Eradicating "Nice Guy" from your life

[MinDonner]

Why did I click on that link? What a terrible, hostile piece of dross. Thanks for that. :angry:

[Hereward]

WTF? Was this man an inmate in Abu Ghraib or is he just plain insane?

[Shemy]

Why did I click on that link? What a terrible, hostile piece of dross. Thanks for that.

I never said it was true, only funny. :D

[Lyanna Stark]

I don't think it's funny, but I do think it's plan however that this guy should stop dating sociopaths and maybe also consider taking some therapy sessions to get on top of his paranoia and emotional stuntedness.

[Chaldanya]

It's seems like it's time for one of my favourite quotes from Kate Harding

Cause the thing is, you and the guys you hang out with may not really mean anything by it when you talk about crazy bitches and dumb sluts and heh-heh-I’d-hit-that and you just can’t reason with them and you can’t live with ‘em can’t shoot ‘em and she’s obviously only dressed like that because she wants to get laid and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen and if they can’t play by the rules they don’t belong here and if they can’t take a little teasing they should quit and heh heh they’re only good for fucking and cleaning and they’re not fit to be leaders and they’re too emotional to run a business and they just want to get their hands on our money and if they’d just stop overreacting and telling themselves they’re victims they’d realize they actually have all the power in this society and white men aren’t even allowed to do anything anymore and and and…I get that you don’t really mean that shit. I get that you’re just talking out your ass.

But please listen, and please trust me on this one: you have probably, at some point in your life, engaged in that kind of talk with a man who really, truly hates women–to the extent of having beaten and/or raped at least one. And you probably didn’t know which one he was.

And that guy? Thought you were on his side.

N

[Centrist Simon Steele]

It's seems like it's time for one of my favourite quotes from Kate Harding

N

That is a good quote.

[Shemy]

I don't think it's funny, but I do think it's plan however that this guy should stop dating sociopaths and maybe also consider taking some therapy sessions to get on top of his paranoia and emotional stuntedness.

Well he has an extremely bitter towards women because of a relationship that went sour, and to an extent he is right that women don't want sensitive, though not for the reasons he provided.

I would like to quote this again, really a great quote that rings true.

Appealing mainly to the younger and singler, I implore everyone to discontinue treating relationships with an easy-going and uncaring approach. Unlike with our supermarket example from earlier, your actions have an impact on the lives of your chosen "goods". I've witnessed stable individuals transformed into irrational and emotionally-chaotic, volatile concoctions. And I am unable to grasp how do those, who turned them into this, sleep at night.

Case in point, the author who wrote this article.

In todays world, a man really can't afford to be nice/guy with a sensitive side. If he does, then hes probably going to be unable to hold down a woman.

[MinDonner]

*confiscates Shemy's spade*

[Chaldanya]

Shemy

I think it would be really, really great if people could stop opining what women or men really want in their partner. Generalisations across 50% of the population rarely work.

And "hold down a woman"? Really, what is she a job, now?

N

[DanteGabriel]

In todays world, a man really can't afford to be nice/guy with a sensitive side. If he does, then hes probably going to be unable to hold down a woman.

Thanks, I'll inform my girlfriend, who told me that she was interested me because I'm a kind and considerate man who's naughty enough to be entertaining.

Hrm, should I go with what my girlfriend tells me she likes about me, or should I listen to the bass-ackwards out-your-ass generalizations of an Internet monkey with a bitter axe to grind?

[Shemy]

Shemy

I think it would be really, really great if people could stop opining what women or men really want in their partner. Generalisations across 50% of the population rarely work.

And "hold down a woman"? Really, what is she a job, now?

N

Well, since this topic is about why being a nice guy is not good and generally not what women want, what else would you expect me to talk about?

In regards to my comment, If you want to take offence where no offence is meant, thats up to you.

Hold down a woman as in keep her interested in being with him, I'm pretty sure you knew I meant that too.

[Chaldanya]

Hold down a woman as in keep her interested in being with him, I'm pretty sure you knew I meant that too.

Well, if that's what you mean, then say that.

I know the phrase 'hold down a job' so that's what I linked it with.

N

PS I don't hold with generalisations anyway which is why my contritution to this thread is minimal at best (If i was even in it beforehand). But you linked to a problematic article from someone who has deep issues with women and seem to agree with it that's what I find offensive and based on the responses from others they do to.

[Lyanna Stark]

Well, since this topic is about why being a nice guy is not good and generally not what women want, what else would you expect me to talk about?

And that was debunked in the beginning of this thread. The article is ridiculous and built on stereotypes and an unreliable sample.

I'm married to a guy because he is nice, funny, dependable and in general a really good bloke. Those are the main qualities I looked at when I decided to marry him.

Apparently, DanteGabriel's significant other is as deluded as I am on this, since we both wanted nice guys.

Telling women how they act and want as a group is also totally ridiculous. I don't want the guy the neighbour will want, or my old class mates. All women, but I would not want to be with the guy they chose in a million years. So obviously people are individuals and looking for something that will appeal to them.

Being an insensitive prick is not something that will recommend you as a long term partner, trust me. I've been together with a few, and there is a very good reason why they are now in the past. Plus I am definitely old enough to know by now.

Hold down a woman as in keep her interested in being with him, I'm pretty sure you knew I meant that too.

Never heard the phrase used in any other way than "hold down a job" so don't be surprised if it raises a couple of eyebrows.

[Shemy]

I don't hold with generalisations anyway which is why my contritution to this thread is minimal at best (If i was even in it beforehand). But you linked to a problematic article from someone who has deep issues with women and seem to agree with it that's what I find offensive and based on the responses from others they do to.

I never once agreed with the article. I stated it was funny and related to this topic. I do agree with the principles of men can't afford to be sensitive though in todays dating world though.

And that was debunked in the beginning of this thread. The article is ridiculous and built on stereotypes and an unreliable sample.

The article may have been, just as mine was, but the topic is full of different opinions, and for the most part males have been agreeing with the hold "jerk works better than nice."

I'm married to a guy because he is nice, funny, dependable and in general a really good bloke. Those are the main qualities I looked at when I decided to marry him.

Apparently, DanteGabriel's significant other is as deluded as I am on this, since we both wanted nice guys.

I never said every women, but if you're going out to meet new people, do you think being Mr. Nice and sensitive is going to work?

Telling women how they act and want as a group is also totally ridiculous. I don't want the guy the neighbour will want, or my old class mates. All women, but I would not want to be with the guy they chose in a million years. So obviously people are individuals and looking for something that will appeal to them.

Being an insensitive prick is not something that will recommend you as a long term partner, trust me. I've been together with a few, and there is a very good reason why they are now in the past. Plus I am definitely old enough to know by now

I'm not telling women what they want, and I've never implied that. I just said that from a guys perspective, sensitive/nice doesn't really work in todays society. You're putting words in my mouth which I haven't said.

[MinDonner]

*confiscates Shemy's spade*

Well that didn't work.

[Shemy]

Well that didn't work.

Spade isn't the only tool to dig with you know!

[DanteGabriel]

I never said every women, but if you're going out to meet new people, do you think being Mr. Nice and sensitive is going to work?

I try to be kind and considerate to everyone I meet (my behavior on politics threads here notwithstanding). It's served me well personally and professionally. You seem to think that being a decent person and being a person who doesn't get pushed around are mutually exclusive. I've found that's not the case. There is a balance to be found in life, where you can be confident, sure of yourself, and also not be a dick to the people around you or the women you hope to bed.

I'm not telling women what they want, and I've never implied that. I just said that from a guys perspective, sensitive/nice doesn't really work in todays society. You're putting words in my mouth which I haven't said.

From your own benighted perspective. From my perspective as a guy, I'm pretty happy with the way I've handled my relationships (well, except for that one...) and I've managed to not be a douchebag in them.

[Arbor Gold]

I never said every women, but if you're going out to meet new people, do you think being Mr. Nice and sensitive is going to work?

How about just being normal? No need to assume a new persona just for the purpose of meeting new people. That sounds exhausting.

[Centrist Simon Steele]

How about just being normal? No need to assume a new persona just for the purpose of meeting new people. That sounds exhausting.

It really works! I tried it and it worked! Can't be shy, but you don't need to pretend to be some ass wipe to make things work.

I'm good at the sex too, I hear, so maybe that is what keeps me in relationships despite my niceness? Who knows.

[Shemy]

From your own benighted perspective. From my perspective as a guy, I'm pretty happy with the way I've handled my relationships (well, except for that one...) and I've managed to not be a douchebag in them

It's nice of you to assume my perspective is ignorant, rather than different. Instead of perhaps, assuming age difference or something, you have to jump in and insult me. Fair enough.

From my perspective of going to social gatherings, pubs, clubs, anything really that involves people interacting, nice guys don't get a look in. I'm 23, and being a nice guy isn't a negative trait, but its certainly not one thats going to land you many oppurtunities. Being a nice guy thats sensitive is a bad trait however. Sensitive is a bad trait no matter what. The only time sensitive is good, is in a long term relationship. You may be nice, confident, but theres less excitement about you rather than the guy thats a bit outspoken, confidence brimming out of him, who says what he wants to say and doesn't give a shit what you think, but has a laid back funny nature about him.

At such an age most women don't go for nice. Not implying that they don't want it, just they never go for it. Nice is stable, predictable. If people are seeking a long term relationship, the nice guys get a shout in then.

However, its the other guys that get more oppurtunities from women.

Bear in mind though, that my main speech was about sensitivity, and I don't care what you say, no one wants a guy thats sensitive to begin with. It's emotional baggage, and kind of off putting when they want to rush things. and no one wants to really deal with that.

How about just being normal? No need to assume a new persona just for the purpose of meeting new people. That sounds exhausting.

What is normal though? Not trying to be a smart ass, but whats normal? Or do you just mean yourself?