imagine even worse if its a woman that you like and you're trying to work out if she likes you back. Cute just could be a compliment to your personality, but some woman also use it as a sign of they are interested in you. Really annoying word to figure out.

I think you have a vagina.

[Solmyr]

All I meant was, it's a horrible word to hear in relation to yourself. Someone calls you "cute." Well, what the hell does that mean? It could mean you think I have boyish looks. It could mean that you think I'm a very sweet person. It could mean you are attracted to me. It could mean that I am attractive, but not your type. It could mean that I have something that brings out a nurturing tendency in you. It could mean all manner of things. So when someone calls you cute, you're sitting there thinking, "What the hell does that mean?" and imagine even worse if its a woman that you like and you're trying to work out if she likes you back. Cute just could be a compliment to your personality, but some woman also use it as a sign of they are interested in you. Really annoying word to figure out.

You, my friend, have stumbled upon the secret why women have gradually been overwhelming us, men, in the field of relationships. Ofc you don't know what it means, you're not supposed to ;). Hell, I'd be surprised, if women themselves knew what they meant when using such polysemantic words half the time.

[Shemy]

I think you have a vagina.

If I did have one, I wouldn't leave the house. Ever.

Edit: I call it "being more in touch with my sensitive side."

I'm a very nice/sensitive guy, really :) I am.

[Faelar006]

New people show up with regularity, also. So I might keep getting older, but the Board stays the same age. :)

It's funny, possibly I'm so old, that nobody will get that reference. :lol:

Paraphrase from "Dazed and Confused". I sure hope not, cause that would mean I'm old too. :unsure:

[Swordfish]

QFT

In other news, I can't believe this thread is still going strong. :stunned:

How about the more pressing issues, like the fact I just had to pay €26 (that's about half a million if you are from Oz), for two vending machine beers, one straight Jack and a Jack-Coke? WTF is wrong with people? Never EVER going back to that club again.

Apologies, that came from my slightly drunk and mightily ticked off self. Proceed.

Wait.... Beer, from a vending machine???

Tell me more about this wondrous invention.

[Lyanna Stark]

A know quite few who do, so perhaps we're even.

It's still offensive to say that women as a group are weak though, just FYI.

It's about as offensive to say that as to way "women can't drive" or "women don't understand technology".

As for your particular remark regarding lesbian relationships, I don't think it's a fair reflection on them to infer that they're chosen each other since they prefer weak, wimpy partners and therefore chose another woman.

I have no idea what circles you move in where you only meet wimpy women, but may I suggest you get out more?

[Eponine]

I don't believe in the change of heart (or it's very rare) where the other person was put *deliberately* in the friend zone as someone who wasn't sexually attractive, interesting or because you'd never ever want to wake up next to them.

However, I think that it's pretty common to have a rather sudden realization that you're attracted to someone who you already knew in some capacity. It's not a complete reversal, since you hadn't outright rejected them before, but some people definitely go from thinking of someone as a friend to realizing that they have serious interest. I knew my boyfriend as a friend for about a year before something happened that made me see him as someone I'd want to date. And I was very definitely unavailable at the time, so I put him back in the friend zone and didn't even talk to him outside a group for 6 months.

I do think it's easier to have a change of heart when you're young. Your ideas of what you're looking for are more likely to be still changing. If Bob seems kind of dull at 15, it doesn't mean that you won't discover that he's actually really cool at 17. But if Bob seems kind of dull at 40, your impression probably isn't going to change when he's 42.

[Solmyr]

I don't believe in the change of heart (or it's very rare) where the other person was put *deliberately* in the friend zone as someone who wasn't sexually attractive, interesting or because you'd never ever want to wake up next to them.

However, I think that it's pretty common to have a rather sudden realization that you're attracted to someone who you already knew in some capacity. It's not a complete reversal, since you hadn't outright rejected them before, but some people definitely go from thinking of someone as a friend to realizing that they have serious interest. I knew my boyfriend as a friend for about a year before something happened that made me see him as someone I'd want to date. And I was very definitely unavailable at the time, so I put him back in the friend zone and didn't even talk to him outside a group for 6 months.

I do think it's easier to have a change of heart when you're young. Your ideas of what you're looking for are more likely to be still changing. If Bob seems kind of dull at 15, it doesn't mean that you won't discover that he's actually really cool at 17. But if Bob seems kind of dull at 40, your impression probably isn't going to change when he's 42.

Probably the longest statement in this thread I completely agree with (including my own) ;).